Married to a Resident Physician

1. Don't make plans in the evening that you cannot do without them!

My experience has proven that once my devoted spouse became leashed to the hospital electronically that he is never really off duty. And, as much as I know he wants to make it to our kids' games, practices, recitals, illnesses - there is always a good chance that he will not be able to attend. I try to have a plan B and to not overwhelm myself in the evenings.

2. Have interests and friends that are completely unrelated to the residency/hospital.

If you have relocated due to residency get out there and make some friends! If you are not a stay-at-home mom than a job is a good place to start in making connections. If you find yourself in my shoes - go to church, go to a gym, take a class, and get involved at your kids school. Have an identity separate from that of "I'm here with the resident".

3. Have friends or at least acquaintances in the residency/hospital.

When your spouse comes home and relates a story about his attending physician, "Dr. whats his name" and that other resident, "Dr. I don't know", it is easier to feign interest if you can put faces to names and have a general idea who it is your spouse is spending all their time with.

4. Sometimes you are as important as the dying patient!

This is a TOUGHIE! My husband is an anesthesiology resident. He keeps people breathing while surgeons cut into them. He also runs codes when patients are trying to meet their maker. He literally saves lives - WOW! How do I and our children compete with that? We sometimes have to be understanding and sacrifice for the cause - thats just how it is - accept it! But in order for my husband to stay sane and balanced, and therefore, be a better physician he sometimes needs to make us his first priority. He needs to listen and care that the toilet is plugged, the kids are fighting, and I am 2 months overdue for a haircut. Am I dying? No, but I'm living which happens to be very important!

5. Have a sense of humor!Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. Try to find humor, because laughter really is the best medicine!