Episode XXV
As you know I usually like to start and end RebelPilot with a few personal words.
First up let me explain that Kell Tainer ain't my real name okay.
Kell Tainer is an pilot from the x-wing series of novels (written by Aaron Allston) he is Wraith Five.
The only thing me and Kell have in common is that we're both guys.
Yep. Just in case you thought Kell was a girls name.
Had the misfortune of some other bloke at episodeii.com think I was a girl and was turned on by the thought of me 'smacking Yoda' and talking dirty.
I guess some of my smart-arse comments brought on some erotic fantasies in some other persons mentally disturbed mind.
But if you send correspondence to me with "Dear Kell" I don't mind. Just so long as while you're writing it (and you're of the male persuasion) you're thinking of another guy. Not some long legged beauty with cascading blonde locks.
On a completely different topic, I got a reply to my question if anyone with a French speaking background to contact me. I had an email in need of translation.
I'd like to thank Juz (of http://www.sweeet.com) for coming to my aid.
The funny thing is he's a fellow Australian.
Though he's not fluent in French he gave me this url address: http://babelfish.altavista.com
This slick little site is a gem. You type or paste in the text and choose which way you want to translate; French to English, Portuguese to English, German to English, Spanish to English, Italian to English, and VICE VERSA!
It's fantastic!
And Juz suggests typing in a URL and seeing what happens. I tried it (and it took a while) but it uploads the whole page and spits it as your desired lingual interpretation. I tried http://www.sweeet.com in French. Couldn't understand a word of it but it looked cool.
Maybe in the future if RebelPilot ever gets over a thousand subscribers and I wish to share something private with my first 250 odd members I'll use babelfish to translate the message into Portuguese. (Hey Jay, we should tell George Lucas to run his scripts through this site before naming any of his characters 'dork' or 'tonsils'.)
I'll have to run the word pajero through it to check if my sources were correct.
Seems as if I got a little off track there. Not strictly SW but I thought RebelPilot readers would like to frolic in the world outside of Star Wars.
RebelPilot word for the week: FROLIC
But now, let's climb back into our fun filled little universe of Star Wars mayhem and immerse ourselves in some well written wit:
First up let me explain that Kell Tainer ain't my real name okay.
Kell Tainer is an pilot from the x-wing series of novels (written by Aaron Allston) he is Wraith Five.
The only thing me and Kell have in common is that we're both guys.
Yep. Just in case you thought Kell was a girls name.
Had the misfortune of some other bloke at episodeii.com think I was a girl and was turned on by the thought of me 'smacking Yoda' and talking dirty.
I guess some of my smart-arse comments brought on some erotic fantasies in some other persons mentally disturbed mind.
But if you send correspondence to me with "Dear Kell" I don't mind. Just so long as while you're writing it (and you're of the male persuasion) you're thinking of another guy. Not some long legged beauty with cascading blonde locks.
On a completely different topic, I got a reply to my question if anyone with a French speaking background to contact me. I had an email in need of translation.
I'd like to thank Juz (of http://www.sweeet.com) for coming to my aid.
The funny thing is he's a fellow Australian.
Though he's not fluent in French he gave me this url address: http://babelfish.altavista.com
This slick little site is a gem. You type or paste in the text and choose which way you want to translate; French to English, Portuguese to English, German to English, Spanish to English, Italian to English, and VICE VERSA!
It's fantastic!
And Juz suggests typing in a URL and seeing what happens. I tried it (and it took a while) but it uploads the whole page and spits it as your desired lingual interpretation. I tried http://www.sweeet.com in French. Couldn't understand a word of it but it looked cool.
Maybe in the future if RebelPilot ever gets over a thousand subscribers and I wish to share something private with my first 250 odd members I'll use babelfish to translate the message into Portuguese. (Hey Jay, we should tell George Lucas to run his scripts through this site before naming any of his characters 'dork' or 'tonsils'.)
I'll have to run the word pajero through it to check if my sources were correct.
Seems as if I got a little off track there. Not strictly SW but I thought RebelPilot readers would like to frolic in the world outside of Star Wars.
