I Love Kitsch!

When I was a kid, we took occasional family road trips to Florida. Enroute, a major source of excitement was South of the Border -- a rest stop and tourist attraction on the border between North and South Carolina. For miles before we arrived there would be cheesy signs advertising it: Pedro sez: Chili today, hot tamale.

The stop itself consisted of a restaurant and gift shop picturesquely situated between the legs of a gigantic, stylized Mexican in a sombrero and chaps. I loved that place. The gift shop was huge, crammed with kitschy novelties and quirky souvenirs that always had me and my sister begging for some fascinating object. South of the Border has expanded over the years and now is a much larger attraction with multiple shops, rides, miniature golf, a soda bottling plant, and more.)

Not everybody wants to play with toy soldiers or superhero action figures. If your tastes lie in other areas, you can still indulge your need to play with little plastic creatures. These days, there are action figures to suit a wide variety of interests and inclinations. So what are you waiting for? Populate your own little world and stage stories with your own particular heroes..

• Oscar Wilde and Alexander the Great can be best buds. Maybe they'll let Blackbeard join the gang.


• Conduct your own literary salon with Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde, Edgar Alan Poe, Shakespeare, and Charles Dickens. Invite Seth Godin to give a talk on blogging to enhance the brand. I'm guessing Jane will have to pour the tea.


• Bach, Beethoven, Mozart. and Wagner can have a jam session and Sherlock Holmes can help the Crazy Cat Lady find her missing kitty.


• Marie Antoinette is a game all by herself. Her court dress and wig are removable -- as is her [ejectable!] head (too bad there isn't a Red Queen action figure to shout "off with her head!") Before you relieve her of that head, though, consider inviting Freud and Jung to analyse it. Of course, you could bring in the Harry Houdini figure to change her fate... If she does get a new lease on life, introduce her to Van Gogh, who comes with interchangeable heads (with and without second ear). If you experiment with putting one of his heads on Marie and vice versa, nobody will know but you. Of course, she could date Houdini, but since he comes with leg shackles, a straight jacket, and handcuffs she might not be out of the woods completely.


• Moses is ready to join the fun and it might be a good idea to team him up with the Cafeteria Lady. She certainly would have simplified feeding everyone during those 40 years in the desert.
  

Meat seems to be an inordinately large novelty category. Archie McPhee and Accoutrements both offer succulent arrays of merchandise, but items can be found at other online locations also.

• bacon-flavored toothpicks, dental floss, gumballs, and lip balm
• bacon bandaids (after all, what could be more appetizing-looking than little strips of breakfast meat wrapped around your finger -- or one of your little piggies)
• bacon-scented soap or car air freshener
• a bacon belt (expandable from 30" to 40")

Branch out into other animal proteins with meatball bubblegum, an I Love Meat sticker assortment, or inflatable meatloaf or turkey. Try the inflatable fruitcake or cupcakes for dessert, or inflatable toast if you want something, er, lighter. The kiddies will have hours of fun sailing their inflated meat in the pool this summer, or in the bath this winter. Who needs a rubber duckie when you can float a big ol' air-filled turkey? I should qualify that. Who needs a rubber duckie unless it's one of the many devil duckie varieties offered by McPhee?