How to Love Your Wife Well

Men, we have a role in marriage that is of extremely high honor. Our mission is to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Our marriages are to be the visual representation of Christ's love. Wow. The bar is set at an extremely high level. Our instructions are to give ourselves up for her. We are to serve, to lay down, to sacrifice. Is this what you had in mind when you got married???

Well, if not, then today is a day for conviction. Whatever lies have been fed to you through the years of what it means to be a husband have to be stripped away. You are not called to be Homer Simpson. You are not called to be Archie Bunker. You are a man, an image bearer of the God of the universe. You have an important job, and when it comes to marriage, that means serving. That means love.

Many men step into a marriage with the idea that their wives will wait on them hand and food. "I had a mom. She should be like that." Wrong! Yes, your wife is to come along side and help you, but she is not to wait on you hand and foot. You are a partnership, a team. And so, it is of utmost importance that you look at what the Scriptures say about marriage and let the truth purge you.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. - Col. 3:19

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. - John 13:3-5

Jesus ways are a towel. Jesus ways are to serve. As husbands, we must do likewise for our wives.

For me the obvious next question is how do I love my wife. The best tool I've ever come across for this is Gary Chapman's, "The Five Love Languages." The book states that all people give and receive love in one of 5 ways. We may do all at some point in our lives, but we have a natural bent towards one. They languages are:

1. Physical Touch
2. Quality Time
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Acts of Service
5. Gifts

Maybe your wife loves hugs or cuddle time. Maybe she loves long walks, or to turn of the TV and to talk. Maybe she needs to hear, "I love you" or "great job." Maybe you need to mow the lawn or clean the bathroom. Maybe she loves surprises or small presents. The point is to find out what she loves best and do your best to love her in that way.

My wife and I went through this book during our engagement. Before marriage, I thought for sure that my love language was physical touch. Although, this could very well have been a sex starved young man who had sex on the mind all the time. This is definitely something you should reevaluate after marriage.

Also, this doesn't mean just sex. Your wife may just love to cuddle or be held. When we both get off work, we have about 15 minutes of "hugs and kisses" time because I know my wife needs that. It allows us to spend some quality time together and for me to love her through physical touch.

Some people develop security feeling around sensual items from a young age. It's very common for a baby blanket to take on this kind of role. As we get older, these items transfer. So men, you can love your wives very well by giving her physical touch. Many women want to feel held and protected. They don't have a swaddle blanket any more, so you'll have to do the trick.

You can love your wife through quality time in multiple ways. Perhaps the two of you like to work on a hobby together. I've seen many couples who like to work on models and their basements are full of Athearn trains. Maybe instead, you like the great outdoors. Great! Buy some High Sierra backpacks and go hiking. Or maybe she just likes to sit inside with a hot cup of Shizouka tea and talk. That's fine too.

Whatever it is, I suggest you define what quality time means to each other. One person may think watching TV together is quality time, while the other thinks it was not at all.

I also suggest making a weekly date night if quality time is a love language.

This is a great love language, and really important to know if it is your wife's. Words of affirmation tell her you love her, that you care, that she's important, and encourage her. It's funny how positive words last a certain amount of time, but negative words we remember much longer. Be sure to compliment often if this is her love language.

This can be anything from taking out the trash to folding laundry to bringing home the bacon. However, it's important to know that if your wife is loved by acts of service, you need to make extra effort to get off your duff. Ask her how you can help her. If this is her love language, she'll let you know.

Now comes the fun one! If your wife is loved by gifts, then stop being so stinking stingy! It doesn't have to be expensive. My wife loves surprises like notes on her car or her favorite candy. If her love language is gifts, then you know what to do.

I'm going to list a few items below that I think will go over well.

It's hard to go wrong with jewelry as a gift. I've recently discovered this website, and it is awesome. Amrita Singh is one of the hottest designers of fashion jewelry and is worn by celebrities all the time. If you want to make a big splash with your honey, get her the jewelry that the stars wear. Amrita Singh's Indian earrings and Indian bangles are amazingly beautiful. You can get both on the high end, or buy costume jewelry for much less of the cost.

Has your wife been complaining about her beauty appliances lately? Is she fed up with her hair dryer or wants a flat iron? You need to pay attention to these things because you can score huge brownie points with these Conair hair products. If she is tired of doing her own hair, you may also want to consider one of these human hair wigs. Again, many celebrities are using wigs and hair pieces as a fashion accessory. Your wife may love them!

Maybe your wife loves clothes, but you haven't had the best of luck shopping for them in the past. Well, have some fun with it. Get her a medieval dress or a pirate wench costume and go to a party. Or, better yet, stay home and role play. Hey, no one said Christians couldn't have fun with their spouse. Be adventurous and try something new! If everything goes right, you may have to point her to this awesome website for pregnancy information. Hey, God told us to be fruitful and multiply. Just so you know, if you love your wife better, multiplying becomes a lot more fun.

Do you travel a lot for work? Well, maybe your wife would feel more safe at home without you if she had some self defense products. The Taser C2 could make a perfect gift. Make sure you give her some good training, but this weapon may be right up her alley.

Almost all women love cosmetics. I've gone back to Bloftincosmetics.com time and time again because they have great products and free shipping. It also helps that my wife loves Alexandra de Markoff. The Disguise for Eyes and Countess Isserlyn are two of her favorites. She's also used Dermablend before and would swear by it. Find out what your wife's favorite makeup or perfume is and splurge on her.