How to actually prevent a break up.

Lets face it, all things happen for a reason. Boyfriend cheats, wifes having an affair, fiance is seeing another guy who is actually your best friend...well, you name it, no matter how you try to deny it, there are reasons behind all these signs of a relationship breaking up. I hate to say it, but most of the time we are at fault ourselves. Thanks to the ever ignorant nature in most of us. These reasons bear obvious signs that most of us are just too ignorant to notice it because "it can only happen to someone else"...Take a step back to think what we have missed and try considering them. Here are the top Five reasons that I feel I myself have contributed to my past relationship failures.

I do not know about most of you but to me trust in a relationship can be as equal as having a Crystal vase in the middle of a kindergarten playground. Its the most fragile thing you can ever have in a relationship but we have to place it there to make it work. I loved my first ex with all my heart. Not telling her lies about things.Trusting her in every way because I believed that she was the reflection of me...that is, until I found out how she had actually got herself into a triangle love affair. Or better, just an affair. Theres no triangle in it. I am quite sure about it now. It just made me wonder if all those responds I got from her during our two year relationship were ever genuine.

What I've learned from this episode is that putting trust in a relationship can go both ways. That is, giving full trust to your other half can either work for you or against you. In this case of mine, it works for both. It works for her because she has misused it to gain for her own interest. And it worked against me because she managed to see someone else right under my nose. Bummer...

I would recommend to place trust accordingly. Adjust its level according to the current situation. Access it with due care and try not to be too blind on not to see it coming. When the time comes where it warrants for trust to be discounted, don't over react. It'll just makes things worse. Give the benefit of the doubt and see how the frequency of the events are. If the discrepancy is too obvious then you have to move to the next step.

I can say that blind accusation is a follow up of reason number 5 in the signs of breaking up. Where tensions are high, words can also be flying out of each other's mouth in a record breaking speed without anyone of you realized its full consequences.

Where trust is broken, blind accusation will reign the relationship. Every move the other party makes will give rise to suspicion which in turn becomes words that can be harmful. We need to analyze and validate the situation with rationale thinking before anything else. Keep our cool. Sometimes the most ridiculous event can actually happen and I can relate to that. I have tried explaining to my ex-girlfriend once on why I didn't answer her phone calls on the eve of her graduation and eventually didn't turn up on the actual event with an honest reason. Well I don't blame her but it frustrates me the most when the ridiculous truth was the truth. I've tried explaining to her that my cell phone couldn't get any reception during my fishing trip with my buddies and to make things worse, we got stuck out there in the sea because the boat's engine just didn't work as a squirrel somehow got stuck and died in it. She didn't believe me. And before I knew it, she started to accuse me of two timing her and all. Without a doubt, heated words were exchanged.

All I can say is that, if we can, minimize on this where ever is possible and see the rationale part of things. Come to a conclusion only when you are certain and never before all facts are laid down.

Things can never get done when yelling takes control of any problem solving sessions. This is particularly true especially in a relationship. I believe this is in fact one of the fastest way to get yourselves the ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend title.

Think about it, when was the last time you ever had anything solved with yelling? Really. Yelling is just another outlet of irrational thinking which can lead to a relationship break down. I know this too well as I have countless shouting matches with my ex before. Many of them I believe now contributes to my previous break ups. I have learned though. I will now always take a deep breath and give myself a buffer timing zone before getting back at the topic or problem at hand. Keeping a cool head does pay off. Try it and you will see the difference.

This is the one reason that I felt the most regret with. I didn't really spent much time with her. In fact, I feel this may be the reason on why my 1st ex decided to leave me. Always busy with my schedule and hanging out and catching up with friends, I tend to leave her on her own.

I treasure my current girlfriend now. Thanks to the lessons I've learned from my past relationships, I made a point to come out with a schedule in my busy life to make sure that I have good portion of time being allocated for things. A surprise vacation with her once in a while just makes her day :-)

This is THE number ONE reason why most relationship fails. The lack of communication. It can be a lot of reasons on how and why this can happen but whatever the reason you have, please make an effort on not to let this one happen. This factor can help to prevent all the above reasons from becoming the main ingredient of a break up,

If you have Trust issue, talk to your other half about it. If you have received blind accusations, talk to your other half about it. If you or your other half have not been spending time with each other, talk to your other half about it. Its all about talking and being straight to one another. Letting things to be out in the open does help to bring the relationship closer. It takes time and effort but it sure is an effort that we should make in order to prevent a break up from happening.

