How To Potty Train Your Child

Like walking or talking, children get around to potty training in their own time. Usually, they're ready somewhere between 18 and 40 months, so with that kind of range, you really shouldn't compare with anyone else!

First and foremost, they should be demonstrating better bladder control by staying dry for over 2 hours at a time. That indicates that they can be potty trained. Another great sign is if they are visibly uncomfortable when they go, and indicate that they want to be changed. That indicates that they want to be potty trained.

Dexterity is another bonus, so that they are able to pull down their pants by themselves.

Ok, you reckon your child is ready, so now what? Well, preparing your child for potty training is a good idea. After all, there is a lot for them to get used to, and up to now, they've been doing their business while running around, climbing on furniture, eating, sitting, sleeping, watching TV. Asking them to go out of their way to sit in one particular place every time they need to go, on the face of it, seems a little inconvenient!

So introduce them to the potty first. You may even be overwhelmed yourself when you go to buy a potty, but you really don't need a particularly fancy one. Some of them have games, and even talk to the child; others are ergonomically shaped and have removable inner-potties for easy cleaning. You can even get some that transform into a full toilet seat for when they progress on to that stage. It's nice to know the options are available, should you think your child would benefit from it.

My personal recommendation: whatever you get, buy a packet of stickers with their favorite cartoon character on it. They can decorate the outside of it themselves, and that will turn even a cheap potty into their own special little chair!

There are a few things you can do in advance to prepare your child for using the potty.

Get your child familiar with their new potty
First, try and encourage them to sit on it themselves fully clothed. Believe it or not, some kids don't know what will happen to them when they sit on this strange new device, so showing them that it's safe is a good start, and one less psychological hurdle to overcome. While you're at it, explain to them that when big kids need to go to the bathroom, this is what they use, because they don't need diapers any more. And as we all know, when all the big kids are doing something, little kids want to follow!

Keep the potty nearby
It is also helpful to keep the potty nearby your child at all times. Although some parents prefer to get their child used to the idea that the potty belongs in the bathroom, it can be very impractical at the start. Getting them used to the idea of a potty is more important than where it's located, so keep it around before training begins, and they'll get to know that it's always close by.

Play games!
Another tip is to try and turn it into a game. Take their favorite teddy bear, doll, or other toy, and pretend that they need to go to the bathroom. Have them "ask" you in a funny voice what they should do, and even have them jump up and down a bit. Then show them the potty, and sit them down on it, perhaps even with visible sounds of relief! Kids find this hilarious, and may even help you, while all the time, they're learning to associate what the potty is really for.

Prepare to clean up
Last, but definitely not least, make sure you stock up on cleaning products. Imagine everywhere your child could have an accident, and prepare to clean it. If you have wooden, laminate or tiled flooring, that's not so bad. Carpets and upholstery? Prepare yourself! And if you have soft furnishings with removable covers, place some plastic sheets inside them to limit the mess!

There are a few schools of thought on starting potty training. Some people say that when you begin, you should do day and night training together. Personally, I think that sounds like a lot of work, and from talking to other parents, both online and off, the general consensus seems to be that daytime training should come first. Children can get very upset when they have little accidents, so why not give them a break at night?

Choosing a day to begin potty training
To start, pick a day when you'll be at home all day, preferably when your partner is going to be home too. If possible, make sure one or both of you can be at home for a few days, like at a weekend. Explain to your child the day before that they're a big boy/girl now, and that from tomorrow, they won't be using diapers. Your tone is important here, because you want them to feel excited about being grown up, not apprehensive. Show them their new big-kid underwear (not pull-ups; keep them for bedtime), and get lots of pairs. It helps if they've got their favorite cartoon character on it too!

Now it begins...
Ready? Then just go for it! It's hard to predict how your child will react at first. After we showed our daughter how to put on her new underwear, we just gave her about a dozen pairs, and she spent half an hour running out of the room and running back in again, each time with a new pair on. She thought it was hilarious! Other kids, however, are a bit put out by not having diapers anymore, and may be upset. Often, it's not the diapers that are the issue, but the break in routine. Be sympathetic with them, but keep explaining what's going on, rather than giving in.

