How to Become a Billionaire in Three Minutes

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Embrace Your Inner Billionaire

I admit, the first time I received one of the emails, I was caught off guard. How did this guy know I only had $32.07 left until payday? When the second and third emails arrived, I knew I had been singled out for something great. Something wonderful.

Something that was meant to be.

I hope this lens will encourage you to embrace your inner billionaire. Somewhere out there, an email is winging its way to you from a faraway land. All you need is an open heart, a naive personality, and a revolving door into your bank account.

"We're the geniuses of the house because only a person intelligent as we could fake such stupidity."
- Bill Cosby

A Very, Very, Very Sad Tale

Caution: If You Cry Easily, Bring Tissues!

So here we are, seventeen days into 2012. I was feeling a bit neglected, as nobody has offered to deposit millions into my bank account in a very long time - at least two months. Then along came a wonderful, warm message through RedGage, a site where I sometimes post photos or recipes. I thought instantly of you Squidoo readers, who depend on me for your financial planning. After all, according to the ads on tv, aren't we suppose to be planning for a cushy retirement?

How could I not share with you? Feel free to contact her, and if you do--please tell her I think of her often, every time I update my antivirus software. Here you go...

From Ms. Mariam Ture,
Please Reply me through my private email address for my security reason
( mariamture@gmail.com )

It is my pleasure to write you i decided to contact you to help me out of my problem, however is not mandatory nor will i in any manner compel you to honour against your will,but first Iet me introduce myself to you.

My name is Ms. Mariam Ture, Am 21 years of age, I am a student of high school before I lost my parents in a car accident last year, so I have been out from school and been looking for a sincere person that I will trust.

I am the only child of my late parents and that has made me to run away from our family house because my uncles are after my life to take away my inheritance which my late father left for me in a Bank here in Cote D'ivoire. My entire dream is to find somebody that I can trust with my future life and inheritance and also who will be able to invest it wisely in any lucrative business.

Nobody knows about the inheritance which worth $7.5 million dollars in Cash deposited in a Bank here with my name as the next of kin. And I want you to also keep it very confidential till we can be able to transfer this money from the Bank here to your country and I will fly to join you immediately for future plans of continue my education once a join you in your country.

I have to trust somebody to save my future and that is why I am trusting you now I want you to understand my critical situation and give me the assistance that I need so that I will have a better life and also enjoy my inheritance with you. I will tell you more about myself as soon as I hear back from you, your interest to assist me and also build more trust to be able to have a better understanding. Please Reply me through my private email address for my security reason ( mariamture@gmail.com )

I look forward for your urgent response, thank you and God bless you.

Best regard
Ms. Mariam Ture

John the Barrister's email from Chile

Wow! A busy investor found me!

Dear Friend,

I did not forgot your past effort by trying to help me, now I want to tell you that i have suceeded in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from Chile.

CONTACT:KIKI RAYMOND in Cotonou De federal Republic of Benin because I have left the whole instruction to him on your behalf and instruct him where to send the $1,200,000.00 cashable for your compensation.

KIKI RAYMOND
Account Officer,
Cotonou, Benin Republic,
email address: kiki_ray_250@yahoo.fr
phone +229 97313615

NOTE :BELLOW IS THE REQUIRED INFORMATIONS YOU WILL SEND TO Account Officer,

(1) YOUR FULL NAMES
(2) YOUR HOUSE ADDRESS
(3) YOUR DIRECT CELPHONE NUMBER AND HOUSE PHONE WITH FAX IF ANY .
In this moment, I'm very busy here in Chile because of the investment projects, which the new partner and I are having at hand. So feel free to get in touch with KIKI RAYMOND. to send the cheque to you without any delay.
Regards
Barrister John Will


What a delightful character with a gift for gab. He must have known how I needed to stockpile printer paper, laundry detergent, and chocolate. Nice guy, that Barrister John.

I wish he hadn't misspelled so many words, though. And I wish he had not referred to how I had helped him in the past, because my excellent memory had somehow forgotten to record that act of charity.

Note to Self

Learn to Delete. Don't even read these stupid, time-consuming emails. And never, EVER devote time to creating a Squidoo lens about them. (Why give these morons undue attention?)

Scams by Phone

It really happened...

I've gotten a couple of emails from people who didn't realize this lens is majorly tongue-in-cheek. I'm not hung up on money; in fact, if you knew me well, you'd know that I might be considered...well, sort of frugal. I don't like spending money on Stuff just for the sake of collecting Stuff. My contentment doesn't come from money, but from my relationship with God. His blessings are plenty for me, thankyouverymuch.

