Childhood Abuse Recovery

My Journey into Recovery

To understand the journey from darkness into light, you must follow the path from the childhood beginning of the abuse, to the adult behavioral consequences, and finally to the recovery and reclamation of life.

In the beginning: abuse is delivered by the those who should have been there to comfort, to protect. Physical, emotional, sexual abuse are familiar denizens of childhood years for all too many children.

And, of course, there's the cover up--bury the memories deep, hide the pain, live in desperation and unending solitude--a hard place to live, a hard place to leave, a hard place to survive. Because no one really wants to know he truth. No one wants to look too closely at just how tragic the effects of abuse are.

This lens showcases a some of my poetry written when I began the process of recovery. I've divided them into four sections:

1. Childhood Memories
2. Consequences
3. Lessons to Unlearn
4. Unobstructed View

I choose to part the veil of silence--atrocities brought into the light diminish in power and no longer control me. And, in the process, if I can help lead others out of the shadows into the light, then my journey is not in vain.

Mackenzie Phillips Speaks Out

and family calls her delusional.

The more celebrities speak out about childhood sexual abuse, the more publicity is generated about the devastating effects of being abused.

Mackenzie's family's reaction is typical. Denial.

Mackenzie Phillips on Oprah: Mackenzie Phillips appeared on Oprah and revealed having sex with her father.

Prophetic Words

Poem Written in 1994

I wrote this in 1994, years before I knew I could actually achieve the stuff of my dreams.

Nightmares and Dreams

In my worst nightmares
I remain inconsequential
subservient to overbearing
inept managers
who leave me shaking in their wake

I am alone and frightened
wrinkled beyond recognition
anonymous and insubstantial
television my only window to
a different world

In my best dreams
I live in a cabin in the woods
a safe haven for animals, writers, and me
fully recovered from
the nightmare of childhood abuse

I teach and inspire
ignite passion in women
speak openly of journeys
from darkness to light
I am loved, strong, sensual
no longer a shadow
in a world of substance

Silent Grief

Women's Eyes are the Window to the Soul

I know those eyes. Not the grim accepting ones, focusing forward, strong and determined; but the other eyes, the ones containing a well of sadness, the repository for years of unwept tears. The tears that couldn't be shed, the pain of silently bearing the loss of youth, of beauty but most of all, the loss of self.

When youth skipped merrily through your soul, you came to this god-forsaken land hoping to bring life to barren plains, but found that the fields were cruel and demanding masters, eroding your lively spirit, painstakingly consuming your woman's heart.

Now all that's left of your youthful dreams swims in the pool of grief that is your eyes. Weariness turns the corners of your mouth grim, and you stare off into the horizon searching for the reason you will end your life here, barren and alone, in these lifeless fields.

My heart reaches for your sadness; I long to cradle your pain in loving arms, to rock your soul-ache away. But we both stand across the distance of the years, each with our own grief, each with a story in our eyes.

Survivor's Angels

I am an Angel, esc (experienced survivor consultant)

I am honored to be part of the survivor community at Catharsis Foundation.

Survivor Angels (click here): Angels know they can't stand by and allow abuse to happen! They face being shunned by family, friends, coworkers and will not be silenced and dismissed by society!

Men and women who fight to help victims and put a stop to abuse of the innocents!

These brave people are truly ANGELS!

Angels volunteer their time, expertise, efforts and hearts to help the innocents who have been victimized by adults and genuinely want to stop future abuse.

Angels KNOW the truth!

Code of Silence Now Available

Code of Silence on Create Space (click here to order): My complete work chronicling my recovery is available at CreateSpace.

Get $2.00 off by ordering from Create Space and entering discount code T7CJ2KHU
Code of Silence at Amazon: Also available at Amazon.com.
Code of Silence: One Woman's Book About Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Press Release: Code of Silence: One Woman's Book About Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse. Predators exist in all walks of life; sexual abusers destroy children's lives and leave an indelible mark on the adult survivor--until that survivor speaks out.
Code of Silence for Kindle: Code of Silence: Beneath the American Dream is now available for Kindle.

