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Insults And Comebacks

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Insults, Comebacks and More!

Did you ever wish that you could have made a good comeback after being insulted? Did you ever wish that you had thought of a quick comeback for to a comment? Maybe a comeback like one of the few below?

You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!

You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it!

I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening

We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!

Those are just a small sample of some great comebacks or insults! After reading some of the insults listed below amd memorizing a few, you will have a great comeback for every occasion! In other words, you never again bring a knife to a gun fight!

Feel free to share any insults or comeback that you have in my questbook!
Enjoy!

“I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it."
More Insults Below”

I can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

Insults and Comebacks

Comeback and Insults
  • I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

  • All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.

  • I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

  • Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.

  • People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.

  • Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

  • I can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.

  • Sit down and give your mind a rest.

  • If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

  • Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

  • Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.

  • I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?

  • Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.

  • Don't get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit.

  • This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.

  • Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.

  • Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT!

  • You will never be able to live down to your reputation!

  • Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours.

  • Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.

  • If you were a swine, you would be what you are now!

  • You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early.

  • A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

  • You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.

  • They say no woman ever made a fool out of you. So who did?

  • You're very smart. You have brains you never used.

  • You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

  • Eventually, you will get what you asked for.

  • Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?

  • You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!

  • You have a good weapon against muggers -- your face!

  • You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!

  • I've hated your looks from the stare they gave me.

  • Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

  • Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more!

  • Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

  • I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

  • There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

  • Someone took a photo of you once, but it didn't turn out. You could be seen too clearly.

  • So you finally managed to get the last laugh [word]; a long time ago.

  • You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one.

  • The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.

  • I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

  • I hope you never get a tetanus shot; maybe you'll windup with lockjaw.

  • I you are in your right mind, I hope you go insane!

  • If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?

  • Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?

  • We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!

  • When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say it was your stupidity.

  • Well, I'll see you in my dreams -- if I eat too much.

  • Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.

  • Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

  • Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

  • I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.

  • You are not the worst person in the world, but until one worse comes along, you'll do.

    • Amazon Insults

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    “You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!
    More Insults Below”

    I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

    More Insults and Comebacks

    Comebacks and Insults
  • She has unusual luggage. She is the only person I know whose pill case has wheels.

  • Hello -- tall, dark and obnoxious!

  • You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.

  • After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.

  • You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.

  • I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter, but now I see you are not worth it!

  • We hear you are a lady killer. They take one look at you and die of fright!!

  • We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".

  • You have a good family tree, but the crop is a failure.

  • I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.

  • You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.

  • I admire you because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief, and a cheat.

  • You're acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would.

  • You have a face only a mother could love -- and she hates it!

  • You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light.

  • I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

  • I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.

  • I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly.

  • They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

  • You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet!!

  • I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

  • I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.

  • You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.

  • At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.

  • If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a dime.

  • Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?

  • He's always sincere, whether he means it or not.

  • You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!

  • Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

  • I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

  • Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?

  • I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

  • In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.

  • You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!

  • When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.

  • You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.

  • Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?

  • I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

  • Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

  • Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.

  • People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.

  • Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.

  • For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.

  • I know one should judge a man by what he really is instead of by appearances, but you are REALLY ugly.

  • What's the latest dope -- besides you?

  • I heard that they tried to take an X-ray picture of your jaw, but all they got was a moving picture.

  • You don't believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself.

  • When people cut their fingers you cry over it just so that you can get salt in the wound.

  • Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 dollars worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.

  • I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

  • I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!

  • You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

  • Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

    • “Don't get me wrong. I`m not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can`t take the credit”

    Nasty Amazon

    Loading

    She isn't drinking any more. She isn't drinking any less, either.

    Even More Insults and Comebacks

    More Insults and Comebacks
  • When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.

  • The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.

  • You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.

  • A dope you are and dope will remain.

  • We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

  • Your family tree is good, but you are the sap.

