EPISODE XXXXV
STORMTROOPER TK421: "RebelPilot? It's rebel scum"
Editorial
Way back in September of last year we had ourselves a special RebelPoll that was to decide my destiny.
I wished to enrol in a course and couldn't decide between 'Fine Arts- Drawing' or 'Digital Arts & Media'
The poll results were posted a couple of issues later: 13 to 2 in Digital Arts & Media's favour.
Friday was 'E' Day (enrolment day). Following the advice of 13 RebelPilot readers (and a Mr W. Biggers, the teacher of the Desktop Publishing course I completed in 1998) I chose Digital Arts & Media. Though I might add that Biggers vote was worth at least 15 points.
So I'm IN!
February 9 I start at the Hunter Institute of Technology. I'll be doing the full time course and it goes for a year (I previously said I planned on doing the part-time over 2 years).
Expect better looking art contributions from myself. And I also expect the teacher to get sick of me handing in Star Wars inspired work.
The course also involves Video Production, Can I find a bunch of local Star Wars addicts with costumes to make my very won Star Wars short film?
Who knows. But I do know if I get a 'cease and desist' order from Lucasfilm's lawyers then I know I've made my mark in life.
I wished to enrol in a course and couldn't decide between 'Fine Arts- Drawing' or 'Digital Arts & Media'
The poll results were posted a couple of issues later: 13 to 2 in Digital Arts & Media's favour.
Friday was 'E' Day (enrolment day). Following the advice of 13 RebelPilot readers (and a Mr W. Biggers, the teacher of the Desktop Publishing course I completed in 1998) I chose Digital Arts & Media. Though I might add that Biggers vote was worth at least 15 points.
So I'm IN!
February 9 I start at the Hunter Institute of Technology. I'll be doing the full time course and it goes for a year (I previously said I planned on doing the part-time over 2 years).
Expect better looking art contributions from myself. And I also expect the teacher to get sick of me handing in Star Wars inspired work.
The course also involves Video Production, Can I find a bunch of local Star Wars addicts with costumes to make my very won Star Wars short film?
Who knows. But I do know if I get a 'cease and desist' order from Lucasfilm's lawyers then I know I've made my mark in life.
Web Site Review
I've used my rather infantile skills as a web designer to toss together a site dedicated to sci-fi ezines. You can find it at http://www.geocities.com/starwarsezine
Coming soon (one day) is the official RebelPilot site. Just gotta slap some motivation into an acquaintance who's supremely talented as a html programmer. He's not a RebelPilot reader so those words weren't slipped in to stroke his ego or give him the hurry up.
The site will be hosted by www.sweeetnet.com If you wondered why sweeet.com gets honourable mentions in RebelPilot it's NOT because of that. Juz has got a severely twisted sense of humour and any time he adds a Star Wars inspired piece to his collection of parkerised pics I'm usually onto it because I check the site every second day.
If you haven't downloaded 'Kenny trapped in Carbonite', Darth Maul, Maul V Kenobi or the Episode I desktop wallpapers then your life isn't complete. You can find them and many more movie parody 3D pictures at http://www.sweeet.com
:>o<: = = = = = = = = |-o-|
http://www.hyperjump.net/SithJedi/
This site has the prerequisite news, spoilers and gallery that we've come to expect from worth-a-visit fan sites. It also has reviews on other fan sites.
Coming soon (one day) is the official RebelPilot site. Just gotta slap some motivation into an acquaintance who's supremely talented as a html programmer. He's not a RebelPilot reader so those words weren't slipped in to stroke his ego or give him the hurry up.
The site will be hosted by www.sweeetnet.com If you wondered why sweeet.com gets honourable mentions in RebelPilot it's NOT because of that. Juz has got a severely twisted sense of humour and any time he adds a Star Wars inspired piece to his collection of parkerised pics I'm usually onto it because I check the site every second day.
If you haven't downloaded 'Kenny trapped in Carbonite', Darth Maul, Maul V Kenobi or the Episode I desktop wallpapers then your life isn't complete. You can find them and many more movie parody 3D pictures at http://www.sweeet.com
:>o<: = = = = = = = = |-o-|
http://www.hyperjump.net/SithJedi/
This site has the prerequisite news, spoilers and gallery that we've come to expect from worth-a-visit fan sites. It also has reviews on other fan sites.