Portrait of Dad

He was a stern man
who endured the task
of rearing five children
on meager earnings from manual labor
with a grim, granite countenance.

He ruled his dictatorship
with unfailing cruelty and pain
yet mistook compliance
for fear of reprisal
as loyalty to his cause.

He locked steel-gray eyes
with his offspring
in a bitter dispute
where no one emerged victorious
and animosity sired gaping wounds.

Blind to the tears
of his embattled children
that tarnished his soul,
he perceived each defection
from the ranks as personal betrayal.

He never guessed that
alone in the dark
his recalcitrant soldiers
plotted, planned escape,
or murder or ravishment.

Anything that would disgorge
his nettle from their hearts.

Childhood Games

Step on a crack
You break your mother's back

I tried
I jumped up and down
On each and every crack
Of the chipped
Splintered Chicago sidewalks
Then crept up the back way
On eighteen rickety steps that led
To the screen door and her

Step on a crack
You break your mother's back

Her back didn't break
It didn't even bend
She still stood rigid and cold
At the kitchen stove
Steam from pots rising
Against the August heat
Hair in sweat-made ringlets
Surrounding the widow's peak that pointed
To the frown line in her forehead
To the first signs of a permanent grimace
At the corners of her mouth

Step on a crack
You break your mother's back

I tried
I really tried

Early Taste of Lust

Deep in the night
Uncle R creeps into her room
Claps a calloused hand
Over her mouth
To guarantee her silence

In the light of the moon
He strips naked before her
Wraps his hand in her golden hair
Then parts her tiny lips
With his masculine power

He pierces her spirit
To fulfill his hunger
Ignoring her tears
Her muffled sobs
He thrusts deeper
And deeper and deeper still

The room starts to spin
As nausea engulfs her
Her hair's held so tight
She's unable to move
Time has no meaning
The horror continues
Longer and longer
And longer still

With one final shove
His lust bursts into her
And in that final moment
She swallows his seed
She swallows her tears
She swallows her pride

Fiery Ice

One look from eyes
burning with hatred
sizzles deep into flesh
and freezes eternally
beneath the skin

Time ticks away
slowly, coldly
forever preserving
arctic solitude
ignited by evil eyes

Her Eyes

Mom doesn't smile much

When she does
the smile never
reaches her eyes

Eyes cold as winter frost
bore chills into my soul

Eyes blind to cruelty, numb to pain
Dirty eyes in an unkempt face
Wicked eyes that glower at life

Eyes driven by untold deeds
to insulate
against the world
against man
against me

Her eyes never smile

Midnight

Recurring nightmare

The train
it's coming fast
someone please
stop it

I want to throw up
I can't breathe
my eyes cry
but my mouth can't
can't make a sound
any sound that would
bring help

Grandma, Grandpa, Daddy
can't you stop this
don't you know
what's happening
in the dark

I'm cold and I'm alone
no one sees anything
in the dark
no one hears anything
in the dark
trains come to kill
little girls
in the dark

God Help the Children

Gold help the children
trapped in the mire
Of tormented souls
with twisted desires;
Prisoners all,
unknowing of love,
Aching for warmth
they've only dreamed of.

In agonized silence,
hearts veiled in gloom,
Wander these children
with spirits entombed;
Their sorrow-filled eyes
clearly revealing
How desperately lonely
and lost they are feeling.

Enmeshed in a world
they don't understand.
Afraid to divulge
all the pain they withstand
In the day-to-day battle
their households become
When the beings within
to disease have succumbed.

God help these children
unearth their souls,
Set loose the despair
and the sadness of old,
Help them feel love
from without and within
So their journey toward freedom
toward life can begin.

