Humorous Poetry

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TOO DEEP
My husband says my poems are too deep
Complains they are too elusive
So forgive me please
This one's for him
I'm keeping it simple for stupid!

Twenty long years ago I was struck by cupid
Got me right through the heart
Grown wiser since then
Tore it down to size
Now it's a three inch dart

Don't get me wrong you're a fabulous guy
And I'll always love ya honey
But if I had to do it over again
I'm telling you straight
I'de have to do it for money

Worry not my sweet you will always be
My little balding eagle
You're always there
With your food dish in hand
Much like Charlie's Beagle

I'll stop teasing you now
after all you gave me four perfect sons
They're gorgeous like a seaside tide
Don't get excited babe
You must have figured out
They get that from my family's side

Ok Ok I'll say something nice
You really are a great father
But before your head swells
Remember this, it takes a real man
To make a daughter

So this love poem is for you
All these compliments yours to keep
Can you tell how much
You're appreciated now
Or was I just a little too deep!

From "the wife"
"You know I love ya honey"

by Barbara Tremblay Cipak, Copyright

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Application Hell
Do you know how many jobs are out there?
Apparently, the superabundance is so overwhelming,
it will make me cry with gratitude.
The choices are spectacular!
Employers en masse, like a parade of dancing cash.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
twenty two hours of cover letter re-design,
and days of emailing to those who are dying to hire me.
Oh yes.
I warned my neighbours of the coming onslaught.
Checked the local bylaws
to ensure the parade of opportunity conformed.
Adorned my body in pinstripes.
The hair. You should see the hair:
Arched at the edges it screams Management Material!
Oh yes. All is good.
Six months have passed.
Do you know how many jobs are NOT out there?
Apparently, the drought is so overwhelming,
I had to stop crying. I couldn't afford the tissues.
The choices for car washing, flipping burgers and pouring coffee,
spectacular.
I'm not educated to wash, flip, and pour;
I really should have planned better.
Employers must be IN Mass.
And cash doesn't dance.
Credit cards do.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
Twenty hours of cover letter re-design and months of emailing.
gave me one thing I didn't have, cramps.
Oh yes, the bylaws need revamping...
employer onslaughts, went with the wind.
About my hair. It's a lovely shade of in-shock grey.
Pinstripes? Let's not go there.
So what have I done for me lately,
I whipped out the good china to have a coffee,
Didn't have time to use it before.
Unemployed class, all is good.

by Barbara Tremblay Cipak, Copyright

BUY ME THE EASTER BUNNY
The magnificent art of my six year old son
Read, "Mom I know you can get this job done"
"Easter is coming, but don't buy me a toy"
He said, "forget about candy, I'm a changed little boy,
Don't give me games, or big wads of money,
Buy me the best gift
and I'm not trying to be funny,
Buy me the "big guy"
the real Easter Bunny"
I said, "son, I'm afraid the Easter Bunny's not for sale"
So he asked if he could just get a hair from his tail?
"I'd be a Show and Tell smash Mawm, just get me that hair!"
I said, "son, he's invisible, you can't see him anywhere"
So pouting and dejected he began to walk away
But not before he had this little gem to say:

"It's funny Mawm, you can't buy me the Easter Bunny,
or get me a hair from his tail,
but he apparently leaves candy in each house as a trail,
and no one can see his head, arms or legs,
but I'm supposed to believe he lays chocolate eggs!"

"Thanks for nothing Mawwwm."

by me, Barbara Tremblay Cipak, copyright
*******
Note: Free Bunny Clip Art is from, wizardofdraws.com

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FAT LOSS
This is a loss I will accept
goodbye to fat without regret
turns-out all is not okay,
as I heard a voice in the distance say,
"hey you!, yah you, where's our wiggle,
we don't bounce, sag, or jiggle!"
"Who's that" I asked completely shocked,
"down here", it said, "can you hear me talk?,
I do much better when I strut,
nice to meet you, I'm your butt"
"WHAT!" I screamed
"Butt's don't talk",
"oh sure" it said, "I don't just walk!
Where's our fat, it keeps us warm,
we were big and shaggy and in top-form,"
"Um, excuse-me please", I blurted out,
"our fat had to go, so don't freak-out!,
I was getting tired, really worn-out,
so now I eat healthy and work-out,
No offense, but less of you looks better,
I don't have to cover you up with my sweater,
Wiggling to the world in these tight jeans
is what my fat loss really means"
"you're pretty shallow", stated my butt,
I said, "dude, just do what you do best
Let's strut!"

by me, Barbara Tremblay Cipak, Copyright

Are You a Fan of Good Riddles? All originally written, by Barbara Cipak

RIDDLE 1 from Humorous Poetry
It's something you can attend
or something you can do
it can give you really sore feet
and there's different types too
it can describe circling the truth
or make the sky lose it's blue
cause some people do it
to bring rain down on you

Riddle 2
Many things do this
including some trees
holding a baby
we do it for sleep
all buildings and bridges
do this unseen
it allows play in the structure
but won't visually lean
so what could I be
I'll give you one final clue
one word in this riddle
rhymes with me too

Riddle Answers are Here