I HATE COWS
Ranked #6,220 in Pets & Animals, #154,342 overall
Cows Are Evil
"Awww, I like cows," Amy said.
The conversation had somehow turned to cows. I'd just let slip my dark secret. Nature lover, volunteer farm hand who will clean out poopy duck pens or muck stalls for the fun of it, champion of humane spider removal -- but I hate cows.
"Cows are evil," I said, almost at the same time.
Everybody laughed.
They didn't understand the danger. How could they? They'd never seen the evil of cows.
None of them had ever lived out in the country. I have. I know what it feels like, standing next to an entire herd of cows. They exude stupid. If you're not careful, they'll suck the brains right out of you!
I don't condone animal cruelty. I won't buy from farms that use drugs or keep animals in tiny pens. I buy organic. I don't eat red meat often, but when I do, I take great satisfaction in knowing I'm saving the world from evil cows.
The conversation had somehow turned to cows. I'd just let slip my dark secret. Nature lover, volunteer farm hand who will clean out poopy duck pens or muck stalls for the fun of it, champion of humane spider removal -- but I hate cows.
"Cows are evil," I said, almost at the same time.
Everybody laughed.
They didn't understand the danger. How could they? They'd never seen the evil of cows.
None of them had ever lived out in the country. I have. I know what it feels like, standing next to an entire herd of cows. They exude stupid. If you're not careful, they'll suck the brains right out of you!
I don't condone animal cruelty. I won't buy from farms that use drugs or keep animals in tiny pens. I buy organic. I don't eat red meat often, but when I do, I take great satisfaction in knowing I'm saving the world from evil cows.
Why I Hate Cows
Cows Destroyed My Innocence
I learned about the evil of cows at age four.I suppose I should thank cows for my introduction to theodicy. I might have remained a naive animal-lover, prey to the first grizzly bear or fruit bat or dolphin that wanted to devour me.
Cows taught me that if you are generous and kind and thoughtful, if you take the time to gather the yummiest clover and grass for a hungry cow, the cow will eat your favorite mitten. And Mommy can't make the cow give it back!
That's a valuable life lesson.
Am I grateful? No! I hate cows. Cows are evil. Evil, I say!
Finger Puppet Gloves
Okay, it was a glove, not a mitten, but cows are still evil
The mitten the cow ate looked a lot like these. Grandmommy had knitted them for me. Each fingertip was knitted as a tiny person or animal with a bit of yarn on top for the hair. Each face was different. They were so cute!
They Hate Cows, Too
See? See?
According to social media, Amplicate estimates that 1 in 5 people hate cows. This is troubling news. That means that 4 out of 5 people have been brainwashed by evil cows.
Why I Love Aliens
E.T. Saves Us From Cows
Recommended Links About The Evils of Cows
I'm trying to warn you before it's too late
- Illuminati Agent Fails to Disarm Soviet Nuke Disguised as Cow
- WBIR - Knoxville, TN. You can't make this stuff up. (Also see this article with police report.)
- Will Cows Rule the Earth in 2012?
- Ali Dark tries to reassure us that chickens are a greater menace than cows. I am not reassured.
- War on Climate Change Targets Flatulent Cows - Times Online
- British scientists race against time to save us from evil cows.
PROOF! I FOUND PROOF!
Look at this!
THE BOVINE ILLUMINATI!
Now do you believe me?
Are You Convinced?
Do you understand now why I hate cows?
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Guestbook (Please, No Flames)
This Is a No-Cow Zone
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COUNTRYLUTHIER
Sep 23, 2011 @ 11:27 pm | delete
- Tee hee, I wouldn't look under the bed! They're thereeeeee. Awfully funny lens. I on the other hand am a lover of bovines and attended Moo Uuuuu. Thanks for sharing.
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PrettyWorld
Feb 28, 2011 @ 12:55 pm | delete
- I like cows and have a very sweet pet cow named Connie. She's a freemartin (heifer born twin to a bull which causes the female to be sterile) and has a lifelong home here. She mooooos our lawn and contributes to our compost heap. She also does occasional Lady Ox work and allows us to ride around on her. Connie asked me to tell you that she would never eat mittens or traumatize children.
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Greekgeek
Feb 28, 2011 @ 1:43 pm | delete
- If only it had been Connie and not that evil cow! I never thought i'd say this, but she sounds like a nice cow.
Sometimes I miss being in farm country.
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LabKitty
Feb 14, 2011 @ 8:21 pm | delete
- @rwoman: Black Sheep (2007) - WE THOUGHT THE SAME THING! (how weird is that? Answer: very weird).
@GG: +10 internets for somehow working the word "theodicy" into a lens on cows. :-)
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rwoman
Nov 17, 2010 @ 6:58 am | delete
- There is a movie trailer about carnivorous sheep if you want to do an alternative lens on that subject...also, I had a dog that had a love affair with a cow. It was a very curious relationship...
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More Cute Finger Puppet Gloves
A cow would gobble them up in 2 seconds.
by Greekgeek
Greekgeek
Greetings! I'm not Greek, I just love I Hate COWS by Dillydoo Design color flyers at zazzle more »
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Amazon Spotlight
Look, an evil cow!
The Secret Life of Cows
Amazon Price: $9.65 (as of 02/22/2012)
Just look at that sinister expression. There's something purely diabolical about cows.
