by 8 people |
WELCOME TO HORRIBLE HATS, HORSE AROUND HOLIDAYS, AND HAPPY UNBIRTHDAYS!
In a day and age when butt cracks and bald heads are seen more frequently than hats, maybe it's time to know your chapeau.
So, for those with a keen interest in the history of haberdashery, not to mention passing the hat, holding on to one's hat, doing hat tricks, taking one's hat off to congratulate another, talking through one's hat, throwing one's hat into the ring, figuring out how many hats one is wearing, dropping in on the Mad Hatter's tea party or keeping something under one's hat...be it horrible or not, this is definitely the right spot.
SHE WONDERED IF HER HAPPY HOLIDAY HAT WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR. (Courtesy of courtneyoquist@flickr.com)
HALF-BAKED HISTORY OF HATS (the short version)
A hat is a covering for the head designed to:1. Keep the hail, rain, or snow off one's lovely locks in order to impress a significant somebody or more importantly, deflect criticism if donned on April Fool's Day, Halloween, or a Retirement Roast.
2. Keep the ears warm on a cold blustery winter day, provide shade from the sun and a red nose, protect oneself from bugs, bees and bombs, not to mention allow one to breath underwater, underground and out in space.
3. Disguise the fact that one is having a very bad hair day.
4. Enhance the appearance of pathetic pets and people who already look completely dorky, dweebish or dumb as it is without any help from a hellish hat.
5. Impress strangers, loyal subjects, and family members on special occasions like birthdays, graduations, weddings, funerals and swearing in ceremonies not to mention scare the pants off aliens or those deemed to be "not one of us".
Hats have been around since Eve tried to hoodwink Adam with her wicked witch's hat, black patent pumps, and her contoured cape. Adam on the other hand discovered that offing a furry critter every now and then gave him an excuse to wear the carcass on his head at sporting events.
HAPPY HOLIDAY HAT?
__________
Image Credit: courtneyoquist at flickr.com
Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree...she decided that a head nest would definitely fill the bill this year.
TERRIBLE TOUQUE TIMES
What's the meaning of "Toque"?
It derives from the Medieval French "toque" (15th century), a tall white pouched hat with a crown worn by a chef (or King of the Kitchen); it may also be from the old Spanish "toca" meaning a "woman's headdress", possibly from Arabic "taqa" or from Old Persian "taq", meaning a "veil" or "shawl".
It is also known as small, close-fitting brimless hat, usually made of a soft material worn by women.
Tuque: A Quebecois term, sometimes also spelled "toque" or "touque" in English) is a knitted hat, originally of wool though now often of synthetic fibers, designed to keep the head warm in winter. All tuques are tapered, often topped with a pom-pom. Today they're trendy with teenagers, particularly shy males who do not wish to celebrate "bad hair days".
HILARIOUS HATS OF THE MONTH CLUB
THINGS TO DO WITH HORRIBLE HATS
The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins (Classic Seuss)
Make a contribution to the Bartholomew Cubbins collection!
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 01/04/2010) 
The Red Hat Society: Fun and Friendship After Fifty
Dye them a crimson color and join a Vintage Vixen Club!
Amazon Price: $10.36 (as of 01/04/2010)
Saturday Night Hat: Quick, Easy Hatmaking for the Downtown Girl
Now you can make Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna and Jennifer Lopez lovely look-alike hats...oh whoopee!
Amazon Price: (as of 01/04/2010)
The Inflatable Crown Balloon Hat Kit
What ho! Time to make an inflatable crown balloon hat all by yourself!
Amazon Price: (as of 01/04/2010)
What Can You Do with a Paper Bag?
Become a complete and utter fashion fool!
Amazon Price: (as of 01/04/2010)
HE HAD TO HANG HIS HORRIBLE HAT SOMEWHERE! (Image courtesy of folkfromtheheart@flickr.com)
"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant." -- Scott Adams
WIT, WISDOM & WONK IN THE WORLD OF HATS
Hats are not usually considered a heavy-duty discussion topic at formal dinner parties. That being said, it's always a good idea to keep a few quotations on the subject under one's hat in order to fill the inevitable lulls in conversation that crop up when witless windbags gasp for air.Here are a few intriguing if not impressives things to say on the subject of hats:
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. -- Woody Allen, American comedian
Don't hang your hat higher than you can reach. -- Belizean proverb.
