Healing From Sexual Abuse
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Resources to Help Survivors Recover From Sexual Abuse
In my quest in how to recover from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child I came across many good websites, blogs, books, forums, etc. that were very helpful. I literally spent days and months combing the internet and reading piles of books learning about the effects of childhood sexual abuse and child incest. There is so much information out there. I was hoping to find the answer of how to fix myself quickly, but I didn't. However, I did find many excellent resources along the way. The internet has many helpful websites that can offer help to adults of childhood abuse, trouble is finding those resources can take a lot of time. I came across lots of excellent resources and some books that were offered for free. I've also participated in many survivors groups and retreats so I've had a chance to meet many of the people who provide some of these resources. This page takes all those resources and puts them in one convenient place. It's a virtual library to help you on the pathway to healing. May you find peace on your journey.
Photo: © Peter Grosch | Dreamstime.com
If you'd like to learn more about my story and see the video I produced about my journey of recovery from childhood sexual abuse, you can find it here: My Name is Sandra, I'm a Survivor.
Photo: © Peter Grosch | Dreamstime.com
If you'd like to learn more about my story and see the video I produced about my journey of recovery from childhood sexual abuse, you can find it here: My Name is Sandra, I'm a Survivor.
Starting the Journey
Learning New Ways to Cope
The healing process can be a two-steps forward, one-step back journey. It's full of twists and turns, and sometimes you think you'll never get through it. There are times when you think you're never going to get through it. However the periods between difficult times will become longer and soon you will find it easier to deal with the ups and downs as you learn new ways to cope and new tools for healing.
But I Don't Want to Remember
Will the Memories Ever Stop?
The feelings associated with childhood sexual abuse can be painful and frightening. Facing them can turn your world upside down. The process of remembering is overwhelming and you may not be able to take part in your life as you normally do. The never ending flooding of memories can take over your mind, consuming all your thoughts.
Remember you are already halfway there. You've survived the abuse. It's over and you're safe now. Now you are ready to heal.
How Long Will it be Until I Feel Happy Again?
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
There are many factors that will affect how long it will take for you to recover. Much will depend on the other stresses in your life, how good your support system is, and your resiliency. Many survivors say they have felt the effects of the abuse throughout their lives, however the disruptiveness of it becomes less over time. As time passes you will grow stronger, you'll still re-visit the same feelings over and over, but the impact lessens as you gain new ways of coping and the intervals between the difficult times becomes longer and easier to deal with. Give yourself the gift of time.It's important to remember that the journey is a grieving process, one that needs time to heal. Often we beat ourselves up because we are not "getting over" it yet. Remember to give yourself credit for the tough journey you are undertaking. Celebrate your strength and determination.
The Courage to Heal
Learn the Steps You Need to Take to Heal
The Courage to Heal is a wonderful book full of information about what you need to do to heal. Can't tell you how glad I am that this was the first book I came across in my recovery. This book has been around for 20 years because it is one of the most comprehensive books on sexual abuse that is available. This new anniversary edition contains extra and expanded chapters, including a new section on post traumatic stress. This book is considered the "bible" for survivors and is highly recommended as the first book to read on your healing journey. It's an absolute must-have book for any survivor.
The Courage to Heal 4e: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse 20th Anniversary Edition
Amazon Price: $10.54 (as of 06/01/2012)
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Where to Find Help if You Were Sexually Abused
Healing Resources That Are Available on the Internet
- Pandora's Aquarium
- Pandora's Aquarium is a peer support group for sexual violence survivors. It's closely moderated and contains separate forums for male survivors, female survivors, older survivors, gay/lesbian survivors, ritual abuse survivors, etc. It also has forums for activism, creativity, and discussion. I have met the founder of Pandy's, Shannon Lambert, as well as several of the moderators of this forum, I have also participated in this forum. It is very well managed forum and one that will be around for years to come.
- Emerging From Broken
- Emerging from Broken is blog about recovery from sexual abuse. Darlene Ouimet is a prolific blogger who publishes daily. Join her on the journey to wholeness and go from from surviving to thriving. She uses examples of her own experiences with sexual abuse and family dysfunction to help others heal.
