It Shouldn't Hurt to be a Child

The guy on the corner asking little girls if they want candy are there, but they are not the most common incidents of child sexual abuse.

The opposite is true: it is usually someone in or close to the family, someone in a position of power and trust who perpetrates the crimes.

I've had as defendants teachers, coaches, priests, and even a "Big Brother (as in the organization) Man of the Year" who was a card carrying member of NAMBLA. Twenty years ago not many law enforcement people even knew about the group. Positions of power, trust or authority are sought by these pedophiles. It gives them their real chance to keep it secret.

If it seems to good to be true, it likely is. I recall several elderly "gentlemen" neighbors where there were groups of boys of like ages. One in particular was in a trailer park and was the after school pied piper of the neighborhood. He had all the gear, the x box, the space, the privacy.

At first folks thought it was great that he would take a group to drive go-carts. Just too good to be true. He was. But among several eight and nine year old boys it slipped about the alcohol and smoking. The circle finally got too wide, and then we closed it.

One was a 76 year old "sit on my lap groper" grandpa type with many victims over a life time to his history. Then there was the "baby sitter" who had a way too fascinated attitude about feet and what they should wear and do. One was a cop I trained at an in-service training on the subject. He loved to remind me of that.

Familial child sexual abuse is mostly in blood relationships. No, actually, blood relationship abuse happens more than you think, but step or live-in abuse is much more common. It just doesn't seem to hold the same taboo and risk as a blood relationship, but is equally damaging.

Only once in my entire career have I seen an incest case resulting in a child. The woman is one of my life heroes. Her story is important, but keep in mind that she is the exception, not the rule.

What it has in common with the average case is that lots of other dysfunctional things are going on at the same time. What IS common are things like alcoholism, drug abuse, verbal abuse, and domestic violence against the "non-offending" parent and children.

Let's call her Kathy. Kathy just showed up at the DA's office looking for me to talk about her little sister's case. Cautiously optimistic that she could somehow help or give me information, I invited here in. We learned to let the office investigators know, because sometimes those visits are just the opposite, and not friendly or pleasant at all.

Kathy was well kept, if inexpensively, but she had obviously made an effort to show respect. Her first words were to ask about her 15 year old sister Judy. Judy's case was incredibly tough, because she had been sent to foster care as a tenth grader. Mom did not believe her. Mom stood by her man. This is much more common than you think. The social worker was having a hard time getting her in to see me, and I knew it would be many visits to get her to trust me. I just said Judy was safe now in foster care, and that I was putting the case together.

Kathy recited chapter and verse about how Mom would talk her out of going forward, if given the chance unsupervised. Then she launched into her own story. She left home pregnant, was accused by the family of being a tramp, a total denial of her torture. Yes, torture, including house hold instruments of physical destruction like electric cords, irons, foot washing rituals, and a drill.

Kathy showed me a picture of her son, a toddler, flatly stating that her father was the father of this boy. I didn't need to ask how sure she was, as I quickly did a little math in my head and the event of his conception was indeed within the stature of limitation. I could prosecute it. She pulled out a bunch of papers from a hospital documenting the genetic defect in the boy's heart. He had had several surgeries as an infant.

At that time DNA was just beginning to be accepted in a few courts in the country. No CSI, and truthfully we will never be that good. If TV were only reality no one would have to do the job I did.

I knew that DNA evidence had never been admitted in court in the jurisdiction. I wondered if I didn't just get a present from heaven in terms of making two cases great, which ordinarily gets the defense to fold.

But could I get the evidence? Would the DA cough up the money for testing and an expert witness? Then, I really had to learn the science myself. The D.A. did. I did. The evidence was tested at a hearing for scientific reliability. It was accepted. We took a day off.

Judy never had to go through the court business, nor did Kathy, as knowing there was nowhere left to hide, Grand Dad-Dad plead guilty to a very long time in jail.

Kathy inspires me. Can you imagine facing the result of your own abuse, loving and nurturing the child? She did, and does. I hear from her still. I even went to her wedding to a marvelous guy who accepted it all.

Another part of the story that is common to non-blood relationship cases, is that often more than one child in the family is molested. The older sibling often thinks that by shutting up and cooperating they will protect their younger brothers and sisters. Not so. It never is so. The grooming of the other children is already going on.

