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The Importance of Self Esteem

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Being A Good Person

I always had in mind about the need to write an article about low self esteem and the importance of building good self esteem. However, as professional writer on self development topics, I was surprised to find how many people search the internet for the phrase 'I want to be a good person' and 'how to be a good person' or simply 'how to be good. I was expecting to find a greater number to search for 'better person' or 'how to be a better person'. It is for the simple reason that many of us feel that we are already 'good' and are looking for ways to become 'better'.

Let us start by putting one argument to rest first by saying that 'no one is bad by design or by creation. There can be no single soul which can claim that 'I am the epitome of goodness'. There is always scope to become a better person by building a healthy self esteem. There is always scope to being closer to becoming good by developing good qualities and good positive attitudes and eliminating low self esteem and developing an inner self confidence.



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"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."

- Jay Leno

Self Esteem and Self Confidence

Let us get to the point straight - If you do not have self esteem, you cannot develop self confidence. To understand self esteem let us break the term into two words. Let us take a look at the word esteem first. Esteem is a word for holding that someone or something as highly regarded and respected. And self means, well, yourself! So put the two words together and it's easier to see what self-esteem is. It's how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It is how you see yourself> and how you feel about your achievements. It is not about thinking you are perfect - because nobody is - but knowing that you are worthy of being loved and accepted just as you are.

Obviously, when you hold yourself with an inner value, you can showcase yourself with confidence. And when you feel good from within, only the good part of you that will manifest itself.

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The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back:

Overcoming the Behavior Patterns That Keep You From Getting Ahead




Editorial Review From Publishers Weekly
Superbly suited to write an authoritative book on career success, these two Harvard Business School psychologists have developed an Internet-based career assessment program used in business schools and have amassed considerable insight into the realities of workplace behavior patterns through their research and executive coaching. In this comprehensive book, they strive for a tone that's authoritative but not too academic, and succeed in creating a thoughtful book that is helpful, though curiously blandAespecially compared to Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, whose market the authors seem to target. Arguing that people can learn from their failures, Waldroop and Butler focus on personal weaknesses rather than successes, identifying a dozen behaviors and attitudes that can sabotage career growth in otherwise talented individuals, such as feeling inadequate, seeing issues in black and white, trying to be a hero who can do everything, avoiding conflict at any cost, operating out of fear, being a rebel or too much of a risk-taker, and losing focus. They describe these Achilles' heels in colloquial terms before analyzing the psychology behind them, using case studies from their practice to illustrate common patterns and show the effect on organizations. Readers who find themselves or their colleagues depicted here stand to gain insight into dealing with their own weaknesses and handling others who exhibit them. The authors' credentials, along with the book's accessibility and right-on positioning, is likely to propel this book onto business bestseller charts, though some readers may wish for a more compelling presentation. Agent, Kris Dahl at ICM.

The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back: Overcoming the Behavior Patterns That Keep You From Getting Ahead

by: James Waldroop Ph.D., Timothy Butler Ph.D.

Amazon Price: $6.14 (as of 06/01/2012)Buy Now



Reader Review
Very well written psychology book on human behavior that you can commonly find in your organization. Not much jargons but in plain simple english. It not only describes the twelve behavior patterns that holding good people back, but also does suggest how to fix and manage them.
To depict the 12 hebavior patterns, the authors cleverly use different simple scenarios and business cases to address the orgins of the problem & pattern. They explain why the behavior patterns may limit your career advancement and how should break the behaviour patterns. I personally found that some patterns breaking approach could be helpful but some don't and lack of practical details. The authors seem to suggest most of the cases that the root of these behaviour patterns are arised out of childhood development. Well, I am not sure this is completely correct but you can certainly find more explanation in Part II of the book.

The 12 bad habits that hold good people back are listed below:

1. Never feeling good enough
2. Seeing the world in black & white
3. Doing too much, pushing too hard
4. Avoiding conflict at any cost
5. Running roughshod over the opposition
6. Rebel looking for a cause
7. Always swinging for the fence
8. When the fear is in the driver's seat
9. Emotionally tone-deaf
10. When no job is good enough
11. Lacking a sense of boundaries
12. Losing the path

"Hope and hurt are two sides of the same coin; when you lose hope, you get hurt"

Boost Your Self-Esteem

It is okay to have ups and downs in your feelings, but having low self-esteem is just not okay. Feeling like you are not important can make you sad and can keep you from trying new things. It can keep you from making friends or hurt how you do at work. Having a strong self esteem is also a very big part of growing up as a person. As we grow older and face tough decisions - especially under peer pressure - the more self esteem you have, the better. It is important to know that you are worth a lot for yourself and for others.