If the prevention does not work. Fret not, it is not really the end of the world. Think about it...As much as how there is a recipe for love, there is actually, in a way, recipe to prevent a break up and winning back that someone's heart, passion, desire and love. The evidence are everywhere that there is a formula to it. Think about it, how did Bill got himself out of a sticky situation with Hillary still by his side? He is not alone. There are many other countless unseen and unheard of situation where a break up seemed inevitable but in the end the couple managed to patch back. We may at one point in time have heard of some extreme cases where a wife managed to save her marriage even though she is the one who was involved in an affair and etc.

We sometimes wonder how did they ever do it. There is no magic in this. Its all about saying the right things at the right time. Most people who have broken up with their ex in extreme circumstances and got back, did just that. Saying the right thing at the right time. And most of the time, they did it by accident. Without knowing that they have actually used a formula to get their ex back. There is actually hidden science and art in this. A formula to follow just as how a maths formula will never go wrong if you apply them, the same goes for this situation.

As unconventional it may seem, this crucial step is an opening move to getting your ex to get back with you. This step is going to surprise you and maybe even your ex. What you need to do in this first step is to agree with him or her if they are the ones who initiates the break up. Agree with your break up. Really. React by saying with something like:

- "Alright, I'm seeing it coming and maybe its for the better for the both of us."

-" I'm glad you have brought that up. because I've been thinking of the same thing for a long time and i think its the best thing to do."

Or you may want to respond by writing a short hand written letter for opening moves. Remember, don't text message, don't call. A sample of what you can write may look something like this:

"Hey u know what, I was acting kinda crazy but you're exactly actually right. I agree that we should split up. Its probably the best thing for the both of us."

Don't panic if you think this response sounds ridiculous in trying to get your ex back. The rationale in this is this; you have to get on their side, you have to agree with them, you have to let them go before they ever want to come back. One reason this works is that, people want what they can't have. It's a universal fact. And that is precisely the strategy we are going to use.

The above step is just one of the many steps in this art and science of making up. The list goes on with several other steps to follow. You can learn a lot more about how these unconventional steps can help you by clicking HERE.

Why do women cheat when they've committed to a relationship? Are they dishonest? Untrustworthy? Cruel?

Guys who are cheated on will generally tend to see women this way. But they're looking at the situation from their own perspective based on their own understanding of the Dating Game.

And the understanding they have is very LIMITED.

The key to understanding why women cheat is to look at the situation from a woman's perspective.

Yes, I know. It can be difficult to look there and then at yourself, especially when you're the 'victim' -- when you're the one who was cheated on.

Most women are not ruthless cheaters. The simple math is that their boyfriends didn't understand how the Dating Game is played.

The truth is, most women will sooner be with someone temporary than be alone. They often keep boyfriends around as 'insurance' until a Cool Guy comes along.

But women know that they don't really have the CHOICE with a Cool Guy. He's the one who chooses her!

Since they know they have competition as he's likely seeing other women, they give it their best shot. And in case they're unsuccessful at catching him, they can always fall back on their Temp -- the clueless Nice Guy boyfriend.

Not only do they want to sleep with a Cool Guy because they know the sex will be great, they also know that unless they have sex with a Cool Guy, he's not going to even give them a second thought. So she cheats on her boyfriend.

Of course, she generally won't see it as cheating. To her, it's part of her long-term strategy for ensnaring a man she wants in the long-term.

Nice Guys don't understand this. They believe that when they have a committed relationship with a woman -- they have a girlfriend -- that's the end of the game.

It's a done deal.

It's only the beginning. And unless the guy she's dating understands this, he may actually be setting himself to be cheated on.

What's one crucial distinction between Cool Guys and Nice Guys? Since Nice Guys don't give themselves options, they leave themselves open to jealousy. And the moment a guy expresses jealousy in a relationship is the moment a woman starts thinking about finding a 'better' guy.

Her mind is made up, but she's not going to break-up immediately. She's going to wait until she secures more options first.

When you understand the reality of why women cheat?", the solution is to make sure that -- if you want a healthy relationship with a woman -- YOU choose her rather than letting her choose you!

You do this by dating several women at once.

No woman will cheat on a man who has CHOSEN her and maintains their relationship using the laws of attraction -- unless she's a psycho or sex-fanatic, in which case... why are you going steady with her in the first place?

Even though women love having guys chase them -- it gives them a huge "power surge" -- what they really want is a man who chooses THEM. This means she has to pursue and win him by beating the competition.

So why do women cheat? The answer is found in understanding the Dating Game from a woman's perspective. And how do you prevent a girlfriend from cheating on you? Be sure you're not her Temp by choosing her.

Article © 2007, Jay Julio

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