This one is more than a tad wrong. some are in tandem with men, some are soloists, some are the neighbor Mrs. Alcoholic who goes into the boys tent during the neighborhood sleep over in the well guarded yard.

Mothers do it. I wish I didn't have to say that, but I've seen it. One foster mother took all three boys from a dad and mom abuser team, and couldn't get through a trip to the grocery store without someone acting out a scene. They were all under 6. They had "family time" at home. I wish I knew that the boys survived.

Every single time I have seen a child recant the abuse, it was for a reason other than straightening out a lie about abuse. First, keep in mind there is generally not much in it for a child to tell about the abuse other than having it stop.

Often, it comes out another way in the beginning. Commonly, kids don't pipe up right away, as the incidents are wrapped in secrecy by the offender often with treats like "I will hurt your mother," "She won't believe you," I will kill your dog," and on and on. If you can make a child believe in Santa, don't you think you can convince even the ones who don't believe in Santa of some other greater harm for telling, especially if the man has hurt mom before?

Kids get told it is what fathers do. Or it is what mothers do. They may not know something is abuse, until educated accidentally. They are told that if they were good, it won't happen.

This came home very hard one day when I went with an investigator to see a pre-teen in a mental hospital, She had been admitted by her father after a weird incident at school where she began crawling around the floor in the school cafeteria, taking scraps from kids and barking. It wasn't a joke.

In a white room we sat quietly and made small talk at first. We knew what was up, but she had to tell us or we had no case. As we sat she kept scraping her thumbnail against her other hand, She sped up, furiously digging at her hand. I gently put my hand on hers to still her,and asked what she was doing.

"Making a hole. Oh, I have to make a hole! I have to let the bad out!" She stopped short of telling, other than saying she knew that we knew.

On another visit we struck out with the Kryptonite trick as we called it. We were there to take the Kryptonite away so super powers could return.

Dad had been keeping track of her visitors and went to work on her. She recanted. She wanted to go home to her dog. I know she was fearful about her dog.

Recantation occurs when the child sees the estrangement as too unbearable or threatening. I've seen it happen even where there was some corroboration or admission by the offender.

Then there are the "false memory" people. "False memory" is now the first line of defense. I know a teen who told mom about the live in, and Mom's response was to direct her immediately to "false memory" reading.

Actually, the concept is not only over applied, it is totally misapplied. "False memory" relates to the use of hypnotism in therapy. It is NOT what the vernacular culture makes of it these days. Not at all. They contend that therapists encourage false memories of abuse.

The other issue with teens is often that the teen has been in trouble and gets labeled a liar immediately by the family without any real investigation.
I call that the chicken and the egg or the cart and the horse. Which came first?

Wouldn't it be more likely a teen would act out other ways, run away, commit crimes, do rebellious things that would get them taken away form home, drink and drug to kill the pain of the abuse? Angry escapism would not seem that unlikely when they have been abused.

Thus, if there is an alternative way to stay away, teens will take it, as a lesser of evils. Recantations can be gotten with bribes, promises of a cell phone, a new car, allowed to go out, whatever it takes. Promises, promises.

When a child recants, take the original indications to the bank.

Even with incest this is very is rarely true. This myth is perpetrated by offenders who when caught and convicted are looking to minimize their responsibility.

Sadly, lots of kids have asked me if they will become molesters, I can tell them they won't with certainty. Victims know real pain, pain they would not want to inflict on anyone.

A good study illustrates this. Several hundred convicted molesters were asked on polygraph whether they were molested as children. Most flunked and the data conclude that 90% claimed to have been molested as children. 10% claimed to have started in adulthood.

Polygraphs are notoriously unreliable, but they are a good tool for getting information. They work when the person raking them thinks they will.

These same convicts were then told that if they lied about it, there would be loss of good time toward early release. When polygraphed the second time. The number flipped. 90% admitted that they were not molested as children, but rather started molesting at a young age. The remaining 10% had been abused as children and were sticking to it.

In the domestic violence arena it is more likely to be true that an abuser lived is an abusive home, but not with child molesting.

If you are of a mind that this conduct is so repulsive, it is rare. Oh, to the contrary!

I won't bore you with piles of statistics, but it is generally accepted that based on reported cases, and many go unreported, the chance a boy will be molested is 2 in 5, and girls 3 in 5. Sound too high? It isn't. Let me give you some anecdotal information, too.