Rewind
Since Issue 12 I've had ASCII Art in every issue. And now the stocks are drying up. But for the sake of those that came in late I'm dragging up the glorious single-line-ascii-art.
Single line ascii. Hours of entertainment while you're in the office or at home.
:>o<: X-Wing Fighter
|-o-| TIE Fighter (eyeball)
(-o-) Advanced TIE
<-o-> TIE Interceptor (squint)
[-Oo-] TIE Bomber (Dupe)
{<>} Sith Infiltrator
o<=II=> Millennium Falcon
o-+-- B-Wing
O=<^>=O Y-Wing
. Death Star far, far away.
o Death Star far away.
O Death Star just a wee little bit closer.
All the above are Front Views. Here's one that's Top View:
iAi A-Wing
The responsible parties: John Swicegood, Jim from NY, Jose Luis Parada and myself. And special thanks to the letter O.
If you come up with new Star Wars ascii, small or big, then send it into editor@rebelpilot.com
A couple of tips for the aspiring ASCII Artist:
Use a fixed width font (eg: Courier New) or create in Notepad.
Never justify or centre the text.
Send in your stuff to RebelPilot no matter how simple it is. RebelPilot appreciates an impassioned attempt of the ancient art of ascii no matter how amateur.
And spaceships aren't the only Star Wars 'item' that can be recreated in a single line. How about some livestock?
__(/////@
a Bantha
And how about a movie scene?
Single line ascii. Hours of entertainment while you're in the office or at home.
:>o<: X-Wing Fighter
|-o-| TIE Fighter (eyeball)
(-o-) Advanced TIE
<-o-> TIE Interceptor (squint)
[-Oo-] TIE Bomber (Dupe)
{<>} Sith Infiltrator
o<=II=> Millennium Falcon
o-+-- B-Wing
O=<^>=O Y-Wing
. Death Star far, far away.
o Death Star far away.
O Death Star just a wee little bit closer.
All the above are Front Views. Here's one that's Top View:
iAi A-Wing
The responsible parties: John Swicegood, Jim from NY, Jose Luis Parada and myself. And special thanks to the letter O.
If you come up with new Star Wars ascii, small or big, then send it into editor@rebelpilot.com
A couple of tips for the aspiring ASCII Artist:
Use a fixed width font (eg: Courier New) or create in Notepad.
Never justify or centre the text.
Send in your stuff to RebelPilot no matter how simple it is. RebelPilot appreciates an impassioned attempt of the ancient art of ascii no matter how amateur.
And spaceships aren't the only Star Wars 'item' that can be recreated in a single line. How about some livestock?
__(/////@
a Bantha
And how about a movie scene?
ASCII Movie Scene
O o "you may fire when ready," said Grand Moff Tarkin.
O -----o
*---- o
(*) o
( ) o
o Death Star-1 Alderaan-0
o "I don't think the score at full time reflects the
the true power of this fully armed and operational
battle station," said Grand Moff Tarkin.
O The judges give a recount and award a total
score of 1,000,000,000 to nil in Tarkin's
favour.
This twisted tale is ©1999 RebelPilot. [Don't try it at home kids.]
O -----o
*---- o
(*) o
( ) o
o Death Star-1 Alderaan-0
o "I don't think the score at full time reflects the
the true power of this fully armed and operational
battle station," said Grand Moff Tarkin.
O The judges give a recount and award a total
score of 1,000,000,000 to nil in Tarkin's
favour.
This twisted tale is ©1999 RebelPilot. [Don't try it at home kids.]
Humour
Memo to Imperial staff:
All Star Destroyer gunners are to shoot escape pods. I don't care if you don't get any readings of life. Just shoot the damn things.
When you are looking for two droids detain ALL droids.
Shooting practise. All of you down to the rifle ranges NOW.
Shoot furry animals. It doesn't matter how cute they are.
If you were competent we wouldn't have to bring in contractors. Bounty Hunters might be scum but at least they put in the hard work and long hours.
©2000 RebelPilot.
All Star Destroyer gunners are to shoot escape pods. I don't care if you don't get any readings of life. Just shoot the damn things.
When you are looking for two droids detain ALL droids.
Shooting practise. All of you down to the rifle ranges NOW.
Shoot furry animals. It doesn't matter how cute they are.
