I Hate Bananas
They tell you bananas are healthy - a good source of potassium and part of a balanced diet. That's just what they want you to think. I, for one, know better.
My taste buds will never again be besmirched by bananas. This is my promise to myself. But an unwary eater will be besieged by bananas as they infilitrate foods, drinks and recipes at an alarming rate.
Those among us who like bananas are not bothered by this travesty. And so, fellow banana haters, it falls to the rest of us. We must unite! We must find a way to destroy bananas everywhere... before bananas take over the world.
Okay, okay, maybe bananas aren't evil incarnate. Maybe they even have some good and healthful qualities. But not everyone will eat them, due to an irrational hatred or perhaps an allergy or even a simple and sane disliking of this foul fruit. Therefore, healthful substitutes for bananas are necessary.
New Table of Contents
Bananas and You
My Banana Spiel
How Bananas Infiltrated my Spiritual Life
These are things in life I find irritating. Some helpful person (banana loving freak...) always insists on saying one of two things:
"You can barely taste the banana."
or
"You can't tell there are bananas in here at all."
Upon telling me this, they seem to feel they've said all that is necessary to convince me to eat whatever we've just discussed.
But that way madness lies. Madness, and learnig to... like bananas. I must not let this happen! One day, in the midst of a rant to a friend about this very subject, I was struck by the force with which I avoided all things banana.
I remember thinking, in tones of wistful longing, that I wished I loved God more than I hated bananas. And ever since then I've had the niggling thought that God might one day ask me to eat a banana! A thought both horrible and unlikely. I hope.
These days, talk of bananas always reminds me of that moment; it makes it difficult to maintain the purity of my hatred toward bananas. But I give it my best shot!
Mark 12:30 (King James Version)
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength.
The worst thing about bananas?
It's a toss up between those little white strings and fake banana flavoring in candy and kid's medicines... yucky!
The Truth About Bananas
If you know someone who loves bananas, they may try to persuade you from your hatred by sharing the following details. But stay strong!
We can resist the Banana Brainwashers if we stand united against them.
- You can use a banana peel to effectively polish your shoes. You will want to use the inside of the peel on your shoes, and then go over them with a dry paper towel, cloth or toilet paper.
- There are 3 sugars in bananas; fructose, glucose and sucrose. This is why eating a banana will help with your sugar cravings but potentially screw with your diet!
- It is the norepinephrine and serotonin in bananas that make them helpful mood regulators and sleep inducers. Both are derived from the protien tryptophan, which is found naturally in bananas. The vitamin B6, also in bananas, helps with mood and sleep issues as well.
- A banana peel may help with the irritation caused by mosquito bites. Rub the bite with the inside of the peel.
- One of the biggest benefits of bananas is the potassium they contain. Potassium has a myriad of benefits I am just to lazy to list.
- All fruits and vegetables are only as good as the soil they are grown in.
Hate Bananas? Try Kiwifruit!
Bananas Cookbook:
101 Recipes with Bananas
(101 Recipes)
I don't think you can shine your shoes with them, but kiwifruit makes some tasty treats!
Kiwifruit is a good source of potassium if your picky eater just won't touch bananas. However, you can substitute virtually any fruit in place of bananas in a recipe! Test the limits of your creativity and let your palate reap the rewards!
What do you think?
Do you love bananas? Can kiwifruit be beat? Do you think my anti-banana obssession is insane?
More importantly, do you have a fabulous banana recipe that could become a fabulous kumquat recipe?