If you think you might have low self-esteem, try talking to an friend you trust. He or she may be able to help you come up with some good ideas for building your self-esteem.

In the meantime, here are a few things that you can try to increase your self-esteem:

+ Make a list of the stuff you're good at. It can be anything from drawing or singing to playing a sport or telling a good joke. If you are having trouble with your list, ask your friend to help you with it. Then add a few things to the list that you'd like to be good at. You can plan a way to work on those skills or talents.

+ Give yourself three compliments every day. Don't just feel, "I am too good." Be specific about something good about yourself, like, "I was really nice to Alan today" or "I did better on that test than I thought I would." And before you go to bed every night, recall three things in your day that really made you happy.

+ Remember that your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it is. If you are worried about your weight or size, you can check with your doctor to make sure that things are just fine. Remind yourself of things about your body that are comfortable with, like, "I love my beautiful hair", or "I love the way I can make people have a laugh or have fun".

+ Remember that there are things about yourself that you cannot change. You should accept and love those things - such as skin color or your boot size - because they are an integral part of you.

+ When you hear negative comments in your head, tell yourself to stop. When you do this, you take the power away from the voice inside that discourages you.

Feel Good About Yourself

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“Thank God, the mirrors don't crack when I see 'em - I don't have to fix 'em every other day”

Each one of us are good from our hearts, it is only when we fail to recognize the goodness within, we start to doubt ourselves and lose our self esteem or self worth. By focusing on the good things that you do and all your great qualities, you learn to love and accept yourself - the main ingredients for strong self esteem! Even if you have got room for improvement (and who does not?), realizing that you are valuable and important helps your self-esteem to flower forth for the confidence to shine through - for the world to see and admire the beautiful you.

God Bless

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Feel Good and Feel Free:

Your Esteemed Impression counts

  • pawpaw911 May 31, 2012 @ 3:15 pm | delete
    Well done as usual. I was going to take a class on self esteem, but I didn't think I would be any good at it.
  • Rankography May 24, 2012 @ 1:57 pm | delete
    I agree Self Esteem is critical for both happiness and success. Great lens. Blessed.
  • JaguarJulie May 8, 2012 @ 3:42 pm | delete
    Oh my, yes indeed, self esteem is an important factor in feeling good ... it's like a package deal, involving a lot of factors ... like a synergy.
  • 3levels Apr 6, 2012 @ 6:47 am | delete
    Charles, I'm really glad you wrote a lens about self-esteem and its importance. You're right to say how much it matters. I've written about its significance for leaders in my book, The Three Levels of Leadership: How to Develop Your Leadership Presence, Knowhow and Skill. I've found the key to raising one's self-esteem is to change one's self-image (self-identity) because our self-esteem is simply a term for our feelings about our self-image. I argue in 'Three Levels' that the key to boosting self-esteem is to work on self-mastery. If you'd like to know more without buying the book, try my lens, Leadership: How To Be A Good Leader.
  • whats4dinner Mar 18, 2012 @ 11:10 pm | delete
    Another great lens! I always enjoy reading your articles.
  • scss Dec 28, 2011 @ 8:44 pm | delete
    Great lens on an essential subject... looking forward to 2012 and giving myself more time and care, toward my self improvement and wellbeing
  • sponias Nov 24, 2011 @ 9:58 pm | delete
    We need goodness in order to have self-esteem, and we need self-esteem in order to build our self-confidence. I like your thoughts!
  • Koupie Oct 22, 2011 @ 2:22 pm | delete
    Great work Charles, I am always interested in how I can do better :) I took a six week self-esteem program many years ago through my doctor because I was having such a difficult time and it changed my life. We all need good self esteem. Blessing this wonderful lens...
  • MoonMaa Oct 10, 2011 @ 11:53 am | delete
    Excellent lens! Self-development is very important because there is always room for improvement.
  • samsaradakini Oct 3, 2011 @ 12:41 am | delete
    What a nice lens. I have noticed that when people have low self-esteem it is so amazing how their beauty, nice lifestyle, kind friends only matter little. But when a person has good self-esteem how even plain looks, a modest lifestyle, and their friends are all awesome! I just love that!
  • InSearchOf Sep 28, 2011 @ 2:29 am | delete
    Positive lens with great tips. Keep up the great work.
  • kinworm Sep 16, 2011 @ 1:42 am | delete
    Really enjoy your self-improvement lenses - that's what you're exceptionally good at.
  • clemency Jul 31, 2011 @ 5:12 pm | delete
    Interesting lens with some great tips.
  • TeacherRenee Jul 15, 2011 @ 8:25 pm | delete
    This is such an important topic, thanks for shedding some light on it with such well-written thoughts. :)
  • Parliamentmotivationalspeakers Jul 13, 2011 @ 5:05 am | delete
    Great article thanks motivational speakers
  • goo2eyes Jul 12, 2011 @ 6:03 pm | delete
    you have to have self-esteem. who will like and love you most except yourself. don't you agree. your best friend is yourself, nobody else.
  • Michey Jul 12, 2011 @ 4:34 pm | delete
    Great lens and well done, true, and useful. Thanks
  • A-Redneck Jul 10, 2011 @ 3:24 pm | delete
    Beautiful lens and oh so true. Positive messages are so very important for developing good self esteem.
  • MaxReily Jul 7, 2011 @ 1:04 pm | delete
    Lots of valuable information here. Everyone has room for improvement, and by the same token, every person has admirable qualities. It's sad that so often, people find it hard to acknowledge their own talents, and feel good about themselves.
  • Donnette Jul 7, 2011 @ 9:21 am | delete
    I love reading you. thank you
  • xcellen Jul 7, 2011 @ 12:47 am | delete
    I like personal development too, I love reading anything self development :D

