Hamsters: the Pets of Joy

Dwarf hamsters are the only ones that can live safely together in a cage for life (and only then if they've been together from birth) without murdering and eating each other. When our Syrian (larger-sized) Mutton Chop was a year old we got the sudden hankering for another pet...which quickly turned into two when we found these cute little boys at a local pet store.

Note: it's probably a good idea to make sure you get same-sex dwarfs if you are planning to let them live together otherwise woe be unto you and your newfound litter of hamster babies.

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While above I made our boys sound cute and endearing I should probably delve a little deeper in the boys' psyche.

Dale is fat. He is the essence of the greedy, chubby, food-obsessed hamster. Every time he wakes up he RUNS to see if any new seed is there to be eaten. His whole focus in life is eating as much as possible and sleeping the rest of the time.

Chip is far more petite and interested in playing. He runs right up onto your hand to come out and get pettings and scurry around on your arms. In spite of being smaller and friendlier he is the Boss.

Multiple times a day frantic squeakings come from their cage. I run over afraid somebody is hurt to find, every time, that pudgy Dale is lying on his back in terror while Chip stands on top of him scratching at him and biting his tender belly.

Aaaah boys. My first instinct is to break them up and rescue Dale from his dominant brother, but after the fiftieth time I think to myself that Dale is just going to have to learn to fend for himself.

And fend he does. As soon as you put food in his reach he shoves/stomps on/smashes Chip out of the way, shoves all the food in his cheek pouches, and retires to whatever part of the cage his nest is in at the time.

I laugh and reflect that boys will, after all, be boys. No matter what species they are

Mutbo is a troublemaker. She makes trouble. She seeks it out, finds it, and multiplies it. Does she appreciate the finer things of life that you painstakingly provide? No. She does not.

She takes the first water bottle you give her, and within 3 days she chews a hole through and soaks every single shaving in her cage. When you gently chastise her for this she laughs at you. Or rather, she would laugh at you if hamsters were capable of laughter. But you can see it in her eyes - that gleam of triumph. That smug now-you-have-to-clean-my-cage-even-though-you-just-cleaned-it-AND-you-have-to-buy-me-a-new-waterbottle-ha-ha-ha look beams from her little hamster face.

And when you clean her cage, does she thank you? No, she does not. She acts like you destroyed her world and she'll never be the same. She's insulted and indignant. And when you put a DISH of water in her cage because you haven't been able to get to the store to get a new waterbottle she tentatively takes a sip and then, the wheels whirring in her furry little brain, dumps the whole thing over. And soaks a third of her just replaced shavings. And then...she laughs at you.

When you finally do get a new bottle...one she cannot climb...one that dangles from the roof so that she can't hold it still to chew a hole in it...she starts banging it against the glass of her cage as loud as she possibly can. She does this at 3 in the morning, just so you know you haven't achieved a thing. So you take the water bottle out for the night. You give it back in the morning, even though she's done nothing but mock you since you brought her home.

She drinks lustily, and then, in the middle of the day when you aren't watching, she manages to pull off the little cap, dumping water all over her cage. Soaking each shaving yet again, that gleam of triumph renewed in her tiny black eyes. Defiance oozing from every nano-inch of her damp, furry body. You bang your head against the wall. And she laughs...she laughs at you, plotting her next revenge.

Chinese Dwarves are vengful, but they ARE also adorable. We got these three sisters in September 2010. These are the dwarviest of dwarf hamsters and don't really resemble the Russian dwarves - Russians have fat, squat bodies, while the Chinese are quite petite and have the ability to streeeeetch themselves.

Their personalities are: vicious. Maybe not all Chinese Dwarves are this way - in fact, my sisters have owned two that were notoriously calm and docile. Not ours, though. We've had many rodent pets, but none have attacked us with their sharp little hamster teeth with such a vengence. We yelled more than once from their tiny teeth of terror sinking into our tender hand flesh. It took literally months before they didn't seem to hate us with an unholy passion. Now they will crawl onto a hand filled with food to stuff their cheeks, but they STILL (we're talking five months later) don't like being held, petted, or played with. They'll tolerate it poorly for a couple minutes before bringing out their razor teeth.

They are: sickly. Again, my sisters did not encounter this, but of our three Chinese dwarf sisters, one died within two months of a seizure disorder. She was never quite right, but one thing a tender-hearted rodent lover does not want to see is the tiniest of cuties enduring painful spasms. This pain and discomfort seemed to unleash the evil side in her sisters, who noticing she wasn't well took it upon themselves to beat her up, walk on her head, bite her and otherwise make her life even more miserable. SO...remember, if you have multiple hamsters in a cage and one or more get sick...SEPARATE THEM. I tend to think they'll want to be near family when sick, like I do, but they do much better alone when they are ill. Seizure sister passed away, as I said, but another sister developed that most delightful of hamster ailments, wet tail. She also was beat up and trodden upon before we gave her her own cage - her food was stolen, her sister wouldn't let her get water, etc. On her own for four days she recuperated and we were able to re-introduce her into the shared cage. After two hours of breaking up fights the sisters now sleep, run in their wheel, and eat together like buddies again.

If you are starting off with a hamster, I'd go with the big fat Syrian and skip the Chinese Dwarves - but if you can take the abuse and are content to be the unloved food giver then the Chinese can be an adorable addition to your home.