Home » Relationships & Family » Relationship Abuse » Signs of Abusive

Share Your Experiences and Success With Others!

(or, if you like, just say Hello <grin>)

From the lens How To Deal With Narcissistic People.

  • Ken May 23, 2012 @ 1:13 pm | delete
    I worked for one for more than two painful years and only learned of this illness later.
    Once they identify you as useful, they will manipulate you and attempt you to use you to gain success. It will not end unless you make a break.
    Their minds are always on thinking of their goals and problems.
    Their confidence, arrogance and image of capability fool you.
    You get out when you can no longer take the stress they exert.
    They like power, will demean you and attack you if they think you are failing them.
    I see them as monsters, particularly like the alien who can take on any shape, adapt to most situations. Hard to kill in spirit, this is my summation of a narcissist.
    On the web there is a site, outlining 46 aspects of a narcissist. I think I saw more than that, but it is a worthy list, a good start in our seeking to understand.
    Society must be on guard against these people, they hurt those around them and it is in at times subtle, yet pervasive ways.
    If I think I can write a book on my experience, what could those do that are married to one?
    Narcissists are to me a horror in life that I did not know existed. That it took me so long to understand this boss as being severely ill; to discover what the cause was, now means to me that we should be better educated about their existence beforehand, not after the fact.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo May 23, 2012 @ 2:06 pm | delete
    You are right Ken, they are a horror and it's important to kow the signs they exhibit. The best place online to learn ALL the signs and symptoms of narcissism can be found by clicking on the blue www.Stop-The-Abuse.info link above
  • gaticia May 17, 2012 @ 9:43 am | delete
    Thank him for making my wish true! I was totally devastated when crane left me. It was like all my world vanishing into sorrow and pain. But Doctor Messiah kind words when I first emailed him gave me hope. I felt how sincere, honest and authentic he was from his first email. I know it sounds weird but out of all the casters I contacted, he was the only one to give me that impression of being so true and caring. More than his words, it s the fantastic work he accomplished for me that I will keep in mind. He brought my lover back and he made all my wishes come true. He s now loyal, pays attention to me, he offers me flowers every Sunday, and we often go out at the cinema and the restaurant eventhough we have food at home. I will be forever thankful for turning my life from hell to heaven! i believe who need help should contact freemercytemple@yahoo.com and have your problems solved just like mine.
  • distraut May 26, 2012 @ 7:42 am | delete
    gaticia
    I am going through the same thing you went through with my boyfriend, we have been together for 6 years and now we are taking a break so to speak, I love him but he wants to go skiing everyweekend which he has to go stay at his buddies to do that because of the distance the private lake is away. It seems like its always about him, no feelings about how I feel staying at home by myself. He says we have grown apart.
  • Angela Apr 29, 2012 @ 5:48 pm | delete
    I was reading your website and had a breakthrough. I talked to a good friend of mine who is a counselor and she thought that my father had a narcisstic personality. Of course my father would never go to a counselor, doctor or a psychartrist to get this diagnois. My parents divorced when I was very young. My childhood was a living nightmare. There was extreme emotional, mental and physical abuse that happened daily to my brother and I. We also ran a family business that he was obsessed with and very controlling about. He worked us to the bone. We worked late into the night and started again early in the morning. He kept feeding us a line of bullshit that we are sacrificing now to reap the financial awards later in life. Therefore my brother and I believed him and worked the business into our mid 30s. We endured all the abuse thinking that we have put so much time and money into this business that it would be a shame to walk away. However, the abuse took a toll on us both. Our self-esteem was destroyed to the point that we both had daily thoughts of suicide. Our father didn't show any empathy and said that we were mentally unstable. He took no fault or responsibility for the disfunction in our family. What was very crazy is that he would have moments that he acted like the All-American Dad and we would lap it up since these moments were very infrequent. Looking back he would do this when he knew he had pushed us mentally too far. In the end my brother and I lost many years of our youth, adult hood and money. I sought counseling to help me piece together my core of a self. My father sold out and reap all the financial awards and to this day threatens that he will leave his fortune to people who deserve it. He is a monster. He is a snake. He can be so charming and connect with you when he needs something. If you disagree with him or tell him no, then the monster raises his ugly head. It is not worth the agony believing the lies of a narcissitic. They will destory you as a person. It is better to live in peace and enjoy life.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Apr 29, 2012 @ 7:38 pm | delete
    Angela, you are correct. You have to protect yourself!

    And if you can't simply more away out of the influence of a narcissist it's vital that you take advantage of the support service I offer above on this lens.
  • diana May 12, 2012 @ 2:48 pm | delete
    I am a 55 year old woman I spent the day with my mother and I felt like I was 2 years old to 90 I didnt even know it was my birthday she contolled the whole day and she told me my fae was full of lines the next week when I meant her she called me a unfit mother in front of my daughter at McDonalds I dont went to feel sidical anyore it takes a few weeks to feel better it a miracle I am alive today I attempted sudice 9 times when I was 24 I just kept the same pattern going and I lost my financials my custody of children the doctor told me know one has ever given me emotional support in my life how does that help me and now I take care of my 27 year old daughter who suffers with parniod schrophenia
  • Jeanette Apr 2, 2012 @ 7:42 pm | delete
    Hi, my ex husband who I divorced after 14 years of marriage, still makes my life a living hell. He has and still does me for everything. He is an officer in the British army so has power and has a lot of self importance. He was so jealous he had to know my whereabouts all te time. When we married I was an extremley confident woman, by the time we divorced I had no confidence and self esteem. I have to still have contact with him as we have 3 children, it's a constant battle of abuse and manipulation. Thank fully I am with a new partner now who is wonderful.
  • candidaabrahamson Mar 28, 2012 @ 8:07 pm | delete
    This is a very deep lens. It's not easy dealing with narcissistic people, but you provide some good techniques.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Mar 28, 2012 @ 8:21 pm | delete
    Thanks for the kind words Candida. Because of the importance of this subject I've been very careful to insure that the information I provide is authoritative and that the support services at the http://www.stop-the-abuse.info/ link above are the very best available
  • darlene Mar 21, 2012 @ 2:14 am | delete
    I left my narcissistic partner 14 months ago and have never looked back. It was 12 years of abuse and quite frankly I didn't like who I was either. My first marriage was happy and healthy but he died so my second experience of a serious partner was something that I could not have imagined someone like me would have gotten caught up in. It really can happen to anyway. Anyway, just wanted you to know that my life is happy now. My self esteem has soared. I even ended up dating this wonderful man who made me remember what a healthy loving giving relationship was suppose to be. It only ended because he was in the military and his job was always going to send him away. There is light at the end of the tunny. You can find the strength to leave. Don't walk..RUN!
  • SoonGone Mar 9, 2012 @ 9:18 pm | delete
    My common-law husband of 10 years thinks it's okay to ignore me and not speak for days every time I have an opinion. During that time he sleeps on the couch and goes out of his way to pretend I don't exist. After 7 to 10 days he starts to act like nothing happened but never apologizes. He then becomes this overly happy, fun loving guy for awhile. For that little while when he's feeling good, he wants sex 2 or 3 times a day, even though he can't always finish what he started. I have tried to explain to him that sex would be better if we waited a day or two. But within 24 hrs he's already complaining that I haven't initiated it, and here we go again. We both quit smoking when he had a heart attack 8 months ago and we have both gained weight. When my sister-in-law lit one up at Christmas time I said I still liked the smell of a cigarette. He called me fat and ugly and said I should start smoking again. I used to love him so much and we had so much fun. But behind closed doors he has succeeded in making me hate him. There are much worse behaviors that I could share, but right now I'm feeling lucky that my children are grown, that I can support myself, and that I can leave this hell of a life. I feel very sorry for those of you with young children and no financial means to leave. I have put the house up for sale, (when we met he had nothing, I own everything we have and I will give him half). I just wish I could get him out of my life while I am trying to go forward but he insists on staying and making my life miserable until the process is over. He doesn't want to miss out on his share of everything I have worked for. If he was physically abusive, I could have him arrested, but abusing someone's brain is entirely legal.
  • LoveSelfFirst Mar 19, 2012 @ 6:38 pm | delete
    Hi SoonGone, thanks for sharing. The first couple of lines from your story... reads exactly like mine. -- I could have wrote it. Only difference we haven't had sex in months. I was raised to love unconditionally and to invest in family relations, so realizing I have a fiancee who's narcisstisic is extremely heartbreaking. I wish you well as you move forward in life -- I can feel the nurturing heat of the sun, shining into your tunnel!
  • DB May 12, 2012 @ 5:27 pm | delete
    This guy isn't jus abusing you mentally. He's abusing you emotionally and spiritually. The best way to bring a person down is to start with their thoughts, get into their head and everything else follows. Watch your health!! It isn't legeal or just to abuse someone mentally. You have the power. Wonder what he do if you acted like he didn't exist? Please don't get fixated with materially stuff. If you have your mind, confidence, sense of well-being intact, you can gain more materially, emotionally, and physically. He's only hanging around because he knows he might have control. He's keeping you from loving yourself and allowing the right person into your life. His only purpose is to be an obstacle and opportunity for growth. You've learned the lesson. Set him free! Another love awaits you.
  • Jessica Mar 8, 2012 @ 10:03 am | delete
    I have a friend, who I go to college with. I just found out last night that she is a narccissit. I didn't know it at the time until she started to harass me twice and try to get what she wanted. I had to get away from her because I couldn't handle all the things that were going on. I'm glad that I'm getting on the right track because if I was still friends with her to this moment, it would've been worse.
  • Pippi Feb 29, 2012 @ 12:14 pm | delete
    I've been in a relationship for 25 years. I have 2 kids. My son is 15 and my daughter is 12. Our relations has been pretty tempestuous for all of them. I admit that I do get stubborn, but I also know my own nature is for everyone to get along and I usually try to smooth situations over. My husbands family are loud, aggressive and a simple trip to the kitchen could be up for debate. LOL I noticed more and more through the years the emphasis that was put on them being German. They looked at it as a badge of pride, which is fine. IF your pulling the positive aspects out of it. They emphasize on Hitler and they make jokes about the Jewish people and what they went through. I noticed my husbands need for control over animals. His lack of spirituality was somehow hidden also. NO. I take that back. I probably ignored the signs. Things have gotten pretty bad in the last few years and I've often said that I feel like he's taken over my maternal role with my children. I've gone to my mother in law, my sister, my friends. I couldn't figure out why. I decided to stop letting him take certain roles from me. He would do that. Let me do this for you, you just concentrate on that so your no stressed with all of this. Essentially, he kept me busy while he tended to the business of manipulating me and my daughter into thinking that our relationship (mine and my daughters) was really bad and that my attention only goes to my son. I would try everything to prove this wrong to no avail. Its recently been brought to my attention by one of my sisters that my husband is saying things behind my back. He's always done this while disguising it with his undying love and concern for me. He verbally attacked me again later that day....away from others ears of course. It prompted me to search out this behavior and every single thing he does has led me to the most dangerous and disgusting form of Narcissism. The Covert Narcissist. He's been trying for years to tell me and everyone else that I'm ADHD, and then I'm Bi Polar, then I'm depressed, I'm ocd. Right now we're back to Bi Polar. I haven't written some of the heinous things he's done, its just too much, but in the last day I've seen a new pattern. My daughter and I are great and she's a bubbly little wonder. My son is now exhibiting behavior towards me that is much like his fathers. I'm sick of this Carnival ride. I want off.
  • b Mar 2, 2012 @ 10:22 am | delete
    pippi,
    i have been through that too. my son is 14. one of the tactics that was used on me is that i am the one with the issues. it constantly keeps you looking and reflecting on yourself -that is how they hide. look at his actions. mines family is extremely loud -agressive etc. i am the daughter of a n. mother too. have you considered leaving the relationship? you and your children- especially your son are supplying him with his energy. n's lack a spiritual foundation. i would love to have and to support someone with similair experiences -i have been in counseling for a couple years and my children and i also recieve energy work. it has been helpful i am finally ready to serve papers. other people don't understand. maybe we could exchange through e-mail?
  • Trish Feb 27, 2012 @ 5:56 pm | delete
    What you are explaining, is more of a mental illness and not narcissism. Everything that you have explained is more like my daughter and not my x-husband. It is actually rare for a woman to be narcissist. I am pretty sure that if she is placed on a anti-depression medication, that you would see a totally different person. My daughter made up things and actually believed what she was saying was the truth, she knew everything but actually really knew nothing. I gave her everything, in fact way too much and if you talk to her I am a horrible person. I am raising her daughter, because if I did not fight for her, she would have been dead, but again she does not see it that way. She will never admit that she is wrong and does not see the world the way a normal person does. When she is on medication, she is actually a different person. See if she will give it a shot, if not, I would move on with your life and stay away from her.
  • kevingomes13 Feb 27, 2012 @ 3:32 pm | delete
    Unless your married or they are your family, dump em! No use blackening your soul with negativity. Narcissism is the worst kind because these people make up excuses that they think are the truth.
  • JP Feb 20, 2012 @ 12:41 pm | delete
    Hello, I am involved with a woman who exhibits many of the traits associated with NPD, including grandiose visions of herself, lying about her accomplishments, lack of empathy, exploitative behaviors and a constant craving for attention. She claims to be a member of the bar, yet the state bar association told me she has never been a member. She wants to run the department where she works, yet she just started working there a few months ago. She took over the use of my car for her to get her kids to school and herself to work, but never lets me use her car. I have a vehicle provided by my workplace, so she reasons that my car would just be parked if she didn't use it. She mostly insists that I pay for the gas, since it's my car. She offered at one time to help with the car note and insurance, but has never followed up on that. She bought her son a PS3 for Christmas, but won't let my boys use it when her son isn't here, saying they might break it, yada, yada, yada. I helped her pay her rent for a month when she was waiting to start her new job, but she has never offered to pay me back or to pay me back for the movers when we moved in together. She loves to buy new clothes and wear them out for special occasions, but complains about having to pay her regular monthly bills. Recently, I have developed a sleep disorder which causes her much chagrin and lack of sleep, but she doesn't seem the least bit worried about what it's doing to me, only that it interrupts her own sleep. She expects me to attend every school/sporting event for her kids, but will not ever agree to go with me to my sons' events. She has outside friends and a former employer who I think was sexually harassing her, but she won't allow me to contact him or her friends, saying there's no need for me to get involved with them. I think she's hiding something with the old boss, something happened with him that she allowed, not sexual harassment if she wants the attention--right? I think she's hiding something with her friend from out of town, too. Whenever I call her on it, she says I'm being paranoid and suspicious, but I work in law enforcement and can recognize the signs of lying and manipulation. Part of me wants to install a keylogger system on my home computer and get her cellphone bills, but then she says I don't trust her. The simple fact of the matter is that I don't trust her anymore and her behavior is so indicative of hiding secrets that I don't see how I can continue with her. The problem is that I love her and we live together with her kids, who have grown attached to me because I don't treat them like her personal slaves. She wants another child, with me, but I'm 50 and have no real interest in having any more children. She says that's OK, but then constantly reminds me that she still does.