- The Joyful Heart Foundation
- The Joyful Heart Foundation was started by Mariska Hargitay who plays Detective Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit after her fans started disclosing to her their stories of sexual assault. Lots of information on the website about child abuse and sexual assault. They also offer their Reunion magazine for free.
- When Your Partner Was Sexually Abused as a Child
- When Your Partner Was Sexually Abused as a Child is an eleven page booklet that you can give to your partner to help them understand what you need to recover from from sexual abuse. The booklet also encourages them to seek support for themselves. Free download.
- Voices of Courage - Inspiration From Survivors of Sexual Assault
- A 130 page ebook download with inspiring stories from sexual abuse and rape survivors. Ten women and two men share their journeys of healing and triumph. A great uplifting read. Free download.
- Searching for Angela Shelton - documentary
- This documentary is available to watch through the link above. Angela Shelton travels across the US searching for others named Angela Shelton and finds out that many of them have been sexually abused as well. In the end she confronts her father about her own abuse. Please be sure that you are in a good place when you watch this as it is very emotionally triggering to watch.
For Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Information That is Specifically for Men
Male survivors deal with a lot of guilt and shame and find it very hard to speak about what happened to them. The internet is helping sexually abused men connect with each other so they can find support for their healing. This list is strictly for men, but note that some of the resources listed above such as Pandora's Aquarium, supports survivors of both sexes and has a forum area that is exclusively for male survivors.
- When Males Have Been Sexually Abused as Children
- A fifteen page booklet to help men understand how the effects of sexual abuse effects their life today.
- For Men Only: A Guide to Self-Care After Sexual Assault
- Written by Matt Atkinson, a domestic and sexual violence response professional, addresses the guilt and shame experienced by males after sexual assault.
- MaleSurvivor
- A website dedicated solely to men healing from sexual victimization. The organization provides support through forums, retreats, advocacy and education.
- 200 men who were molested speak out on Oprah - Part 1
- An amazing show with courageous men speaking out about their abuse. Any male survivor who has doubts about talking about his abuse should watch both Part 1 and Part 2 of 200 Men Speak Out.
Don't forget that sometimes just getting through the day is all
you can expect from yourself - and that's okay.
Mental Health
Depression and PTSD Sites
Survivors struggle with many mental health issues: depression, post-traumatic stress, anxiety, self harm behaviors, eating disorders, etc. These resources are specific to mental health wellness.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Symptoms, Treatment, and Support
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Support for Survivors and Families by Michele Resenthal. This site is jam packed with intormation about PTSD and is added to regularly. Michele does group support by telephone. She also has the first five chapters of her book available for free on the website.
- e-couch: Free help for anxiety and depression
- Can't afford a therapist? e-couch is a self-help interactive program with modules for depression, generalised anxiety & worry, social anxiety, relationship breakdown, and loss & grief. It provides information and teaches strategies drawn from cognitive, behavioural and interpersonal therapies as well as relaxation and physical activity.
- Guided meditation for stress relief
- This is a free 15-minute meditation for stress relief and relaxation by Belleruth Naparstek. Meditation is a proven method for stress reduction. This meditation is guided so it provides you with directions if you've never meditated before.
- Overcoming Shame
- Dr. Brene Brown speaks about shame, vulnerability and their link to finding connection. Her talks on TED are not only educational, but also funny and entertaining because she shares her own personal journey in a humorous way.
Heal Your Life
Inspiration From Louise Hay
Consequences of Sexual Abuse
What You May be Struggling With
Sexual abuse steals our trust. As adults we have trouble with relationships, mental health disorders, and feel like we are in a constant state of crisis. Here's some of the long term effects of sexual abuse:
- fears, phobias
- numbing of emotions, emotionally shut-down
- depression, crying a lot
- inability to trust
- fear of intimacy
- strong reactions to triggers (smells, places, anything that reminds you of the trauma)
- self blame, self doubt, feelings of worthlessness
- trouble setting healthy boundaries
- suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts
- feelings of anxiety, hopelessness
- unsure how to express anger
- addictions (drug and alcohol)
- self harming (cutting, eating disorders)
Dissociation
It's What You Did to Survive
Dissociation can be viewed as a continuum as some survivors have only a little dissociation while other experience a great deal. At the extreme end of the continuum is multiple personality disorder or what is called a dissociative identity disorder in the psychology world. However rather than calling it a disorder it should be called an adaptation as this survival technique is a very creative way of coping.
