It Matters How You Think

The Titanic sinking was a disaster, but it never signified that all ships sink.

One painful relationship break-up does not reveal a never-ending pattern of disappointment. One bad grade does not mean you ALWAYS have gotten, or will get, bad grades. One foot-in-the-mouth doesn't indicate eternal stupidity (only momentary stupidity).

Filters are generally used to keep undesirable things out while letting desirable parts flow through. But a mental filter distorts things. It picks out one aspect of a situation or person, blinding you to all other aspects.

If you play a piano piece in a recital, and make one mistake, and afterward focus only on the mistake, change your filter!

Magnify: to see things bigger than they really are.
Minimize: to see things smaller than they really are.

Negative results, or difficult problems, often appear larger than they are. Diminishing (disqualifying) positive personal qualities and experiences can make you feel smaller than you are.

A traffic ticket is not the end of the world. One tiny step toward a goal is a step that needs to be taken.

What makes the picture above? The white or the black? Of course, there would be no picture without both. Not to mention all the shades of gray in between the two poles.

If you see, or believe, something can be ONLY one of two extremes, you're engaging in all or nothing thinking.

It sounds like this: "I always flub-up when things are going well." "You are always right." "Every time I plan a picnic, it gets cloudy." "Nobody likes me." "Everybody likes me."

Umpires give the thumb to ball players that are "out." Certain things disqualify a player in a baseball game.

In the game of life, we too often disqualify positive evidence about our self or our performance. A game can't be played using only disqualifications.

Labels are good for differentiating things. They help us organize and keep track of our stuff.

But all too often when we label something or someone, all we see thereafter is the label, not what's "inside" or currently true.

He's dumb. She's a bimbo. I'm a screw-up. That narrows people and things down to one word and will color all our future perceptions of them.

Give first impressions a second, fresh look. Its also healthy to question the labels plastered on you by yourself or others.

Do you assume the worst about what other people think of you?

If you automatically assume people think ill of you, you are "mind reading" without being psychic. What we automatically believe people are thinking about us is really our own belief about our self.

What others think of you is none of your business!

Some people are good at reading the future. Most of use are not.

If you automatically ASSUME you know what is going to happen because it "always" happens that way, you are a quack fortune teller feeding yourself false information.

(On the other hand, it is true that if you always do things the same way, you will give yourself what you've already gotten.)

There's a reason why people say "hind-sight is 20/20." Because it is. You can always see after-the-fact what you, or someone else, SHOULD have done or said. Duh!

SHOULD-ing is like trying to drive a car forward with your eyes glued to the rear view mirror. I don't think they teach that in driver's ed.

Pointing at yourself every time something goes wrong is a bad habit. So is pointing at someone else, if the responsibility is yours.

Feeling as if you've done something wrong does not mean you have done something wrong.

Blaming others does not fool anyone, except maybe yourself.