    Having read a lot of literature on NPD, I feel that I have to learn more and to learn to deal with it or get out. We have 3 months left on our lease, and I'm going to give this until then, hoping to try to develop some sort of empathy from her, but I don't hold out much hope. She can be very loving, but she also can be very verbally abusive if she doesn't get what she wants, right that second. When I have asked her about her lies, she doesn't deny anything, but she doesn't answer, either. Instead, she turns it around on me by saying I'm doing her wrong by not trusting her, by thinking she would do something like that, by not just loving and trusting her. She's right about that part, but it's still not an answer. My ex-wife did the same thing when I caught her having an affair. I know the signs. I could go on and on, but would like to hear more about this from others, perhaps some advice on what to do and how to handle my doubts about her. Thanks for reading.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Feb 20, 2012 @ 1:03 pm | delete
    JP, in as much as you've read up on NPD I suggest you use the www.Stop-The-Abuse.info link above to get support from Kim and Steve - especially as you will be able to interact, ask questions and get support exactly targeted to your situation.
  • BellaSKeller Jan 29, 2012 @ 12:30 am | delete
    I'm an 18 year old girl, and in my life I have had to deal with two very narcissistic half brothers. They are in their 30s, and I remember about 4 years ago one of them spit in my face ( when I was 14) and called me all the worst kind of names imaginable, trying to make me feel utterly inferior to him. Which has made me feel insecure with myself.
    And not just me , but I hear him all the time bragging about how he is the best looking person in the world, and how he don't see anyone nearly as talented as himself in sports etc. And he also thinks " women" in general are inferior, and says a lot of crap about women, with me and my little 12 year old sister there.
    He is 33 and lives with me and my mom and sister in our apartment.
    He works as a golf catty and yet brags emmensly about himself in every possible way, and always says degrading things.
    Then my other half brother, always says how he is the best looking person in the world, and ever since I can remember he always would tell me how much better looking he is than me, and mock me , and say degrading things to me ( in a serious and angry manner trying to make me believe every negative thing he is saying about me is true).
    It's hard forgiving them, but I try to, and try to sympathize with them in someway.
    But it's hard not to feel insecure sometimes, due to their treatment.
  • SoDog7 Jan 30, 2012 @ 5:21 pm | delete
    The best thing to do is to always remember that this is not about you but about them, that they have the problem, not you. Do not take the things they say personally. If you do, they have succeeded in gaining power over you and doing harm to you. Don't let them do that to you. Learn to consider the source of the comments, the reasons for the comments (that they're suffering from NPD) and then just ignore the comments. Never take them to heart. I worked for several years with mental patients and have been called every name in the book and accused of everything you can imagine. 1st rule: Don't take it personally. 2nd rule: learn to ignore it. Hard to do sometimes but best not to respond to the comments and to just remove yourself from their presence if possible.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Jan 30, 2012 @ 5:51 pm | delete
    That's great advice! It's vital that the partner, whatever, of the narcissist understands that it's the narcissist who has the problem, not you and that you protect your self image and self worth!
  • jeje Jan 27, 2012 @ 1:00 pm | delete
    I'm 46 Divorced from a person I swear is a narcissistic person. I didn't know it until we were Divorced. I didn't know this term was out there but when I read the systems I'm pretty sure this is him. When our daughter was born my husband wasn't there, because he said he didn't want to mess up his award for perfect attendance which he gladly hung on the wall. Anytime we would get in a tiff, he would tell me I don't think right, because I didn't think like him. He blames anybody and everybody for things that go wrong, Never has he ever took any responsibility for anything he has done.
    Everything had to be about him. He moved me away when we got married, didn't like any of my family, or friends, he was so upset that my son didn't like to do what he liked that he would always tell me I should ship him off to his Dad's. If you weren't by his side 24-7 he thought you didn't care and would give you lectures after lectures. He also loves to have things, cars, coins, anything he can collect. I think he defines things on what you own.
    We separated, and his Narcissistic behavior is out of control.
    I don't know if this is part of it, but he will stop at nothing to get what he wants, filing false police reports, playing with the courts, and the courts let it happen.
    The person I feel really bad for his the daughter we share together she has been through hell with her father, she isn't allowed to say how she feels about things, because he tells her he doesn't care, and that whatever he wants to do is how its going to be, because its his time with her, so whether she likes it or not that's how its going to be.
    I wish I would have seen this site before. Anybody dealing with a person like this, its hell that is for sure.
  • Trish Feb 3, 2012 @ 1:57 am | delete
    OMG yes, I am divorcing a narcissistic person and it has been total hell. He placed an assault charge on me, stating that I hit him, which I did not hit him, my forarm actially barely touched his shirt. We have custody of my 3 yr old grand-daughter, which he did not want, until I left and now he has been fighting for her ever since. He convinced the courts that he is the only father figure that she has ever known, and now he has alot of visitation with her. He is not related to her, nor does he want to adopt her or financially support her. The lies are just unbelievable and I am worn out! How in the world do you get this type of person to go away??? All I wanted was for him to leave my family and I alone and get on with his life, hell no that cant happen, he has to make everyone miserable.
  • hfsmm1 Jan 22, 2012 @ 6:59 pm | delete
    I think I have learned and grown since first coming to this site. Months or maybe a year ago.
    When dealing with narcissistic people, treat them like vampires. Don't let them prey on your emotional blood. Put up your emotional shields and simply stay away from them if you can. Once they find you are not a willing donor for their needed narcissistic supply they won't have any user for you and will leave you alone.
  • Jersey1023 Jan 22, 2012 @ 1:08 am | delete
    I know someone who is pretty much exactly like all the traits that were explained in this article. He has no compassion towards other humans, and thinks too highly of himself. Whenever you disagree with him, it ticks him, and he goes on to defend his point, but whenever you try to defend something you believe in, he calls you out on being defensive. When you call him out on it, he get's really butthurt over it and goes on and on... and just never stops. He's always "right". He is very spoiled, but denies it. He can't and never will, understand the pain and struggles other people have to go through because everything has been handed to him on a silver platter. He thinks the world revolves around him and is always seeking all sorts of drama, verbal and physical. He fiends for props and admiration like a crackhead fiending for drugs. I'm doing my best to cut all contact with him, but he still manages to try and contact me. He is a very, very angry person and never takes no for an answer. I seriously just hope I can just have him cut out. I don't need any negative people in my life trying to hold me back.
  • SoD7og Jan 22, 2012 @ 1:03 pm | delete
    The individual I was dealing with has a rich father and also has never had to face the pain and suffering or struggles of the average person. I think that leads to arrested mental development in that they exist in a child like state due to the environment in which they're raised with everything being handed to them by Mommy and Daddy. Even at the age of 40, they'll act like spoiled children as they have no experience and therefore no understanding or comprehension of adult life as they've never had to face it. They may be 40 but will act and react as if they're 12 because they have always lived the life of a child.
    I've also witnessed the "drama queen" behaviors. They stir all that up so they can put other people down as stupid, inferior, wrong and guilty of treating them in ways not consistent with their lofty position as the center of the universe. The tantrums, anger and hostility come about when anyone does not support them in that because it's the same as telling them, "No, you're not the center of the universe, not smarter, not superior, not the cats meow, not the creme de la creme." That is an intolerable offense.
    The only thing you can hope is that this person finds someone else to mentally feast upon. If they do, you'll be free of them as they'll concentrate on that person while bad mouthing you to them as "that stupid, inferior person I used to know who was worthless."
    For your sake, may it happen quickly.
  • SoDog7 Jan 20, 2012 @ 12:05 pm | delete
    The narcissistic people I've known always take great pride in telling stories of how they showed up people they consider inferior. These people were once "friends" but committed some offense (according to the NPD person) and needed to be "put in their place." They relish bragging on that and seem to delight in the mistaken idea that the rejected person is suffering due to the rejection. The NPD person doesn't seem to realize that the rejected person simply goes on with their life as it never centered around the egotist in the first place. However, in the NPD egotists mind, they seem to envision the person dressed in sack cloth and ashes wandering the streets and bemoaning their fate loudly as they rend their clothing in despair. After all, the sun has been removed from the rejected persons' universe and everything has gone dark. The grubby peasant has been banished from the royal presence!
    On a funny note, I was with an NPD egotist friend at a bar one night and the egotist became a bit tipsy from too much to drink. Imagine this if you will: Seeing an egotist like that walking about the bar and sticking their nose up in the air at someone- only it was their own reflection in a mirror! I laughed until I was almost collapsing on the floor! Of course, he was too tipsy to realize he'd just snubbed himself and felt superior over it. lol. You could see it in his facial expression- the over bearingly arrogant, snotty attitude and the smugness. Having snubbed someone like that (even if it was himself!) seemed to give him a feeling of power and deep satisfaction while reconfiming his own superiority in his own mind.
    And that's the problem with being "friends" with an NPD egotist- your function is to be a mirror for them to admire their greatness in. You exist only for the purpose of stroking their ego.
  • jlcw Jan 19, 2012 @ 10:00 am | delete
    All you have to do is log onto Facebook or go shopping to be confronted with narcissism. We all tend to be out for #1 at some point in our lives. I personally can't stand selfish, entitled people. I've gotten rid of several on FB who live their lives in front of their mirror and are always fishing for compliments. I refuse to go Black Friday shopping because people are at their worst on that day, even resorting to physical violence to get what they want, like little immature 2-year-olds. I could easily go to a private island with a few (and I do mean few!) trusted people. It's a selfish world, dog-eat-dog world.
  • SoDog7 Jan 18, 2012 @ 12:49 pm | delete
    I recently had another issue with a friend who is narcissistic. Anytime I disagree with him on something (which I call "popping the ego balloon"), he has a Princess Tantrum and acts as if he were royalty and everyone else is a grubby peasant who owes him agreement. Since I did not agree, he began screaming, "No one talks to me that way! NO ONE!" Now he's got his nose up in the air, stomping about acting all haughty, offended and like a prima donna. He's Indian (from India) and is always bragging about how he's from the highest class (Brahmin) in India. A lot of his egotism seems to come from his father as his father thinks all white people are "dirty white skins", that he can or could "buy and sell us all in a minute" and everyone in town knows how superior he is and they all "kiss his feet." In any case, having been through this before, there has been no contact for weeks even though we used to hang out several times a week. He's waiting for me to call so he can act all snotty, cold, aloof and offended on the phone. I haven't called and won't because these routines get really old and I'm tired of dealing with them.
    As is, I've had a lot of experiences with the egotism he has. I'd become intimately involved with someone and, after 6 months of spending a great deal of time with them, this egotist screamed at me, "Aren't I important too!?" Two and a half years later, my significant other became terminally ill and I was devastated and spending the whole week at the hospital with them as they lay dying in the ICU. This egotistical friend showed up and when I said, "I just don't know what I'm going to do without them," the egotist haughtily said, "Well! At least YOU have been having fun for a couple of years!" There was no compassion, no empathy at all- just mindless , childish jealousy. A lot of that relates to how the egotist must always be (or consider themselves to be) the center of attention and that everything should revolve around them. Essentially, the egotist acts as if all the world is a stage and they're a one man show. As soon as they appear "onstage" , a bank of floodlights should come on and they should be admired, respected (for no apparent reason or accomplishment-simply existing is enough of a reason for them) and bowed down to.
    As is, in this latest instance, this friend was blowing up another "ego balloon" in that he was claiming that Indian medicines are superior. He's always looking for reasons to feel superior about something. I grew weary of his constant bragging and finally told him that the names of all the medicines he mentioned are actually medicines produced by American companies through research and development here and that the names could be looked up on the Internet and the fact revealed that the medicines are NOT Indian medicines. Yes, I stuck a pin in the latest ego balloon and popped it and so that's how the latest Princess Tantrum came about.
    I feel somewhat sorry for him in that he's been here for twenty years and has been summarily rejected by everyone he's ever met. He even admits they say it's because he's stuck up and egotistical. However, he thens tries to twist everything about to prove how wrong they are and expects agreement that "it's them, not Me!" In the past, i chose to take the diplomatic route and not express an opinion as to who's fault it was and he assumed my reticence equalled agreement when it did not. However, that kept the peace.
    Oh well. I'm done with him as well. There's only so many egotistical princess tantrums a person can put up with.
    If you know an egotist, my best advice is to run.
  • MiddleSister Dec 20, 2011 @ 8:49 pm | delete
    Hello! You provide very valuable insight here.
  • goodeboy09 Nov 11, 2011 @ 11:45 am | delete
    I think the key also is that we must also use our emotional intelligence and be able to empathize with the narcissistic personality type and the narcissist likewise. Narcissitics cry for recognition for taking the path of self-positivity, and should be given praise if well-deserved. If a narcissitic begins to become abusive, walking away would definitely benefit them, also. By allow a cool down period and a time to reflect, the narcissitic can also learn to be more empathetic to others. Great lens!
  • rangiiria Oct 31, 2011 @ 5:37 am | delete
    There are narcissistic people all over the place. I had to distance myself from someone who had narcissistic traits. It was difficult. Thanks for this lens ;)
  • bloomingrose Oct 19, 2011 @ 2:02 am | delete
    Interesting. It is better by far to be alone than to be with someone abusive.
  • gherishjhoven Sep 10, 2011 @ 1:39 am | delete
    This is a great lens... lots of thanks for sharing this.
  • Mia-Mia Aug 24, 2011 @ 7:27 pm | delete
    A very helpful lens.
  • KeenanSteel Aug 19, 2011 @ 11:38 am | delete
    This is EXACTLY how people should deal with me :)
  • Tillithurts Nov 8, 2011 @ 8:50 pm | delete
    why are you the narcisist? It's very easy for you to utter these words when you do not have a clue on how your actions are affecting those around you. I have heard it over and over again from the narcisist in my life, but just to have him behave exactly the same again...It will never change unless you get professional help. You will continue to hurt and demoralize the ones who loves you the most!
  • LiteraryMind Aug 11, 2011 @ 5:18 pm | delete
    Thank you so much. I was halfway through this and in tears. Sometimes tears are the start of healing. I just ordered "Will I Ever Be Good Enough"
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Aug 11, 2011 @ 5:29 pm | delete
    You are very welcome. Congratulations on taking action. As you will read in the book, look after yourself first. I wish you well.
  • kkt Jul 28, 2011 @ 3:27 am | delete
    What do you do when the one with NPD is your father, who is the trustee over the family trust with no financial sense. I am the 2nd trustee in line. Dad feels that his revocable as well as deceased wife's (my mother) irrevocable trust are both one and the same? I used to have access to follow the accounts behind the scene, but now Dad (with his newer younger wife) have switched accounts numbers and I am clueless as to what is going on with them. He is being financially exploited in several areas of his life, yet does not appreciate any input from me. Any suggestions?
  • shelly Jul 26, 2011 @ 9:52 am | delete
    I am a caregiver of a narrcissist. I try to understand the disorder she has but it makes it very difficult. I have to work and at the company I work at, this is the one with the hours. When I am at work, if I'm not depressed when I go there, I will be when I leave. It's terrible. I run out of patience and I have a very high level of patience. Any advice will be very helpful. She refuses Dr.treatment.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Jul 26, 2011 @ 9:58 am | delete
    I know how you feel. Not easy is it Shelly. Have you taken advantage of any of the support materials I recommend on this lens?
  • Michaelene garcia Jul 13, 2011 @ 8:10 pm | delete
    Well i just left an abusive and narcassist husband and he still keeps bothering telling me hes not done well im done and need to get help to stay that way for the safety of me and my children. Learning alot about the disorder has helped me alot though
  • Jo Jo Jul 7, 2011 @ 10:23 am | delete
    I've dealt with a narcissistic tendency daughter for 8 years now. I walked away because she was wearing me down. Every few months, I receive a call from her, (She won't give me her address) I've researched for the past few days online knowing there was something wrong. I've helped her over the years, but can't do this anymore. Over the years my son and daughter were with me, I have found small pets killed where they did this to vie for my attentions, social services at my request did nothing but say I was doing my best and quite simply I think that there should be research on this illness.

