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How To Stop A Spouse Who is Having an Affair & Get Your Love Back
You find your spouse has cheated and you want to stop an affair from continuing. Nothing can be quite as devastating as finding out that your husband or wife has had an affair. Even if it was a "one night stand", the path of destruction it leaves is often so destructive that the marriage fails.
For a long lasting affair, not only does the non-cheating spouse feel the betrayal physically, but there is often an emotional component also. Did your spouse fall in love with the other person?
The question is How Do You Stop An Affair?
How To Stop An Affair FREE Report
Casting Crowns "Slow Fade"
How To Know If Your Spouse is Having an Affair and Stop It
How To Know if You Have A Cheating Spouse
1. Your normally clean cut spouse appears to suddenly be disheveled OR your normally sloppy spouse suddenly becomes very groomed (cologne/perfume, new clothes, etc.)
2. Mutual friends start acting strangely to you.
3. The cell phone suddenly becomes something to hide instead of being left lying around.
4. They are getting a lot of texts/emails/voicemails that they do not want you to see.
5. He/She joins a gym suddenly.
6. Stops wearing the wedding band.
7. Becomes less affectionate.
8. Stops having sex with you.
9. Starts working overtime a lot.
10. Buys new under garments.
11. Co-workers are uncomfortable acting around you.
12. His or her clothing smells unfamiliar like it has been washed in another detergent or other perfume/cologne is on it.
13. People call and hang up on the phone when you answer.
14. General change in attitude.
Of course, many of these signs could be totally innocent. But, when you put them all together, they just might spell A-F-F-A-I-R.
Click here to learn how to Break Free From The Affair!
How To Stop An Affair From Ever Happening
How to Prevent An Affair Before It Starts
Is it truly possible to stop an affair from ever happening? Click here if you want to learn how to Save Your Marriage.
There are a few things that you can do throughout your marriage to minimize the risk of an affair:
* Communicate with your partner. Don't let annoyances and petty arguments fester. Talk about them and try to understand your partner's viewpoint too.
* Touch each other. This may seem simple, but men especially need physical touch. It is how they express their love. Since men often have a tough time expressing VERBAL emotion, their only outlet is physical touch. When a woman withholds touching (sexual or otherwise), it is akin to withholding love for many men.
* Be open about your own temptations. If you are feeling vulnerable to an infidelity yourself, tell your spouse. It may open a conversation about what is lacking in the relationship.
* Seek counseling when needed. Don't wait until it is too late. Seek counsel from a minister, psychotherapist or even a trusted married couple.
Here's my favorite link:
There are Different Kinds of Affairs
Infidelity: Difference Between a Rage and Revenge Affair
by Dr. Robert Huizenga
The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free From The Affair" is called: "I Want to Get Back at Him/Her." This is the revenge affair.
It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in infidelity. It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from one's spouse.
Key Points:
1. The affair may be a direct response to the affair of the spouse. "I'll show you! Take this! I want you to hurt as much as I hurt." Or the affair may be revenge for some other form of cut-off or perceived emotional injury: "I'm not getting enough here, so I'll show you!" Or, "There, I got your attention!"
2. This typically occurs in a marriage where effective personal confrontation does not happen or happens ineffectively. There is a mistrust of expressing one's self fully to the other person. The marriage relationship usually is marked by civility, but the two, in essence, do not know each other very well. They are polite, but there is no fire. They may want more, but are not sure how to get more.
3. The fire that does exist is a smoldering tension under the surface of the marriage. The tension may be the result of the frustration that one or both experience when they believe their needs are not being met. There is a genuine desire for more - from the spouse - but it's not happening.
4. This form of revenge affair serves as a wake-up call for the relationship. If, and I use the word if advisedly, the couple can "get it out" - drain off the tension - and begin talking about needs, yes, the relationship stands a very good chance of turning into something wonderful. One or both must say with a great deal of passion, "I REALLY want you! I no longer will settle for the boiling frustration and seeming indifference to my needs. This is what I need and expect….."
5. There is another kind of revenge affair that holds less hope and is more destructive. A revenge affair may be the result of long-standing and unresolved anger or rage toward the opposite sex. There is a persistent pattern of the person pushing others away with rage or anger. There also is a great deal of projection, or this person blaming others for his/her situation.
6. This form of anger is more rage than frustration. The rage emerges from a desire to hurt rather than from the frustration of needs not being met. This person exhibits little concern, as well, for the other person. Whereas someone more frustrated because they want their needs met, is usually more considerate of the other person.
Tip: Begin to make distinctions between rage and frustration. Determine the type of revenge affair you must face. If it is rage, learn to protect yourself and set boundaries. Begin to take exceptional care of yourself. Begin to say no! If it is an affair of frustration, begin looking at your needs. Identify and express those needs. Take a risk. Turn up the passion button. Dare to engage about needs, both yours and the others.
How To Save A Failing Marriage FREE COURSE
What Will You Do If You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating?
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Has Your Spouse Had An Affair and What Did You Do About It?
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Reply
- Mike S Mike S Aug 19, 2009 @ 12:14 pm
- My wife has had an affair for over 12 months. I was told about in after 7 months. What have i done? Blamed myself for everything, tried to meet her every emotional need, be very nice, tried talking pursuading reasoning with her to end it. All to no avail. Went on a 2 week holiday tried to stop all communications with her lover but all have failed. Even met his wife again with no real effect. Just when i seem to be winning he seems to reappear and push the right buttons. Will he leave his wife unsure. I think if i try to end it all then he may well do so. So i conitnue with all of my failed strategies. Anyone got better ideas?
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