Any man can lose his hat in a fairy-wind. -- Irish proverb.
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. -- Fred Allen, American humorist, 1894-1956.
Hats divide generally into three classes: offensive hats, defensive hats, and shrapnel. -- Katherine Whitehorn
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. -- Fred Allen, American comedian, 1894-1956.
Kissing power is stronger than will power: Girls need to "prove their love" like a moose needs a hat rack. -- Abigail Van Buren
On top of the Crumpety Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. -- Edward Lear, British poet, 1812-1888.
I'll beat him so hard he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on. Muhammad Ali.
A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. -- P.J. O'Rourke, American political commentator, writer and humorist.
The way to fight a woman is with your hat - grab it and run. -- John Barrymore, American actor, 1882-1942.
That is why no matter how desperate the predicament is, I am always very much in earnest about clutching my cane, straightening my hat and fixing my tie, even though I have just landed on my head. -- Charlie Caplin, British comedian, writer, and film director, 1889-1977.
I think a good product would be a Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck hat which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of a sudden you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties. -- John Handy, American writer and "Deep Thoughts, Saturday Night Live" cast member, 1991-2003.
TRIVIA AND TIDBITS ABOUT HATS -- BE THEY HAPPY OR HORRIBLE
1. There are 66,800,000 web pages devoted to hats.2. Some hats are endurable, meaning you can probably wear them in a mucky monsoon, on a trek across the Sahara by camel, or in a canoe on a lake full of blackflies and beavers (somewhere north of the 49th parallel).
4. Wayward if not weird folk sometimes even craft their own hats made of tin-foil to ward off unfriendly things from outer space not to mention things that go bump in the night especially on Halloween.
5. Believe it or not, head hunters even wear hats and design them!
6. For those who hate hats but like gliding about on a dance floor, they can tune in to Men Without Hats which might be a good deal more productive than complaining about the sad state of haberdashery these days.
7. There are some potty people around who find a warm welcome at the Madhatter's Saloon in Montreal, Quebec (Canada).
8. Those who enjoy talking through their hats would be well advised to pick up a straw stetson or at the very least, a ten-gallon hat!
9. Six-thinking hat types who enjoy living in a parallel universe, should clearly tell the rest of us here on planet earth just what hat they're wearing today.
10. And those who are either bored with life or a leprechaun at heart might want to try a few hat tricks to amaze their friends and strike fear into the hearts of any trolls lurking about under bridges or toadstools!
And next time you need a baffling bedtime book, pick up this teasingly titled one by Oliver Sacks, The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat.
HATS OFF TO THESE HAPPY THOUGHTS...
ON HORRIBLE HABITS & HABERDASHERY
"We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners." - George Bernard Shaw
HATS AND HEADPIECES POLL
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HOW MANY HATS ARE YOU WEARING TODAY?
HEADGEAR FOR HEADHUNTERS!
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A HAT RACE:
"Never try running after your own hat. Others will be delighted to do it. Why spoil their fun?" (Mark Twain, aka Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835-1910), American author and humorist)
LIGHT-HEARTED LINKS FOR HILARIOUS HEADGEAR FOLKS
- HATS AND HEADGEAR HEADQUARTERS
- A long list of hats and headgear for people with an insatiable curiosity about heady-topics.
- SIX THINKING HATS
- So what color hat category do you belong to?
- ALL YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT HATS...BUT NEVER DARED TO ASK
- Exactly what is a hat? What does 'at the drop of a hat' mean? And how does one build a tin foil hat?
- SO, HOW BIG IS YOUR HEAD?
- The definitive source for cerebellum-lovers with an urge to decorate their posh pin-heads.
- THE HAT MUSEUM
- America's only hat museum in Portland, Oregon.
- GREEN HATS ARE NOT WELCOME IN CHINA!
- Learn why you should never give a green hat, a clock, or a pair of scissors to a business man in China.
- WHO EVER HEARD OF BAD HAT HARRY PRODUCTIONS?
- Obviously someone loves horrible headpieces, came up with this TV production company name!