Help and Hope

Prevention and Recovery

Surviving Child Abuse/Recovery: Survivors are encouraged to unite and help one another through the struggles of life after abuse. It's time to tell! It's time to help!
Prevent Child Abuse America: Since 1972, Prevent Child Abuse America has led the way in building awareness, providing education and inspiring hope to everyone involved in the effort to prevent the abuse and neglect of our nation's children. Working with our chapters, we provide leadership to promote and implement prevention efforts at both the national and local levels. With the help of our state chapters and concerned individuals like you we're valuing children, strengthening families and engaging communities nationwide.
Child Abuse Prevention Association: CAPA's mission is to prevent and treat all forms of child abuse by creating changes in individuals, families and society that strengthen relationships and promote healing.
Wisdom from an Unknown Poet: Think with your heart . . .
Code of Silence: One Woman's Book About Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse: Code of Silence: One Woman's Book About Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse. Predators exist in all walks of life; sexual abusers destroy children's lives and leave an indelible mark on the adult survivor--until that survivor speaks out.

Help the Children

Please share freely

The mission of the Children's Defense Fund is to ensure every child a Healthy Start, a Head Start, a Fair Start, a Safe Start, and a Moral Start in life and successful passage to adulthood with the help of caring families and communities.

We at Squidoo passionately believe in creating new ways to support good causes online. By making a donation to Children's Defense Fund from this page, you are sending money directly to that organization, in whatever amount you want. We don't touch it. We don't even see it. The author of this page doesn't either. And if you made it this far, thanks for caring.

Blog Posts from Google

Childhood abuse may lead to migraine | TopNews United States: ?Our study found that while childhood maltreatment is associated with depression, the child abuse-adult pain relationship is not fully mediated by depression,? said Dr. Tietjen. He added that the onset of migraine preceded the onset of ...
NEWS ANCHOR MOM: child health, child safety, toxic toys, autism ...: a 28-item self-reported quantitative measure of childhood abuse (physical, sexual, and emotional) and neglect (physical and emotional). Self-reported physician-diagnosed history of comorbid pain conditions such as irritable bowel ...
Childhood Abuse Sufferers More Prone to Fatigues and Pain ...: A recent study has revealed that stress caused by child abuse can cause a long lasting mental disturbance, making sufferers vulnerable to chronic pain from such conditions as irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, ...
Frozen Pipe Bursts At Child Abuse Center - Kansas City News Story ...: SHAWNEE, Kan. -- Mother Nature has not been nice to Sunflower House in Shawnee. Thursday, January 7, 2010.

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Consequences

Abused children become confused adults

The next section of poems reflect some of the typical behaviors and problems I faced as a result of being abused as a child--bad relationships, self-abuse, drug abuse, and more.

I returned, over and over again, to my road to self-destruction. I knew no other way to live, and each day was just another repetition of the agony and confusion that plagued my childhood years.

I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was, but didn't know the way out.

Cycles

"Sit down and shut up!" her mother said
Over and over and over again
Each time the child cried out in pain
Each time the child cried out for love
The answer was always the same

"Sit down and shut up!" her father said
Over and over and over again
Until the child finally learned
That no one wanted to hear
Of her broken heart or the fearful dark
Or the hurt that only a hug can heal

"Sit down and shut up!" the woman says
Over and over and over again
To the child within still crying out
For the love to ease her pain
For a gentle hand to wipe her tears
For the comfort found in love's embrace

Demon Dance

In the still of darkest night
when daylight peacefulness has fled
Then starts the morbid frenzied rite
of demons dancing in my head

Vicious creatures haunt me
with visions of my past
Torment terror and brutality
lead the gruesome cast
In a dance designed
to destroy my mind
To whirl sanity
from my grasp

Until I wake
with a voiceless scream
vibrating through my soul
And I pray for peace
morning's first sunbeam
when the demon lose control

The Weaver

Gentle words like silken threads
Glisten in the sun
Weave a web I can't resist
So intriguingly finespun

My fascination draws me near
All caution thrown aside
I long to hold the masterpiece
Enchantment speeds my stride

I had no idea it was a trap
Designed to enslave my soul
To render me weak and helpless
To spin my life out of control

Now as I struggle to be free
To break the deadly strands away
The web just tangles tighter still
And the weaver snares his prey

Unending Nightmare

She wishes she could wake
from this frightful dream
Somehow dispel the fear
wound around her soul
Boa constrictor
squeezes stronger tighter
Chokes her to submission
She marries him again