    My daughter has now reached rage stage where I am simply reiterating the help she needs, so she's now threatening to report me for abuse. When there was none.

    I guess I'm just trying to say, please be careful if you have someone living with you (or still connected with you with this disorder.) It's hard to diagnose and it's really hard to prove. Stand up to them straight away by getting help to deal with this behaviour for yourself.

    There's much truth in the saying that, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'

    I wish all those suffering at the hands of such a person, all my very best wishes and hope you find the strength to walk away as I have done, despite still being hounded.
  • Quickcutters Jul 4, 2011 @ 6:08 pm | delete
    I do deal with a narcissistic every day and i'll tell you they can drag you down very fast and drain you of everything. Not a good life.
  • riconquistare Jun 27, 2011 @ 10:02 am | delete
    Luckily i've never been in a relationship with someone who had it, and I hope won't happen in the future
  • Jun 14, 2011 @ 1:10 am | delete
    I had a friend who was narcissistic and it got so bad I realized I needed to avoid him because I considered the friendship toxic. Reading your lens has made me even more aware of how troubled this fellow is as he does things to destroy his own well being. Your information was very enlightening. Thank you.
  • SocialpathFree Jun 13, 2011 @ 10:59 am | delete
    You give some great recommendations on how to deal with this personality type.
  • Dawn Jun 11, 2011 @ 4:06 pm | delete
    Hi I've work with someone who NPD. Although, I've known this person for a few years, I've never spent longer than three hours with her. Now that I've spent long stretches of time with her, I can see that she made people wacky. She one upped me constantly. I made up my mind not to tell her my business, nada- not even little petty things. This person shows zero empathy for living creatures. If she wanted attention, she'd pretend to care. This woman must be murder on her husband,because she was a total drain for me. I would share my experiences with my close friends and they thought I should ignore her. This person would insist on being in my space regardless if I wanyed her there or not. This person is a Narcissist and they do not care about anyone. It's sad that even the doctor said to stay away from such people. They chase people away and that's what they fear, not getting attention and stroking.
  • KANEsUgAr May 25, 2011 @ 4:33 pm | delete
    Luckily i've never been in a relationship with someone who had it. But my eldest sister is married more than 13 years to one, and is now going through a divorce.
  • The_Idea_Gal May 11, 2011 @ 9:34 pm | delete
    Narcissists unfortunately constantly need to steal the show and make every conversation and event about them and how great their life is. If something really good just happened for you, they downplay it. They can't stand anyone elses success, or even let you tell a two minute story without trying to one up you or cut you off. They are insecure people that you cannot have a genuine conversation with, bcause they're too busy blowing sunshine up your butt and bombarding you with picture off of their vanity websites....barf! I say the solutions quite simple. They need an audience to feel good and just make sure it's not you!
  • Dawn Jun 11, 2011 @ 4:10 pm | delete
    You're right! I've been working with a narcissist for almost a year. She used to one upped me. At first she drove me batty. Now I'm over it and just ignore her. Plus, I'm transitioning to a new job. Hallelujah!!
  • CYNTHIA N. May 7, 2011 @ 8:38 am | delete
    I was married to narcissist for 24 yrs. i just never knew it until the last 8 years of our marriage. ..and it was HELL and still is. he planned our divorce the most cowardly way you can imagine. he is the master at manipulation,pathological lying,socciopath. he has taken away everything i loved or love including freinds and family.he has told lies about me the out come ....i have no one in my life anymore.ive gotten very dpressed angry and ful of hate towards him. so if you are involved with a narcissist......RUN RUN RUN ...RUN AWAY. they can and will destroy you in everyway possible. my ex was also 19 years older than me he had a head start...h knew what he was doing and i fell for it. RUN RUN RUN
  • StopTheAbuseInfo May 7, 2011 @ 10:27 am | delete
    And if you can't run for any reason you MUST get good professional support to minimize the emotional and other risks. Use the Stop-The-Abuse blue link above.
  • VKumar Apr 29, 2011 @ 4:21 pm | delete
    Narcissism is far more common than we often become aware of. It is largely a personality trait, and most such people pass off as very normal, except for people very close to them, who have to bear the burden of it.
  • tao Apr 22, 2011 @ 11:49 pm | delete
    I didn't know things like this existed.. I wish I would have know about this sooner. I fell in love with a man with this disorder, needless to stay I lost the battle. I was young and not really aware of people like this. I wish so much I had :( to make a very long and complicated story short, we had a very long abusive eight year relationship that ended in one of the worst ways imaginable... the loss of my beautiful 15 1/2 month old baby boy :( his father drown him one month after we separated. I never thought people were capable of such horrific behaviors, and to their own children... I just don't understand :(
  • posey Apr 27, 2011 @ 9:20 am | delete
    Tao, I'm very sorry to hear that. That is a brutal, most horrific thing to happen. Have you sought help for this trauma?
  • Momsbusy247 Apr 22, 2011 @ 9:56 pm | delete
    Very nice lens. You had given me knowledge because of the information that you provided. Thanks.
  • divacratus Apr 19, 2011 @ 1:48 pm | delete
    OMG! This is a chapter from my own life. I did try to resolve the issue as quietly as possible, but then decided to walk away when I couldn't handle it any more. I used to cry to death wondering why my husband treated me like shit and kept his own wants/needs, likes/dislikes above everything else. Thank you for making me believe that I did the right thing by walking away.
  • RomeSal Apr 16, 2011 @ 10:03 pm | delete
    It is hard when the person happens to be your father - such people love to control, love to be admired consistently and only want others to think of them. It is very hard when such a person is your parent - it is a mental disorder and narcissistic people themselves have been abused while young. It took me years to realize this and only when I watched Candace DeLong's "Deadly Women" did I realize that they were talking about someone like my father. It was scary!
  • fkm Apr 23, 2011 @ 8:49 pm | delete
    i was soo frustrated with him dehumanizing me like that i jus logged on and began searching for answers to our prb. only to realize that he has the prb not me. i then sat and spoke to him, and i get that its a thing from his past passing on to me. but ignorance is a sin because even tho i tried to show him a better way, the tip of the ice berg aint even crack yet! i feel much better tho knowing that i'm not alone in this and a calmness has come over me... i know now what i am dealing with. instead of being angry and hurt by him, i actually feel sorry for him. its so sad to be like that but thank God i am not so.
  • valsquidoo Apr 16, 2011 @ 9:14 pm | delete
    Education is the first line of defense against the narcissist. Thanks for the great lens!
  • greenwrld Apr 15, 2011 @ 12:27 pm | delete
    I know a couple of narcissists and I can't help it but I just want to be rude to them. Although, yeah I try to stay away.
  • Chris-H Apr 13, 2011 @ 2:34 am | delete
    Wow! Thanks for the warning. I've met my share of people like this as well.
  • musicaldreamer Apr 2, 2011 @ 7:08 am | delete
    Narcissism runs in my family, so I know first hand how extremely difficult it is to deal with people like this. Thanks for this great lens, lensrolled it to my Verbal Abuse lens!
  • Pastiche Apr 1, 2011 @ 6:53 am | delete
    I've actually had to deal with several narcissistic people in my work and personal life. The doctor's tip from the video is how I handled it at work and with family. I left a relationship that was also full of this type of abuse. People with this problem can be very good at keeping you close if you aren't "armed" with a sensible way to defend your emotions.
  • mismatch Mar 31, 2011 @ 12:52 am | delete
    It's all nice and well, with the advice. Problem is that only walking away can sort the situation. As it's said in this lens, those people are simply differently "wired", they whole relation to everything is simply from a different perspective, that is from their own. Thing is they don't know that it is not normal, they are 100% certain that the problem is with the others. A real narcissistic just does not know how else to react. They are bewildered themselves and feel frustrated and offended when things do not go their way ALL THE TIME and they suffer. But no matter how it is, life is not bleck and white and sometimes its just not possible to walk away. One valid reason for staying are the , financial constraints.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Mar 31, 2011 @ 2:54 am | delete
    As you point out - sometimes people being abused don't feel they can walk. For a number of reasons - financial, children, love etc. In these cases it's **essential** they seek the great support and advice they will find at www.Stop-The-Abuse.info , via the blue link above.
  • RAnhalt Mar 29, 2011 @ 4:20 pm | delete
    This is a great lens! Very informative and accurate.
  • Obscure_Treasures Mar 29, 2011 @ 5:13 am | delete
    Very helpful thread! It is really important to have knowledge on these aspects.
  • lasertek Mar 27, 2011 @ 8:10 pm | delete
    Helpful lens! I have encountered quite a few narcissistic people and they do irritate me at first but I try to understand them rather than argue or walk away.
  • Peggi Mar 26, 2011 @ 6:21 pm | delete
    i board my horse at a facility where there is a woman who is a perfect picture of narcissism. and she has picked me as her "victim". she is bossy and if i don't take her advice she "unloads" on me with nasty remarks. then, if i don't want to include her in something because of this behaviour or try to stay away from her she is further abusive. she won't take lessons with me because she wants all the focus to be on her. she constantly brags about her money and looks down on people who she doesn't see worthy of her time or attention. a very nasty person. she suddenly stopped speaking to me, as to be "punishing" me for what she perceives as MY bad behaviour. i have finally decided to avoid her at all costs and ignore her.
  • JimDuke Mar 26, 2011 @ 11:18 am | delete
    I was married to one for 3 looong years-I finally bailed out, as I couldn't take her verbal abuse and constant fighting. Great lens!
  • dawnmichael Mar 16, 2011 @ 6:21 pm | delete
    As a marriage counselor and sex counselor I have, let's just say worked with people who are narcissistic, you have to love them..lol
  • CurvyGurl Mar 14, 2011 @ 4:04 pm | delete
    This is a wonderful lens. People really need to arm themselves with as much information as they can. Thank you.
  • UKGhostwriter Mar 14, 2011 @ 8:17 am | delete
    nice lens!
  • wrylilt Mar 11, 2011 @ 1:35 am | delete
    Thanks for a great lens. My mum is both bipolar and narcissistic. I had to realize that before I could deal with the way she treated me.
  • Sydney Feb 15, 2011 @ 11:16 am | delete
    I divorced my narcssistic husband over 3 years ago and moved across the country. But he still thinks he owns me. non-stop calling, texting and even coming out here stalking me. He uses our daughter to get money and trys to control my life. As long as I don't date or see anyone he is fine. He continues threatening me .Need advice,,help still moving and trying to find peace and happiness.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Feb 15, 2011 @ 11:44 am | delete
    This sounds potentially dangerous, and in need of the best, experienced advice. Please review the support and services here: http://www.stop-the-abuse.info/ . Click on the blue link above.
  • mg Jan 10, 2011 @ 3:28 pm | delete
    I grew up with an abusive, narcissistic father. He didn't want a girl, he always told me he had wanted a boy. So I was treated like a little boy until I hit puberty. He loved me until I became "a disappointment" (his own words).From years 11 to 15 of my life, I lived in hell. He wouldn't hug me because I had grown breasts. He used to try and pit me and my sister against each other, to fight for his attention. He used to pick fights with me, and then blame "my hormones" and tell me "Go take a midol."
    He would then tell everyone how hard he tried to be a good father, but I was just a terrible kid and a slut, and good for nothing. I was told daily that I was fat, I was lazy, I was worthless, I was going to kill him from all the stress I put on him, I was a slut, no one would ever love me. Then he would throw tantrums, and the one time I slammed my bedroom door, he punched it open. He left the hole in the door for months as a reminder not to piss him off.
    I tell people this and they never believe me if they know him. They all think he's so amazing because he's a church going man, and he gives money to charity. He seems so nice to all of them.
    I'm now 20, and I've come a long way. I know it's not my fault, he's just a very sick man. I'll never forgive him, but then he's never asked for my forgiveness, because he doesn't see how he has done anything wrong. My mom and dad split up five years ago. My mom told me later, that she left him because she saw what living with him was doing to me. I can never thank her enough. If she had stayed any longer, I would have ran away for good.

