How to Solve Problems in a Marriage

In an ideal world when a marriage becomes troubled both partners would work together to try to figure out what is wrong and fix it. However, often times this is not the case. Your spouse may be distant, your communication may have broken down and he or she may not be willing to work on things right now.

Here's the deal. A marriage is a 50/50 relationship where you are half of the equation. Even your partner is not willing to work on things with you right now, you can still start taking action to try to improve your marriage and get back on track. Often times when your partner sees that you are really and truly trying they will be more willing to do their own work.

When people are in a troubled marriage, often times they tend to assign the blame squarely on the other person. However, in almost every case both partners are responsible in some way for the conflict.

Blaming or seeing what is wrong with "them" may be easier than looking at yourself, but isn't going to help you to fix the problem (even if they are working on things with you). Instead, each of you needs to take a step back and see how your actions may be contributing to the problem.

If you are working on how to solve your marriage problems together you can each ask yourselves these questions. If you are working on things alone for now just ask yourself.

Do you really listen to your spouse? Do you judge them, criticize them, treat their ideas as if they aren't important or belittle them in any other way? Do you interupt them when they are speaking? Would you treat a close friend the same way you treat your spouse? When was the last time you told them how much you appreciated them? When was the last time you did something nice for them out of the blue?

Do you always argue about the same things? Are those things the real issue or is there a deeper issue causing the conflict? Do you assume that you know what your spouse is thinking?

Do you treat your spouse like a doormat, expecting them to do everything for you? Or are you acting as a doormat, not saying what you want and then feeling resentful or like you are being taken advantage of?

Take a minute and put yourself in your spouse's shoes. If you can find a way to empathize with your partner rather than blaming or judging you will be in a much better position for communicating.

When you each can acknowledge your role in the cause of the conflict in your marriage, you will have a clearer idea of how to solve the problems and begin healing your relationship.

Not only that, but when you can each admit where you have gone wrong it puts an end to the blaming and turns things in a different direction. Instead of being caught up in conflict you can begin looking for solutions that you each can work on to improve your marriage.

If your partner does not bring up something on their own that you feel is a big issue, you are welcome to mention it to them. However, make sure you don't do it in a blaming or angry fashion. Instead, try to explain how you feel. For example: "I feel overwhelmed trying to keep up with the housework" is much better than "you never help me with the housework". Make sense?

The good news is that even though it takes hard work, working through marriage problems can help you build a stronger, healthier marriage.

If you still have unanswered questions and want to do everything you can to save your marriage, I would recommend checking out http://www.saving-your-marriage.info for some extremely helpful advice.