If you were competent we wouldn't have to bring in contractors. Bounty Hunters might be scum but at least they put in the hard work and long hours.
©2000 RebelPilot.
Interview
RebelPilot presents an exclusive interview with Ian Liston. Better known to Star Wars movie buffs as Wedge Antilles rear gunner Wes Janson.
Star Wars novel readers will know the character better than most with his appearance in the x-wing series of novels, particularly Aaron Allston's Wraith Squadron adventures. After you've read the first 8 of the series check out Book 9: 'Starfighters of Adumar'. Wes Janson is a legend!
RebelPilot has gone out of it's way to track down the man behind the character and extract a few tales and tit-bits. (I won't hold it against him that Wes Janson killed Kell Tainer's father)
Exclusive Interview with Ian Liston
RebelPilot: Have you read any of the x-wing series of novels by Mike Stackpole and Aaron Allston to see what your rebel altar ego is up to?
Ian: Sadly, no. When, in a bookshop or at a collectors fair, I can find the ones Janson is in I'll buy them and save them for holiday reading.
RebelPilot: Wraith Squadron is number 5 in the X-Wing Series and Janson's first appearance post ESB. He's quite a delight to read. Particularly Book 9 in the series, The Starfighters of Adumar. Janson proves to be cheeky and charming.
RebelPilot: You're an actor and a playwright. Any thoughts of writing a science fiction novel?
Ian: No, but I have written a couple of historical plays for BBC Radio 4 and tried out a sci-fi story several years ago. I may give it a go one day!
RebelPilot: You're also an accomplished director and producer. Between directing, producing, acting and writing which one fulfils you the most?
Ian: I love performing as MR CHAIRMAN with my Hiss & Boo Comedy Music Hall & Variety Company
RebelPilot: As well as Wes Janson I also heard that you played the part of an Imperial. Which imp and what scene?
Ian: I'm the AT-AT driver. Basically, I shoot myself!
RebelPilot: Denis Lawson played the role of Wedge Antilles. Have you kept in contact with him since? Do you and Denis get together for a game of X-Wing vs TIE Fighter on the computer head to head via modem and 'relive the good old days'?
Ian: No to all unfortunately
RebelPilot: The Nintendo 64 has a game called Rogue Squadron. Have you seen it?
Ian: Yes
RebelPilot: Played it?
Ian: No
RebelPilot: You're in it! It's got quite a good little biography on your character.
Ian: I'd love to see it.
RebelPilot: ESB was filmed in the early eighties. What was the pay rate for a minor part in a movie back then?
Ian: My contract details are personal but the going rate at that time was about 150 per day. It's still about the same in 2000! To dispel a myth: We were paid for the film and haven't received a further single penny since. We don't get repeats or residuals and certainly nothing for being in the games and books. Miserable buggers wouldn't even let me have a copy of the game to give as a prize in a raffle.
RebelPilot: Was there a Wes Janson action figure? I don't remember one.
Ian: I don't think so but there is now ... and an AT AT driver
RebelPilot: What's your favourite Star Wars fighter?
Ian: I like 'em all!
RebelPilot: Thanks for your time. If you read and enjoy the x-wing novels with your character in it I can give you the authors email address so you can pass on a message of appreciation. If you don't like it then I'll find his home address so you can hop in your snowspeeder for a strafing run.
Ian: Yes please. Good 'un!
Ian Liston has a website at www.hissboo.co.uk. He's a writer, a producer, a director and an actor. Check out his impressive biography.
RebelPilots next celebrity interview is the man who has relaunched Wes Janson to the masses, Aaron Allston. It'll be featured in Issue 46. Available in your very own inbox. (or if this has been forwarded to you Send a blank email to rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com for your free weekly dose of Star Wars fun.)
Star Wars novel readers will know the character better than most with his appearance in the x-wing series of novels, particularly Aaron Allston's Wraith Squadron adventures. After you've read the first 8 of the series check out Book 9: 'Starfighters of Adumar'. Wes Janson is a legend!
RebelPilot has gone out of it's way to track down the man behind the character and extract a few tales and tit-bits. (I won't hold it against him that Wes Janson killed Kell Tainer's father)
Exclusive Interview with Ian Liston
RebelPilot: Have you read any of the x-wing series of novels by Mike Stackpole and Aaron Allston to see what your rebel altar ego is up to?
