Increase Your Charisma
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Learn To Up Your Charisma
We all know someone who has effortless charisma, but can anyone develop charisma? Sure. If you learn what makes charismatic people charismatic you can practice using the same qualities. It doesn't mean you will become a Picasso of charisma, but you can improve your "charm factor" if you're willing to make the effort.
I'll define charisma as: having magnetic charm or appeal without wanting to manipulate or control others.
Charismatic poeple share several qualities that can be imitated. Anyone can improve their level of influence by adopting and practicing even one of them. A realistic goal is finding a level of personal appeal that you are comfortable having and/or meets your needs.
Most of us want to be heard and reasonably understood. A lot of us want to have a certain amount of influence in certain areas of life. Even if you are terribly shy or anxious around people, you can become more magnetic if you take small, continuous steps toward acquiring new habits. I write from experience.
I'll define charisma as: having magnetic charm or appeal without wanting to manipulate or control others.
Charismatic poeple share several qualities that can be imitated. Anyone can improve their level of influence by adopting and practicing even one of them. A realistic goal is finding a level of personal appeal that you are comfortable having and/or meets your needs.
Most of us want to be heard and reasonably understood. A lot of us want to have a certain amount of influence in certain areas of life. Even if you are terribly shy or anxious around people, you can become more magnetic if you take small, continuous steps toward acquiring new habits. I write from experience.
Increase Your Charisma Contents
You already have charisma, but it's not configured the same way in you as it is in the person next to you.
~ T. Alessandra ~
10 Traits of Charismatic People
auidobook by Tony Alessandra (CDs)
Charisma: What Is It?
from "Innovative Leadership" by Tony Alessandra
Charisma is easy to spot but hard to describe. Nailing down a definition is like trying to define America. And the effort is made more frustrating because we all tend to overuse the term, lavishing it indiscriminately on insolent athletes, glamorous film stars, and fanatic cultists, as well as on genuinely enchanting and inspirational personalities like, say, John F. Kennedy, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Princess Diana. Here's my definition: Charisma is the ability to influence others positively by connecting with them physically, emotionally, and intellectually.
I'm convinced that, popular wisdom to the contrary, charisma is not in your genes--and it's not beyond your grasp. You already have charisma, but it's not configured the same way in you as it is in the person next to you.
Think of it this way: Each of our personalities consists, let's say, of a series of containers, like cups or glasses. If all the glasses were filled to the top, you'd be so charismatic people would think you were a god--and you'd probably think so, too. Some really, really gifted people may come close to this ideal. But, for most of us, some of the glasses are nearly empty, some brimming, yet others are partially filled to varying degrees. Together they constitute our charisma, or at least our potential charisma.
I'm convinced that, popular wisdom to the contrary, charisma is not in your genes--and it's not beyond your grasp. You already have charisma, but it's not configured the same way in you as it is in the person next to you.
Think of it this way: Each of our personalities consists, let's say, of a series of containers, like cups or glasses. If all the glasses were filled to the top, you'd be so charismatic people would think you were a god--and you'd probably think so, too. Some really, really gifted people may come close to this ideal. But, for most of us, some of the glasses are nearly empty, some brimming, yet others are partially filled to varying degrees. Together they constitute our charisma, or at least our potential charisma.
5 Good Reasons to Increase Your Charisma
1
It makes life easier. When you can communicate with reduced feelings of fear or self-dislike, it becomes so much easier to get what you need and want.
2
You will have more energy. Keeping up learned defenses (over-protecting ourselves) takes a lot of energy! When you are more comfortable around others the energy you used to spend hiding yourself is at your disposal for other things.
3
You will feel more powerful. When our ability to relate to the world improves, so does our individual sense of being able to take care of ourselves.
4
It becomes easier to say "no" to people (when you want to, of course). When charisma goes up, worrying about what others think of you goes down. Your self-esteem doesn't depend on saying "yes" when you don't want to.
5
Due to reasons 1 through 4 anxiety levels drop, becoming at the least, more manageable.
It makes life easier. When you can communicate with reduced feelings of fear or self-dislike, it becomes so much easier to get what you need and want.