RebelPilot word for the week: FROLIC
But now, let's climb back into our fun filled little universe of Star Wars mayhem and immerse ourselves in some well written wit:
Humour
Top Ten Stormtrooper Complaints
1. Being downwind of Dewbacks...YUCK!
2. Sometimes I feel like just another number.
3. Brainiac who thought of WHITE armour should try suiting up and hiding in a forest HIMSELF sometime.
4. Pension plan stinks...if you live that long.
5. Can't see a thing in that helmet.
6. Vindictive Captain always puts me on dianoga detail
7. "Armour forms an anti-blaster cocoon," my ass.
8. Cheap-ass rifles WAY off calibration...keep missing my targets.
9. Every time I meet a nice girl, she shoots at me.
10. When I've personally toasted several rebels on the "Tantive IV", I still get less recognition than the guy who just said "Look, sir, 'droids!"
© unknown.
1. Being downwind of Dewbacks...YUCK!
2. Sometimes I feel like just another number.
3. Brainiac who thought of WHITE armour should try suiting up and hiding in a forest HIMSELF sometime.
4. Pension plan stinks...if you live that long.
5. Can't see a thing in that helmet.
6. Vindictive Captain always puts me on dianoga detail
7. "Armour forms an anti-blaster cocoon," my ass.
8. Cheap-ass rifles WAY off calibration...keep missing my targets.
9. Every time I meet a nice girl, she shoots at me.
10. When I've personally toasted several rebels on the "Tantive IV", I still get less recognition than the guy who just said "Look, sir, 'droids!"
© unknown.
ASCII Art
|'''''''
|( O O )
| O -( Nooooo! )
|
^
Young Obi-Wan
©reated by The Cookie Monster
Probe Droid:
O
|
|-------------
[ oO ]
-------------
[ oooooo ]
------------
| | |
| | |
| / \
/ \ /
\ / \
^ ^ ^
©reated by The Cookie Monster
|( O O )
| O -( Nooooo! )
|
^
Young Obi-Wan
©reated by The Cookie Monster
Probe Droid:
O
|
|-------------
[ oO ]
-------------
[ oooooo ]
------------
| | |
| | |
| / \
/ \ /
\ / \
^ ^ ^
©reated by The Cookie Monster
A 'Blink-And-You'll-Miss-It' Moment
Not strictly a BAYMIM but I didn't have another witty heading to put it under.
Sent in by: dex1138
The scene: A protocol droid on Cloud City says: "Etchoota!"
dex tells me that in the (limited edition) Junior Jedi Training Manual there is a section on identifying aliens. Each one has a sample greeting and farewell, first in the alien's language, then translated. Under Dug, the greeting "Etchoota!" is translated as "What's your problem?"
dex's question is: Did that protocol droid on Cloud City speak Dug?
Do you have a 'Blink-And-You'll-Miss-It' moment? Submit it now.
Website Review
Obi Wan's Jedi Academy
Wanna make your own Star Wars outfit? It would go well with your life size R2 Unit (r2builders-subscribe@egroups.com)
Here's an example of some of the info I found:
Rebel Pilot Helmet Tips: The Rebel Pilot helmet is based on the AP-H6 flight helmet. The "mohawk" design was the basis for the TIE Fighter Pilot helmet as well. These helmets can be found at Army Surplus stores, or through military surplus catalogs.
Pretty cool huh!
Here's some of the information you'll find- Build Your Own Lightsaber: Luke Skywalker ANH, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker ROTJ. Costuming Tips: Boba Fett, Royal Guard, Rebel Pilot, Luke Skywalker- Jedi Knight, Han Solo, Tusken Raider, Episode I Obi-Wan Kenobi
For more tips and advice and pictures on how to do it, check out Obi Wan's Jedi Academy at: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Stargate/7504/
Wanna make your own Star Wars outfit? It would go well with your life size R2 Unit (r2builders-subscribe@egroups.com)
Here's an example of some of the info I found:
Rebel Pilot Helmet Tips: The Rebel Pilot helmet is based on the AP-H6 flight helmet. The "mohawk" design was the basis for the TIE Fighter Pilot helmet as well. These helmets can be found at Army Surplus stores, or through military surplus catalogs.