Ian: Sadly, no. When, in a bookshop or at a collectors fair, I can find the ones Janson is in I'll buy them and save them for holiday reading.
RebelPilot: Wraith Squadron is number 5 in the X-Wing Series and Janson's first appearance post ESB. He's quite a delight to read. Particularly Book 9 in the series, The Starfighters of Adumar. Janson proves to be cheeky and charming.
RebelPilot: You're an actor and a playwright. Any thoughts of writing a science fiction novel?
Ian: No, but I have written a couple of historical plays for BBC Radio 4 and tried out a sci-fi story several years ago. I may give it a go one day!
RebelPilot: You're also an accomplished director and producer. Between directing, producing, acting and writing which one fulfils you the most?
Ian: I love performing as MR CHAIRMAN with my Hiss & Boo Comedy Music Hall & Variety Company
RebelPilot: As well as Wes Janson I also heard that you played the part of an Imperial. Which imp and what scene?
Ian: I'm the AT-AT driver. Basically, I shoot myself!
RebelPilot: Denis Lawson played the role of Wedge Antilles. Have you kept in contact with him since? Do you and Denis get together for a game of X-Wing vs TIE Fighter on the computer head to head via modem and 'relive the good old days'?
Ian: No to all unfortunately
RebelPilot: The Nintendo 64 has a game called Rogue Squadron. Have you seen it?
Ian: Yes
RebelPilot: Played it?
Ian: No
RebelPilot: You're in it! It's got quite a good little biography on your character.
Ian: I'd love to see it.
RebelPilot: ESB was filmed in the early eighties. What was the pay rate for a minor part in a movie back then?
Ian: My contract details are personal but the going rate at that time was about 150 per day. It's still about the same in 2000! To dispel a myth: We were paid for the film and haven't received a further single penny since. We don't get repeats or residuals and certainly nothing for being in the games and books. Miserable buggers wouldn't even let me have a copy of the game to give as a prize in a raffle.
RebelPilot: Was there a Wes Janson action figure? I don't remember one.
Ian: I don't think so but there is now ... and an AT AT driver
RebelPilot: What's your favourite Star Wars fighter?
Ian: I like 'em all!
RebelPilot: Thanks for your time. If you read and enjoy the x-wing novels with your character in it I can give you the authors email address so you can pass on a message of appreciation. If you don't like it then I'll find his home address so you can hop in your snowspeeder for a strafing run.
Ian: Yes please. Good 'un!
Ian Liston has a website at www.hissboo.co.uk. He's a writer, a producer, a director and an actor. Check out his impressive biography.
RebelPilots next celebrity interview is the man who has relaunched Wes Janson to the masses, Aaron Allston. It'll be featured in Issue 46. Available in your very own inbox. (or if this has been forwarded to you Send a blank email to rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com for your free weekly dose of Star Wars fun.)
A Bridge Too Far (Collector's Edition)
Stars Ian Liston as Sgt. Whitney
Amazon Price: $17.99 (as of 10/13/2008)
Star Wars Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980 & 2004 Versions, 2-Disc Widescreen Edition)
Stars Ian Liston as Wes Janson
Amazon Price: $14.99 (as of 10/13/2008)
Starfighters of Adumar (Star Wars: X-Wing, Book 9)
Stars Wes Janson as the lovable rogue.
Amazon Price: $6.99 (as of 10/13/2008)
Fun With Emails
The email imbecile of the internet strikes again!
Apparently I'm not the only person firing off emails to websites with Star Wars sounding domain names. The lawyers from Lucasfilm licensing have got in on the act too.
You can find out more about this by checking out http://www.tatooine.com/hoopla.html But check it out soon because Lucasfilm have 'acquired' the domain name from the owner.
I wonder if the Lucasfilm lawyers have been in contact with the following: www.wedge.com and www.hansolo.com. I have, and here's the details of my latest misadventure:
Site name: www.wedge.com
What it's about: Wedge is a lawyer who specialises in Computer Law. Though I can't imagine many computers being plaintiffs or defendants.
What was said:
"Dear Wedge
I think you were definitely underrated in your contribution to the Rebellion's efforts against the Empire.
Will we see you commanding Rogue Squadron now that Luke is spending so much time doing an apprenticeship as a Jedi?"
