How To Win Your Spouse Back - Take It Slow

Relationships do not just go bad overnight. So why do people expect to fix the problems so quickly? Most likely because it is such a painful, emotional rollercoaster that we have to deal with. It takes time. Don't give up. If you have come to the conclusion that your marriage is falling apart quickly, you need to take the steps to discover how to win your spouse back. In the list below, you will find 10 steps to start repairing your marriage, even if one spouse does not want to. You have to make changes and those changes start with you - not your spouse.

1. Making lists is good. Start by listing the things you would like to change about yourself. Do you nag? Are you critical of things in general and especially in the area of your spouse? Do you tend to be a negative person where you always see the glass half empty? Do you know what triggers to put in place to set your spouse off? Because if you do then surely you must know the positive things you can do to make your spouse feel wonderful. Are you unhappy about your appearance, your job or your life that makes you impossible to live with? Does jealousy rear it's ugly head toward your spouse's co-workers, friends and acquaintances? Do you demean your spouse adopting the attitude that nothing is done right unless you do it and then become upset because you are doing everything?

You need to take a hard look at yourself and wonder if you may be part of the problem when all along you thought it was your spouse. You may be surprised at your findings.

2. After time, if your spouse that wants out seems to be open to trying to work together, you will need to establish good communication. Learning to talk to each other and not at each other is imperative. Understand each others feelings. There are no right and wrong feelings here. Feelings are feelings and we can't always say why we feel a certain way - we just do. Validate each others point of view and let each other know that their opinions are important.

3. Control your anger over issues in the past that have upset you. Getting mad and shouting at each other is counterproductive. Don't assume your spouse knows what is bothering your or what you are feeling. Speak calmly and refrain from pointing the finger. Honesty is the best policy but do not be hurtful. Nothing will get resolved if issues aren't aired.

4. Have a date night. You have probably heard this often before but it really is important. If you remember back when you first met, you spent a lot of time together. You need to take time out of your busy schedules and get alone time. Go out for a coffee or to a movie. Take a walk in a park. Have a nice relaxed dinner without the kids. Make a romantic dinner at home and then afterwards, dance. If he says he doesn't dance, then have him hold you and sway. You want to connect on both an emotional and physical level.

Step By Step Guide On How To Win Your Spouse Back

5. Strengthen your family bond. Instead of one parent taking care of the kids, you both do it. Some things you can do together with your children and sometimes you will have to split up time spent with the children. Your children will benefit by one on one time as well as family gatherings. Designate Sunday as movie day where you watch a movie and make some popcorn. Play a board game together or color and make pictures.

6. Compliment each other instead of criticizing. Positive reinforcement works wonders whether it is directed at your children or your spouse. Admit when you are wrong - do you always have to be right? If so, then you would want to work on that area as mentioned in point number 1. Take notice of saying nice things to each other often. Dinner was great. You look wonderful today. Thanks for clearing the table after dinner. The list can be endless and it is a small detail that you will reap rewards from.

7. Have time for yourselves. Both of you need time away from each other and the kids. Do not begrudge this time you give your spouse to be away. It can energize the time you do get to spend together. If you have hobbies you share, that is great too. However, most couples also have hobbies they do not share and they should each be able to take the time away and enjoy themselves. It is a great stress reliever.

8. Work together as a team instead of against each other. Split up chores so that one spouse is not over burdened. Have respect for what each other accomplishes in a day and thank them for it. Show a united front in every aspect especially in raising your children. United we stand, divided we fall. Back each other up instead of going against each other. This will help build a strong bond as you are both on the same page.

9. There are many reason why people choose to stay together. Finances plays a large part in this situation. List the positives of staying married. It is proven that happily married people live longer than single people. Of course staying together just because of finances is a recipe for disaster. If you are going to stay together for the long haul, you might as well be happy doing it.

10. Another list. This one is in the financial area of your marriage. How much will a divorce cost you and your spouse? How will everything be divided? Will it be difficult to live on your salary? Take into account everything from checkings to savings accounts to any 401K or retirement plans. Will the house have to be sold?

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When all is said and done, keeping your family intact is probably one of the hardest things to do - BUT it is one of the most rewarding aspects of life. In order for this to happen, changes will have to be made. Calm down and take it slow. You have the rest of your life to build a fantastic relationship.