Okay it ain't a bunch of jokes but it is parody. It's a take off of a song called "Video Killed The Radio Star".

Empire Killed The Holovid Star

I heard you via Subspace in Episode Two
Lying awake intent on turning Him to you
'Cause he was young he couldn't stop you coming through
Oh- a oh
You took the credit for the Clone Wars peace we see.
Rebuilt a Jedi with some Sith technology
And now I understand the Rebellion you see.
Oh- a oh
You crushed the Senate
Oh- a oh
What did you tell them?
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Stormtroopers came and censored art.
Oh- a- a- a oh
And now we meet in secret bases few will know.
We watch the Holos and it seems so long ago.
And you remember how the news-nets used to go.
Oh-a oh
You were a Senator
Oh- a oh
Now you're the Emperor.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
In my mind, across the stars
We can't retreat we've come to far
Oh-a-aho oh,
Oh-a-aho oh
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
In my mind, across the stars
We won't retreat we've come too far,
Stormtroopers came and censored art.
Put all the blame on the Jedi's part
You are going too far
You are going too far
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
Empire killed the Holovid star.
(you are going too far)

FULONGAMER aka Johannes M. Bowers

The Results Of The Trivia Quiz

A few issues back I posted the answers and someone has since chased me up to post the results.

I got 19 replies within days of posting the questions in RebelPilot. Unfortunately I lost the document that I pasted everyone's email onto.

I don't know how. I searched high and low on my hard drives but maybe I didn't even save it. I'm at a loss for an explanation.

As for results, I wish I could have published all the names of the first 19 including those that sent it again and those that sent it in a little later.

But what I will say if that most people scored 35 out of 37.

It was the last two questions (after #35) that caught people out: (35. What is the name of the planet near to where Han clocked up his record run?), 36. What was his record?, 37. Is the answer to the above in reference to time or distance?

Some people said 12 parsecs. But following the lead of my PEDANTIC readers I decided the correct answer was 'less than 12 parsecs'. And as for time or distance it is 'distance'.

ONE person got them both right but they mucked up an early question. So close.

Here's some of the people who partook in the Trivia Quiz: Lisa Curtis, Jim Haskell, XwingAlta, Rgracef, Bill Malott, Jacob Grossman (got both 36 and 37 right but got number 3 wrong), Rob Dalton, K.E. Pelton. Everyone else who sent in their answers and weren't mentioned here can give themselves a pat on the back for also participating in RebelPilot's first and LAST trivia quiz.

I still wake up screaming in middle of the night when I have nightmares about hosting another a SW trivia quiz.

I suggest you check it out. I like to think that this is the sort of stuff I'd be doing if I wasn't doing RebelPilot.

http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/ will take you to the LATEST most recent questions. There is also these categories: Culture, Sport, Food, Wildlife, Politics, Places, Everything Else, Ask us anything, anything at all.

If you do ask them anything be sure to write 'RebelPilot sent me' and add: 'RebelPilot is a free weekly Star Wars ezine made in Australia rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. YOU should put it in your links.'

Here's just a couple of examples of what's on offer:

"Some of my office colleagues have taken to pointing out to me that the Aussie insinuation about Kiwis and sheep is factually incorrect since Australia has far, far more sheep." - Greg, Boston, USA

"Ah yes, but we don't screw ours."

Or this:

"Is the Austrailian govnerment under authoritarian rule or representitive democracy?? If you are wondering why this is such a stupid and utterly worthless question, blame Marroned social studies programs!!" - Claudia, somewhere where you can use Hotmail from

Response: "Australia is run by a fascist authoritarian government that hunts down and arrests anybody caught using bad spelling on a public web site.
No, actually, Australia is a democracy, although of course there's always that small number of lunatic fringe dwellers who would cite numerous conspiracy theories to claim otherwise.
In fact, Australia is one of few countries in the world which have a compulsory electoral roll and compulsory voting for most citizens. None of your 30% attendances over here, close to 100% of voters turn up on polling day.
If you can't stand any of the politicians, you can always "vote informal", eg. mess up your ballot paper so it can't be counted. Just think - writing "You're all arseholes" across a ballot paper would be much more satisfying that just not turning up."

It's at www.toxiccustard.com/australia

Got a Star Wars site? Go to www.yahoogroups.com/links/rebelpilot and add your site.

DON'T make it long winded.

And do me a favour and have a rave about RebelPilot at your site and put in rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com as the link so others can subscribe to the insanity.

PS: If anything 'questionable' is linked then it will soon be deleted. But I don't need to say that because I'm so trusting.