:>o<: = = = = = |-o-|
Site url: http://www.hansolo.com
What they do: Commercial Building Maintenance Specialists
Where they do it: Servicing the Greater Los Angeles Area and Surrounding Communities
What was said:
"Dear HanSolo.com
It must have really sucked being trapped in carbonite. Is there much call for carbonite in the building industry?"
Apparently I'm not the only person firing off emails to websites with Star Wars sounding domain names. The lawyers from Lucasfilm licensing have got in on the act too.
You can find out more about this by checking out http://www.tatooine.com/hoopla.html But check it out soon because Lucasfilm have 'acquired' the domain name from the owner.
I wonder if the Lucasfilm lawyers have been in contact with the following: www.wedge.com and www.hansolo.com. I have, and here's the details of my latest misadventure:
Site name: www.wedge.com
What it's about: Wedge is a lawyer who specialises in Computer Law. Though I can't imagine many computers being plaintiffs or defendants.
What was said:
"Dear Wedge
I think you were definitely underrated in your contribution to the Rebellion's efforts against the Empire.
Will we see you commanding Rogue Squadron now that Luke is spending so much time doing an apprenticeship as a Jedi?"
:>o<: = = = = = |-o-|
Site url: http://www.hansolo.com
What they do: Commercial Building Maintenance Specialists
Where they do it: Servicing the Greater Los Angeles Area and Surrounding Communities
What was said:
"Dear HanSolo.com
It must have really sucked being trapped in carbonite. Is there much call for carbonite in the building industry?"
Ask A Rogue
Ask A Rogue- with Wes and Hobbie... and even Tycho!
Robert Aitken asks: Which Tie Fighter is the toughest and which one makes the best explosion?
Tycho says: The Advanced TIE is by far the toughest. They have shields. And not to mention a hyperdrive. Which is probably why it was called 'advanced'. That and the TIE Defender. (ed: TIE Defender wasn't seen in the movies but makes appearances in some novels post-ROTJ has three solar panel wings instead of two) The TIE's might not be tough but they make up for it with speed.
Hobbie says: Which one makes the best explosion? Guess I'll answer that one because I love blowing things up. . . it's not so much WHICH one but WHERE you hit. Hit a TIE straight through the eyeball and you get a blossoming effect. Spectacular to watch but not much to hear. You see, in the vacuum of space you can't hear anything. Mr Lucas adds all those big sound effects to make it all the more spectacular.
Wes says: Matter of fact Hobbie does all his own sound effects. We're out there vaping eyeballs and squints and he's whooping it up with "BLAM"s and "BA-BOOM"s and even "POW"s. Gets kinda distracting so I turn the comm way down low.
Got a probing question? Want to learn intimate details of the fearless fighters of the Rebel Alliance? Well you're in luck, Wes, Hobbie and the occasional appearance of Tycho Celchu (if the question warrants an intelligent answer) are here to solve any mystery.
Robert Aitken asks: Which Tie Fighter is the toughest and which one makes the best explosion?
Tycho says: The Advanced TIE is by far the toughest. They have shields. And not to mention a hyperdrive. Which is probably why it was called 'advanced'. That and the TIE Defender. (ed: TIE Defender wasn't seen in the movies but makes appearances in some novels post-ROTJ has three solar panel wings instead of two) The TIE's might not be tough but they make up for it with speed.
Hobbie says: Which one makes the best explosion? Guess I'll answer that one because I love blowing things up. . . it's not so much WHICH one but WHERE you hit. Hit a TIE straight through the eyeball and you get a blossoming effect. Spectacular to watch but not much to hear. You see, in the vacuum of space you can't hear anything. Mr Lucas adds all those big sound effects to make it all the more spectacular.
Wes says: Matter of fact Hobbie does all his own sound effects. We're out there vaping eyeballs and squints and he's whooping it up with "BLAM"s and "BA-BOOM"s and even "POW"s. Gets kinda distracting so I turn the comm way down low.
Got a probing question? Want to learn intimate details of the fearless fighters of the Rebel Alliance? Well you're in luck, Wes, Hobbie and the occasional appearance of Tycho Celchu (if the question warrants an intelligent answer) are here to solve any mystery.
Casting Call
"I had a dream...
George Lucas gives the go ahead for making EVERY Star Wars novel into a movie.