Pretty cool huh!
Here's some of the information you'll find- Build Your Own Lightsaber: Luke Skywalker ANH, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker ROTJ. Costuming Tips: Boba Fett, Royal Guard, Rebel Pilot, Luke Skywalker- Jedi Knight, Han Solo, Tusken Raider, Episode I Obi-Wan Kenobi
For more tips and advice and pictures on how to do it, check out Obi Wan's Jedi Academy at: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Stargate/7504/
SW Email Addresses
Here's a tip if you wish to open a new email address. Dark Horse, the comic company, have free email accounts.
You can get to the site through their homepage (www.darkhorses.com] but if you go to: http://www.starwarsmail.net you'll go straight to the log in/sign up page.
There's a choice of a few domain names: jedimail.net, starwarsmail.net, swfan.net, and I think there's also marajade.net.
The filters allow for all sorts of configurations but they've recently taken away the option of allowing the redirection of incoming emails to a different address.
Of course all the best names will already be taken, so there's a sure bet that if you want to register darthmaul@starwarsmail.net or luke@jedimail.net or marajade@marajade.net then you'll be stiff out of luck.
It's a pity they took away the redirection option. Because they make good 'fronts' for your usual email account.
You can get to the site through their homepage (www.darkhorses.com] but if you go to: http://www.starwarsmail.net you'll go straight to the log in/sign up page.
There's a choice of a few domain names: jedimail.net, starwarsmail.net, swfan.net, and I think there's also marajade.net.
The filters allow for all sorts of configurations but they've recently taken away the option of allowing the redirection of incoming emails to a different address.
Of course all the best names will already be taken, so there's a sure bet that if you want to register darthmaul@starwarsmail.net or luke@jedimail.net or marajade@marajade.net then you'll be stiff out of luck.
It's a pity they took away the redirection option. Because they make good 'fronts' for your usual email account.
Disturbing Thoughts
As some you know, sending me an email will get you an autoresponse (from my R2 Unit Thirteen).
Then I got thinking, what if someone else is using their autoresponse? They send me a message, get an autoresponse. Which goes to their email address and sends me back an autoresponse, etc, etc, etc.
You get the idea?
Two autoresponders battling it out. It wouldn't be a pretty sight.
I reckon something like this will be all our undoing. The Roman Empire fell to decadence and the barbarians to the north. Modern civilisation as we know it might collapse due to a couple of rogue email autoresponders.
Then I got thinking, what if someone else is using their autoresponse? They send me a message, get an autoresponse. Which goes to their email address and sends me back an autoresponse, etc, etc, etc.
You get the idea?
Two autoresponders battling it out. It wouldn't be a pretty sight.
I reckon something like this will be all our undoing. The Roman Empire fell to decadence and the barbarians to the north. Modern civilisation as we know it might collapse due to a couple of rogue email autoresponders.
ASCII Art
oo__ _ _ __oo
"""--,,,_(_)_--_(_)_,,,--"""
_>_[____]_<_
___--""" (_)\__/(_) """--___
oo"" ""oo
Incom's T-65B X-wing Space Superiority Starfighter
©1997 Jussi Hannula
"""--,,,_(_)_--_(_)_,,,--"""
_>_[____]_<_
___--""" (_)\__/(_) """--___
oo"" ""oo
Incom's T-65B X-wing Space Superiority Starfighter
©1997 Jussi Hannula
Song Parody
RebelPilot member Zorra Bastarda has been forwarding RebelPilot to one of his SW loving friends Ricardo Ynestrillas. Ricardo is a fan of both SW and Queen and enjoyed the Imperial Rhapsody rip off. He's rewritten a few other Queen songs with a SW twist.
Who Wants To Be Darth Vader
music by Brian May (Who Wants To Live Forever)
C-3PO: There's no time for us
There's no escape for us
What is this thiiiing that shoots our ship, let's slip away
help us.
Yoda: Who waaaants to beeee Darth Vadeeeer?