Numb to the feel
of his hands on her flesh
She gags on his bourboned tongue
filling her mouth while
Silent tears trickle down
withered cheeks
And evaporate
in the darkness

Echoes

This tidal flood of tears today
Aren't only from the current pain
They echo from a frightened child
Once captive in a living hell

Her naked flesh was father's drum
On which he beat his savage strain
Vicious strokes of leather belts
Striped his child's gentle skin
Exposed the rage within his soul
In angry swollen welts
In blistered bruised and broken flesh

That child within cries today
Reveals the pain deep within
Fiery tears burn fragile cheeks
And echoes scream eternally

Shipwreck

Fierce breakers
crash rocky shores
pounding pounding pounding

There is no escape
when reason fades
and quivering hands reach
desperately for deliverance
from the deafening surf

The soul is flotsam
adrift in a dead-end sea
surging from fix to fix
searching the horizon
for signs of salvation

Going Through the Motions

I simulated life again today
With beguiling smile
And senseless repartee

No one noticed my vacant eyes

The abyss I was cast into
Long ago
Draws me ever deeper
Into its bowels

In the still of night I feel it
Painstakingly consume my life spirit
One tiny grain at a time

There's almost nothing left to me now

Alone in the dark I pray
For the strength to end
This absurd illusion

But my frail humanity
Clings to this world
For fear of the next

And another day dawns

No Way Out

They call it a disease of isolation
this desolate feeling that besets my heart
alone or in a crowd

Can you see the emptiness in me?
Can you feel my soul's vacuum
siphoning your strength?

Are you afraid of my pain?
Afraid if you travel too deep into it
you'll never find your way out again?

me too

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Other Suvivor Voices

Lenses created by survivors

The most important thing I learned in recovery was that I could no longer keep the pain inside--it was eating me alive.

Featured here are some other voices bravely sharing their stories.

Finding My Voice - Sexual Abuse Recovery

There is power, hope and healing once a survivor of incest and childhood sexual abuse finds his/her voice.

Victim, Survivor, Thriver

Abuse and recovery is a very personal topic for me for many reasons, as is advocacy it is also a passion that drives me to help others escape their own abuse and find true happiness in this life.. The cycle of abuse in my family goes back to at leas...

"I long to run free
with the grace of a gazelle;
I wear high heels on ice."

Lessons to Unlearn

The Awakening

In an abusive relationship, bulimic, drinking and using drugs, suicidal--I really thought I was mentally ill. I continued behavior I swore would never happen to me. I 0ccasionally made a break from it, but always returned, more broken and more lost than before.

After one particularly violent beating from my fiance, a woman police officer finally convinced me to press charges. My fiance, a raging alcoholic, begged me to take him back and drop the charges. He even committed to going through a treatment program.

Of course, I did take him back. While he was in treatment, they had me start attending self-help groups. I started to hear stories similar to mine; wow, I had no idea others felt the way I did.

My first glimmer of hope appeared on the horizon.

Ananke

In Greek mythology, Ananke was the personification of destiny, unalterable necessity and fate.

Shame
Body despoiled by the hands of man
Spirit bruised and battered
Scars that don't show on the outside

I bleed internally
Puss and bile ooze through my soul
Poison delivered in slow measured doses
Not enough to kill
Just enough to maim
To erode power away

Power that is rightly mine
As a woman--as an artist
An integral part of the universe
Taking my place among the gods
Being comfortable in their presence
Being comforted by their presence

Ananke
Yoked to me from birth
Barren of creation
Strapped to deadly debris
Old and useless earthly manifestations
Driftwood pulling me toward stagnant shores

Can I remove this yoke
Spiral into the eddy of life
And trust the gods will protect me

Ananke
Freedom and divestiture
The moment of passing
From one understanding to another

Regrets

For my daughter Cassandra

If only I had known
the importance of kind words
I would have spoken sweet and gentle ones

If only I had known
the comfort of a hug
I would have held you fast in my arms

If only I had known
how it felt to be loved
I would have gladly shared that gift with you

If only I had known

Promises

Are promises meant to be kept?
Are they seeded dandelions
Scattered across time by wayward winds?