    I've moved on, and I haven't spoken to him in 5 years. The only thing that worries me still, is my baby sister still goes with him every other weekend. I have heard the things he's said to her, and I see the way she reacts. I really don't want her to have to go through what I did. I don't know if she'd be able to cope.
  • Jennifer Feb 14, 2011 @ 11:09 am | delete
    wow your story sounds so much like mine!!!! he was my step-dad and growing up i just thought he was overprotective and a control freak, but i have literally just put all the pieces together in my mind and it makes so much sense, my codependent behaviour and why i choose the men i do, even after consciously deciding to never be with a man like him (manipulative, vindictive, selfish, controlling, nonnegotiable, but its the charisma and exciting stories, and of course that need to be needed, etc that draw me in). i feel like i had an ephiphany and a psychological breakthrough, i cried for 2 days at the realization of it all, but its almost like all of the questions ive ever had about myself have been answered. i have that same worry as you do for my little brother though, he sees him one week on and then one week off. i dont want to him to hate/ignore his dad, but i would like for him to able to see his behaviour is not normal, including the excessive gift-giving. this week im going to tell him about who is dad really is and how it has impacted me. i know his default reaction will be to defend him, but hopefully he thinks about what ive said when his father has one of his narcissistic fits, which is pretty much always, unless he's complying, of course. best of luck to you, may you have healthy, loving relationships in the future!!
  • Sam Jan 7, 2011 @ 9:39 am | delete
    I got married 2 months back and my husband has all 7 sign of being narcissist. He destroy my personality badly within 30 days of marriage. He is extremely in love with him self. From day 1 till today he is constantly finding faults in me. I saw many signs with in a months but never pay any attention to those signs as i was unaware of this kind of disorder. We used to play monopoly and whenever he lose any game he start being abusive and it felt like he is losing some life-death battle and when he won any game he became overly excited as if he won some battle and start making fun of me at extreme level. He used to do physical and mental torture to me. Anyways my family is forcing me for divorce i really don't know what should i do. I need advice. Will he be fine after treatment?
  • Laddiboy Jan 7, 2011 @ 10:20 pm | delete
    I would advised you to see a counselor. And from what I have read about narcissists is that they rarely change. I would divorce this guy asap and then get some counseling.
  • Deejay409 Feb 16, 2011 @ 4:32 pm | delete
    I strongly believe that you should protect yourself first and foremost in this abusive situation, if that means divorce, then do it. You cannot expect that he will change. It is possible, but is it worth waiting while you self-destruct? I just got out of a relationship with a very narcissistic man. It took me a while to realize his condition. All he talked about was himself and what other people could do for him. He never asked me about myself, my family, friends or interests. I found that very odd. The final straw was when I realized he had been lying to me about EVERYTHING. His childhood, education, work history, past relationships, etc. All of which he grossly exaggerated to make himself sound way more important, so that I would shower him with adoration. The scariest part was that he was SO good at lying. He was so believable. The only way I found out was that I happened to run across emails between him and his ex, who he was trying to have sex with. I then met with his ex who told me the true story of his twisted pathological life. It was devastating and terrifying. I felt so betrayed, because I couldn't understand how someone who claimed he loved me could treat me so horribly. It was very difficult to end that relationship because I loved him and still do, but I have since healed considerably. I don't know if it's an illness, if it's just proud evil arrogance or a mixture of both, but it is certainly not healthy to get involved with someone in that condition. I pray for him still that someday he'll be healed of it. And I pray for you all too that you will be healed of the harm that was done to you. I believe there are good people in this world, and it's up to us to prove that's a true statement.
  • sev Dec 28, 2010 @ 1:54 am | delete
    I am the 52-year-old daughter of an extreme narcissist. I am jobless, careerless, and loveless -- and I completely blame her and the adults who did not protect me or who exacerbated the situation (mainly my father -- he is 80 now and at least has the decency to admit that he was a terrible parent). I want to sue her for decades of social and emotional isolation that I suffered due to her abuse -- and for the resulting lost wages. I have never made over about $35,000 -- and that was only once. For decades I knew that I was miserable -- extremely lonely, pathologically shy and socially awkward. I went into teaching in order to force myself to be around people and to develop social skills. I would never recommend that anyone who suffered PTSD at the hands of their abusive, narcissistic parents attempt to recover the way that I did. But I didn't know. I was completely isolated and had no one to talk to, no one to turn to. And I was tongue-tied. That's what abuse does to you. It has only been in recent years that I could put a word on what I had suffered from: PTSD. Recently when my mother has started to call me I have told her that I want her to apologize for what she did to me. The horrible irony is that she truly was in a bad marriage to my father, that she got out, finished her schooling, went on to law school, and recently retired from her job doing constituent services for a congressman. And yet she almost murdered me spiritually. Physically I remained alive, am alive. But she almost murdered me spiritually. Here I am at 52, jobless, careerless, loveless. She is crazy, and I doubt that I will ever get a sincere apology. So I seek validation of my experience. Recently she sent me a 'gift box' -- at least that is what she called it. Inside were the contents of cupboards she was cleaning out in anticipation of a move: opened boxes of lasagna, a partially used jar of jalapeno mustard, packages of whatever that were past their dates of expiration. I have kept this box -- it is evidence -- as I have kept other bits and pieces of evidence -- and I and an aunt have been documenting every misdeed of hers, every abusive gesture, every abusive remark, every expression of self love we have heard. And I spread the word, tell people. I tell everyone. I tell them about the 'gift box.' I tell them about how in 1989 when one of my sisters was getting married, she whispered into the ear of her husband, "She's so rude," every time I came near (they both denied this later when confronted), and how I found out later that she had been hissing "Bitch" to my older sister during the wedding. And since November 2008 when I found out more, I have been adding that after that same wedding that she pulled up on the highway alongside my father's car, which was carrying two of my sisters, and gave them the finger. I tell people all these stories and more about her -- and I tell them who her boss was. I'll give you a hint: he's a former Pennsylvania congressman who just ran for U.S. Senate on the Democratic ticket and lost. If you can figure out who he is, you can figure out who my mother is. And there is more to tell. And her biggest fear in life is that we will tell. That is her hugest fear. And I will tell. I will tell everything.
  • laddiboy Dec 28, 2010 @ 3:03 am | delete
    Wow what a story. We must realize that the only person we can control is ourselves. We can't control others behavior. I am sorry for your being abused. Your mother sounds like she might actually have mental illness. I hope you are getting professional counseling. You still have a lot of life to live and it's not to late. Hold on to your dreams and never give up. Thanks for sharing. Good luck and God bless.
  • islandlonghorns Sep 5, 2011 @ 9:11 am | delete
    I am so sorry for your loss! You deserved to have had a mother whom loved you with all her soul, and a father whom protected you with all his might. All of God's children deserve to be loved in such away. But it's never to late to own YOUR life! I think there's a point at which you have to step on a new path and choose to live. Staying caught in this need to spread misery to your mother only creates a negative harmony in your life! A vicious circle... You can't keep tally of the offenses, you have to arm yourself and protect yourself from further hurt. Keeping tally only lets your mother's negative energy continue to zap the remaining life out of you. You indeed have so many years yet to live?do it with passion and let only positive energies and persons into your life. There is nothing to be gained by receiving anything from her (she's proven that with your box), nor is there anything to be gained by spending one more minute of your life wasting away for her love. Blocker her out, toss anything before it's opened there's NOTHING that she has to offer you in this lifetime. If it's not happened by this point in your life, it will never happen. So learn to protect yourself fiercely and save the years yet to come by stepping above it all. Learn to love yourself enough, and begin to believe that you deserve to have a life filled with ONLY good things! Yes, sometimes that means being selfish to a certain extent. Let the rest go and find peace, otherwise she wins.
  • Lynda Oct 22, 2010 @ 11:10 am | delete
    I am finally free. My mother is planning her wedding the day after thanksgiving.She is 84 and is marrying a 76 year old [good man] from what i have heard. Formal wedding church, bridemaids reception and all the trimings. He wants me to call him to talk to him .and see if he can fix this relationship for her before the wedding. Ha! NOT A CHANCE!.I love my life now. She is really ticked off because i wont cooperate and i make her look bad. I feel sorry for thgis man and i don't even know him. She is in her element, center of attention. I hope he can keep her on her pedistal.When she falls off , he will know something is really wrong.Can't worry about him. My grandbaby was born and all when well. She didn't come until after we left. It was wonderful. Now if my daughter just knew what i know. My shrink says I have to be careful about telling her about her grandmother. It could back fire on me. so for right now things are on an even keel. My relationship with my daughter is good, but her grandmother does stand as an ugly black unspoken thing between us, for now.
  • Walking Away Oct 6, 2010 @ 9:26 am | delete
    I am in the process of separating from my spouse who has progressively become more controlling, manipulative, entitled and lying. Though staunch in his arguments against reforms to help others, he feels perfectly entitled to go after me hard financially (after minimal efforts to progress in his own career during our marriage). If things weren't done his way - they weren't "right" - even to the point of berating me for putting salt on meals he prepared. While he can whip out hurtful comment after comment and blame me for problems in our marriage, he takes no responsibility for his share of the issues. When I suggested counseling, he told me he would only go if I would change when they found out how ridiculous I was. Thankfully, I am in a position where I can walk away - and have the support of caring friends and family. It is funny, I never considered the behavior abusive, though people close to me now acknowledge they have seen it as damaging and unhealthy for years.
  • lauren Oct 27, 2010 @ 7:53 pm | delete
    I see myselft so much in what you have written. I too was able to walk away but have a child and still must deal with his behavior years after. Congrats to you and best wishes!
  • Torah-L Sep 27, 2010 @ 4:07 pm | delete
    Lynda you may find the book written in 2008 called: Will I ever be good enough? : Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers- helpful. You may find there is a whole community of women
    with whom you may identify. All the best.
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Sep 27, 2010 @ 10:10 pm | delete
    It's available above from Amazon Lynda. Just click on the blue link.
  • lynda Sep 9, 2010 @ 10:10 am | delete
    I have sufered with my mother for all of my life. I never understood until four years ago that it wasn't me. I am now 58 and she is stiil affecting my life. I have lost my whole family because I walked away from her. They never knew what was happening to me. My brothers are younger and because they never saw anything and she is an excellent lier, I have endured so much persicution and pain for so long, I just don't have the fight in me to go up against her anymore. My daughter is having my first grandchild in a matter of weeks. She still has a relationship with her grandmother and is demanding i sit a hospital with this woman to wait on the birth as a family. She is very angry with me and now because I bring so much negativity in her life I am not allowed to be in the room when the baby is born. We had always been so close and had always planned to share this together. I am devistated. She has recently asked me why, after building up so much anger at me in four years, I can't be in the same life with her. I didn't have a name for my mothers disorder when she asked, but since I know now. She wont listen. She thinks I can mark it up to her granny being granny and I can get over myself. I should love her enough to do this. I have panick attacks if I see the woman across the store at walmart. I get pshyically ill at the site of her and almost the mention of her. How can I share what should be an miracle and such a special moment in our life with her. I have a therapist now and we are working on this but I am running out of time till the baby is born. I want to be there for my daughter but don't know how. Her brothers are angry with her and my husband is livid. I have always been an overkill mom. They come first. I tried to be a totally different mom than i had and it is hard to hear my child say the things she has said to me. My close friends and family are just horrified at what has happened. They know me, and my heart and can't believe her treatment of me. While I no longer have my mother in my life, she is still there hurting me. I think therapy for me will help but it is going to take a long time. Getting over her lies to everyone about me is hard. When I have tried to defend myself, she has them believing she is the victim of a sick demented child. She did this same thing to my Dad and he died an early death a broken man. How to cope is the deal for me now.
  • mmok2k8 Sep 10, 2010 @ 2:06 am | delete
    Lynda,
    I can sympathize with you.. Rose, my wife, has been writting about my mom on this post a bit.
    The only thing i could think of was to totally disconnect myself with these LIARS.. i did not know what the issue was or what to call it till recently either.
    On my own, after giving it my best try to get along with these people, (my elder brother is exactly the same) I decided that I needed to cut myself from them totally and in doing that I had to cut myself from the Extended family as well because these people will not stop at ANYTHING to show you down.
    The issue was not that they lie, but they will force their advise on you, which you have to take, or they will make sure that they try to destroy each and every relationship you have.
    Their advise is not something anyone can follow, and once you dont follow it. you are the crazy one.. They are PERFECT liars and will spend hours upon hours constructing their lies and fantasies in their own head and when you call them on it, they will make up some lie about that as well.
    My mom tortured my father as well, little by little.
    Sorry to say, the best and only way is to cut yourself off from these people,..
    Regards,
  • lynda Sep 12, 2010 @ 11:58 pm | delete
    I can't believe it took 54 years to find out what was going on.What a waste fof a good life. so many years of pain. I have been to therapy before but no one ever mention this. I have been researching this disorder and I am amazed that its the answer I have been looking for. Finally and means to an end.
  • mmok2k8 Sep 13, 2010 @ 3:23 am | delete
    Lynda,
    The biggest issue with these people is that they are accomplished liars and can put up the perfect front in front of anyone they wish they can.
    Whenever I have mentioned their antics to anyone they have thought that I have been exagurating or making things up... and I have been considered the one who has problems.
    If they take a spite to you they will not stop at any lenght to spread all sorts of rumors against you.
  • mmok2k8 Sep 3, 2010 @ 12:56 am | delete
    Dear Alice,