Who waaaants to beeee Darth Vadeeeer?
Obi-Wan: There's no choice for us
The Force decides for us
The Force has aaaa special effect on weak minds, for us
Yoda: Who wants to be Darth Vader?
Who wants to be Darth Vader?
ooooooooooooo
Who dares to be Darth Vader,
Oooooh, if you must die?
Darth Maul: My ally is feeear
Sidious: I'm Palpatiiine
Obi-Wan: With my swoooord,
I will cut theee
Anakin: And IIII will beee Darth Vadeeeer
And IIII will haaave lighsabeeeer
Bobba Fett: Han Sooolo is ours today
Luke: And IIII'll build my lightsabeeer
And IIII will kiiill Darth Vadeer
Bobba Fett: Han Sooolo is ours today
He was a farmboy, anyway
©1999 Ricardo Ynestrillas
Best appreciated if you know the tune of the original song.
Who Wants To Be Darth Vader
music by Brian May (Who Wants To Live Forever)
C-3PO: There's no time for us
There's no escape for us
What is this thiiiing that shoots our ship, let's slip away
help us.
Yoda: Who waaaants to beeee Darth Vadeeeer?
Who waaaants to beeee Darth Vadeeeer?
Obi-Wan: There's no choice for us
The Force decides for us
The Force has aaaa special effect on weak minds, for us
Yoda: Who wants to be Darth Vader?
Who wants to be Darth Vader?
ooooooooooooo
Who dares to be Darth Vader,
Oooooh, if you must die?
Darth Maul: My ally is feeear
Sidious: I'm Palpatiiine
Obi-Wan: With my swoooord,
I will cut theee
Anakin: And IIII will beee Darth Vadeeeer
And IIII will haaave lighsabeeeer
Bobba Fett: Han Sooolo is ours today
Luke: And IIII'll build my lightsabeeer
And IIII will kiiill Darth Vadeer
Bobba Fett: Han Sooolo is ours today
He was a farmboy, anyway
©1999 Ricardo Ynestrillas
Best appreciated if you know the tune of the original song.
Website Review
Rebel Squadrons
Calling all pilots, commandos, RPG players and lovers of SW! Rebel Squadrons wants YOU!
Rebel Squadrons offers customised missions for Lucasarts games X-wing, TIE Fighter, X-wing vs. TIE Fighter, X-wing Alliance, Rebellion, Dark Forces, Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight, and X-wing Rogue Squadron.
Custom missions expand the life of your game and make it more interesting, especially if you've beaten all the default levels.
Don't have one of these games? No problem! The RS also offers a SIM/RPG section, an artistic division, and its very own writing group, the Aurora Force!
Rebel Squadrons has been around for nearly 4 years, and with 400+ members, it's not one of those clubs that's simply going to disappear in the next few days.
You can check out Rebel Squadrons at http://www.rebelsquadrons.org or e-mail XwingAlta@aol.com with any questions.
Major Alta Darklighter says: "Join the Rebel Squadrons. After all, where else would you get a chance to join the famous Rogue or Wraith Squadrons? It costs nothing- and the camaraderie is priceless."
Calling all pilots, commandos, RPG players and lovers of SW! Rebel Squadrons wants YOU!
Rebel Squadrons offers customised missions for Lucasarts games X-wing, TIE Fighter, X-wing vs. TIE Fighter, X-wing Alliance, Rebellion, Dark Forces, Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight, and X-wing Rogue Squadron.
Custom missions expand the life of your game and make it more interesting, especially if you've beaten all the default levels.
Don't have one of these games? No problem! The RS also offers a SIM/RPG section, an artistic division, and its very own writing group, the Aurora Force!
Rebel Squadrons has been around for nearly 4 years, and with 400+ members, it's not one of those clubs that's simply going to disappear in the next few days.
You can check out Rebel Squadrons at http://www.rebelsquadrons.org or e-mail XwingAlta@aol.com with any questions.
Major Alta Darklighter says: "Join the Rebel Squadrons. After all, where else would you get a chance to join the famous Rogue or Wraith Squadrons? It costs nothing- and the camaraderie is priceless."