He gathers together the best young talent in directing and producing. and he picks ME (or you) to cast or re-cast each of the roles.
For better or worse here's how I feel right NOW on which actors would fit the bill (next month or next week or even five minutes from now I could change my mind) To start, I'll recast the roles for main characters in the original trilogy and subsequent novels post-ROTJ.
HAN SOLO: Brendan Fraser. (previously seen in; George of the Jungle, The Mummy, Encino Man, Blast From the Past. Please DON'T send me an email listing every movie he's been in) Why? After his performance in The Mummy he could fill the shoes of Indiana Jones, so why not Ford's other big screen hero?
LUKE SKYWALKER: Matt Damon. (previously seen in; The Rainmaker, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, Rounders) Why? Luke gets a bit of backbone post-ROTJ. Gone is the whingeing, whining farm boy. So we need someone with Matt's intensity to play the last and first Jedi of the new order.
LANDO CALRISSIAN: Will Smith (previously seen in; Six Degrees of Seperation, Bad Boys, Independence Day, Men In Black, Enemy of the State, Wild Wild West) Why? Will Smith has saved the earth twice in ID4 and MiB so why not save an entire galaxy?
PRINCESS LEIA/CHIEF OF STATE LEIA ORGANA SOLO/JEDI MOTHER OF THREE: Claire Danes (Romeo+Juliet, Mod Squad) Why? Not sure. She could play Leia up to and including "The Courtship of Princess Leia" but I think someone would have to replace her after she gives birth to twins.
OLD OBI WAN BEN KENOBI: Anthony Hopkins. (previously seen in; Silence of the Lambs, Zorro) Why? As far as old guys with style goes there's a choice between Hopkins and Sean Connery. But Connery couldn't do Obi-Wan. So Hopkins' gets the nod. If not Old Ben then he'd make a great C'Baoth (Zahn Trilogy).
WES JANSON: Hugh Jackman (plays the part of Wolverine in upcoming X-MEN movie) Why? I had to give out something to an Aussie actor.
In the next 'casting call' I'll probably hand out some directors jobs. Submit your blurb here to make casting suggestions for actors and directors.
LEGO Review
Star Wars LEGO Minifigs
This is a Do It Yourself site with explicit instructions.
It's not for the faint hearted as it involves the use of sandpaper, paint, superglue and DISMEMBERMENT.
It has a list of ingredients. Eg: 1 space figure set, 1 castle figure set, 1 town accessories pack, or at least 3 hair and a trash can and a few extra little Lego body parts.
And then we have step by step written instructions on how to pull apart a Lego man and then make your own Frankenstein- er, Vader.
As well as Vader it has pictures of the home-job Luke, Leia, Han Solo, C3PO, R2D2 (that's what you use the trash can for) and Obi Wan.
If you've got the guts and the spare parts you too can build your own set of Star Wars minifigs. But just don't let Lucasfilm find out. They may send someone over to confiscate them because they're not licensed merchandise.
This is a Do It Yourself site with explicit instructions.
It's not for the faint hearted as it involves the use of sandpaper, paint, superglue and DISMEMBERMENT.
It has a list of ingredients. Eg: 1 space figure set, 1 castle figure set, 1 town accessories pack, or at least 3 hair and a trash can and a few extra little Lego body parts.
And then we have step by step written instructions on how to pull apart a Lego man and then make your own Frankenstein- er, Vader.
As well as Vader it has pictures of the home-job Luke, Leia, Han Solo, C3PO, R2D2 (that's what you use the trash can for) and Obi Wan.
If you've got the guts and the spare parts you too can build your own set of Star Wars minifigs. But just don't let Lucasfilm find out. They may send someone over to confiscate them because they're not licensed merchandise.
Humour
Top Ten Pieces Of Star Wars Software Not Yet On The Marketplace
10. "Mos Eisley's Funniest Home Holovideos" screen saver.
9. Star Wars digital character generator. Use this 3-D modeling program to create characters based on the offensive stereotype o' your choice. The beta version has "Blackie," "Frenchy," "Chicano," "Gimpy," "Woman," and just to stay topical, "Power-Mad Russkie."
8. "Conversational Gungan" language program.
7. Windows 2000 installation package with "Smiling Emperor Palpatine" images and sound files. "Begin Installation Now?... Yes?... Feel the hate flowing through you... You cannot resist..."