Are they clouds in the night
Masking the moon's brilliance,
Cream-colored veils vanishing with dawn?
Do they crystallize into tiny blue stars,
Harbingers of hope for weary souls?

Or are they grass-covered tiger pits,
Spiked graves for unwary passers?

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Paths to Recovery: Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts

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A Woman's Guide to Recovery

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Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman: Wisdom and Hope for Women At Any Stage of Emotional Abuse Recovery

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When Rabbit Howls

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Only Me

When you look into my eyes
You still see her
My features dissolve
When the echoes of reckless words
Ring through your soul
When the memories of betrayal
Engulf you in darkness

I am powerless
To stop the reverberations
To lift the inward veil clouding your vision
and I want to scream

I am not the one who hurt you
I am not the enemy
The malevolent voice pervading your days
Haunting your nights

I'm only me
A woman simply and wholly in love
With the man who caressed her cheek
With the wonder of a small boy
Who made love to her
With the hunger of a man
Long starved for love and compassion
A man hiding a wounded boy
Too afraid to believe
Anyone could love him just as he is

If I could make you see me
Only me
The glow of my love
Would light your darkness nights

Desert Dreams

A lifetime she wandered a sea of sand
Desolate child trudging endless dunes
In search of honeyed dew

On the horizon he appeared
Long-sought oasis amidst barren land
She ran for his shelter

His image waned in the dark of night
Cupped hands she brought to parched lips
Held only a sprinkling of moon-lit grains

Love's mirage pierced her brittle heart
And the howl of pain welling deep from within
Strangled in her withered throat

Visceral Conversations

I know you're there, little one
I know you carry what I can't.

You are too little to know what you know,
Too little to feel what you feel.
But I still need you where you are.
I still can't face the memories.

That's been your job all these years,
To hold within your gentle heart
The nightmares that threatened our existence,
The trauma that brought us to the brink of insanity.

Hold on a little longer.
Keep me safe until I become powerful enough
To wrest the weight from your tiny shoulders
And cast it far away from you,
Far away from me,
Far, far away from today.

Singular Solitude

Man like the nesting blue jay
Swoops and pecks at anything unfamiliar
Bobs in front of gilded mirrors
Chirping the mindless chat
I like
You Like
We all like
So we belong

Nests of thoughtful solitude
Where creativity hatches and grows
Are almost extinct
Conformity is the required crest and
The masses cling desperately to like-feathered friends

Not all trill the blue-jay song
Lone individuals perch high in the pines
Capture temporal visions on the voice of the wind
Display the world's wisdom in brilliant plumage
Unlike that of the other birds

But when they alight in a flock of blue-breasted jays
They're pecked until they're featherless
And the evensong they carried from the heavens
Is drowned in senseless gabble

Lessons to Unlearn

Lessons to unlearn
Don't tell, little girl
Keep the secrets deep within
Until they erode your soul
Because I don't want to know

Lessons to unlearn
Don't cry, little girl
Hold your tears, swallow your sobs
No matter how much it hurts
Because I don't want to see

Lessons to unlearn
Don't love, little girl
It brings only pain
Lock your heart, toss the key
Because I don't want to feel

Lessons to unlearn
Don't feel, little girl
Keep your soul bitterly frozen
Remain in icy solitude
Because I don't want to live

Lessons to unlearn
Dark ones taught in the night
Little girl

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Make a Difference: Inspiring stories, books, and movies to share with the important people in your life.

On Writing

Window to the soul
Sooty smudged opaque pane
Blackened by years of repression
No ones sees in or out

The pen writes dirt away
Each line composed about pain
Removes another layer of filth
One day everyone will see

Unobstructed View

Learning to live

Once I discovered my voice, once I began to lift the memories out of the dark, I began to embrace choices. I started to understand that all the actions I took as an adult were normal behavior for a survivor of childhood abuse.

I started to write as part of my recovery and discovered the power of bringing the memories to the page. It was a painful, enlightening, and ultimately healing process.

