How To Be Confident

In the beginning I was not a very confident person.

Being sent to boarding school when I was 7 years old didn't help.

I arrived in this strange world where I didn't know anyone or what was expected of me.

Of course I was bullied unmercifully and was beaten constantly by the vicious Jesuit priests who ran the school. They said I was breaking rules, but they never told you what the rules were.

Saved by 4 Other Boys

The only thing that saved me was that I managed to get into a gang with 4 other boys. It's still a mystery to me how I got into the gang, but I will be grateful for that gang to my dying day.

By the time I grew to be big enough and strong enough to start doing some bullying of my own my parents moved me on to another school where, once again, I didn't know a single soul.

It doesn't help when you're not particularly bright academically or outstanding at playing any sports. I was about average at everything.

It wasn't until I was in my mid thirties that I discovered that I'm very dyslexic. This was a useful discovery because it explained why I had always had so much trouble with spelling.

When you can't spell well other people use it as a weapon against you to show you how much brighter than you they are. None of which makes you feel confident.

As you may expect, the first girl who really attracted me also rejected me. Another nail in the coffin of my confidence.

How a lack of confidence led to a great success.

Life has a way of evening things out.

My lack of confidence led me on a search for ways to make myself feel stronger and less weedy.

Of course, I was hopeless at selling and making presentations. My ineptitude led one of my bosses to send me out to buy a book called Psycho Cybernetics. It's about how to create a great self-image.

I never finished the book (until many years later), but I did get the message that I could do something to help myself. In fact I had to do something to help myself.

A journey started.

Books piled up beside my bed. Tapes littered my car. I became a self-development seminar groupie.

I learned a lot about how to be more confident. But...

The First Important Lesson I learned

was that knowledge does not change anything. Knowledge is NOT power. It is what you do with the knowledge that gives you power. Reading what to do and watching videos will not, on their own, cause you to change.

I started to work with a coach. He was a truly wonderful man who unfortunately has since passed on.

He wasn't cheap, but got me DOING things that made noticable changes in my behavior.

The effect was so magical that I was inspired to teach others the wonderful, life-changing techniques I had learned.

I started my own Personal Development Coaching business. It became very successful. I worked in the business sector for corporations like GM, Dell, J&J, Xerox, Yves St. Laurent and Land Securities. My investment in coaching and developing myself into a confident human being paid off handsomely.

Now I do most of my work over the Internet. I publish articles, do one-to-one coaching and some group coaching where you can discuss similar issues with other sufferers.

You are welcome to go over to my Transformational Leadership website and take a look around.

The Second Important Lesson I Learned

Remember what I said, right at the beginning of this article, about how joining a gang saved me. Well, it took me half a lifetime to learn the lesson. It wasn't until I was working regularly with large corporations that the penny dropped at last.

In large institutions of all types there are constant power struggles. These power struggles are not conducive to productivity. When I helped people to form supportive teams, productivity rose and so, of course, did the feelings of happiness and confidence.

The lesson is that if you want to improve your confidence work in a team. When you work in a team of other people all trying to achieve the same goal, you will find it much easier to measure your progress and to evaluate yourself. That is why I run online groups where I can help you constantly.