First, I know that I have seated child molesters on juries, since asking someone if they ever diddled a child is impossible .Imagine saying, "Has any one here ever sexual contact with a child?" Sure that will get truthful answers in public. Rather, I ask if anyone or someone close to then has any personal experience with the subject. It would shock you to see the hands go up with folks asking to speak privately with judge,counsel and defendant. The tears and expressions were not fake.

You can tell from their eyes, often welling up, what they need to say. They tell us they were molested. It happened less when I started doing this work, but it happened every time at least once.

As time went on, and the subject was getting more public attention, more people in each panel would reveal their experiences. Since standing alone that does not disqualify them automatically from jury duty, they weren't saying so just to get you off jury duty,

They were real, regular people who show up at the court house to perform a vital act of citizenship. I've seen hundreds of them.

The Chamber of Commerce, The This and That club would ask me to talk for them. I always saw a couple guys hang headed looking at their shoes. On many occasions people would approach me after an event, and hand me more work. That was how we brought charges against a pedophile priest among others.

Some people feel that going to court would be harmful to children. Perhaps sometimes so, and prosecutors take cooperative parent wishes very seriously. However, I have experienced the opposite. Standing up just to "say the truth" is very empowering toward a child's recovery.

What lots of people don't think about is how powerful a child can feel during the experience. When they are properly prepared for court, they can be better than adults. The most surprising things come out when they are simply given permission to qualify for an oath and tell the truth.

Qualifying for an oath means.that whatever the age under a certain age requires a record that the child fully understands the nature of an oath. If you ask a kid what an oath is they might say breakfast. But if you ask them what a promise is, what truth means. the moral obligation to tell the truth, they can answer it. Then a judge ruled on whether the testimony was admissible. in court. I got that done as soon as possible to break them into big guys in black dresses.
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Preparing for a not guilty verdict is pretty simple. I use analogies like the fight on the playground where the teacher comes up as it is in progress and attempts to sort out who started the fight. Besides, twelve people have to agree. So remember not guilty does not mean he didn't do what truth you said he did to you. It only means the teacher didn't see, and she couldn't be absolutely sure without being there.

If you prepare them right they will show up rosy to go. They do show up nervous sometimes, but you work it out if you can. One did turn up really sick and barfed on a sister A.D.A.'s shoes one day. Stuff happens with kids. Any body hungry? Keep interesting stuff around that will get minds off pressure.

I kept cool models, stuff for goofing around, both sex and age spread appropriate to offer, with lots of art by other kids and kids who wanted to put their school pictures on my wall. A Slinky seems to work for all ages. including the boss.

Blood, hair, ballistics, fingerprints, autopsies, statements by defendant, DNA sometimes, all kinds of physical evidence in homicide cases. There has to be. There is no victim testimony in a murder case, so resources are first devoted to them. Police collect tons of stuff besides murder weapons of all sorts from big guns to cans in a sock.

In child sexual abuse cases, there is ordinarily no acute evidence. The crime is done in private. There are no other witnesses to the act except the child. Children are confused by it, and often don't tell right away. That is a recognized psychiatric syndrome.

Talking to a child molester in hope of obtaining corroboration of the child's information, much less getting a voluntary confession is a true art form. Creative thinking coupled with people insight is the hall mark of a great investigator.

I liked to suggest that the office murder case gunslingers try child abuse cases where all you really have is the testimony of a kid. See if you get another notch in your belt. Try a hard case, tough guy.

The fact of the matter is that agencies of all sorts are doing this better now. The advent of Advocacy Centers have made a difference, especially medically and scientifically. But the truth is that defendants bumble their way into convictions more than you think. We just get lucky. Then there are situations where strange search warrant applications can get you a mile. Consider this next story.

One case involved Uncle Bob who had the boys in the attic doing that Catcher in the Rye circle. That activity lead to contact between Uncle and children.. A search warrant got us the floor boards to sample. That got us our positive results. Bingo. Maximum.

Another warrant gave me photos of very distinct marks on a certain part of rapist she had to see and which matched her description to a tee. That's creative investigating with a strong stomach.

No, I take back the strong stomach part. I have to admit that baby deaths require cast iron guts, especially at a post-mortem exam. I've lost it at baby autopsies, usually when crusty old homicide cops start crying. After those, even a non-drinker like me will go have a shot with the boys.