Today I like who I am; all the life experiences entwine to make me the person I am. Would I change my past if I could? As painful as it was, I am a truly insightful, empathic, and loving being now. The path I traveled brought me to the place I inhabit.

My hope is that my words will inspire others to light their paths with hope and recovery.

The Gift

Gift and curse you are, my friend
You pull me from traps I've fallen into
Take me places I don't want to go
Soar me high above the clouds
Plunge me deep in ocean depths
Rock me to gentle slumber
Shake me from frozen lethargy
Fill me with sweet melodies
And pierce my heart with arrows of pain

I hate you, I love you
I want you out of my head
I run to your arms
Cold, hot, fierce, gentle
Scholar, tyrant, soul-mate, rival
My muse, my pen

Another Time

Another time
I might have stayed
And endured frigid love
Because the dark
Was too dark
To fathom alone

Another time
I might have stayed
Twisted in pretzel shapes
Grateful for crumbs
Tossed my way

Another time
I might have stayed
Stayed and starved
In need of love

Another time
Another day
Not today

Cassandra

this is a poem
to my daughter
Cassandra
your dimpled smile
and hazel eyes
often wilted at the sound
of my harsh words
with profound clarity
you braved torrents
of unkind barbs that
threatened to poison
your delicate roots

i know now that
roses die when
planted in cold soil
that freckles pale
in wintry dark

dissipate the clouds
of my fear and failure
inhale sunlit laughter
embrace the love
that swells my heart

and beam joy
my brilliant flower
love life
as only you can
Cassandra
my daughter
Cassie
my friend

For My Brother

Unable to live with the memories of our childhood abuse, he commited suicide when he was 28

Brother, you are dead and gone for so, so many years
Yet when I thought of you today, my eyes still welled with tears,
As memories came pouring from the place I'd kept them hidden
And woke emotions long denied, unwelcome and unbidden.

Memories of our childhood so dark, so cold, alone;
Little souls in search of love, hearts longing for a home,
A place where it was safe and warm, a haven from life's storms;
All we found was imprisonment, love twisted and deformed.

Though we tried our best to please the jailers in our prison,
There was no way to sate their needs and still remain a person;
So we bottled up our blooming souls and pushed them deep away,
The gifts that God had given us would not see light of day.

Deep inside of us there grew disease so malcontent,
Devouring our tortured souls, minds reeling with torment,
We went in search of something to relieve the pain inside,
To kill the demon voice within from which we could not hide.

As time went on the battle raged, the beast grew strong and bold
And dared us to defy its might, to break its stranglehold.
Its laughter followed each defeat; disease would cry with glee,
I am a part of you, poor fool; you can't get rid of me.

Oh, the lonely path we walked, unable to be free,
Destruction meeting all we touched, surrounded by debris.
Not wanting to cause others pain, not knowing who to blame;
And seeing hurt in loved one's eyes brought only further shame.

It seemed the only way to stop this never-ending fight
Was to end the life that fed the vicious parasite.
In this task you did succeed, though my attempts had failed;
Leaving me alone to see if my demon would prevail.

In the still of darkest night, when my soul was sick and tired;
When I could no longer wage the fight, wanting life expired;
Did you ask God to step in and help me find my way,
To touch me with his gentle hand and say I'd be okay?

For that beast within could not withstand the might of God above,
It fled from me the moment I was touched by God's true love.
Now each day, with baby steps, I learn a better way
To live my life in freedom with no sickness to obey.

As I learn to feel the things for years I'd been denied,
From emotions flowing deep, no longer do I hide,
I think of you and store away sensations passing through
And when at last we meet again, I'll share them all with you.

A Walk in the Woods

Thanksgiving fills my heart anew
while walking in the woods with you,
As once again I do perceive
the wondrous gifts I have received
in this magic woodland fantasy.

With dragons afloat in crystalline skies
o'er green fields speckled with butterflies
While birds sing gentle melodies
heaven's found amidst the trees
in arms that hold me tenderly.

A love I thought could not be found
has quietly turned my life around.
My spirit is free; no more denied
the pleasure of souls strolling side-by-side
along the paths for each designed.