6. MP3 "translator" that makes everything sound like it was played by the Mos Eisley Cantina. Unless John Williams wrote it.
5. "Palpatine Word," a word-processing program which auto-corrects obvious goofs like "freedom" and "I have failed you, Emperor" to more correct Galactic Standard like "anarchy" and "Please kill me." Upgraded from the 1984 "Big Brother" version.
4. "Hyperspace Dither" Photoshop plug-in.
3. "Eyes Can Deceive You" Jedi-Training Image Manager. Disables all images on your browser for random periods of time. If you try to reactivate them, program lectures you about how you need to be in touch with your feelings.
2. R2-D2 Office Assistant. When you need help, or even LOOK like you need help, it chirps and beeps. Maybe you can't understand it, but it's still an improvement over Microsoft Office Assistant. Least it doesn't pretend to be useful.
1. Quick'N'Slick Finance Manager. Enter your savings, and the program suggests 45 different ways for you to spend them, including action figures, DVDs, and mailing checks straight to George Lucas.
©2000 Tim C Mitts. Tim's got heaps more and I suppose if I keep using 'em he'll keep producing 'em. You'll find Tim and his growing Top Ten collection at http://www.faans.com
Pilfered with permission.
10. "Mos Eisley's Funniest Home Holovideos" screen saver.
9. Star Wars digital character generator. Use this 3-D modeling program to create characters based on the offensive stereotype o' your choice. The beta version has "Blackie," "Frenchy," "Chicano," "Gimpy," "Woman," and just to stay topical, "Power-Mad Russkie."
8. "Conversational Gungan" language program.
7. Windows 2000 installation package with "Smiling Emperor Palpatine" images and sound files. "Begin Installation Now?... Yes?... Feel the hate flowing through you... You cannot resist..."
6. MP3 "translator" that makes everything sound like it was played by the Mos Eisley Cantina. Unless John Williams wrote it.
5. "Palpatine Word," a word-processing program which auto-corrects obvious goofs like "freedom" and "I have failed you, Emperor" to more correct Galactic Standard like "anarchy" and "Please kill me." Upgraded from the 1984 "Big Brother" version.
4. "Hyperspace Dither" Photoshop plug-in.
3. "Eyes Can Deceive You" Jedi-Training Image Manager. Disables all images on your browser for random periods of time. If you try to reactivate them, program lectures you about how you need to be in touch with your feelings.
2. R2-D2 Office Assistant. When you need help, or even LOOK like you need help, it chirps and beeps. Maybe you can't understand it, but it's still an improvement over Microsoft Office Assistant. Least it doesn't pretend to be useful.
1. Quick'N'Slick Finance Manager. Enter your savings, and the program suggests 45 different ways for you to spend them, including action figures, DVDs, and mailing checks straight to George Lucas.
©2000 Tim C Mitts. Tim's got heaps more and I suppose if I keep using 'em he'll keep producing 'em. You'll find Tim and his growing Top Ten collection at http://www.faans.com
Pilfered with permission.
That's All Folks!
See ya later, or as they say in Spain: adiós!
:>o<:
gLeN a.k.a wraithfive
www.rebelpilot.net ~~~~:>o<:
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:>o<:
gLeN a.k.a wraithfive
www.rebelpilot.net ~~~~:>o<:
RebelPilot:>o<: = = = = = = = = = = = (-o-)
Be sure to forward this email to your Star Wars loving friends.
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Disclaimer
This ezine is in no way sponsored or endorsed by: George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, LucasArts Entertainment Co, LucasBooks, Skywalker Sound, THX, Industrial Light & Magic or anything else that George has his fingers in.
Star Wars and all its characters are © ,® and ™ Lucasfilm Ltd. And whatever other little symbols George wishes to slap on his creative ideas.
All witty remarks, retorts and repartee is ©2000 RebelPilot unless otherwise specified. Any use of the contents from this ezine without permission is strictly prohibited... and frankly, not a very nice thing to do.
Star Wars and all its characters are © ,® and ™ Lucasfilm Ltd. And whatever other little symbols George wishes to slap on his creative ideas.
All witty remarks, retorts and repartee is ©2000 RebelPilot unless otherwise specified. Any use of the contents from this ezine without permission is strictly prohibited... and frankly, not a very nice thing to do.
