How I stopped My Dog Barking

We arrived a little late for the evenng class and were surrounded by big guard dogs,sheepdogs from farms in the surounding mountains and a yappy chihuahua.
We sat and watched while the guard dogs tried to rip each oher apart while my litlle Saffi cowered behind my legs.
Well we were quite sucessful - we mastered SIT and taking a treat with the loss of only the top of my little finger which i didn't feel like retrieving from the Rhodesian Ridgeback so with a bloody hankie we went home.
To many Dogs, Too Many distractions (and the lady was quite distressed about her chihwuaua almost killing the Alsatian.) but we managed to get it out safely from its throat so that was OK.
Perhaps something else would work.

So I bought an ebook..It was quite interesting and I've always wanted a Great Dane - which was what the book was about..

Great Danes are a living example of never taking on anything larger than you.
It looks good on the sofa. Big - but Good !
The training book worked great of the Dane (but then it would wouldn't it ?)
The Spaniel - Nada - could still sit for a treat though.
I'm not entirely sure why the Dog Rescue Society delivered the Great Dane to me... perhaps they heard I had a training Manual.
It does seem to eat a lot - mostly my Dinner. And the Sofa.
It also likes the beach - running like crazy while Saffi paddles sedately in the brine.
They get on very well together. Saffi Sleeps on me and the Great Dane has the sofa.
I may not have mentioned but I'm an artist - specialising in the sort of Artistic Lady Portraits you used to see behind the bars of Wild West Saloons.
Pamela Anderson Portraits go down very well.
Am I still rambling on ?
I now have TWO Spaniels and A Great Dane.(beautifully trained...and quiet)
I did eventually find an excellent training manual for dogs of all kinds
(not there isn't a Spaniel Manual but this is good anyway)

I always know when the postman is coming (no rude jokes please)
The dogs in the houses either side of me start to howl.. a lot.
This seems to be a sort of canine early warning system and I'm not sure what it's all about.
It does however set my spaniels off barking and I have not been able to stop that.
You see dogs bark as a communication to each other - like
I'm here how are you or
We're going to the beach so Yah Boo sucks to you ! or similar endearing canine chat.
That proved a little harder to control until I discovered the secret (but smelly) weapon -Tripe - dried trip to be exact - the other stuff makes your hand too smelly and slithers across the floor disgustingly..
Dog will do anything for dried tripe - its my ultimate secret weapon.
While they sit for tripe (remember lesson one ?)
I whisper the secret word to them in a hypnotic manner.
(words like Quiet you B*stards or similar endearing phrases)

That of course is the Mason Family at no 22 Acacia Avenue and not those guy in The Masons with rulers)

The secret words (well a couple of them ) are revealed below in a subtle way...
but you have to visit my website to discover them.