Finally, it probably goes without saying that potty training should be started at home (unless you've got very understanding friends and family!), and if possible, don't put too many clothes on your child. Trousers and shoes should be avoided as much as possible.

Inevitably, along comes the first little accident, and I've yet to come across a child who doesn't get upset by this. No matter how well you've prepared them, it always comes as a surprise.

Dealing with the first accident
Here's the first thing you should do: make sure the potty is nearby. I know some parents say you should keep the potty in the bathroom, and I've engaged in several heated online debates about this, but most people I've communicated with agree that in the very early stages of potty training, the potty should always be in the same room as your child. Worry about keeping it in the bathroom later (it is a good idea, but let's take it one step at a time). And now that they've had their first accident, you'll be glad you can get the potty over to them quickly.

Yes, that's right, you'll probably have to bring the potty to them. This is a completely new sensation for them, and it's likely they'll panic, and freeze to the spot. So bring the potty over, and encourage them to sit down on it, even though it will probably be too late. Clean up, congratulate them for sitting on the potty, and comfort them. It's a big hurdle they've just overcome, and they've done well.

The aftermath
Now would be a good time to talk to them again about what to do. Ask them if they felt like they were going to go just before they did. Explain to them that the next time they feel like that, try sitting down on the potty first, or letting mommy or daddy know so they can help. Often, the first accident comes without any warning, because they've never had to control it before. Don't worry, as they become familiar with the discomfort, it starts to become more obvious that they need to go, because they begin to fight it. They will start to squirm, and maybe even panic a little. Rush over to them straight away and put them onto the potty. Subjecting them to discomfort may seem a little cruel, but if they were using comfortable, absorbent pull-ups, the incentive to learn would be greatly diminished.

Besides physical indications, in the early stages, remember to ask them regularly if they need to go. Children will often get engrossed in activities, and will actually forget! A simple, regular reminder works surprisingly well.

Estimates vary as to how quickly children learn to potty train. Some books say they can teach you to potty train your child in 3 days, some even push it further and claim it can be done in one day, while not to be outdone, there is even a book that takes it down to less that a day! The reviews on Amazon would seem to back up some of the claims made in these titles, and I've been in touch with many parents that did manage to get it done over a weekend.

On the other hand, according to the Dr. Spock website, Robert Needlman, M.D. claims that potty training takes "a matter of two to four months of not too hard work" (source). I know that doesn't sound like a great book title ("Potty Train Your Child In 2 to 4 Months!"), but actually, after the first few days, it gets much, much easier! In fact, children make the biggest progress in the beginning, and after that, it's just a few accidents here and there.

Progress? What progress?
This brings us to another important point. What if you're child doesn't make any progress at all? The general rule of thumb is this: If you think your child is ready for potty training, try it for three days. If they've made absolutely no progress, then stop for a month or two, then try again. Be honest though. If you just think that it's hard work, but your child is starting to sit down sometimes, then it's still worth persevering. Rest assured, it does get much easier very quickly.

The Number Two's
A common topic that comes up on parenting boards regularly is that they feel their child is potty trained, because they'll always use it to pee, but for some reason, they won't use it to poop. The good news is that this is actually very common, and a normal part of the whole potty training routine for many kids.

Sometimes, the cause is down to something physical, like constipation. After all, if your child finds it painful to poop in a potty, they may be making the wrong associations by somehow thinking the potty itself was responsible. So, your first course of action would be to see if constipation is an issue, and deal with it through diet or a gentle laxative.

Even if this is the underlying cause, and you manage to sort it out, your child may still be apprehensive about using the potty. At this point, they are probably doing it somewhere less desirable, usually in their underwear. Unlike peeing, you can usually react quicker to bowel movements, as the physical signs are a little different. Usually, the child goes quiet and stands still, sometimes slightly bent over. You have a better chance of bringing the potty over in time, but even if you're late, or if your child just refuses to sit down, make sure to put the poo into the potty, and ensure that you show it to your child. Explain that "this is where poo goes".

Like everything, don't punish your child for not getting it right, because they'll resist that. Be as understanding as possible to get the best results, and do praise them when they get it even a little bit right.

