How to hire an au pair

When we first started hosting au pairs, many people asked me "what is an au pair? Is it a fancy word for a nanny?". Now I don't get so many questions, most people around me know somebody else who has hosted au pairs - this form of childcare is surging in popularity.

Our first au pair truly became a member of our family. We are still in touch and we deeply care about each other, and she is going to come and visit next summer! She was a walking advertisement for the program. People on the street mistook her for the mother of my kids, and fellow parents who met her on playgrounds asked her if she is available to babysit their kids in a pinch (the answer is no - according to her visa rules, the au pair can only work for the family she is matched with).

Both my sister and my best friend started hosting au pairs after witnessing our successful experience with the program.

However, all hasn't been rosy for our family. In our second year we've had two "rematches" or "transitions", as au pair agencies like to call them. This is when the family and the au pair part before the program's term ends (generally, a year). And just earlier this year we went through another rematch. I feel I have learned well from my mistakes, can tell how to avoid them, and how to make the right match with an au pair the first time.

What is an au pair? Au pairs are young adults, coming to live in an american family for one year, to provide childcare for up to 45 hours a week, and in an ideal case form a family-like bond with the children and the host family in the process. They get to see and experience a different culture, travel a little, improve their English; their host family gets affordable, reliable and flexible childcare, and gets to experience the world without leaving their house.

If you search for information about the au pair program on the internet, many sites will come up explaining how to host an au pair. Each will invite you to apply, offer discounts, list fees and rules. Which one to use? Is it Interexchange, AuPair Care, Au Pair in America, etc.? This can be very confusing to a potential new host family.

Those sites are of the thirteen au pair agencies that are officially authorized to administer the au pair program in the United States.

Au pair program in the United States is an exchange program, regulated by the Department of State. Au pairs get a J-1 exchange visa, and are governed by a set of rules that are set by the Department of State. There are slight variations of how different au pair agencies administer those rules, but the basics are the same.

Au pairs are recruited from many countries that United States has diplomatic relations with, and have to possess some basic qualifications, such as: documented experience with children, references about experience and a personal reference; they have to pass psychological testing, present evidence of clean criminal background, provide medical records, and speak some English (level varies, but many speak very well). Most au pair candidates also have an international drivers' license.

Once they mutually match with an american family, they apply for and obtain the au pair visa (some might be denied).

When the au pair arrives to the United States, the agency is required to provide a certain number of hours of orientation. It covers topics of cultural differences, childcare and safety standards in America, etc.

After the orientation period usually lasting a week, au pairs arrive to the homes of their american families. They can work providing childcare no more than 45 hours a week, no more than 10 hours a day. They have to have at least 1,5 days off weekly, and one full weekend off monthly. They get two weeks of paid vacation, and their weekly stipend (paid by the family) is currently $195.75. The stipend is tied to the minimum wage and will rise if the minimum wage is raised. Au pairs also get $500 towards taking college classes, and have to complete 6 college credits in their year here.
Au pair stays with the family for one year, and can extend the stay for up to another year.

Out of pocket costs of hosting an au pair consist of four parts:

1. An application fee. When a host family applies to an au pair agency, there is usually an application fee, on the order of $200-$400. But most agencies have sale periods when this fee is waived; and most repeat families never pay it again when reapplying for next year, because agencies give them a free application to continue.

2. A program fee. This is the second largest chunk of money the family pays, and varies by the agency. The program fee ranges from just under $6,000 to just over $7,000. It pays for agency's recruiting costs, staff salaries, orientation, services of the local au pair coordinator who supports families and au pairs throughout the year, for au pair's health insurance and part of travel to/from America costs.

3. Stipend. This is payable directly to the au pair, and the weekly amount is $195.75

4. Educational allowance. This is the money the family pays to the educational institution towards au pairs' tuition, and is a maximum of $500 yearly.

The agencies claim the above comes out to about $320-$340 per week. It is cheaper than a nanny in most parts of the country; it is cheaper than aftercare for both my kids at their preschool, taking into account that aftercare is closed during school vacations, but I still have to go to work and pay for more childcare. With an au pair, there is continuity of care during school holidays and vacations, for the same weekly cost.

However, there are other costs that are not included in the sum above. First, there is an additional cost of having another adult living in your house. Then there is an additional cost of adding a young adult to your car insurance and a potential cost of car repair and depreciation if your au pair has an accident. Most families pay for a cell phone for the au pair, and nclude her in family vacations. An au pair has to have a separate bedroom, so there is a cost of spiffing it up every year for the new au pair after usual wear and tear, and for a new family there might be a cost of outfitting a new bedroom.

First step to become a host family is to narrow the choice of the au pair agency. Au pairs can only come to America and obtain the proper visa through one of the thirteen au pair agencies.

Most families will not have a choice of thirteen. One of the program rules is that an agency coordinator must live within an hour of the family's house; so a family can only sign up with an agency that has local representation.

Once those are narrowed down, things to consider are:
1. Total cost (and many agencies offer discounts and have hidden costs, so there is more to cost than the advertised program fee on their website);
2. Personal affinity with and professionalism of the local representative - this person can become instrumental for a successful year, and
3. The pool of candidates the agency offers (both size and diversity of it).