- NUTTY NOVELTY HATS
- Hilarious headgear for happy-challenged folk only.
- HATS YOU WILL HATE
- Hats are like people, they come in all shapes and sizes; some you will ignore, some you will love, and some you will despise - the latter is featured in this gallery of giggles.
- HORRIBLE HOLIDAY HAT
- For those who are desperate for a bit of ho-ho-ho headgear.
- HATS IN THE BELFRY
- Forget about bats in the Belfry...try on "Flapping Unicorn", a "Sparkly Chicken Hat" or a "Yin Yang Madhatter".
- THE SOCIAL MEANING OF HATS
- If you've ever pondered about the social meaning of hats, you should head on over here!
- HAT GLOSSARY
- Here's a comprehensive guide to every sort of bonnet, cap, or hat you can imagine...and then some!
- CROSSING GUARD'S FUNNY HATS SPARK TOWN CONTROVERSY
- Only in a laugh-challenged place called "Littlestown" would authorities admonish an amusing man who liked to wear funny hats on the job.
QUIRKY QUOTATIONS ABOUT HORRIBLE HATS
"He never spat Or wore an ugly hat Or behaved like a rat. Fred was above all that." from "Every Day's a Holiday: Amusing Rhymes for Happy Times" by Dean Koontz and Phil Parks."If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, he will buy an ugly hat, and if you talk about a fish to a starving man then you're a consultant." -- from "Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel: A Guide to Outwitting Your Boss, Your Coworkers and the Other Pants-Wearing Ferrets in Your Life" by Scott Adams.
"You can keep your ugly hat, but I want that paper." from "Flora Segunda: Being the Magical Mishaps of a Girl of Spirit, Her Glass-Gazing Sidekick, Two Ominous Butlers (One Blue), a House With Eleven Thousand Rooms and a Red Dog" by Ysabeau S. Wilce.
"Had the principal pointed out how ugly the hat was, he might have appealed to my vanity." from "The Incredible Shrinking Critic: 75 Pounds and Counting: My Excellent Adventure in Weight Loss" by Jami Bernard.
"I enjoy hats. And when one has filthy hair, that is a good accessory. -- Julia Roberts, American actress
"It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although if sometimes they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself." "Horseradish - Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid" by Lemony Snicket
"You can change the theme to be Ugly Shoes Day. Ugly Hat Day is another one that works well." Advice from author Bruce Fier on how to start and run a money-making bar.
BATTY BOOKS ABOUT HORRID HABERDASHERY
Fashion Means Your Fur Hat Is Dead: A Guide to Good Manners and Social Survival in Alaska
Frightful fashion-statements from the land of ice and snow.
Amazon Price: $11.21 (as of 01/04/2010)
The Cat in the Hat
All about a schmuck in a smashing chapeau.
Amazon Price: $8.99 (as of 01/04/2010)
Make Something Ugly-- For a Change: The Definitive Guide to Papier/Cloth Mache
Amazon Price: (as of 01/04/2010)
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat: And Other Clinical Tales
For those who can't distinguish between hats and homemakers.
Amazon Price: $8.24 (as of 01/04/2010)
Advice from beanie babies welcome!
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- ottoblotto ottoblotto Feb 18, 2009 @ 6:03 am
- If I could be any hat I wanted, I'd be the one Aretha Franklin wore at Obama's inauguration. A worthy confection for the head!
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- mbrownauthor mbrownauthor Nov 15, 2008 @ 6:17 pm
- Funny Stuff!!!!
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- The_Homeopath The_Homeopath Jun 17, 2008 @ 12:12 pm
- I adore this lens!
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- May 7, 2008 @ 4:46 am
- Very informative lens here, this is very good information about horrible hats and I like hats,
thank for sharing your valuable lens and I have created on important lens that focuses on swimming pool services.
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- the-secret the-secret Mar 3, 2008 @ 5:07 pm
- Hi,
I like hats. Especially red, because I belong to the Red Hat Ladies Association. We have a chapter in Iowa called Foxy Ladies! I have a web site called A Red Hat Lady at http://www.aredhatlady.com I hope you like it!
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by quippingqueen
Hats off to those who know how to have fun with horrid headpieces!
The Quipping Queen and Empress of Eccentricity
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