Reasons Why Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Better Than Darth Maul...

Obi-Wan has hair

Those blue eyes

He only needs one lightsaber

He makes it past the apprentice level

Obi-Wan makes it all the way to Episode Four, Maul doesn't even get to Episode Two

©1999 Leia's Lists www.starwarschicks.com

================[|o|}oo{|o|]================

Reasons Why Darth Maul Is Better Than Obi-Wan...

Darth Maul had the odds against him but that didn't hold him back.

He killed a Jedi Master.

Darth Maul didn't have to wear a padawan braid.

The black outfit and robes of The Sith is way cooler than the Jedi brown.

Or put simply: Maul isn't a fashion victim.

Maul uses a double lightsaber with ease. Obi-Wan or any other damn fool crusader would do themselves a critical injury with such a unique weapon.

Maul could have been the lead for the Coruscant Ballet Company if he wanted to.

Maul has the coolest spacecraft in the galaxy (Sith Infiltrator) while Obi-Wan has to hitch a ride with whoever is going his way.

Maul doesn't have to abide by any goody-two-shoes Jedi code.

Maul might have been sliced in half by Obi-Wan but at least he doesn't get killed by the annoying 9 year old kid a few years down the track.

Maul might be bald but at least he doesn't have the look of a hair cut by a blind Jedi Hairdresser with a blunt lightsaber.

©2000 RebelPilot. [if you want to use this humour list at your site or in your ezine or mailing list just drop me a line]

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Yoda
©-Don
 
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Vader
©-Don

The Ewok Cast of Return Of The Jedi

Alan Bennett, Andrew Herd, April Perkins, Barbara O'laughlin, Bobbie Bell, Brian Orenstien, Brian Wheeler, Butch Wilhelm, Carol Read, Carole Morris, Chris Nunn, Chris Romano, Dan Blackner, Dan Frishman, Daniel Rodgers, Dean Shackenford, Debbie Carrington, Debbie Dixon, Diana Reynolds, Eileen Baker, Felix Silla, Gerarld Staddon, Glynn Jones, Harrell Parker Jr., J. J. Jackson, Jack Purvis, Jane Busby, Jean D'agostino, John Cumming, John Gavam, John Lummiss, John Pedrick, Josephine Staddon, Karen Lay, Katie Pervis, Kendra Wall, Kenny Baker, Kevin Thompson, Kiran Shah, Lars Green, Linda Bowley, Linda Spriggs, Luis De Jesus, Lydia Green, Malcom Dixon, Margarita Fernandez, Margo Apostocos, Maureen Charlton, Michael Gilden, Michael H. Balham, Mike Cottrell, Mike Edmonds, Nancy Maclean, Nicholas Read, Nicki Reade, Pam Grizz, Pamela Betts, Patty Bell, Paul Grant, Peter Burroughs, Peter Mandell, Phil Fondacaro, Ray Armstrong, Richard Jones, Ronnie Phillips, Sadie Corrie, Sal Fondacaro, Sarah Bennett, Stacy Nichols, Tony Cox, Tony Friel, Trevor Jones, Warwick Davis, William Coppen

Ewokese Lyrics by Ben Burtt

eGroups

What is eGroups? Go check for yourself at www.egroups.com (Editor's comment: This is not fair on the reader. This is a commercial organisation that lets you set up an email group for nothing, So if you are interested in Welsh Male Voice Choirs - an unlikely choice but there are such people - you can start an email group about singing in the language of God and the angels)

And here's a few that I recommend depending on your interests and tastes. To subscribe to any of them is as easy as sending a blank email to groupname-subscribe@egroups.com to have your name taken off the list send a blank email to groupname-unsubscribe@egroups.com

R2 Builders. This is an active group that shares information on how to construct your own Star Wars replica of a full size R2 Unit. Who on earth would want to do that? About 100+ other people who are subscribed to the list. After subscribing (r2builders-subscribe@egroups.com) you can post advice or ask questions by sending an email to r2builders@egroups.com. from there it goes out to everyone on the list, including yourself.

RebelPilot. eGroups largest weekly Star Wars ezine. It has news, humour, ascii art, reviews, interview and offbeat editorial. And it's made in Australia. (rebelpilot-subscribe@yahoogroups.com)

The Empire (the-empire-subscribe@egroups.com). Another weekly Star Wars ezine but with an Imperial twist. Follow the adventures of Vader, Palpatine et al and see how hard it can be to run an Empire.

StarFleet HeadQuarters (scifinetwork-subscribe@egroups.com). A weekly Star Trek ezine. Humour, trivia, facts, ascii art and website news.

