We Met in an IRC Chatroom

Paul and I first met in February 1998 while chatting in an internet chatroom on IRC. At that time I worked night shift and he traveled frequently for work, So it was only by chance that we happened to both be in the same room at the same time one night.

Chat we did though, and soon we were seeking each other out to chat as often as our different work schedules and time zones allowed.

Cartoon from www.surfersam.com

From chatting online as often as we could manage, we went to speaking on the telephone. Paul would make an international phone call from his home in the United Kingdom to me in Kansas. That first time he phoned we spoke for over two hours.

After that, he would call once a week on Sunday afternoon and we would speak to each other on the telephone for at least 2 hours.

As for what we talked about - everything. But mostly, we talked about us.

Not long into our long-distance online romance, we both knew that we needed to meet in person. Showing a massive amount of trust, Paul gave me his credit card information so that I could reserve a hotel room in his name over in Kansas City. We planned to spend a long weekend together.

I can still remember the evening I picked him up at Kansas City international Airport. His flight had been delayed and I had been waiting for him at the terminal for some time. When his flight landed and passengers began to disembark, I looked on with eager anticipation.

I looked away briefly, and heard my name being spoken behind me. Turned, and found myself looking up into Paul's eyes for the very first time. I'm sure I melted. He and I just stood and looked at each other for some time.

Reality intervened though, and the sheer exhaustion of having been on an airplane for 10 hours. We collected his bag and I drove both of us to the hotel.

That night, we slept very soundly in each other's arms.

We were inseparable that weekend. We laughed, we talked. We drove to Topeka one day so that he could meet my friends and my son.










I showed him everything I could think of in Kansas City. We walked all over the Country Club Plaza. We shopped at Crown Plaza. We had lunch in Westport.

We met up with friends in Kansas City for a party one night.

And we talked, and talked, and talked.

At the end of our weekend together, we decided we wanted to buy something that could be a reminder of our weekend together.

We found a lovely ring at one large retail jeweller, but it would take them at least a week to size it. So, we continued looking.

The next place we stopped was a little shop across the road from the Cheesecake Factory at the Plaza. They had a ring we both loved. The owner/jeweller said he could size it overnight.

Next morning, we picked up the ring.

When we exited the shop, Paul said to me,"We've got the ring, I suppose I'd better ask the question." He went down on one knee, right there by the street at the eastern edge of the Country Club Plaza, underneath the tree pictured here, and he asked me to marry him.

I'd already known he was going to ask. He says he didn't know until just before he asked me.

I didn't have to think about it. I said yes.

The next 3 months were very busy for both of us. Paul was asked to work for 3 months in the LA offices. I had to deal with passports and then the marriage visa.

In between, we spoke as often as we could on the telephone. I arranged my schedule so that I had a week off here and there and flew out to Los Angeles to be with Paul three times. One of those times I brought my son with me and we took him to Disneyland.

My third trip out, Paul ended up having to fly to Newark, New Jersey and he refused to go unless the company paid for me to go as well. So, my trip to LA ended up being a trip to New York.

Worth it now as I did get to see the Statue of Liberty from the air, and was taken to the top of the World Trade Tower for a drink. Since we had to go, I insisted the salesmen take us out for dinner to a nice restaurant and as part of the night we went to the top of the tower.

Getting the Marriage Visa took a bit of travel

While getting the marriage visa arranged, I realised I was going to have to make a trip up to Chicago to the British Consulate. Otherwise it would take too long to get the passports back.

Meanwhile, Paul had figured out that if he stayed over in the US to bring me and my son back to the UK he would be overstaying his work visa. His work place was most accommodating though and arranged for him to fly to Prague for a few days before flying back to LA to finish his 3 month's work.

After returning to America, Paul flew to Kansas City and he and I flew to Chicago together. First a stop at the British Consulate where I handed in paperwork and we answered a few questions.

It would take several hours to actually get the visa processed so we spent the rest of the day sightseeing, including a trip to the top of the Sears Tower.

We did a lot of walking that day, and a lot more talking. We talked about plans and dreams. We talked about how we wanted our relationship to be focused and whether or not we wanted to have children. We talked about my family and his family. We talked about our childhoods.



Finally, later that afternoon we returned to the British Consulate to pick up the passports.

Overnight in Chicago

Our plan had been to fly to Chicago and back home on the same day, but the weather had other plans.

We arrived at the airport to discover that our flight had been delayed. Three hours later they had still not announced the flight and there was no sign that it would be announced any time soon. We made the decision to stay overnight in Chicago and return to Kansas City the following day.

Turned out we made the right decision. The flight we were supposed to be on finally took off about 6 hours late, and was diverted to Omaha due to severe storms and tornadoes in the Kansas City area.

We took a week to pack up my house. Everything I was shipping to England was picked up mid-way through the week. The remainder we got rid of. What we couldn't sell in a 2 day yard sale we donated to the first charity we found that was willing to come pick it all up.

This week also happened to be one of the hottest in Kansas. And my house had no air conditioning.

104F

We spent one night in the house then moved over to a hotel for the rest of the week.

Handfasting 24 July 1998

We asked our friend, the High Priestess of the coven I was part of, to conduct a Handfasting for us. Our friends from the coven were there to witness.

I have featured the Handfasting Ceremony in it's entirety elsewhere.

Marriage Blessing

We knew that my family and friends in America would not be able to attend the wedding ceremony in Britain so we decided to host a Marriage Blessing in Topeka first.

We held it on the shore of Shawnee Lake in one of the shelter houses. My coven high Priestess and a pastor from the hospital where I worked co-officiated.




The next day, we got on a plane and moved to England.

We held the Wedding in the UK

Two weeks later, on 6 August, 1998 Paul and I were wed in a simple ceremony at the Registrar's Office in Bromley. Paul's family was present.

Paul's eldest niece and a friend from his childhood stood as best man and bridesmaid and witnessed our marriage certificate.

The wedding breakfast and reception was hosted by his parents in their home.

Paul and I have been through a lot over the years. Some good, some bad.

We had a lot of disagreements early on - that can happen when you get two people living together in the same house who have both been living independent lives for the previous 10 years. He was 37 and I was 32 when we married. It was a first marriage for both of us.

We've faced fertility issues.

We've faced post-natal depression.

We now have two challenging boys who both have varying degrees of Asperger's Syndrome.

We are still madly in love with each other

Difficulties that statistically have caused couples to break up have pulled us together even stronger.

We even speak each other's thoughts.

We hold hands and say I love you every day, several times a day.

We have a special hand gesture and keyboard abbreviation that means "I love you all around the world and more"

ILY&

So, if you see one of us showing the other our hand with the forefinger and thumb crossed over each other, you'll be in on the secret too.

• Read the information at the UK Border Agency


• Make sure to fill out any paperwork thoroughly and accurately


• Double check all documents


• Make copies of everything before sending it in


• Be sure to send your documents to the correct address


• Consider taking the documents to the appropriate British Consulate or Embassy in person if possible, then you can clarify any questions


• If you are are immigrating with children and their other parent is not also applying for a visa, you will need written permission from the other parent before a visa will be granted for the children