How To Cope With Extreme Shyness

A shy person feels and acts in certain ways when in social situations. Start with any one of these unwanted emotions or behaviors and trace it back to its underlying assumption by asking yourself "why am I feeling or acting this way?". Question yourself about any discrepancy between what you think, what you believe and your actual feelings or actions, trying to expose the idea that is really responsible.

Example, lets say your always the quiet one when with a group of friends or other social gathering and you want this behavior to change. You may ask yourself: "why am I always quiet when with my buddies?" Then you brainstorm for answers and maybe come up with something like: "I'm afraid when I open my mouth I'll say something dumb and they'll think am weird." Again, you might ask: "why do I think or feel this way?" And so on, questioning, brainstorming and answering until you feel certain that you've identified the root belief behind your behaviors or emotions.

After you have identified the belief, begin to question it. Ask yourself if you could be wrong about this belief. Is it based on fact or is it an unfounded
assumption? Debate its validity, refuting each point that arises in support of it. Search for inconsistencies and flaws and consider its merit in terms of producing happiness.

Again, with the example above, lets say after questioning and brainstorming you identify a belief like: "I am dumb and boring."
Ask yourself, "how could I be wrong about this belief?" Then go ahead and brainstorm for experiences that show this belief isn't completely true.

Example, "I have been getting high grades in many of my courses...I can't be dumb if I have good grades."
OR
"I meet with a few friends about once a month for a coffee and we often talk for hours. Each time they tell me they've enjoyed catching up with me...at least some people think I'm interesting."

You can even use logic to challenge your beliefs: "If I am dumb, then I can work on my IQ and it will improve, if I am boring, I can work on my
communication skills and become interesting at conversation. If I can improve these things, then It doesn't mean I am dumb and boring...it just means my IQ and social skills need improvement."

Also, as you remove each limiting or negative belief from your belief system, it is important that you replace it with a positive one.

A positive replacement for the belief: "I am dumb and boring" could be "Although I'm not perfect, I do have knowledge and experiences that people find valuable or interesting."

When you first accept a belief, it is an idea that is accompanied by emotion, therefore it is most effective to use emotion in getting rid of it. Get mad at this belief that has limited and enslaved you for so long. Work up some stubborn determination to rid yourself of it once and for all...yes,
permanently, forever and ever, so that you can get over this dam thing called shyness.

Now, there is usually a time lapse between intellectual realization and full emotional acceptance of any belief. At this point, it is important to
indoctrinate yourself against the belief you are trying to eradicate. You can accomplish this by using affirmations or positive statements...to which you repeatedly expose yourself until they are fully accepted on a subconscious level.

Here is an example of positive self talk you can use during this period.

"I accept that I am intrinsically good just as I am: perfect though fallible, possessing both strengths and weaknesses which is as it should be.

I know that although I may wish to improve, I don't have to be more, better, or different from what I am. I am simply me, and that is exactly who I am supposed to be.

I will rely on my own judgment, preferring to follow my own direction rather than that of someone else and I will risk making my own mistakes.

I will count on myself to come through for me (even if sometimes it is a struggle), knowing that I can and will successfully help myself through anything, no matter how difficult the problem.

I will take notice of, appreciate, and learn to admire the good qualities of the inner me - that deep part that makes me who I am.

Then, no one else's opinion of me nor any momentary failure to do well will shake my faith or belief in me as a good, valuable, dependable, lovable person."

Act against the dictates of your limiting belief while maintaining a steady stream of positive, supportive self-talk. Challenge any negative thoughts which may try to creep in.

Pretend that your are free of this unwanted belief, have fully accepted its positive replacement, and try to feel and act accordingly. At first this will
feel artificial, just continue the new behavior faithfully and it will become increasingly comfortable. Soon enough, your old behavior will seem strange and foreign and the new one will become the new you.

And lastly, don't forget to reward yourself for a job well done...congratulate yourself and plan a special treat when you have tried something new, especially difficult, or have achieved a hard earned success.