Clip-Art (clip-art-subscribe@egroups.com) Celebrity caricatures captured in clip art. 100% original line art illustration.

starwars-clipart (starwars-clipart-subscribe@egroups.com). Build your Star Wars clip-art collection with this regular posting of original art in a line art illustration style. Two or three postings a week should sate the appetite of the most ardent Star Wars fanatic.

CrackAttack. (crackattack-subscribe@egroups.com) A weekly jokes list that specialises in list jokes (you know the Top Ten type jokes). Three humour lists per posting. Print out your favourites each week and put it up on the office notice board and be the work clown and all-round funny guy.

Joke-a-Thon (joke_a_thon-subscribe@egroups.com) Monday to Friday you can get 15 to 20K of jokes based on a daily theme. Compiled and edited by Humour Writer SWIGGY.

If your site was mentioned and for some odd reason you want to find out how you could obtain a copy (you'll have to pay for it) then send an email to the Australia's Internet Directory Editor at gp@mail.com

If you've got a flair for writing then send in a review of your site or your favourite sites to me through rebelpilot@esweeet.com (please send it there and not to any of my other email addresses so I have all the reviews in the one place). Make it 100 words or less and I'll collate, verify and edit (if needed) and send them into Australia's Internet Directory as 'pre-packed and ready to print'.

He's actually asked me for more of the same but fairly I'm busy. But if I can draw on the talent of the RebelPilot member base I could very well fill an entire directory. I'll also be asking for a list of credits of the contributors to be published in the magazine should I get a good response.

I'm after more than just Star Wars (eg: Galaxy Quest, Babylon 5, Doctor Who, The X-Files, LEXX, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Blakes 7, Doctor Who, Farscape, Star Wars, Aliens, Alien vs Predator, Red Dwarf, The Matrix, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Spaceballs, Tron, Solyaris, Planet of the Apes, The Fifth Element, Dune, Battletech, Blue Seed, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Flash Gordon, Quantum, Stargate SG1, Independence Day, The Last Starfighter, ET, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Contact, Bladerunner. . . and what ever else you fancy.)

A couple of RebelPilot readers has submitted a name for the 'Dark Lord of the Photoshop' that I posted at http://www.geocities.com/wraithfivexwing/diysith.htm

My 21 month old daughter has called him 'uk uk'. Which for the uninitiated of baby talk is YUK.

So she doesn't like him. Which is a step in the right direction when designing a Darth. But Darth Uk Uk doesn't quite cut it.

But one has tagged him Darth Notorious.

Check out the darthly dude for yourself and make a suggestion for a name. When I get a few I'll put the Darth names and the names of the originators on the webpage.

http://www.geocities.com/wraithfivexwing/diysith.htm

Brendan (Innes?) suggests this site:

http://www.theforce.net/download/stardudes.html (It uses MacroMedia Flash).

I haven't had a chance to check it out but seeing at it's at TheForce.Net I believe I can trust the contents.

I've attached another RebelPilot promotional GIF to this issue. After last weeks attachment I had a reader respond saying they've been after a red rebel crest on a black background as a desktop wallpaper.

Give me a few weeks and I'll make a selection of designs and upload them to some webspace. They'll be predominantly red on black with the silhouettes of the rebel crest and x-wing in tasteful arrangements.

In my Tuesday class I grabbed some frames from my ESB video and made some changes.

They aren't the work of a Digital Artiste but I knocked them out in very little time. I had to wait for the tech to arrive so he could work out why the MAC Power PC couldn't access the network and I could click and drag my captured frames to my iMac.

Check out http://www.geocities.com/wraithfivexwing for "Adventures Of An Ambiguous Extra'.

My seven year old son gave it the thumbs up.

As a temporary measure I have set up an unofficial RebelPilot web site. At the moment it has a couple of different things to pique your interest. You can also find out why it's only a temporary measure and WHEN the permanent one goes up, WHERE it's being hosted, WHAT it'll have and maybe even WHY it's being done.

You'll find it at http://www.geocities.com/wraithfivexwing

In the meantime I juggle half a dozen other commitments.

c ya l8er.

(c:
gLeN aka wraithfive ~~~~~~~~:>o<:
www.rebelpilot.net ~~~~:>o<:

RebelPilot:>o<: = = = = = = = = = = = (-o-)
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All witty remarks, retorts and repartee is ©2000 RebelPilot unless otherwise specified. Any use of the contents from this ezine without permission is strictly prohibited... and frankly, not a very nice thing to do. If you want to use it, just ask.