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How to make a friend

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Friendship for Adults.

Making friends in school was easy because there were limited responsibilities, abundant time, and asking "do you want to play?" didn't get you slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit. But adults get lonely too, even when we have kids and spouses. Sometimes, you want to hang out with someone who has the same interests as you and trade silly stories.

And friendships play a role in life not intended for children and spouses to fill. Adults can and should have their own friends (if they choose), but the rules have changed since you were little...

With a little effort, adults can also have friends!

Table of Contents

When You're Grown-up...

friendships begin with a lot of effort on your part.
But the longterm pay-off is substantial.

Requirements to Get a Grown-up Friend.

aka "the rules"

1. Be willing to go outside your comfort zone: try a new class, be the first to speak up, join a club, sit in a cafe by yourself and sip some tea, make eye contact with others, and smile!

2. Be flexible: grown-ups (compared to kids) have much more varied schedules and many more commitments and obligations - try not to get frustrated when people have to reschedule and be open to multiple times/days.

3. Be thick-skinned: before someone is a "friend", they'll cancel and they'll change their mind, but that doesn't mean they aren't interested in being friends. Don't take rejection as the "final answer" (see rule #2).

4. Be prepared: have tea, cookies, ice cream, a board game, a good ear, an extra few minutes...so when someone drops by or asks to come by - you don't have to turn them down.

5. Be Yourself: don't change your core self around new people you meet otherwise you might end up with a "friend" you have nothing in common with and never want to see. It's best to be yourself and only attract people who genuinely like you for you. I mean, high school is over and if you can't be yourself now - why bother?

Important!

Modern Technology and Friendship

It's important to mention that technology has greatly changed friendship and there are some things to keep in mind when forming friendships in this modern age: get Facebook or Twitter, comment on your "friends" photos and updates, and be open to emails/texting as legitimate forms of communication.

Nurturing these forms of communication can help build a relationship, but don't replace a foundation of listening, dinner invitations, comfort, and time devotion.

Laughter really can be the best medicine! 

Make A Friend: Idea #1

Join a Class

There are all kinds of classes: scrap-booking, cooking, knitting, yoga, dance, cardio, painting, computer, new mother, recently divorced, single, rock-climbing - you name it, there is a class for it!

The best thing about a class is that there is really no downside. Even if you don't make a friend, you'll learn a new skill or find a new hobby so it's win-win!

Make a Friend: Idea #2

host a party!

Parties are great because you can invite co-workers, church-goers, classmates, or neighbors without knowing anyone too well and let them know that they can invite someone to come with them. This is a fast and easy way to bring multiple people together, some new and some old and potentially change an acquaintance into a friend.

Parties are fun for everyone even if no friends come out of the deal. Regardless, party hosting skills are great to have and can benefit you in other walks of life as well from family Thanksgivings to office parties!

Party Theme Ideas

a theme makes it fun!

  • Movie Theme - show a film, provide popcorn and soda and you're done!
  • Summer Theme - Welcome summer by providing a slip-n-slide, hot dogs, hamburgers, and chips. This one will be kid-friendly so you can expand the type of people who come (parents!)
  • Winter Theme - You provide a Hot Chocolate bar...an assortment of instant cocoa, mini marshmallows, peppermint sticks, cinnamon, whipped cream, and chocolates. If you have a fireplace - great! Bring out a board game and make it funny by wearing your silliest, most conversation starting Christmas sweater.
  • Super Bowl Party - You don't have to like sports to host a Super Bowl Party!
  • Pot Luck - a pot luck is great because it gets people involved. Traditionally, you provide the main dish and let others bring the compliments.
  • Girl Scout Party - During the season, invite everyone to bring a box of Girl Scout Cookies to share. You provide the healthy compliments like crackers, cheese, and veggies. This one can be good for involving parents who have daughters in the Scouts.
  • Favorite Things Party - Be like Oprah and invite people to bring one of their favorite gadgets or gifts to give. Everyone can put theirs on display and vote on their favorite - the winner gets a prize!
  • Ice Cream Party - This one explains itself. Make it more interesting by providing the ingredients needed for a Root Beer Floats! Otherwise, you only need a few gallons of icecream and loads of toppings! Don't forget the bowls (paper will be fine).
  • Tea Party - These are good because they can be hosted any time - morning, afternoon, or evening. And theyare low-cost - a few tea bags and some fancy cookies from the ethnic section in your grocer.

Tools for Hosting a Party

Pick a theme!

When you host a party, you might want to pick a theme. Holidays are tough because people often want to be with their family and random get-togethers lack incentive for attendance. A theme will hold things together!
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Make a Friend: Idea #3

join a club

There are just as many clubs as there are classes and clubs have less of a commitment than classes. They often meet less often and don't have fees.

You can easily access the web to find a listing of different clubs in your area. Don't be shy, most clubs don't require any experience to join. Don't see a club you're interested in joining? Why not start your own?

A book club, for example, can easily start with one or two people and quickly branch out to more...and then those party hosting skills will really come in handy!

“A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

New Friends, Old Friends...

tell us about your best friend!

Friends are family that we choose. That is a special role in life and we'd like to hear about your best friend. How long have you known them? How do you keep the friendship going?

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Amazon Knows Friendship

tools to make and keep friends!

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The Only Way to Have a Friend is to Be One. 

Check Out These Lens On Friendship...

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