Hamsters: the Pets of Joy

Dwarf hamsters are the only ones that can live safely together in a cage for life (and only then if they've been together from birth) without murdering and eating each other. When our Syrian (larger-sized) Mutton Chop was a year old we got the sudden hankering for another pet...which quickly turned into two when we found these cute little boys at a local pet store.

Note: it's probably a good idea to make sure you get same-sex dwarfs if you are planning to let them live together otherwise woe be unto you and your newfound litter of hamster babies.

As you read above we have a pair of dwarf hamster brothers, Chip and Dale, and while I made it sound cute and endearing I should probably delve a little deeper in the boys' psyche.

Dale is fat. He is the essence of the greedy, chubby, food-obsessed hamster. Every time he wakes up he RUNS to see if any new seed is there to be eaten. His whole focus in life is eating as much as possible and sleeping the rest of the time.

Chip is far more petite and interested in playing. He runs right up onto your hand to come out and get pettings and scurry around on your arms. In spite of being smaller and friendlier he is the Boss.

Multiple times a day frantic squeakings come from their cage. I run over afraid somebody is hurt to find, every time, that pudgy Dale is lying on his back in terror while Chip stands on top of him scratching at him and biting his tender belly.

Aaaah boys. My first instinct is to break them up and rescue Dale from his dominant brother, but after the fiftieth time I think to myself that Dale is just going to have to learn to fend for himself.

And fend he does. As soon as you put food in his reach he shoves/stomps on/smashes Chip out of the way, shoves all the food in his cheek pouches, and retires to whatever part of the cage his nest is in at the time.

I laugh and reflect that boys will, after all, be boys. No matter what species they are.

Mutbo is a troublemaker. She makes trouble. She seeks it out, finds it, and multiplies it. Does she appreciate the finer things of life that you painstakingly provide? No. She does not.

She takes the first water bottle you give her, and within 3 days she chews a hole through and soaks every single shaving in her cage. When you gently chastise her for this she laughs at you. Or rather, she would laugh at you if hamsters were capable of laughter. But you can see it in her eyes - that gleam of triumph. That smug now-you-have-to-clean-my-cage-even-though-you-just-cleaned-it-AND-you-have-to-buy-me-a-new-waterbottle-ha-ha-ha look beams from her little hamster face.

And when you clean her cage, does she thank you? No, she does not. She acts like you destroyed her world and she'll never be the same. She's insulted and indignant. And when you put a DISH of water in her cage because you haven't been able to get to the store to get a new waterbottle she tentatively takes a sip and then, the wheels whirring in her furry little brain, dumps the whole thing over. And soaks a third of her just replaced shavings. And then...she laughs at you.

When you finally do get a new bottle...one she cannot climb...one that dangles from the roof so that she can't hold it still to chew a hole in it...she starts banging it against the glass of her cage as loud as she possibly can. She does this at 3 in the morning, just so you know you haven't achieved a thing. So you take the waterbottle out for the night. You give it back in the morning, even though she's done nothing but mock you since you brought her home.

She drinks lustily, and then, in the middle of the day when you aren't watching, she manages to pull off the little cap, dumping water all over her cage. Soaking each shaving yet again, that gleam of triumph renewed in her tiny black eyes. Defiance oozing from every nano-inch of her damp, furry body. You bang your head against the wall. And she laughs...she laughs at you, plotting her next revenge.