Infidelity: How to Break Free From the Affair

Infidelity rattles and shakes your world.

No, infidelity is more like a 9.7 earthquake that destroys your dreams and hopes and collapses your world into an emotional heap.

Don't you feel as if the infidelity buries you in a pile of pain, anger, outrage and utter shock? You struggle to breath and claw like crazy to find a way out.

In the midst of your most hopeless, debilitating infidelity pain and confusion a light can begin to shine.

You begin to remove the emotional rubble. Your spirits lift.

You find the hope and knowledge you need to not merely survive this infidelity crisis but use this catastrophe of infidelity to move in a purposeful direction that will get eventually what you REALLY Want.

Yes, my friend, that can happen!

So, let's begin.

Let's be practical.

Time and time again, those just discovering the infidelity in their marriage report they try strategies that I know will, far more often than not, get exactly the opposite outcome of what they want.

Infidelity: First Killer Mistakes

I call them the Killer Mistakes.

One of your first steps is to stop shooting yourself in the foot.

I have a full fledged free e-course that outlines 6 infidelity killer mistakes in detail. (In my e-book, Break Free From the Affair" I outline all 12 Killer mistakes.)

But for now I'm touching lightly on the first one.

The first Killer Mistake of Infidelity: Saying "I Love You" to your unfaithful spouse/partner.

Well, what's so bad about that you may ask.

Let's just say that those words are terribly inadequate in the infidelity crisis, are often misconstrued and don't accurately let him/her know what is truly on your mind.

Here's just a sample of what s/he might hear (through his/her filters):

1. Sure! What does s/he want now? S/he's just saying that so I won't leave her or will leave the op (other person). I'm being set up.

2. Loves ME? How can anyone in his/her right mind love me when I'm doing to him/her what I'm dong. Yeah right!

3. Man, this is cool! Two women/men want me! This drama is great!

4. What does that mean? S/he LOVES me?? What am I to say, "I love you too?" Geezzz Louise, it's not that simple.

5. Gosh, that sounds and feels soooo needy! Very unattractive. And, I'm really turned off.

Infidelity and the "I Love You" Killer Mistake

Might you really mean something like one or more of these:

1. "I love you" means I need you. I'm torn apart thinking about having a life on my own.

2. I don't want you to leave me. Tell me you love me, and that you will be there for me. Calm my fears.

3. I'm petrified. I don't want to rock the boat. I can't envision myself taking a stand and saying ENOUGH. I will put up with this.

4. I'm sad. It feels sad to think of this happening. I feel sadness when I think of moving through life without you.

5. When I say "I love you" I'm remembering our good times. I remember how it felt, back then, to be with you. Perhaps they are gone and will never return, but I hope not.

See what I'm getting at? Make sense to you?

Can you begin to comprehend the mountainous changes that might take place in you and in your marriage and with his/her act of infidelity if you begin to intentionally target the last few phrases.

Once you throw the "truth" underneath the "I loves yous" at him/her, his/her eyebrows will raise and s/he will mutter internally, "Wow, what's this all about? That is different! That feels a little better."

To save your sanity and perhaps your relationship I want you learn as much as you possibly can.

And, I would like to give all of what I've learned professionally and through over two and a half decades of experience, study and research as a Marriage and Family Therapist right now.

But, I can't of course.

I want you to taste the hope and feel your shoulders lighten and relax just a tad as you begin to think, "Hmmmmmm maybe there is a good way out of this mess!"

I have 6 mistakes I describe in detail on my in my infidelity killer mistakes e-course.

For example - here are a few more: