How to Discipline a Defiant Child | Parenting the Defiant Child

A defiant child is exhibiting the Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It is defined by Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. People who have it may appear very stubborn.

The behavior of the defiant child includes: easily loses temper, argues often with adults, actively rejects the adults' rules, deliberately irritates people, blames others for his or her mistakes, often touchy or easily annoyed by others, repeatedly gets angry, and often spiteful or vindictive. These behaviors can significantly cause problems with family and friends. Performances at school can also be affected negatively.

Being a parent of a defiant child can be difficult. You will have a hard time coping up with your child if you focus on the negative things. Instead, it is important for parents to keep a positive attitude everyday while dealing with the defiant child behavior. Being positive-minded can make a big difference if you want your parenting strategies to be successful. Patience is truly a virtue, especially when you are a parent of a defiant child. Always keep your head cool so you can think clearly on how you can respond properly to your child's behavior. At the end of the day, as a parent, you must shower unconditional love and show acceptance to your defiant child.

Parents must start early with disciplining strategies at home. It can get harder to enforce discipline if you do not get started early. Here are tips for parents on how to discipline a defiant child:
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1) Pay attention to good behavior shown by your child. Let your child know you like the way he behaved by showing how thrilled you are. You can give praise saying "Good job packing away your toys" while touching them affectionately with kiss and hug. This will encourage your child to show good behavior often.

2) Refrain from using negative words like "don't do that" or "stop". Instead say exactly what you want your child to do. "Don't play with your food" can be changed to "Finish up your food". If they followed what you asked them to do, remember to commend their good behavior.

3) You can also encourage your child to follow what you ask them to do by reward system. For example you want your child to do a chore that he or she does not like doing, you can promise him he can have do or have something he enjoys after completing the task like watching TV or eating ice cream.

4) You can provide your child choices or alternatives instead of giving orders outright. If you plan to ask your child to do chores, you can ask him two choices. This will give your child the sense of freedom to choose and the power to make his own decisions.

5) Do not yield to your child's demands. If he throws up tantrums, you should learn to stay calm so you will not act harshly like punishing him outright, like spanking, which can fire up his defiant behavior. What you can do instead is to ignore or walk-away from the situation. This will lead him to think that his tantrums are not effective in getting what he wants.

6) When communicating with your child, use a gentle or friendly but firm tone. When confronted by a child exhibiting defiance, it is easier to be angry. Instead, try to maintain the firm tone showing you are still the one in-charge while showing that you care for him.

7) While implementing your discipline strategies, keep in mind to strengthen the child-parent relationship by spending time doing encouraging activities like reading and playing together, helping your child with his school work, talking and discussing happy things and other relationship-building activities. This will negate the struggles that the parent and defiant child can experience in the discipline process.