I would not be doing my duty as a good lensmaster, though, if I didn't acknowledge the fact that there ARE scammers out there who use any means possible to trick people like you and me into forking over our hard-earned money. My own mother-in-law was scammed recently, and lost over $5,000 to a moronic caller who pretended to be her grandson. Her heart was twisted, as he described a car wreck and how he'd been injured. Her heartstrings were tugged to the point of wiring him money - not once, but twice in the same day.

If ever you receive a phone call or email asking for personal information, don't give them the time of day. End the conversation and don't contact them again. Telemarketing scams are a federal crime--did you know that? Read more about it, and learn ways to recognize and resist even the most reasonable-sounding pleas for money.

Money Isn't Everything

Cartoon from Pictures-Pictures.net

Shake Your Fist at SPAM

Funny decals, and practical solutions for spammy emails, thanks to some great products at Amazon.
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When Plans Crash

Terrible things can happen

Hello my Dear Beloved One,

My name is Vivian Nelson of America, I am married to(Eng Mr. John Nelson
)from united kingdom(u.k) who has an appointment in Saudi Arabian the
chief managing director to Arabian AmericanOil Company(Aramco)under
Engineering project/contract awarding

My husband died as a result of plan crash ,while he was going to New York
for an inspection on Monday, 31 July, 2000.Before his death as s result of
our joint account venture we have $10.3 million (us) dollars in our fixed
deposit account.

Due to my bareness I don’t have a child and am of age, I am 69 years
now and my doctor told me that based on my kidney and liver failure
disease. I can not stay to live up three months ahead, and I am having
serious problem with my husband’s family members.

Therefore I need a God fearing person who will assure me that he/she will
use this fund to help the Motherless baby homes, Orphanage and Charity
organization, Less privileged Propagating the word of God.

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this
money. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the
Bank. I want you to always pray for me because I don’thave more days
to live.

Thanks
Yours in the lord
Vivian Nelson



Oh, Vivian. Vivian, Vivian, Vivian. I'm terribly sorry about your husband's plan crash. I've had a few plans crash myself. Remember what John Steinbeck said about "the best-laid plans of mice and men"?

Here's something that puzzles me, Vivian. You're 69, and your bareness has prevented you from having a child? Oh. My. Goodness. Still, it's very kind of you to offer that amount of money to me, a total stranger. What a sweetheart you are.

Another Note to Self

If it looks like a rip-off scheme and sounds like a rip-off scheme, make a 180-degree turn and run. Don't worry about being polite.

1. Don't give your name. If you don't know the person calling, then they don't need your name.
2. Don't buy into their "niceness." Scammers usually don't announce that they're planning to trick you. Use common sense and keep your info private.
3. Don't feel obligated to hold up your end of a conversation. Tell them you're not interested and hang up. Then add their name to the National Do Not Call Registry.

Period.

Note to Self

Read between the lines. Do you really think that poor widowed tribal chief's second-cousin's mother-in-law has a bag of money to share with a grandma from the Pacific Northwest. No, I didn't think so.

Pickin' Your Brain

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An All-Caps Urgent Plea from a College Student

Miss Mariam's bucket of money...

DEAREST ONE,

I AM MARIAM MORGAN, 23YEARS OLD AND THE ONLY DAUGHTER OF MY LATE PARENTS MR.AND MRS.MORGAN. MY FATHER WAS A HIGHLY REPUTABLE BUSNNESS MAGNET-(A COCOA MERCHANT)WHO OPERATED IN THE CAPITAL OF IVORY COAST DURING HIS DAYS.

IT IS SAD TO SAY THAT HE PASSED AWAY MYSTERIOUSLY IN FRANCE DURING ONE OF HIS BUSINESS TRIPS ABROAD YEAR 12TH.FEBUARY 2006.THOUGH HIS SUDDEN DEATH WAS LINKED OR RATHER SUSPECTED TO HAVE BEEN MASTERMINDED BY AN UNCLE OF HIS WHO TRAVELLED WITH HIM AT THAT TIME. BUT GOD KNOWS THE TRUTH!

MY MOTHER DIED WHEN I WAS JUST 14 YEARS OLD, AND SINCE THEN MY FATHER TOOK ME SO SPECIAL. BEFORE HIS DEATH ON FEBUARY 12 2006 HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAS THE SUM OF TEN MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS.(USD$10 000 000) LEFT IN A SECURITY COMPANY IN A METTALIC TRUNK BOX, BUT THE SECURITY COMPANY DIDN'T KNOW THE CONTENT BECAUSE IT WAS REGISTERED AS FAMILY VALUABLES FOR SECURITY REASONS. HE ALSO HAND OVER THE DOCUMENTS TO ME.

I AM JUST 23YEARS OLD AND A UNIVERSITY UNDERGRADUATE AND REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. NOW I WANT YOU TO ASSIST ME CLEAR THE CONSIGNMENT FROM THE CUSTODY OF THE SECURITY COMAPNY. THIS IS BECAUSE I HAVE SUFFERED A LOT OF SET BACKS AS A RESULT OF INCESSANT POLITICAL CRISIS HERE IN IVORY COAST. THE DEATH OF MY FATHER ACTUALLY BROUGHT SORROW TO MY LIFE.

