Including Children In Marriage Vows

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Marriage Vows To Children

Wedding planning can be difficult, especially if you are integrating families.

There are many factors to consider and plan for. Factors vary depending on the age of the children and the current relationship of the integrating family.
Just remember this is a happy day! Clear communication and a loving foundation are a great start in the planning of your blissful day!

My husband and I have a unique story we would like to share about our wedding vows to our children. I have also included the wedding vows we wrote. If so desired, please feel free to use as a template for your own use.

Getting Married Is Different the Second Time Around 

When my husband and I married in November, 2007 we were both entering a second marriage. He had one child and I three. Our family bonding grew over our long relationship. The children soon became best friends and now loving siblings. It was of no surprise their joy and desire to be involved when we began discussing marriage.

I can understand for some older children, however, this news can be received with resistance. My biggest tip is to sit down with the children and talk to them. Tell them why it's important they are involved in the ceremony. Let them know they are just as important to the big day as the bride and groom. Children just want to feel loved and accepted in their new family. Sometimes it can take others longer to adjust. Ultimately leave the decision up to them. To force such a decision could end up in disaster.

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Why We Included Our Children 

From the beginning, my husband and I knew we wanted our children involved in our ceremony. We had planned to have the girls stand in as my Maids-of-honor and the boys his Best Men.

As the plans progressed, we kept the best interest of our children in mind. What they would be comfortable with, the location we chose, and the individual wedding cakes made just for them. There became no question, they were just as involved in this union as we were.

By including our children in our vow exchange they became not just on-lookers to our special day but active participants. Thus, allowing them to feel that they now belonged to this new family.

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One Big, Happy Family Ceremony 

The day finally arrived and it was fabulously chaotic. I arrived at the location with 4 children and a very wet entourage. The Lord blessed our "never-forget" day with buckets of happy tears from heaven. You can imagine how difficult it is to get 4 children to stay in one place at one time. As my husband says, "Like herding Cats."

Non-the-less, we finally made it down the aisle. The boys looked dashing in their matching Tux's, holding their Nebraska footballs, which held the precious rings and their bracelets.

The girls were beautiful, lining my path with red rose petals. Brings tears to my eyes just writing these words...Sorry I'm OK, I'm OK. Just being a sappy mom. (You should see me at school events.)

Our ceremony was very family oriented. My Father-in-law, the pastor, married us. My Dad read our first reading and my younger sister the second. My new Mother-in-law took the video. The list goes on, basically no one got left out!

Even though the ceremony started 2 hours late, it was definitely a hit!!!

Hilarious Wedding Videos 


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The Vows 

We kept the langauge simple so our children would understand.

Here is the excerpt from our ceremony (names removed so anyone can copy and use if desired):

"Before (Bride and Groom names) exchange their vows to each other, as husband and wife they have special vows to their children and their children to them. Not only are they entering into a covenant of 2 people but are uniting 2 families to one."

The Children are called forward to stand together.

"This marriage is not just joining of (bride and groom); it is also the joining of (all children's names) as one Christian family. (Bride and Groom), do you promise to love (children's names) to nurture them and to protect them, to teach them and cherish them now and forever united by our Lord Jesus Christ?"

(Bride and groom) respond:" We do."

Pastor: (Children's Names) "Do you promise to love (bride and groom) as your parents, do you promise to respect them and cherish them now and forever as one family united by our Heavenly Father?"

Children Recite: "We Do" (Our youngest screamed, "Yes" and slammed his "Tappy" heel on the wood floor.)

Pastor says: "(Bride Groom) have gifts for the children - as their wedding rings symbolize a reminder of how their love encircles them - these bracelets are a reminder to the children-that they are also encircled in a communion of divine love as a member of this family."

Groom places bracelets on the three oldest children. (Individually)
Bride places bracelet on youngest child.

As each bracelet is clasped, Pastor says: "Do you pledge yourself to Christ and (Child's name.) Bride/Groom say: "I do."

Kisses and I love you's follow. Yes, you guessed it, I was crying...but so was everyone else. Not a dry eye in the entire place. Except the children, they were all smiles and giggles!!

Important Tip

After the excitement of the wedding dies down, enjoy frequent bonding with your children. Marriage and new family are a huge adjustment. Talk to your children often and explore how they are handling the transition. One big happy family takes work but is very rewarding.

Also, don't forget to schedule spousal alone time! It is so easy to get wrapped up in what's best for the children that we forget about ourselves. Just remember children will benefit most from strong, loving parents.

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Planning a wedding, planned a wedding or just want to comment, please do! 

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  • Reply
    N N Oct 27, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
    I agree with "just a thought". Did you both ask the other parents if they were ok with their child being included in this manner? I mean he is not the father to your 3 children and you are not the mother to his 1. Even though you are married and have a happy family those children have a parent outside this union. That parent should be asked how they feel and you should respect their feelings. I know as a mother I would not be ok with my child going through a ceremony like this. It basically says that the bride and groom are the parents...where does that leave me? Something to think about...
  • Reply
    just a thought just a thought Sep 13, 2009 @ 8:31 pm
    I need to ask, how are the childrens' other parent involved in their lives? The father of the 3 children, and the mother of the 1 child, and did you have any problem with them accepting the vows from the children part? I
  • Reply
    dawn dawn Aug 12, 2009 @ 7:00 am
    thought the vows you wrote were just perfect, as we have been looking to include the girls in our wedding. i cried just reading them, they are beautiful!
  • Reply
    love2glow love2glow May 18, 2009 @ 9:37 pm
    Hey Great Lens!! Child Advocate here!! Thank you for great information!

    Please come by and say Hi at my lens Positive Communication with other woman and children we share Hope to see you there!
  • Reply
    AslanBooks AslanBooks Feb 1, 2009 @ 10:29 am
    Thank you for listing your lens on The Squidoo Ink Pot -- http://www.squidinkpot.com.
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