    I agree wholeheartedly with James. My mother-in-law is a narcissist and my husband has known it is whole life. He cut her out of his life 25 years ago, but circumstances arose in which we were forced to interact with her again and in close quarters. While staying with her she attempted to throw our 2 year old daughter off of a second floor terrace. We moved out even though it brought the rath of extended family down on us, via rumors and loss of contact.

    We had to, for our own mental health and our childrens physical well being, once again, cut her out. She loves to gossip and since the family is not a close one (they only share gossip but never get together as everyone lives all over the country and world), the gossiping and lies started and progressed to such an extent that no other family members would talk to us.

    My father-in-law has long since passed, but my husband tells me she has always been like this, even with his father. As a child my husband was abused physically and emotionally by this woman, so badly it took him moving half way across the world and alot of work personally to get over the trauma.

    Just now....2 years after the terrace incident, things are comming to light. It seems that after a recent bad decision on her part (she sold her house for a fraction of the value, and the youngest son who also has this disorder, took off with the money) are seeing her true colors.

    Her lies have become so transparent and rather than others admitting she is mentally ill, they are blamming it on old age, which is easier for them to say. She has gone into hiding and will not meet with anyone from the family as it seems she has not found a way to lie herself out of the embarassement.

    The only reason we were contacted was to see if we knew where she was. And we have no clue....and due to our knowledge of her metal condition, we do not beleive she is in any danger. She is just hiding from her embarassment.

    My God....we Hate the drama and we have learned to keep a safe distance, emotionally and physically from all of the family members, even now. This has actually helped us in more ways than one as we were cut off, and everyone knew it, so she was unable to place any blame on my husband or I when all of this happened. She would have tried if she had been able to make a false connection in anyway, as the brother who ran off with the money is the baby of the family and the only one she liked and even doted on. She just cannot face the family.

    Narcissist cannot be changed. They cannot be reasoned with and you cannot expect them to think of anything in a rational or logical way. From my experience, it is best to just disconnect and not care what that person feels about you distancing yourselves. Unfourtunately, life is not perfect and even though you wish for your children to have grandparents in their lives, it is important for your childrens well being, to limit their contact with her. She will never be a good grandmother to them. No amount of chances will change that. If your father-in-law cannot see that then he is enabeling her and not looking after the best interests of your children.

    You need to look after your children first.

    Rose
  • Alice Sep 3, 2010 @ 4:24 am | delete
    Dear Rose,
    Thank you, often the things my mother in law does feel too bizarre to be true and it really helps to read your story.

    We've made a decision to distance ourselves from the relationship. They don't live far from us and we worry about irrational and obsessive attempts to see the grandchildren that totally walking away from them would evoke. Moving away isn't an option at the moment but taking control is.

    It's been such a great thing to put this out in the world, I feel as though lots of the baggage that's built up over the years went with it. I can see it clearly again and feel more in control of everything. Of course if it doesn't work, we can still walk away.

    I wish you all the best and thanks again.

    Alice
  • Varun Sep 6, 2010 @ 11:53 am | delete
    Rose -

    What about some care, compassion, and understanding for you towards your husband? I am in his position (narcissistic mother) and it can make one's upbringing unbearable, not merely difficult. Imagine if this is the person who you turn to from your earliest years for your sense of reality, of right and wrong, and for emotional validation. Imagine if that same person is on a campaign for your psychological destruction. I am trying to think of any way to hold these people accountable in a court of law and it is near-impossible, because they will wheedle their way all the way through their testimony or (in the case of my mother) lie outright.
  • mat Aug 29, 2010 @ 8:52 pm | delete
    I really think that my exwife is a narcissist. I wondered for years what was wrong? Recently I took a course in physiology and I was shocked every description fit her behavior. I have a daughter with this woman and I have always been concerned. I have bin accused of so many things that are not true and the ex feels no remorse. She keeps at it like she is untouchable better that me. What do I do? My daughter is learning to lie and keep secrets. I just want my child to grow up to be honest, normal and a good girl.
  • anon Sep 4, 2010 @ 8:47 am | delete
    Hi mat i totaly understand what you are saying, i just want to say hang in there. i am in exactly the same position. I have endured so much even to the point where i was even questioning myself. My relief only came when i had counceling. however the problem is still there but i now know that it was always within my ex.
  • Eich Sep 4, 2010 @ 10:36 pm | delete
    Take care of yourself; do not worry about your daughter's well-being since obviously your ex has custody. Simply put; you cannot do anything to change that apparently or you would have...so now take care of yourself so that you are the normal person that your daughter will eventually realize "has the right perspective" then you can help.
  • Alice Aug 25, 2010 @ 8:50 pm | delete
    Thank you for your website, it's been really helpful to be able to classify and define this kind of behaviour - and to find a description that fits our experience so perfectly.

    I wonder if you can recommend some reading on how to deal with managing relationships with other family members who display narcissistic traits?

    My mother-in-law is growing increasingly worse, her behaviour has put our children in danger a number of times now that we can no longer leave her alone with them - she can't even take them to the bathroom where there might be a medicine cabinet, because she knows better than doctors and the instructions on the bottle or box...