  • We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

  • The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.

  • I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.

  • You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.

  • All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.

  • Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.

  • I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

  • They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.

  • When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.

  • Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.

  • Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

  • They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

  • You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.

  • People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

  • You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.

  • You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!

  • You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!

  • You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.

  • You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

  • She isn't drinking any more. She isn't drinking any less, either.

  • People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.

  • I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!

  • If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

  • I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub.

  • I heard you went to have your head examined, but the doctors found nothing there.

  • When he donates blood, there's so much alcohol in it the Red Cross uses it to sterilise the instruments.

  • I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!

  • I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

  • All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?

  • No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.

  • I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.

  • I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

  • She's becoming an emergency room nurse because shes better off wearing a mask.

  • There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.

  • If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!

  • I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.

  • Yours is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly, too.

  • I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.

  • I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

  • I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.

  • I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.

  • If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

  • If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

  • Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.

  • You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.

  • You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.

  • We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.

    • “You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.
    More Insults Below”

    I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

    Still More Insults and Comebacks

    Still
  • Look through your towels and tell us the name of the hotel you stayed at in Detroit.

  • You always have your ear to the ground. So how's life in the gutter?

  • Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.

  • Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

  • He took her for better or worse and she just took him for everything.

  • For their fifth anniversary she gave him a set of luggage-packed.

  • Is your name Amazon? You`re so wide at the mouth.

  • You are a man who always sticks by his convictions. You will remain a fool no matter how much you get ridiculed for it!

  • It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.

  • Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

  • If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.

  • Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?

  • I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

  • We think of you when we are lonely. Then we are content to be alone.

  • Hey, how come even though you are still alive your parents are in mourning for you?

  • I'd like to break the monotony; where's your weakest point?

  • They say that travel broadens oneself. You must have been around the world.

  • I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?

  • You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.

  • You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.

  • You are completely unlike cocaine.You add to, not diminish, pain!

  • You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.

  • I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.

  • You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.

  • You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.

  • If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

  • Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.

  • Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.

  • You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

  • You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.

  • You grow on people -- like a wart!

  • You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.

  • The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?

  • I hear you are an officer. Your rank is -- just plain rank!

  • You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.

  • At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people -- you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

  • You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.

  • You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes.

  • I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

  • You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.

  • Man alive! But I wish you weren't.

  • I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

  • Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.

    • Related Insults Sites

    Yo Momma Insults

    Yo Momma Insults
    1. Yo momma so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.! (Click on the yo momma so dumb insult to read more!)

    2. Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown..! (Click on the yo momma so ugly insult to read more!)

    3. Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says 'I'll Take It! ! (Click on the Yo momma so fat insult to read more!)

    4. Yo momma so old she drove a chariot to high school.! (Click on the Yo momma so old insult to read more!)

    5. Yo momma so short she needs a ladder to pick up a dime.! (Click on the Yo momma so short insult to read more!)

    6. Yo mama so poor she put free samples on layaway.! (Click on the Yo momma so poor insult to read more!)

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    • TheBestGadgets Oct 25, 2011 @ 7:51 am | delete
      Brilliant list, lots of laughs. Thumbs up from me.
    • Keeah Sep 5, 2011 @ 5:42 pm | delete
      I always liked insult "He's so dumb, he had to get naked to count to 21."
    • Tipi Aug 20, 2011 @ 8:16 pm | delete
      I think I'm right but you could be wrong!
    • d-artist Jan 24, 2011 @ 9:20 am | delete
      Love this lens! I think this would be a good lensroll to my 'apropos aphorisms' lens
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    Insults Index

    Just in case, you missed something on this insult site. I have included all the posting, below!
    2. I can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
    3. Amazon Insults
    5. I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
    7. Nasty Amazon
    8. She isn't drinking any more. She isn't drinking any less, either.
    10. I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
    11. Related Insults Sites
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