It's different for boys
Boys are different to girls, and nowhere is the divide greater than in potty training! The general rule of thumb is that boys generally take longer than girls to train, partly because they also have to learn how to pee standing up. However, don't rush into this. Get them familiar with sitting down first, because otherwise it just gets confusing: "...but you said stand! Now look! Poop on floor..."

Once they've got the hang of that, and a better idea of the different sensations between peeing and pooing, then maybe look at standing up.

Question:
One reader contacted me after reading this lens: I have a question, should I buy different potty seats for a boy and a girl?
Good question, and because I couldn't reply to their email for some reason, I'll post the answer here instead.
Generally, they're all ok for girls, and usually for boys too, but there are a couple of points to watch out for with boys:
1: Make sure it has a 'splash guard' at the front, or else it gets a bit messy for boys. Most potties have one, but some toilet seats (especially folding ones) don't.
2: When training a boy to use a potty standing up, it can be a bit difficult at first. There are some specialist training urinals that you could get when you reach that stage, and also some 'target' stickers you can put in the potty (see below). Alternatively, you can just put a small piece of cereal and get them to aim for it. Yes, boys like to aim! If you'd rather stick with a potty rather than a urinal, just make sure it's not too small, with a good size back, and maybe put a few plastic sheets around it, to protect against near-misses!

Usually, parents will tackle night-time training separately, and I think that's the easiest and best way. Oh sure, you'll get pushy parents on discussion forums barking orders like "when potty training begins, get rid of ALL diapers, day and night. Otherwise you're just being lazy and have no right to have kids!!!!" Um, ok, calm down there. I think we all know people like that, but for the rest of us mere mortals, allowing your child to wear pull-ups in bed lets you tackle potty training one step at a time. It also gives both you and your child a much needed break, which lets everyone stay far more relaxed when tackling the daytime routine.

Actually, night-time training doesn't have to be difficult at all, and in most cases, it comes naturally. Here are some common-sense things you can do to help your child:

• A child will usually pee within an hour of having a drink. So, don't give your child any more drinks within an hour of bedtime.
• Get them to use the potty just before bedtime. Even if they don't go, it's a good habit to develop.
• If they wake in the night, ask them if they need to pee. Also look out for physical signs, in case they're too sleepy to answer.
• Bring them to the potty first thing every morning.

The moment of truth...
Now comes the big test: check their pull-ups every morning. If they're dry for 3 mornings in a row, then congratulations! You can now get rid of the pull-ups, and tell everyone how great your kid is!

Sound easy? Actually, that's pretty much all there is to it! You're not off the hook yet, however. Like daytime training, there'll still be little accidents — probably more so, because your child has less control when they're asleep. It's also common to have a slight regression, where they start to wet their bed most nights for a few days or weeks. This is perfectly normal behavior, so assuming there's no underlying medical condition, all you can do is be prepared for it.

Be prepared... again!
A mattress protector is essential, which can either be a vinyl sheet that goes under your child's regular sheet, or else a more modern quilted sheet that goes over the sheets and absorbs more than a bladder full of liquid. The quilted versions often have a vinyl backing, so fluids get absorbed, but go no further, while providing comfort to your child.

Also, make sure that every night there is a spare set of sheets, covers and pajamas. If they do end up needing them, get the other ones washed and dried as soon as possible, so you're always stocked up.

Night-time potty training usually happens more naturally than daytime, but the control your child learns during the day often helps to develop the night-time routine. One skill feeds off the other, because as using the potty becomes second nature, their unconscious mind (i.e. sleeping) is learning too. Although it might get messy along the way, once their night time routine is sorted out, you can confidently say that your child is fully potty trained. And it's a great feeling!

Learning to use the potty is a good start, but there are still a few things left to do. Firstly, if you haven't done so already, explain to your child that grown-ups use the bathroom, so maybe that would be a good place to use the potty too. Some people say it's like training a cat: get them used to going in a particular place (potty/kitty litter), then keep moving it closer and closer to where you actually want them to be (bathroom/outside). Thankfully, you can explain things a lot easier to a child, so it doesn't have to be as gradual as that. Just explain where to go, and help them out if they're confused. They've done the hard part, so getting them to use the potty in a particular room is easy!

The next step is moving on to the adult toilet. It's never too early to get them familiar with it, even if they're not quite ready to use it themselves. Show them how you empty the potty into the toilet, and get them to wave bye-bye to it with you when you flush. Even let them have a go at flushing it themselves!

Once again, there's no particular age to move from the potty to the toilet. Usually, when they seem comfortable using the potty, and are not having any regular accidents, suggest to them that they might be big enough to use a grown-up toilet. Don't push it, and they'll usually warm to the idea when their curiosity and ego lead them in that direction.

Of course, an adult toilet is too big for a child, so you'll need two items:

1. A child toilet seat, to make the toilet opening narrower.
2. A sturdy step, to allow them to safely climb up to the toilet.

There are several types of toilet seat, and I've tried lots of them! They all have pros and cons, so here's a summary.

The under-seat trainer
The first type is like a flat plastic disk with a molded support and splashguard. You have to lift up the toilet seat, place this down on the bowl, then replace the toilet seat to hold it in place. Because it's plastic, it's easy to clean, and it doesn't absorb any urine like some foam seats might. It is also quite secure, as long as the main toilet seat is properly attached. And they're relatively cheap to buy: it's just a lump of molded plastic after all! On the downside, it does take a little longer to get ready (lift seat, position, replace seat), and when you're toilet training, a couple of seconds can make all the difference! However, my daughter is now well past toilet training, and still uses this in one of the bathrooms, so it is a good, inexpensive and durable product.

Standard toilet ring
Next up is the standard child seat that most people seem to use (the one you can see in the picture above). These are ring shaped, usually padded, and often have handles either side too. They simply sit on top of the standard seat, so they're much quicker to set up. Surprisingly, any that I've tried (ok, my daughter tried, I just observed) have seemed very secure. Toilet seats tend to be quite standard in size, so the good brands fit like a glove, with no sliding around.

The padding can be a double-edged sword: on the one hand, they're very comfortable, but on the other, if the inner material is absorbent, and the outer material isn't durable enough, there could be hygiene issues. Thankfully, the better brands are of good enough quality where this is not an issue, but if you're worried, the rings are available with molded plastic seats instead. Finally, they usually have handles for your child to hold on to. Although they're not especially necessary, they do help to build a child's confidence.

The all-in-one family seat
Finally, there's the all-in-one family seat. This is one of the best investments I've personally made, because a child seat is going to be around for several years. Most child seats still have to be stored somewhere when the adults need the bathroom, and usually, that means putting it next to the toilet, where it remains until a child needs to use it. They take up space, and never seem to look tidy.

The all-in-one seat, however, is really neat. At first glance, it's just your average, everyday white plastic toilet seat, but in between the lid and the seat, there is a second seat tucked away, especially for children. So, lift the lid, it's a child seat, and lift that to reveal an adult seat. And if that wasn't enough, each seat has a soft-closing mechanism to avoid children getting their fingers caught.

The two potential downsides are that you have to replace your existing seat yourself (don't worry, it's not difficult, and only needs to be done once), and secondly, that you can't practically take it with you if you're travelling, unlike the other seats. However, for the reduced clutter, and the fact that it looks like a 'real' toilet seat (which really boosted my daughter's confidence whenever no toilet seat was available), it gets full marks from me!

When you've never gone through it with your child before, potty training is incredibly daunting. There are so many uncertainties, and because children can start throughout a wide range of ages, it's difficult to know when to begin. And of course, like many other developmental milestones, there are no shortage of people out there who will tell you that you're doing it wrong!

Relax. It's daunting, it probably won't go smoothly, and nobody gets it completely right, no matter what they tell you. Prepare yourself as best you can, then guide your child through it with plenty of empathy and praise. Once you get through the first few days, the worst will be over, so that's not so bad, is it?

Potty training is not a race or a competition, so respond to your own child's needs, and if they take longer than someone else, so be it. Some of the advice given in this lens may not be a perfect fit for your child: that's ok, if something doesn't work, try something else. I've provided a few handy links below to other resources that might work better for you, and I welcome any comments below that will help make this lens even better! Remember, nobody goes to college in diapers, and when training is over, it will all seem like a distant memory!

Good luck!