    This week my own mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. My husband told my m-i-l the news only because she called in tears again - because we didn't see her on the week end - she thinks we have shut her out... and instead of respecting my mum's request to be left alone to digest the news, she called immediately after my husband asked her not to and with all of her patronising tones like she's some kind of Mother Theresa...

    Until now, the rest of my family haven't been impacted by her behaviour but she's starting to creep in. My children are nearly six and I don't know how to protect them from the emotional stuff.

    I usually try to ignore her nastiness and keep to the point. I call her on the big stuff but it hasn't made me very popular and my father-in-law stops talking to me for months afterwards when I do that - even after I found my four year old twins balancing on the railing of their third flour balcony because she "never locks the door - what if I want to go out there". Talking to her made no difference so now when we go to their apartment I lock the balcony doors and hide the key...

    My husband and I don't know what to do. We really want to cut her off but that has repercussions for the rest of the family - and our children who have the right to know their grand parents - or at least the nicer one.

    We don't know how to manage the relationship. We need help finding the right things to say about this last debacle. I can't have her calling my mum and dad complaining about how I've upset her - which is exactly what she'll do if I ask her why she called after being asked not to. But I am so upset the lack of respect and the way she so happily upsets her son that I really need to do something. I'm worried I'm going to explode and that's not going to help anyone... Walking like a crazy person endlessly around the block isn't helping calm me down.

    I don't know what to do anymore, so if you have any advice or can recommend some reading, I would greatly appreciate it.

    I need to take charge but I don't know how. I would dearly like to hear from you.

    Many thanks and kind regards,
    Alice
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Aug 26, 2010 @ 5:08 am | delete
    Hi Alice!

    I suggest you review the books available at http://www.stop-the-abuse.info

    Can I give you on bit of advice? Protect yourself and your family as the first priority - even if it does upset the relatives.

    Best
    James
  • Mha Aug 18, 2010 @ 4:00 am | delete
    Well... the easiest way to deal with a narcissistic person is to completely end the relationship.
    Too bad I cannot do that since it's my father...
    I am in a sticky situation. My father is the typical example of narcissistic personality disorder, on the other hand, my mother is the exact opposite. She avoids conflicts and always gives up her needs in favor of others. Me and my two siblings, cannot persuade her to get a divorce, although all four of us constantly get abused of my father.
    I don't want to leave my mother alone with him and since neither my father or my siblings (they are younger than me) have a job, I need to support the family financially and because of that, I don't have the money to move away.
    I try to cope with this situation but it's very hard. Sometimes I just don't know what to do and feel my life empty and meaningless. I support my mom and my siblings (well, sometimes I feel they're using me), and I don't have time to enjoy life... I don't have a girlfriend, I rarely get some undisturbed time alone... I don't know how much longer can I take this.
    Are there anyone in similar situation?
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Aug 21, 2010 @ 5:53 pm | delete
    Mha, if, as many are, you cannot end the relationship you need to learn the skills to manage it, and most importantly to protect yourself from emotional, and possible physical abuse. It's for this reason so many people have found the support and information at www.Stop-The-Abuse.info (see above) so valuable. Don't continue to struggle on your own!
  • momof 3greatkids Aug 9, 2010 @ 9:14 pm | delete
    I just want to say wow the light bulb has clicked on...I always knew that there was something wrong with my husband but reading more and more about narcissism has really enlighted me... I would get blamed for his outburst which would result in him breaking something of mine...my cell phone, my computers, my $600 TV (that was a christmas present) 14 windshields..."it was MY fault"...I would call him out on stuff and he would go into a fit...he thinks that because he works that I should be so grateful and bow down to him...he would call me worthless, he would call me names and accuse me of things that I have never done....tell me that I was a horrible wife and I can't clean house good, so I stopped all together I would clean after myself and kids, I would get put down if I cleaned it and put down if I didn't clean it so what was the point he had me so depressed...then he would turn around and tell me how much he loves me and how great I am...BS....it was like living on a rollercoaster. I gave up my career as a nurse because he said he would take care of me and he wanted to me be able to stay home with the kids...now 10 years later I have no education, trying to find a home for me and my children. everyone is right in these post the only way to deal with them is to free yourself from them...
  • New Aug 24, 2010 @ 3:53 pm | delete
    Hi I just read your comments about your husband and he sounds very much like mine. I'm in a 6 year long relationship with him and I've been married for two years. In the past year, his behaviors became impossible although I've seen them before they were not so severe. Now, he becomes violent and I just don't know what to think. I go to therapy by myself and my psychologist finally told me that my husband have for sure this disorder and the life with people like this is extremly difficult. I don't know what I'm going to do. I love him but I see I can not help him. He blames me for everything...Gosh I would love to talk to somebody who goes through the same nightmare. Thank you !
  • sue Jul 23, 2010 @ 9:21 pm | delete
    I too have been in a relationship with a narcissisit for six years. He is sixty-one and has never been in a committed relationship, rather has had multiple relationships, often at the same time. When I met him he gave me a line thaqt it was becasue he never met anyone who was marriage material until me and I fell for it...mea culpa. He has absolutely no empathy, i.e. when a person loses everthing in a hurricame, it's because that person lived in a hjurricane prone area...when a clsose friend got lung cancer, it was because that person smoked, lived near a river in a flood, didn't have a seatbelt on during a turbulent flight, rode a motorcycle, thus shouldn't have minded losing his leg in an accident that involved a drunk driver...you name it. However, when he was diagnosed with tonsilliar cancer from the HPV after a very promiscuouis life, it was no fault of his. He contradicts himself and out and out lies nearly every day and, even though he's sixty-one and living with me, won't talk on the phone with another woman in front of me, rather scurries off to the garage to call his babes. When I bring these things up he accuses me of being insecure, which I'm not. He's actually told me it's none of my business what he does when he's not with me and then denied saying it a day later. I've actually thought of resorting to hiding a voice activated tape recorder but he still would never admit anything. He has a Narcissistic harem that consists of ex girlfriends, ex shags, wives of friends, former secretaries, women he's met. Once at his class reunion, he left me to go dance with a poor, drunk woman and stayed on the dance floor with her for forty-five minutes after the DJ, the other guests, the bartender and the wait staff had left. Only the manager was waiting for us to leave while he was on the dance floor enthralled in a conversation with her. I, totally embarrassed, finally approached them and very nicely asked for the keys to the car so I could go and sit and wait for him...well, didn't he storm out and tell me he was mortified that I had interrupted his conversation so rudely. I'm 58, a well respected teacher, divorced woman who was married for 27 years and raised a wonderful son. I used to be known as the life of the party but now I'm quiet after being told to shut my mouth so as not to bore his friends. I so wish I never met this man with whom I fell head over heels in love with, but I did and we bought a house together. Now, after nursing him though several illnesses, I hope to leave but I know it will be hell to get my money back so I can make other arrangements for living. I have lovingly seen him through gall bladder issues, an operation with complications and tonsilliar cancer treatment, tube fed him for months and have nursed him lovingly back to health. The other night for the first ime in years, I felt sick. He looked at me disgustedly and told me to go to bed early and take a vitamin c. Why do I stay? I know not but I'm hopeful to change that very soon.
  • LoveLife Jul 24, 2010 @ 6:46 pm | delete
    It sounds like you have seen the light.
  • Paul Aug 21, 2010 @ 3:49 pm | delete
    Dear Sue, Just want to let you know I hope you find the strength to cut ties with the man to whom you're probably just a battery to drain. Growing up with a narcissistic father I know how hard it is to do this. At age 21 the last bits of hope for something that would never be, were finally gone. Now it's 9 years later and I can honestly say it has been one of the best decisions I've made in my life. The situation is as it is. Take it or leave it' I'd say. A man his age is not going to change. Kind regards, Paul
  • StopTheAbuseInfo Aug 21, 2010 @ 5:55 pm | delete
    You are right Paul, it's only very rare for a narcissist to change. Therefore it's important to break the relationship if you can (not always possible or desirable though) otherwise to learn how to handle the narcissist as suggested above.
  • fedupwithhurt Apr 23, 2011 @ 8:58 pm | delete