I AM IN A SINCERE DESIRE OF YOUR HUMBLE ASSISTANCE IN THIS REGARDS. YOUR SUGGESTIONS AND IDEAS WILL BE HIGHLY REGARDED. NOW PERMIT ME TO ASK THESE FEW QUESTIONS:-
1. CAN YOU HONESTLY HELP ME ?
2. CAN I COMPLETELY TRUST YOU?
3. WHAT PERCENTAGE OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT IN QUESTION WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU?
PLEASE,CONSIDER THIS AND GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS
POSSIBLE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
MY SINCERE REGARDS,
MISS MARIAM



Miss Mariam, I am so sorry about your parents' untimely death. How nice of your dad to leave his stash in a metallic trunk box. How interesting, that his bank stashes cash in boxes.

Two years have passed since your lovely email. I am still trying to decide what percentage of money I would like. I hope you haven't given up on me. I certainly haven't forgotten your kind offer.

Payback?

A concerned caller suggests a solution for spam

DailyBuzz.com received inspiration for this YouTube video from an honest-to-goodness caller who raises an interesting point. Hmmm.
powered by Youtube

Mystery Unraveled!

Hurray for Inspector General Sir Mike M. Okiro!


THE NIGERIA POLICE FORCE (NPF)
Plot 16 Alausa, Ikeja-Lagos.PMB 072 Lagos.

From: Sir Mike M. Okiro, Inspector General of The Nigeria Police Force.

This is to officially inform you, that it has come to our notice with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal Transaction with some Imposters claiming to be official representatives locally and internationally.

Without taking much of your time, my name is Sir. Mike M. Okiro, the Inspector General of the Nigeria Police Force (NPF) of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

During our Investigation, we noticed that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance/compensation Payment.
Therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) on your behalf, in other to avoid any further complication or deviation; you are advice to stop all further contact with this shameless people who are trying to rip out money from you.



Since we the Nigeria Police Force is fully involved in this transaction, you are assured that this 100% risk free it is our duty to protect the American Citizens and other countries too.

You are advice to contact the Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) stating your Contract/Inheritance/compensation Funds value to them via email, to enable them with the remittance of your funds according to the way want it.

HIS CONTACT INFORMATION IS:

Name: Dr. Mansur Muhtar
Email: fmfpayment10@gmail.com

Kindly contact Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) today, and send the below information to them to enable with the remittance of your funds according to the way you want to receive your funds..

1.Full Name
2.Home Address
3.Direct Phone Number
4.Current Occupation
5.Your Inheritance/ compensation sum value
6.Amount which you lost previously

Note: do not fail to update me after you contact (Dr. Mansur Muhtar) of the Federal Ministry of Finanace.

Regards,

Sir. Mike M. Okiro CFR, NPM, mni
Inspector-General of Police
Federal Republic of Nigeria



Mr. Okiro, I am SO impressed by all those letters after your signature name. What, exactly, does a "CFR, NPM, mni" do all day?

I respect the heads-up, because quite frankly, I had no idea shameless people were after me! I can't thank you enough! Who woulda thought they were trying to rip money out of me? (Y'know, Sir Okiro, I've had a bellyache for the past week. Must be related to those embedded $5 bills.)

I'm also grateful that you are willing to compensate me for past rip-offs, too. Now that's true leadership. You should get a raise.

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  • Reply
    vallain Jan 19, 2012 @ 1:57 pm | delete
    I love it! You did such a good job with these spam letters and giving me a laugh, that I hope you are going to make a page about the "I'd like to meet you" letters I've been getting on Facebook, email and any other place I have a profile.
  • Reply
    senditondown Jan 18, 2012 @ 8:28 pm | delete
    Have had quite a few of these million dollar emails over the years. One in particular to our ministry.

    Hope others will see the wisdom in not getting involved with these people...a fake by any other name is still a fake!

    Good lens.
  • Reply
    snape21 Jan 14, 2012 @ 8:21 pm | delete
    normally my over cautious approach keeps me out of theese troubles, but then i hear stories about fake delivery parcel notes being pushed through the door , the card urges the victim to call a number which costs them £400 once the call is connected.

    seems we have to have our ears and eyes open to aviod these scams. I quote "If its too good to be true, then it probally is"
  • Reply
    Obinani Gospel Jan 12, 2012 @ 1:04 pm | delete
    I have not had. All I need is to make money.
  • Reply
    BabyCheetah Jan 10, 2012 @ 10:12 pm | delete
    Haahaaa, I hope you update with more of these. I thankfully don't really get them much myself :D
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