Humor Series: Light Bulb Jokes

Question: How many conservative economists does it take to
change a light bulb?
Answer: None. If the government leaves it alone, the darkness
will improve all by itself.

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Q: How many liberal economists does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: One, plus forty billion dollars, a huge tax increase on the
rich, more deficit spending, and the recognition that it's all
the Republicans' fault the bulb burned out.

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Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Let's see. One to spot the burned-out bulb, one to authorize
a requisition, twelve to file requisition copies, one to
deliver the requisition order to the purchasing department,
one to order the bulb, one to forward the purchasing
order, one to fill the order, one to receive the bulb . . .

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Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is
being done while the other screws the bulb into the water
faucet.

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Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten. One to change it and nine to write songs about how
great it was before electricity.

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Question: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light
bulb?
Answer 1: Only one, but the light bulb must want to change.
Answer 2: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Answer 3: How long have you been having this fantasy?
Answer 4: How many do you think it takes?

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Q: How many cops did it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

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Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program
to bring light to the people, one to report it as diabolic government
plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to
win the Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the electric company
hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first
place.

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Question: How many computer programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Answer 1: Three. One to change it, one to write a manual, and
one to work on the upgrade.
Answer 2: None. That's a hardware problem.
Answer 3: None. "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
Answer 4: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

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Q: How many high-technology reporters does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
A: Four. One to write a review of all the existing light bulbs so
you can decide which one to buy, another to write a
remarkably similar article in another magazine the next
month, a third to have a big report come out on glossy
paper two months later that is by then completely out of
date, and the fourth to hint in a column that a new and
updated bulb is coming out that will make this one completely
worthless.

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Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a lot of light bulbs!

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to screw in the bulb, and three more to share the
experience.

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Q: How many Virginians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to hold the ladder, one to screw in the bulb,
and one highly refined lady to remark how much lovelier
the old bulb was.

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Q: How many Oregonians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Forty-two. One to hold the ladder, one to screw in the bulb,
and forty to draft the environmental impact statement.

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Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One hundred and two. One to hold the ladder, one to
change the bulb, one hundred cops to make sure the first
two aren't mugged.

Q: How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have
been THIS big!

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Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

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Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: One to do it and two to argue about whether that was the
way Bill Monroe would have done it.

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Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle and
one to change the bulb.

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Q: How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side.

Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: CHANGE??

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Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light
bulb?
Answer 1: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
Answer 2: Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply
read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide
to change itself.

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Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to bind the spirit of
darkness in the room.

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Q: How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light
and darkness.

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Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your
donation today.

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Q: How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: Only one, because any more would be compromise, and
ecumenical standards of light would slip.

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Q: How many liberal theologians does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not
the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence
of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep
from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

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Q: How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.

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Q: How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change
light bulb?
A: One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

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Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: Ten. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how
much they liked the old one.

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Q: How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: About sixteen million. However, they are badly divided over
whether changing the bulb is a fundamental need or not.

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Q: How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb. Another to replace the new
with the old after shaking it and finding it can be revived
with a second blessing.

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Q: How many United Church of Christ members does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to
organize a covered dish supper that will follow the
Changing of the Bulb Service.

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Q: How many Lutherans does it take to change a light
bulb?
Answer 1: There is some question here. But we have it on good
authority that they have appointed a committee to study
the issue and report back at their next meeting.
Answer 2: We read that we are to so fear and love God, that we
cannot by our own effort or understanding comprehend
the replacement of an electromagnetic photon source. It is,
rather by faith, NOT by our efforts (effected toward the
failed worldly incandescence), that we truly see, and that
our own works cannot fully justify us in the presence of our
Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course, it is still dark.