    sue i pray that things have changed for you since then. i hope this man is dead or suffering badly to the point of death but his sin is keepin him alive torturing him more and more. what a loser i hate him. yu deserve so much more. imagine at the age of 61/62 yu are so out of reach with humanity and emotional intelligence? dont worry i am married to one jus like him, but thanx to the web i am educating myself on how to deal. i wish he cud change b4 its too late and he ends up like your husband. but yu know what? if they doesnt change it will be their loss. God dont sleep my friend...
  • Lynn Jul 9, 2010 @ 8:05 pm | delete
    I know someone who actually descibes themselve's as narcissistic. Is this possible for a true narcissist to actually know they are and admit it, because usually what I hear is that a person with a disorder doesn't know they have it or would get offended if someone to tell them they were. Or is this person I know throwning this word around for attention?
  • jaijai Jun 6, 2010 @ 9:22 pm | delete
    I am afraid that police officers are [aid to be these types of people like my ex. Unfortunately they are genetic by example. They attempt to justify their actions by manipulation and confusion. Do not try to make any sense of them. They do not sleep well at night either so they will be on edge and cranky just about all the time.
  • carol Jun 3, 2010 @ 8:22 pm | delete
    hi god i hope someone can give me some advice im at my wits end my boyfreind of 10 yrs is getting worse i found this website from a close freind i truely beleive that he does suffer from narcissism he just keeps screamin at me for the last 5 hrs im in tears right now as i type i was planning on leaving him 2 wks ago but he begged me to stay he'd get help but no it just dont end i have a secure to which i can transfer to another state with no problem i have done everything possable to make things good but its not good
  • Tanna Jul 23, 2010 @ 6:43 am | delete
    Please know that he will continue to do what ever he can to keep you there. He has to the person to end the relationship, don't wait get out and don't look back. Do not feed into his lies this is his power over you. The more attention you give him the more he will mistreat you. Remember you are not the only person in his life, once you are gone he will move on to the next women he has. I was in a relationship for 11 years and at the end of the 11 years I found out that he was cheating on me I told him to leave. I managed to take back all my control. it has been 3 years now that he has not spoken to me or try to contact me because I caused him Injury to his ego, the worst part is that I never knew these people existed, and I never gave him the special treatment that they expect I treated him as a normal individual we shard a house together only to find that there were liens on the property from his past that I had to pay when I confronted him about he he told me if I never refianced I would of never known. It is very hard but remember if you go back he will only humiliate you more and it will make him the better person. Stand tall don't take the blame for his actions
  • Sarah Aug 5, 2010 @ 5:23 pm | delete
    Leave him. Get out. I was in a relationship for seven years, married for two of them, to a narcissist that did the same thing. I feared him. I hated when he came home. I felt worthless. I didn't feel like anybody wanted me around and didn't care if I was still on this earth or not. He made me feel that way, in an indirect way. They have a way of doing that and make you feel crazy. You're not crazy. You can and do, do things right. You are an amazing person, I'm sure. Get strong and get out. I did and my life is so amazing and so much better. Learn to love yourself again. Separate yourself. Find someone who truly will love and care for you, not "sometimes" love and care for you. Find what you need. Do it!
  • Lu May 25, 2010 @ 5:50 am | delete
    i recently worked in a university bookshop with one of quite a few narcissist/egoists, namely, i think, because the university is considered prestigious. one particular female however was not averse to mentioning her straight H1 marks, trip to Paris on a scholarship, parading her high-achieving friends around. when the rest of us were busy doing our work she would be showing off her french to the men in dispatch. you could not ask her out of genuine interest what the topic of her thesis was without her getting snappy. because she was so pretentious and affected though the others all seemed to fall for her false charm i was at times less than polite to her. this then led her to telling everyone how nasty i was and i was labelled a bitch. how does one deal with people and situations like this, where you feel as though someone is trying to impress you with their fantastic self without getting annoyed and hence getting a reputation for being a jealous bitch. thankfully i don't have to work with her any more.
  • SouthFloridaMom May 17, 2010 @ 3:45 pm | delete
    My ex-husband (who is also a police officer) is the textbook definition of a narcissist. We have a six year old son together who truly is an amazing little boy. At present, our son shares no traits of his father (when it comes to this personality disorder!)...He is very truthful, intelligent, intuitive and a very thoughtful child. But I am scared to death our son will one day pick up on his father's ways. Any advice from those of you who have walked in my shoes? I am just beginning to read about how to deal with this, but the most important thing in the world to me is my relationship with my son and his future.
  • OxfordMom Aug 3, 2010 @ 11:50 pm | delete
    Don't worry, I have been married to a narcissist for 36 years! I have 2 grown sons (26 & 30) who are nothing like there father. They are good caring intelligent men who sees what there father is and hates it as much as I do. So I wouldn't worry to much, it doesn't mean because the father is a nac that your son will be.
  • OxfordMom Aug 3, 2010 @ 11:50 pm | delete
    Don't worry, I have been married to a narcissist for 36 years! I have 2 grown sons (26 & 30) who are nothing like there father. They are good caring intelligent men who sees what there father is and hates it as much as I do. So I wouldn't worry to much, it doesn't mean because the father is a nac that your son will be.
  • guardianstar77 Mar 29, 2010 @ 4:49 pm | delete
    Great information, well presented. I have known some true narcissists in my lifetime. They are the personification of the phrase: "It's all about me." A true narcissist doesn't really care how anyone around him / her feels. Your subject mattered is much needed. To me, it seems as if the "it's all about me" population is growing exponentially. 5* and I am joining your fan club. Hope to see more help in this area in the future.
  • Brit Brit May 13, 2010 @ 12:59 am | delete
    I know exactly how you all feel. My Father was a narcissist and now I am starting to wonder if my mother is one as well. She puts me down all the time and whatever I do is never good enough. If I try to change the way I act in a certain way, she finds something else to complain about. It is very upsetting and painful. It was so difficult cuting the ties between my narcissistic father that was emotionally abusive. I went through highschool so very depressed emotionally. It is so very hard to escape when you have a family full of narcissists that are cruel and mean to you. Every day is a fight for confidence and independance. Everyday I have to block the insults they give me even though I have a 3.93 in college and I work so hard, and I have so many friends. Never! Ever! Stop believing in yourself is the way to be free. It is difficult with its low times and painful experiences, but it is the way to go. Believing that you are an amazing person worth love, respect and sucess. I am determined that my children are not going to go through the same difficulties that I have had to go through during my childhood. Believing in God and praying to him as well also helped me get through this, difficult time as well as going to counseling. I strongly recommend this.
  • perrier012 Dec 8, 2009 @ 7:44 am | delete
    I too was in a narcissistic relationship, we met when we were teenagers. I lost contact with him he went over seas as he was in the military. I moved out of my home state which is where we met and moved to the west coast. So many years past and life happened, I returned back home frpm the west coast and had finally gotten into a lpng term relationship and was planning to get married. Lo and behold he popped back into my life and to make a long story short I began a relationship with this narcissistic person and oh my God did my life spiral out of control I attribute my relationship to hitting rock bottom to be with this person. I left my home area, my job, my great relationship to be with a fool little did I know that at the time. He has a good job and resources but want to share anything with me without a comment or complaint. It was horrible he would come hoem from work and complain about the people at work and then It would lead to verbal abuse towards me. That everyone was jealous of him and what he has and that most of the people are not hoem owners or that they lived in a neighborhood like him. He would be looking out the window at the neighbors complaining about his neighbors who were doing nothing but living their lives which I came to find out that was what he lacked was a"life." He is a very bitter person and I found that out the hard way was to put the distance back in my life get away from him. It has been three years to undo the damage he has done, but I finally met someone who cares for me, for who I am. If anyone out there meets anyone remotely like this please, please run for your life because they will make your life hell, Thanks.
  • LoveLife Nov 15, 2009 @ 4:24 pm | delete
    I was in a friendship with a narcissistic and was emotionally abused. I had low self-esteem and was rather co-dependent. I finally realized the narcissist enjoyed making me feel bad. Like a vampire needs blood, a narcissist (at least the one I knew) thrived off of my hurt feelings. Then of course the narcissist will give complements which they don't really mean. And if you call them on their crap they will respond "Aw come on, you know I'm just kidding, right?". One must cut ties with the narcissist if possible or minimize relations. They care nothing about you. You are only a tool to meet their own needs.