Breath of Spring

In the course of this year past
Once-dormant seeds buried deep in barren soil
Have burst into a delicate garden of infinite beauty
Blossoming in the radiance of tenderness
Firmly rooted in the richness of love

Love Endures

Faintly as toll the evening chimes
love calls across the distance
of ripened years

Time steals so much
youth slips away like morning dew
and night air chills aging bones

But faintly, ever so faintly
the melody of love once shared
drifts across the midnight sky

A bittersweet symphony
of gentler days when hearts
beat warm and free

Unobstructed View

Tiny tendrils connect all deeds
Each strand draped across yesterday
Forms the foundation of today
And continues on into tomorrow
Forever-connected complex junctures
Dissolve into simplicity
When the moments join infinity

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Laniann Laniann Jul 22, 2009 @ 4:46 pm

Beautiful poems, I am glad you discovered your voice. 5*s

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WhiteOak50 WhiteOak50 May 22, 2009 @ 12:17 pm

When I wrote my story and actually formed the words into a lens, I can remember crying for two days afterwards. I totally agree with you that by these small steps we are able to walk further away from the darkness. And also by sharing our stories, perhaps we can give others a little courage and strength to write their own stories and step a little further away from their own darkness. The healing process is a very long journey, but I have always believed that a journey begins with one step. Your story really touched my heart, thank you for having the strength to share your story. Sending you many spiritual hugs.

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Pastiche Pastiche May 22, 2009 @ 10:09 am

Poets put into words their innermost feelings and deepest life experiences, to cleanse, to contemplate and to share bravely and selflessly with the world. The emotions and courage in this lens resonate so much passion and recovery. Thank you so much for sharing your poetry and your life with us.

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BevsPaper BevsPaper May 21, 2009 @ 10:39 pm

Loss of innocence at the ugly hand of abuse - the tragedy of no one helping. Growing up feeling that somehow it was my fault. I was the bad person. Building walls around my psyche so no one would see the injured child inside.

Healing takes time, strength, and courage. God Bless you for this lens! I salute your courage and strength. My heart understands the pain of both the abuse and the healing.

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grammargoddess grammargoddess May 21, 2009 @ 2:30 pm | in reply to GrowWear

Thank you for stopping by . . . and, please, take all the time you need to process . . . it's all part of the healing.
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Childhood Abuse Recovery

My Journey into Recovery

Contents at a Glance

Contents at a Glance

Mackenzie Phillips Speaks Out

and family calls her delusional.

Prophetic Words

Poem Written in 1994

Silent Grief

Women's Eyes are the Window to the Soul

Survivor's Angels

I am an Angel, esc (experienced survivor consultant)

Code of Silence Now Available

Portrait of Dad

Childhood Games

Early Taste of Lust

Fiery Ice

Her Eyes

Midnight

Recurring nightmare

God Help the Children

Recommended Reading from Amazon

Help and Hope

Prevention and Recovery

Help the Children

Please share freely

Blog Posts from Google

Consequences

Abused children become confused adults

Cycles

Demon Dance

The Weaver

Unending Nightmare

Echoes

Shipwreck

Going Through the Motions

No Way Out

Inspiration and More at my Zazzle Store

Other Suvivor Voices

Lenses created by survivors

"I long to run free with the grace of a gazelle; I wear high heels on ice."

Lessons to Unlearn

The Awakening

Ananke

In Greek mythology, Ananke was the personification of destiny, unalterable necessity and fate.

Regrets

For my daughter Cassandra

Promises

More Books on Amazon

Only Me

Desert Dreams

Visceral Conversations

Singular Solitude

Lessons to Unlearn

Inspiration from Make a Difference

On Writing

Unobstructed View

Learning to live

The Gift

Another Time

Cassandra

For My Brother

Unable to live with the memories of our childhood abuse, he commited suicide when he was 28

A Walk in the Woods

Breath of Spring

Love Endures

Unobstructed View

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by grammargoddess

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"I long to run free
with the grace of a gazelle;
I wear high heels on ice."