How To Save Your Marriage | Marriage Mythbusters

REALITY: Marital bliss, in reality, is a myth. While is may be necessary for there to be unconditional love for babies and young children the same isn't (and shouldn't) be true for married couples. We live in a world where we strive for personal happiness above anything else. If we, as a culture, continue to teach our youngsters (girls especially) that the key to their earthly happiness is a successful marriage then we will be raising people with little understanding for the real difficulties and intricacies of married life.

Couples are often stunned: "But we really love each other so why aren't we happy?" Perpetuating the myth that romantic love is all that is required to sustain marital bliss leave couples inexperienced in the skills that are needed to manage a long-term intimate relationship. As magnificent as love is, it doesn't conquer all and on its own it definitely will not avert or solve any marital problems that you may be experiencing. To achieve that, you need to understand what marriage is all about, learn specific skills and realize that you must put those skills into action...which requires attentiveness, time and hard work. Skills like those revealed on the How To Save Marriage blog.

REALITY: Couples often start out thinking that arguing is a bad thing. They want everything to go smoothly save for maybe a few minor hiccups along the way. Then they begin to feel the inevitable pressures over finances, sex, children and "who's doing the washing up tonight?"

All couples face these pressures and if you don't realize that then you may think that something is wrong with your relationship. Maybe the root of the problem has to do with unrealistically high expectations which leave you feeling vaguely disappointed.

Some couples decide to keep a distance from each other rather then argue about it. Ultimately many of these couples fail to prevent their marriages falling apart because the distance becomes too great for them to find their way back to each other. The phrase "we've grown apart" comes to mind. Arguing can be a positive thing in a marriage; it gets everything out on the table.

REALITY: sometimes, in a long-term relationship, a person's feeling for their partner can change and they take this to mean that the relationship is over and its time to move on. I disagree with that idea. It is one of the most destructive myths in a marriage and it is untrue and unjust.

When people are married, they make a promise to love and cherish each other. Save for them totally rewriting their marriage vows, they didn't promise to stay "in love" with their partner until the end of their days. But, if they feel they aren't "in love" at this moment in time, that is the position they seem to fall back to.

"Love" is something that you do and that is the promise made when you get married. In reality the marriage vow is "I promise to be loving toward you and I will treat you as a person to be cherished and treasured." Now that is what a marriage is all about, not some high-school romantic notion that you will be "in love" forever.

Feelings and emotions ebb and flow, sometimes it happens in a way that is out of our control. But the vow that was taken and the promise that was made...to act lovingly...now that is different thing altogether. Even if I don't have feeling of love I can still choose to act lovingly. When people start to think about their marriage and position the relationship around being loving and treasuring toward each other then the feeling of love will follow.

The divorce statistics would look whole lot better if we could dispel this one myth. A marriage is all about making a choice to love someone, not being susceptible to fickle emotions. The promise is to love, not to be in love.

REALITY: Nearly all relationships go through ups and downs. Day to day life throws us challenges and problems that require our attention. These preoccupations can elbow-out romantic feelings. It is precisely the time that making the choice to love is important.

REALITY: If you can't rely on your spouse then who can you rely on? Of course you want to feel secure in your relationship but you should make sure that you show your partner how much you really count on them being there and how much you rely on them. I don't know anyone who likes being taken for granted. Everyone likes to be appreciated and you should make sure that you let them know that you appreciate them. Even if it's just the little things like a love-note in with the lunch or a single red rose. Let your partner know that they are the person you want to be with. And take time to reflect on why it is that you want to be with them. Focus on the positives and reacquaint yourself with what a great person they are.

REALITY: You shouldn't expect your partner to be your one and only source of happiness. Your personal happiness must come from within yourself. Being married can add to you sense of happiness but it shouldn't be the primary source.

Find more great tips on How To Save Marriage on my blog.