Unfortunately what allowed you to survive as a child can sometimes create problems for the adult survivor. Any time the survivor feels threatened, becomes upset or even sexually aroused, they may split off from their bodies. They may have gaps in memory, body memories, visual images, and other feelings they can't explain. Learning about what triggers your dissociation is the key to healing from it.
Visit My Other Pages About Sexual Abuse
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD)
Sometimes it Becomes Chronic
When PTSD becomes chronic it can be very hard to heal from it. There are no known quick fixes for it. Treatment options consist of trauma therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and exposure therapy to name a few. Unfortunately most people do not find that any single one of these therapies works on its own and often it's a combination of therapies that provides relief.
Symptoms of PTSD
You May Be Experiencing One or More of These Symptoms:
- difficulty sleeping, waking a lot, nightmares
- body memories and/or images of the trauma
- feeling like the trauma is happening again
- being watchful and hypervigilant
- easily startled
- experiencing distress when something reminds you of the trauma
- memory problems and poor concentration
- sense of despair and hopelessness
- anxiety and anger
- feelings of guilt
- emotional numbness
Books on Trauma and PTSD on Amazon
Self Care for Survivors
Learning to Put Yourself First
Practising self-care can be a challenge for survivors. We were taught that our needs didn't matter. Good self-care is an important part of the healing process.
- 1Exercise. Did you know exercise is key to reducing depression symptoms?
- 2Sleep. If you aren't sleeping well EVERYTHING in your life is harder to deal with.
- 3Eating properly
- 4Set limits. Learn to say no.
- 5Embrace life. Our thoughts are the key to our happiness.
Activism
Healing Activities for Survivors
There's lots of opportunities out there for survivors to find their voices. There are many different ways to do this. Check out Points with Purpose. All it takes is a small dot to find your voice and say "I'm a survivor".
- Points With Purpose
- This is a very cool project. A portrait is being created from 100,000 hand drawn dots. Each dot represents a real person who has been raped or sexually abused.
- Survivors Archives Project
- Featuring survivors bringing hope to readers by sharing their journey, artwork and poetry.
Inspirational Jewelry for Survivors
Books from Amazon on Healing from Sexual Abuse
Books about Healing from Sexual Abuse on eBay
This Listing Changes Daily
Please feel free to comment about other resources you would like to see here
Or just leave a note to say you stopped by
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CarlThomp
Mar 8, 2012 @ 7:55 pm | delete
- Thanks for sharing your story it was very thought provoking
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darciefrench
Feb 21, 2012 @ 3:46 am | delete
- So happy to be reading your words of courage and basking in your bright light; many in your wake will let go of trauma and be helped to heal.
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girlfriendfactory Jan 31, 2012 @ 10:41 am | delete
- I came back to add this one to the blessed lenses at Flyby Wingings too! You are very brave to share yourself so that you can heal and that others may hopefully be able to start to heal or at least not feel so alone. I share for that reason, though you may have other reasons. I hope your path is never dull. They may call me an aimless wanderer, but not all who wander are aimless and my path is always full of adventure. ~Ren
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scarlettohairy Jan 30, 2012 @ 12:59 pm | delete
- Great tips here.
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lisadh
Jan 30, 2012 @ 12:00 pm | delete
- Thank you for sharing your advice. I'm sure this will be helpful to many others.
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by survivorsrock
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I kept my secret about the abuse for forty years. Finally telling my secret was the hardest thing I`ve ever... more »
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You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition)
Amazon Price: $9.05 (as of 06/01/2012)
The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse (Revised Edition)
Amazon Price: $9.12 (as of 06/01/2012)
The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse
Amazon Price: $7.95 (as of 06/01/2012)