    When I stopped associating with the narcissist and his lackey (a friend who apparently likes to be treated like crap) I felt guilty like I had done something wrong when actually I was and am quite alright and had done nothing wrong.

    Concentrate on loving yourself and having high self esteem. High self esteem will ward of narcissists. They will have no use for you. Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" CD or book is very good for raising ones self love and esteem.

    It's all about them. The truth will set you free. Free yourself! :-)
  • Mer Down Nov 9, 2009 @ 10:30 am | delete
    I have been in a relationship with a narcissist and he put me down all the time. I am an academic and very smart, while he was a highschool dropout...well left school at year 8! However, kept telling others how he have to teach me things and correct me. He was head of heels in love with me for the first 6 weeks of our relationship but then went on saying that he was in love with me but not sure about we are suited and so he went on internet dating lines etc. I was shattered but for some reason, totally unknown to me, stayed and hoped that he will get the message and wake up to himself and me. I broke up many times with him but went back again and again. I became so frustrated with all his lies to others about me (including to his children) that I became this person that I did not like. I even told his children how aweful their father was and I very much regret getting them involved. After all that he moved on as if I never existed! No fighting for me, none! My self esteem is now zero!
  • lolly Sep 28, 2009 @ 11:19 am | delete
    I was married to a narcissist that made life a living hell for me and our son.He couldn't go more than 2-3 days w/o an arguement and once he beat me up emotionally, he seemed to be calm and would ask me what as wrong with me??!! After hotly pursuing me in the begining of our relationship - we got married - I got pregnant and that's when I became "disposable".He'd come home and yell: I'm tired of "consumers" around here - I need "producers" (I was a stay at home mom).He had a six figure salary with unlimited benefits: free luxurious car, company credit card, etc. We only had sex when he felt like it. He only gave me enough money to pay some of the bills and would leave town for 3-4 days and leave me $40.I drove an old car that was always breaking down.He refused to buy furniture for the house.He had his mail sent to the office.He made all his phone calls from his cell phone.He'd scream and pitch a fit when we needed to buy diapers/formula.We're divorced but he still treats me horrible
  • S Nov 22, 2009 @ 7:37 pm | delete
    My ex-husband is a narcissist. I hate him. I'm sorry, but I do. He was all about the money and all the beautiful things he bought me with it, but despite the emotional and verbal abuse and lack of affection I endured, I was supposed to be grateful that I had such a "wonderful husband." He bought himself a new car every year, and I would have to be happy with the same one he picked for me to drive for years. He didn't like me dressing in any way that might draw attention to myself because he said "when I enter a room, I want to have control of that room and I can't have that control when everyone is looking at you." During the course of our hellish marriage, I begged that we go to counseling. He would always just say "WE don't need counseling because I don't have a problem!" For years, I beat myself up for my failed marriage. We have two children and I've had to take him back to court to fight him for trying to relocate our children out of state. He insists "they are better off" with his family. This whole custody issue has brought out his narcissistic disorder and it has been such relief to learn that it is not me, I'm no longer married to him, he is now another woman's problem, and I have a WONDERFUL man in my life now. To hell with him.
  • StartBusinessMentor Sep 22, 2009 @ 10:26 pm | delete
    Thanks for pointing me at StopTheAbuse info - superb resource!
  • PollyanaToo Dec 1, 2009 @ 3:13 pm | delete
    What are some ways of dealing with a narcissist at work...when you don't have a choice and have to work with this person to get tasks accomplished?
  • howtogetyourexbackblog Jun 8, 2009 @ 1:48 am | delete
    Great explaination of this, little understood, mental disorder and the terrible effects it has on those who don't know how to deal with narcissistic people.

    Many readers of my blog who have been in a, previously unrecognised, relationship with a narcissist report that that knowing the signs, then knowing how to deal with the situation has been a major help in resolving the situation for them.

    Thanks for the clear explanation. I'll be referring my readers to it.
  • Brian J Jun 5, 2009 @ 8:34 pm | delete
    Wow - you learn something new every day. Thanks

by

StopTheAbuseInfo

Don't let a Narcissistic Vampire strip you of your values, self esteem, emotional balance and quality of life!
Learn how at www.Stop-The-Abuse.info more »

Feeling creative? Create a Lens!

Related Tags