How To Deal With Jerks

Jeez, that's a tough one. Honestly, if that's where you are, nothing will make your pain go away in a matter of minutes. Welcome to being human. But don't despair, my friend, just please give it some time, and you'll be glad things worked out the way they did. No matter how mundane it sounds, it's true. You have no idea how many times I looked back and thought "My God, if I really got what I thought I wanted, I would have to be with THAT man NOW?! Yikes!"

What happens is we attach our value to another person (may be he said you are the most amazing thing that ever walked on two legs, or may be he - or she - was the first warm and breathing creature to have accepted you for who you are, finally!), and of course it felt good, my God, it did! And then, when the one who had previously anointed you and validated your whole life, took it all back, what did he or she leave for you? Nothing. Zero. Emptiness.

The secret is, you never needed another person to validate you, it's your own mind messing with you. What he or she said, or did, has nothing to do with anything.

Have you noticed that sometimes it is a lot easier to accomplish anything of value when you think another person has your back, even if in reality you do it all yourself? My point exactly. It might not be immediately obvious if you are in angst, but it is a fact of nature. Angst is a good release. Let it be but don't intentionally soak in it or hold on to it for longer than your body wants to. There are more exciting things for you to do. Jerks come and go, you stay, and you better be damn happy in the end.

On the side note, you are better off with good people like me anyway...

I will start with some heavy duty stuff. Don't worry, I am long over it and I am very well off now. But there is a reason why I am bringing it up.

A long time ago in a galaxy far away, there was a girl. She was opinionated, carefree and thought all people were good...So she, ummm...me acted like an idiot every now and then.

One day I met this guy, truthfully he was not very bright, but he was good looking, persistent and Italian, so we got married. We wed in a drive-through chapel in Vegas, the wedding night was horrible, the next day was even worse, and very soon I found myself in a totally disfunctional and physically abusive relationship. Looking back, I find it crazy that I did not stand up for myself, did not call the police, nothing. But at the time I was in such shock that I just let him ruin me day after day.

Not the end of the story.

Eventually I came back to whatever was left of my senses and moved out. Guess what, he wanted me back.

He threatened me, he left me numerous messages, he whined and cried and begged and promised to make my life living hell, I did not budge. So one day, he went to Homeland Security and told them that I was a Russian spy.

My "niceness" cost me a month in jail and a lot of money in legal fees. And yes, a person CAN be kept in jail for a month for no particular reason. Don't tell me otherwise, I have jail stationary to prove it. And by the way, the only reason I got out after one month was a shrewd lawyer and generous friends. Otherwise who knows.

...When I saw him many months later in Court, he was just a little coward with shifty eyes, and I was wondering how on earth I almost let this dwarf destroy me. The answer is sad and simple - I thought he was stronger than me.

Lesson learnt: don't marry Italian lawyers.
Just kidding.

As you can probably imagine, after that lawyer dude I was taking it easy for a while. So next time that I got married was a whole two or three months after my divorce. :)

It all started with a one night stand in New York...My friend raved about her husband's bassist of such unearthly beauty that...I was sold before she could finish the sentence.

When I saw the boy, he was not my type.
But he was already there in flesh, and quite vibrant. What else can a girl ask for?

In the next several months, we did not see much of each other, we were both too busy with our respective personal lives.

Fast forward several months, and he was in love with me like a five year old. The only problem, I wasn't.

He dropped his bad habbits, his cunning ways, his five girlfriends, his apartment, his band, he wanted to be with me.

I married him.

I actually fell in love with him after a while, but two years later he dropped me, too, and it was ugly. Damn Libras.

I thought I'd die, seriously.

Not only didn't I die, but interestingly enough, that whole tragedy did me tons of good, long term. Looking back, I am grateful to him for back-stabbing me in the end of our loving relationship. It motivated me to become something.

Plus, we recorded two albums together.

Lesson learnt: never marry somebody who is not your type.
I am not kidding.

One day, I needed to repair the remote for my car. I drove to a downtown dealership with the intention of talking to the receptionist for minute and possibly dropping off my remote at the front desk.

But there was no parking whatsoever next to the dealership, what a nuisance given I only needed a couple of minutes! Luckily, I found several semi-legal spaces next to a rehab facility across the street.

I parked there, turned on the blinkers, but as I was about to get out of the car, an aggrevated old lady ran up to me, spitting saliva and screaming "This is not parking! I am going to report you! You are taking other people's space!" I looked around, there were several empty spots behind my car with no rushing candidates to take them.

"I don't need more then five minutes", - I said peacefully. - And there are empty spots behind me."

"Does not ma-a-a-atter,- the old lady continued screaming. - You are taking other people's spaces! You have to leave right now or else..."

What to do. I ignored her and continued minding my own business. When I got back to my car, the lady was fussing around my car with a marker in her hand. I assumed she was writing down my license plate and preparing to attack, so I decided to leave before it got heavy. I jumped inside the car, and what do you know, the shaky old gramma had marked the front window!

I could possibly report her, but was it worth it? I thought about it for a minute and let the thought go. Who cares about the spiteful grandma. Seems like she is taking care of her misery without any help from me.

Lesson learnt: Oh la la...I am more important!