    great lens here
  • kiwinana71 Jul 5, 2011 @ 4:41 pm | delete
    Thanks for visiting my lens, commenting and liking. You have a great range of very interesting lens, I choose this one to comment on, as it goes well with the my lens that you visited. Especially "Every Body is Beautiful"
  • digitaltree Jun 26, 2011 @ 12:41 pm | delete
    I guess it goes from person to person, or the situations they are in the moment, can made a different on why they want to be good people or can't at the moment. Great lens by the way.
  • Donnette Jun 24, 2011 @ 1:01 pm | delete
    I have a few of the bad ones :D) Thanks for sharing!
  • aesta1 Jun 19, 2011 @ 5:22 am | delete
    I have some of those bad habits. These are really useful info.
  • Spook Jun 18, 2011 @ 5:29 am | delete
    Thought provoking lens and well presented. Unfortunately I have one of the twelve bad habits (amongst many others) is that I see things in black and white. Blessed by an Angel.
  • mismatch Jun 11, 2011 @ 2:46 am | delete
    It is ignorance or bad faith to profess that everything depends on the person and anyone could change just like that -- by own volition or learning. Life is a great chaos, it acts every second to affect one regular individual -- it is a great strainer and once one is selected to drop down the drain -- one is there for a long period -- until the flow takes one again to surface and one gets another chance to be different, maybe better. Some individuals are born in the drain already by people who were dropped -- they miss a lot of chances anyway till they learn about self esteem. They don't know a thing about esteem in the first place, no one ever told them, no one ever showed them, no one ever let them have it. They even don't know about the self too much and they are not even really let to find out about it'

    But yes, the lens is good, better than many on this topic -- don't let yourselves discouraged. I just feel bitchy because it made me cry.

    Keep well :), :), :)
  • TeamSTM Jun 9, 2011 @ 1:51 pm | delete
    Yes Indeedy, I agree!! Feel Good and Feel Free, that's the Only Way to Live and Be!
  • moonlitta May 30, 2011 @ 2:10 am | delete
    Hm... tough job being a good person! Even tougher it is being who you are, and not labeling yourself...:)
  • Tipi May 25, 2011 @ 11:07 pm | delete
    May we all strive to come up higher!
  • darciefrench May 24, 2011 @ 5:52 pm | delete
    I too was surprised to hear that folks are searching for how to be a good person. Thanks for the uplifting article - we need more of the same for sure.
  • Rafick May 17, 2011 @ 8:48 am | delete
    It's good to know that there are so many people out there wanting to be good.
  • sukkran May 15, 2011 @ 6:04 am | delete
    one more interesting writing from you friend. love to read you more.
  • PipPipHooray May 15, 2011 @ 2:06 am | delete
    I was so surprised to read that people search 'I want to be a good person' wow... so interesting. great lense.
  • UKGhostwriter May 10, 2011 @ 1:20 pm | delete
    I do try!
  • linhah May 6, 2011 @ 4:03 pm | delete
    Lensrolling to Maintain The Insane.
  • BeyondRoses May 6, 2011 @ 2:56 pm | delete
    Self-Esteem is important to feel good, as is, at least fair health ... and most of all love. And I do want to BE a good person :)
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karmicchristian

Hi, My name is Charles - author of the book Karma in Christianity. I write on theology, theophilosophy, personal development & healthy living. I welcome... more »

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