2
You will have more energy. Keeping up learned defenses (over-protecting ourselves) takes a lot of energy! When you are more comfortable around others the energy you used to spend hiding yourself is at your disposal for other things.
3
You will feel more powerful. When our ability to relate to the world improves, so does our individual sense of being able to take care of ourselves.
4
It becomes easier to say "no" to people (when you want to, of course). When charisma goes up, worrying about what others think of you goes down. Your self-esteem doesn't depend on saying "yes" when you don't want to.
5
Due to reasons 1 through 4 anxiety levels drop, becoming at the least, more manageable.
Alessandra Bookshelf
People Smart: Powerful Techniques for Turning Every Encounter into a Mutual Win by Tony Alessandra, Anthony Alessandra
Imagine... When you encounter difficult people - y more...0 points
The Platinum Rule: Discover the Four Basic Business Personalities andHow They Can Lead You to Success by Tony Alessandra, Michael J. O'Connor
In this entertaining and thought-provoking book, T more...0 points
The New Art of Managing People, Updated and Revised: Person-to-Person Skills, Guidelines, and Techniques Every Manager Needs to Guide, Direct, and Motivate the Team by Tony Alessandra, Phillip L Hunsaker
When a manager establishes a friendly yet productive more...0 points
Charisma: Seven Keys to Developing the Magnetism that Leads to Success by Tony Alessandra
Discusses how to make first impressions powerful a more...0 points
COMMUNICATING AT WORK by Tony Alessandra
In today's competitive workplace, your ability to communicate more...0 points
My Experience
Coming at charisma from 2 sides
PROBLEMI grew up frustrated that my outer life did not reflect my inner life. Inside life was dynamic, interesting and playful. Outside, not so much. I found a therapist and set a goal of becoming an outgoing person. I was a slow learner because I could not image being vulnerable and strong.
My wise therapist often said, "Its not about changing who you are, its more like melting - the defenses need to melt away - and also you may need to improve your social skills."
ACTION
Actually, I had learned new skills from my ex-husband who had charisma in spades. I watched him, and though I couldn't imitate him well through my defenses, I still learned. All that was left was "to melt" and eventually I did.
A bucket of water was thrown on the Wicked Witch of the West (my defenses) the day an acquaintance described me and was spot on. Yikes! I realized that my defenses didn't work very well. I had just believed they did.
2 SIDES OF THE COIN
The flip side of the charisma coin is having vulnerability and authenticity (which exist as conjoined twins). You may become more vulnerable, but without good communication skills there will be awkwardness. And, as with me, having the skills doesn't help at all unless you are vulnerable enough to put yourself "out there."
OUTCOME
I discovered my therapist had been right - vulnerability is strength. When you can open up enough to let your inside-self shine, and you have good enough speaking skills, you will be "magically" be more magnetic, or appealing, to others. And by the way, I did not become an outgoing person. Charisma is not about how much you talk.
The equation of the story is: communication skills + vulnerability = elevated charisma.
What's Your Opinion?
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The wonderful thing . . .
"And the wonderful thing about charisma is that it makes you powerful without making others less so. That's because the kind of power I'm talking about is personal power, rather than position power, the kind of power that doesn't take power away from others, but gives you and them the power to achieve favorable outcomes. The potential to be more charismatic is within you. And the payoff for doing so has never been higher."
Tony Alessandra
Authenticity
An authentically empowered person
is humble . . .
. . . it is the inclusiveness of one who responds to the beauty of each soul.
It is the harmlessness of one who . . . reveres life in all its forms.
~ Gary Zukav ~
Elements of Personal Charisma
Emotional expressiveness. Charismatic individuals express their feelings spontaneously and genuinely. This allows them to affect the moods and emotions of others. We all know charismatic people who seem to "light up the room" when they enter. They typically express positive affect, but they can also stir us up when they are angry or irritated.
Emotional sensitivity. This is the ability to read others' emotions, and allows the charismatic person to make an emotional connection by responding to their feelings. Just yesterday someone commented (for about the hundredth time) that Bill Clinton has a special ability to emotionally connect with people - to "make the person feel like he or she is the only person in the room."
