Including Children In Marriage Vows

When my husband and I married in November, 2007 we were both entering a second marriage. He had one child and I three. Our family bonding grew over our long relationship. The children soon became best friends and now loving siblings. It was of no surprise their joy and desire to be involved when we began discussing marriage.

I can understand for some older children, however, this news can be received with resistance. My biggest tip is to sit down with the children and talk to them. Tell them why it's important they are involved in the ceremony. Let them know they are just as important to the big day as the bride and groom. Children just want to feel loved and accepted in their new family. Sometimes it can take others longer to adjust. Ultimately leave the decision up to them. To force such a decision could end up in disaster.

From the beginning, my husband and I knew we wanted our children involved in our ceremony. We had planned to have the girls stand in as my Maids-of-honor and the boys his Best Men.

As the plans progressed, we kept the best interest of our children in mind. What they would be comfortable with, the location we chose, and the individual wedding cakes made just for them. There became no question, they were just as involved in this union as we were.

By including our children in our vow exchange they became not just on-lookers to our special day but active participants. Thus, allowing them to feel that they now belonged to this new family.

The day finally arrived and it was fabulously chaotic. I arrived at the location with 4 children and a very wet entourage. The Lord blessed our "never-forget" day with buckets of happy tears from heaven. You can imagine how difficult it is to get 4 children to stay in one place at one time. As my husband says, "Like herding Cats."

Non-the-less, we finally made it down the aisle. The boys looked dashing in their matching Tux's, holding their Nebraska footballs, which held the precious rings and their bracelets.

The girls were beautiful, lining my path with red rose petals. Brings tears to my eyes just writing these words...Sorry I'm OK, I'm OK. Just being a sappy mom. (You should see me at school events.)

Our ceremony was very family oriented. My Father-in-law, the pastor, married us. My Dad read our first reading and my younger sister the second. My new Mother-in-law took the video. The list goes on, basically no one got left out!

Even though the ceremony started 2 hours late, it was definitely a hit!!!

Here is the excerpt from our ceremony (names removed so anyone can copy and use if desired):

"Before (Bride and Groom names) exchange their vows to each other, as husband and wife they have special vows to their children and their children to them. Not only are they entering into a covenant of 2 people but are uniting 2 families to one."

The Children are called forward to stand together.

"This marriage is not just joining of (bride and groom); it is also the joining of (all children's names) as one Christian family. (Bride and Groom), do you promise to love (children's names) to nurture them and to protect them, to teach them and cherish them now and forever united by our Lord Jesus Christ?"

(Bride and groom) respond:" We do."

Pastor: (Children's Names) "Do you promise to love (bride and groom) as your parents, do you promise to respect them and cherish them now and forever as one family united by our Heavenly Father?"

Children Recite: "We Do" (Our youngest screamed, "Yes" and slammed his "Tappy" heel on the wood floor.)

Pastor says: "(Bride Groom) have gifts for the children - as their wedding rings symbolize a reminder of how their love encircles them - these bracelets are a reminder to the children-that they are also encircled in a communion of divine love as a member of this family."

Groom places bracelets on the three oldest children. (Individually)
Bride places bracelet on youngest child.

As each bracelet is clasped, Pastor says: "Do you pledge yourself to Christ and (Child's name.) Bride/Groom say: "I do."

Kisses and I love you's follow. Yes, you guessed it, I was crying...but so was everyone else. Not a dry eye in the entire place. Except the children, they were all smiles and giggles!!