helping sibling of cancer patient

Brothers and sisters of cancer patients often struggle with loneliness, anxiety, depression and feelings of guilt, jealousy and anger. In their distress, they may also feel neglected and alone, leading to resentment, behavioral problems, poor school performance and withdrawal as their familiar family life is changed by their sibling's cancer diagnosis and treatment.

These feelings are natural and normal. Even young children can be aware that something is wrong, and unable to articulate their fears and concerns, act out in a negative way.

Parents naturally focus on the child who is ill. Doctors and other hospital workers pay more attention to giving the patient life saving treatment than to the healthy siblings. Brothers and sisters of cancer patients are not usually included in cancer support programs, and often are not included in hospital visits, either, out of a misguided fear they might find the setting disturbing.

When sending greeting cards to a child with cancer, don't forget to send greeting cards to help their siblings feel less lonely and isolated. Artist Corrie Kuipers and her partner, Nene Adams, have created greeting cards especially for the siblings of cancer patients. Bright, cheerful colors, kid friendly designs, and warm messages of support and caring will brighten any child's day. There's also a range of cards for patients and supporters, and new designs are added to the collection frequently.

Greeting Cards For Siblings of Child Cancer Patients
     

Greeting Cards For Friends, Family & Supporters of Cancer Patients

Greeting Cards For Cancer Patients of All Ages

Below you'll find some tips on how you can help siblings of cancer patients cope.

SUPERSIBS
Refer the sibling of a childhood cancer patient to Supersibs. This organization has been set up specifically to provide free support, inspiration and encouragement for siblings ages 4-18 of pediatric cancer patients. Visit the website for full information.

SPECIAL ACTIVITIES
Organize special fun activities just for the brother or sister, such as a day trip to an amusement park, a slumber party with friends, an outing to the zoo, or any other activity they will enjoy. Encourage them to take pictures to share with their sick sibling, and if age appropriate, help them create a scrapbook. Include the brother or sister in organizing a surprise "makeover" of the cancer patient's hospital room (coordinated with parents, of course, and with permission). And if you're stuck for ideas, ask the child! They usually have a pretty good idea of what they'd like to do. Remember, you don't have to spend a lot of money - a simple day at the beach, a picnic in the park, or other activity will be beneficial as well. What's important is the brother or sister get your attention, your affection and your support.

PRESENT THE PRESENTS
If you give a gift to a child with cancer, don't forget to include siblings. Make sure your gift is age appropriate, fun, and meets parental approval. Whatever you do, no gift should seem like an afterthought. Be selective, be thoughtful, and don't worry about practicality. Give something frivolous, fun, and tailored to suit the child's tastes. You'll find suggestions below.

Even more top tips coming up!

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY
Parents and members of their care network might assume the sibling of a cancer patient is too young or not aware of what is going on. Much of the time, this is not the case. Lacking definite information, siblings may suffer guilt, believing their sibling's illness is their fault. They may feel jealous, wishing they could get sick so Mom or Dad will spend more time with them. Children may also feel regret, anger, fear and sadness, as well as anxiety. The best policy is to sit down with the child, offer information appropriate to their age, and answer any questions without evasion. There are several books (you'll find recommendations above) that can act as a springboard and guide.

WHAT CAN A PARENT DO
It's normal to focus on, and spend as much time as humanly possible watching over and tending to your sick child. However, if you have other children, don't forget they need you, too. Each parent should spend some alone time with other children every day.

Remember the children who aren't sick are also dealing with a significant upheaval in their lives, as well as loss and uncertainty. Be compassionate, and remain alert to their needs.

Provide emotional support to the siblings of cancer patients, if necessary including a school guidance program, professional therapist, or faith based program. Other support programs for kids who are siblings of cancer patients are out there, too - check with your hospital, Gilda's Club or the American Cancer Society for more information.

Create a help network, and don't be afraid to ask friends, family and neighbors for the assistance you need. Ask for volunteers to take children to after school activities, etc.

As much as possible, maintain the normal routine.

Try not to treat an ill child too much differently from his/her well siblings. While cancer and its treatments have an unavoidable impact, treating an ill child like they're made of glass will only reinforce the idea with other children that the sibling with cancer won't survive.

Answer questions frankly and honestly - children are less distressed when they feel a parent is listening to their concerns. Reassure them they did not cause their sibling's cancer.

Let them do things for their ill sibling, such as read to them, play games, etc., to let them feel they are contributing in a positive way.

Above all, tell them you love them as often as possible.