Emotional control. Truly charismatic individuals have the ability to control and regulate their emotional displays. They don't "fly off the handle" (unless they purposely want to in order to make a point). They are good emotional actors, who can turn on the charm when they need to.
Social expressiveness. This is verbal communication skill and the ability to engage others in social interaction. Charismatic people are skilled and entertaining conversationalists. They certainly affect us with their emotional expressiveness, but there is also power in their words. Nearly all charismatic leaders are effective public speakers.
Social sensitivity. This is skill in reading and interpreting social situations, being able to listen to others, and be "in tune" with them. It helps charismatic persons to be tactful and sensitive to their surroundings.
Social control. Is a sophisticated social role-playing skill that is particularly important for charismatic leaders. It can be seen in the way that charismatic leaders (or everyday "charismatics") carry themselves with poise and grace. It allows them to fit in with all sorts of people and make those emotional and social connections that distinguish charismatic individuals from those of us who possess less personal charisma.
by Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D. Psychology Today
Emotional sensitivity. This is the ability to read others' emotions, and allows the charismatic person to make an emotional connection by responding to their feelings. Just yesterday someone commented (for about the hundredth time) that Bill Clinton has a special ability to emotionally connect with people - to "make the person feel like he or she is the only person in the room."
Emotional control. Truly charismatic individuals have the ability to control and regulate their emotional displays. They don't "fly off the handle" (unless they purposely want to in order to make a point). They are good emotional actors, who can turn on the charm when they need to.
Social expressiveness. This is verbal communication skill and the ability to engage others in social interaction. Charismatic people are skilled and entertaining conversationalists. They certainly affect us with their emotional expressiveness, but there is also power in their words. Nearly all charismatic leaders are effective public speakers.
Social sensitivity. This is skill in reading and interpreting social situations, being able to listen to others, and be "in tune" with them. It helps charismatic persons to be tactful and sensitive to their surroundings.
Social control. Is a sophisticated social role-playing skill that is particularly important for charismatic leaders. It can be seen in the way that charismatic leaders (or everyday "charismatics") carry themselves with poise and grace. It allows them to fit in with all sorts of people and make those emotional and social connections that distinguish charismatic individuals from those of us who possess less personal charisma.
by Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D. Psychology Today
Important!
Magnetic Appeal
About Tony Alessandra
Dr. Tony Alessandra has a street-wise, college-smart perspective on business, having been raised in the housing projects of NYC to eventually realizing success as a graduate professor of marketing, entrepreneur, business author, and hall-of-fame keynote speaker. He earned a BBA from the University of Notre Dame, an MBA from the University of Connecticut and his PhD in marketing from Georgia State University.
In addition to being president of Assessment Business Center, a company that offers online, 360ยบ assessments, Tony is also a founding partner in The Cyrano Group and Platinum Rule Group--companies which have successfully combined cutting-edge technology and proven psychology to give salespeople the ability to build and maintain positive relationships with hundreds of clients and prospects.
taken from http://www.alessandra.com/abouttony/index.asp
In addition to being president of Assessment Business Center, a company that offers online, 360ยบ assessments, Tony is also a founding partner in The Cyrano Group and Platinum Rule Group--companies which have successfully combined cutting-edge technology and proven psychology to give salespeople the ability to build and maintain positive relationships with hundreds of clients and prospects.
taken from http://www.alessandra.com/abouttony/index.asp
Kitten Charisma
Have You Ever Upped Your Charisma?
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stripthatfatreviewsite
Apr 12, 2011 @ 1:55 pm | delete
- Tony rocks, there is no doubt. Very charismatic speaker. What I found interesting was his body language. He was relaxed and confident, in his element almost like Bill Clinton-esque. Whatever your politics, Bill was a great speaker too. Tony has a way to make you feel very comfortable and accepting of the message, which I like.
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Charisma on Twitter
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I'm a Licensed Clinical Counselor, poet and freelance writer. I love animals, playing on the computer, quantum physics, being outside, napping with my... more »
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