The Unseen Scenes
Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
Luke: But Father, how can you tell?
Vader: I have felt your presents...
Sent in by Mark Camilleri. Found in Readers Digest.
Luke: But Father, how can you tell?
Vader: I have felt your presents...
Sent in by Mark Camilleri. Found in Readers Digest.
Humour
You're Not A Star Wars Junkie Until...
When you and a friend have been on one of those amusement park rides where you had to sit back to back, and you started calling him Dack and told him to stop whining about his approach vector.
Whenever your mother asked you to babysit your little brother, you always instilled confidence by replying, "leave him to me. I will deal with him myself."
When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your
cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."
On Halloween, you would never dress as one of the following: Luke, Han
Solo, Leia, Vader, Chewie, Threepio, or Artoo. However, you would dress as: Wedge, Porkins, Crix Madine, that spider droid from Jabba's palace, that fat dancer from Jabba's palace, Sy Snootles, Imperial Death Star Gunners, Wuher (Mos Eisley Cantina bartender), The Dianoga (sewer monster), or Boba Fett!
You always kept a bowl filled with live three-legged frogs next to your bed, just in case you wanted a snack.
You lose an AT-AT driver in the snow every winter.
As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always; "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."
You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Life Savers," "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spelled Wookiee with only one "e."
You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir, droids."
You've been pulled over by a policeman and when asked to see your drivers' license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification."
Sent in by wraithleader 'Wedge' Swicegood. Found somewhere on the net.
When you and a friend have been on one of those amusement park rides where you had to sit back to back, and you started calling him Dack and told him to stop whining about his approach vector.
Whenever your mother asked you to babysit your little brother, you always instilled confidence by replying, "leave him to me. I will deal with him myself."
When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your
cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."
On Halloween, you would never dress as one of the following: Luke, Han
Solo, Leia, Vader, Chewie, Threepio, or Artoo. However, you would dress as: Wedge, Porkins, Crix Madine, that spider droid from Jabba's palace, that fat dancer from Jabba's palace, Sy Snootles, Imperial Death Star Gunners, Wuher (Mos Eisley Cantina bartender), The Dianoga (sewer monster), or Boba Fett!
You always kept a bowl filled with live three-legged frogs next to your bed, just in case you wanted a snack.
You lose an AT-AT driver in the snow every winter.
As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always; "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."
You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Life Savers," "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spelled Wookiee with only one "e."
You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir, droids."
You've been pulled over by a policeman and when asked to see your drivers' license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification."
Sent in by wraithleader 'Wedge' Swicegood. Found somewhere on the net.
That's All Folks!
Be sure to forward RebelPilot to your friends. What the hell, send it to your enemies too!
:>o<:
RP Editor
wraithfive aka Kell Tainer aka gLeN
www.rebelpilot.net ~~~~:>o<:
RebelPilot:>o<: = = = = = = = = = = = (-o-)
Be sure to forward this email to your Star Wars loving friends.
RebelPilot is FREE. If you're a Star Wars fan you'd be nuts not to subscribe.
Sign up? Send a blank email to rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Opt out? Send a blank email to rebelpilot-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
:>o<:
RP Editor
wraithfive aka Kell Tainer aka gLeN
www.rebelpilot.net ~~~~:>o<:
RebelPilot:>o<: = = = = = = = = = = = (-o-)
Be sure to forward this email to your Star Wars loving friends.
RebelPilot is FREE. If you're a Star Wars fan you'd be nuts not to subscribe.
Sign up? Send a blank email to rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Opt out? Send a blank email to rebelpilot-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Disclaimer
Star Wars® is ™ and © 1999 Lucasfilm Ltd. All other material, unless specified, is © 1999 RebelPilot. All Rights Reserved. No similarity between any of the names, characters, persons and/or institutions in this publication and those of any pre-existing person or institution is intended and any similarity which may exist is purely coincidental.
by RebelPilot
In addition to Star Wars I enjoy writing, humour, comedy. Especially humorous writing in comedy. Star Wars is a passion, though not an obsession. Whil... (more)