Often it is practical to apply to several agencies at once, to have more choices when looking at au pair candidates - it is easy to do when agencies offer free application fees.

The application process includes filling out informational forms about the family and children, writing an essay or an introduction letter about the family, providing two references and a proof of income, and in some cases proving some family photos. Many agencies have streamlined the process and most of it can be completed online in a day or two. Then a local agency representative interviews the family in person, and the matching process can begin.

Now to the crux of the matter.
Au pair childcare can be most wonderful, when it is good. In fact, our great first year was the reason I have stayed with the program after a disappointing second year - I knew it could be so great, and was determined to repeat the experience!

How to ensure that the match is right? How can a host parent wade through volumes of information in one candidate's application, and many applications in quick succession, and see through all those letters, photos, words, to the most important things?

First, become familiar with your agency's matching process. Different agencies do it differently. There is a search-the-whole-database-on-your-own approach, there is a seeing one preselected application at a time approach, there is exclusive matching method where one family can see several candidates' applications at a time and not compete with other families, and everything in between.
Some processes can work better for some people, depending on personality, family situation, and other factors. One year when we were a desirable family with only two kids, in a good location, the search-the-whole-database approach worked great - we picked a great candidate, and she agreed to come to us. The next year, when we were expecting a baby, it didn't work well at all - the great candidates were able to pick and choose their families, and we weren't so hot anymore, with three little kids and one of them an infant.

Second, don't trust the agency to do all the work for you - don't automatically assume that the candidate they show you is even going to be passable at their job as an au pair, or that they can drive even if the application says so. Yes, most agencies do their due diligence, they gather documentation, check references, etc. But it is very easy for someone determined to spend a year in the USA to pass through the application process to become an au pair.
Interview thoroughly, verify experience, ask tricky questions. Yes, some experience may be fabricated. Yes, in some countries driver licenses can be had for a bribe. More innocently, in some countries a gravel road is the local highway, so if driving skills are important, don't trust the check mark on the application questionnaire about driving, but ask, ask, ask.

Do your homework. It consists of two parts: the first one is determining your family's needs. Do you need a warm loving caregiver for your babies? Do you need a strong no-nonsense confident older gal for your preteens? Do you need a strong driver or will you allow (or require) your au pair to drive at all? Is strong English important or is it something you can be flexible about? Do you want a male au pair (yes, they do exist, but not all agencies offer them)? An athletic one who can run with your rising track star? Will you require him/her to cook for the children or not?

The second part of the family's homework is learning about culture and life in the countries the au pairs your agency offers come from. This will help you see through much on their applications (do people drive there the way people in Western countries do? Is babysitting common, what family relationships are like?). This will also help you determine if a candidate will be compatible with your family. For example, Asian cultures respect elders, and are uncomfortable expressing discontent or complaining. Maybe it is a good fit, or maybe you would get along better with someone assertive. German culture is very direct; will your family be comfortable with that?


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Enlist help. Choosing somebody to come to your home and live with you for a whole year is a serious decision; it is a bit like marriage. Having your friends get to know the candidate, asking somebody who speaks the same language to interview them for you also, consulting with your agency's matching specialist or your local coordinator (a great boon if she has years of experience) can offer valuable perspective and help greatly. I always talk to my local coordinator about candidates I am seriously interviewing (she sees their applications too). I discuss them with my husband, and we talk to them together. I even show the front runner applications to my mother, sister and my best friend, and ask for their honest opinion.

And finally, listen to your intuition. If you feel at peace with the decision it will probably be a good year. If you feel nervous, uneasy or worried, maybe you haven't yet seen "the one". An exception to this rule is the first time host parent; this situation naturally lends itself to anxiety.
My personal confirmation of a winning match was a giddy feeling of "I cannot believe how lucky I am to see this candidate, and that another family haven't snapped them up yet!"

And finally, do take the rule of interviewing the candidate at least twice, seriously. Usually if the application is great (and those are so extensive they really give a good feel for a candidate, if studied carefully), the interviews confirm the first impression. But it is not always the case. I have had an experience where I truly loved the application, but speaking with the girl conveyed a different impression.

I hope this article helped your family in presenting yet another childcare choice for your little one(s).

If you are considering au pair childcare, see my article on How to save money an an au pair program. If you are getting ready to welcome a new au pair into your home, see more advice at How to welcome your new au pair

Whatever your experience will be, let it be a good journey, and may all our children grow healthy, happy, responsible citizens of the world!




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There are thirteen agencies officially authorized to work with the au pair program. Here is the complete list:

Agent Au Pair
Go Au Pair
Au Pair in America
Au Pair Foundation
Au Pair International
AuPairCare
Cultural Care
Cultural Homestay International
Euraupair
Expert Au Pair
InterExchange Au Pair USA
The International Au Pair Exchange
USAuPair

My favorite blog about being an au pair hostparent is AuPairMom.
My favorite local au pair coordinator blog is the blog of a Local Area Representative for Go Au Pair agency in Philadelphia, PA region:
Go Au Pair Philadelphia