I Want To Get Well

Insomnia - one of the biggest problems for many sufferers of autoimmune diseases. Fatigue is usually one of the normal symptoms with all autoimmune's, so when insomnia is also an issue it makes fatigue completely uncontrollable and your life dysfunctional.

At my last support group meeting this issue was addressed during a guest speaker talking about natural supplements and alternatives to medication. One thing that peaked my interest was Melatonin. Our guest speaker says that Melatonin is a natural hormone our body produces, but Melatonin supplements can boost your body's Melatonin and help with insomnia. It's an all natural, safe alternative to medications like Ambien and Lunesta. There are no side effects and it's non-habit forming either.

One of my fellow group attendees use to take medication for her insomnia, and then she switched to Melatonin and that's all she takes. She says it's the most restful sleep she has, much better than she had medicated. I know myself, I have been prescribed Trazadone to put me to sleep and Baclofen to help me get into a deeper sleep and stay in a deeper sleep. Problem is, when I take my meds the next day I am hung-over all day as a side effect. Needless to say I only take those meds when I'm absolutely desperate.

Melatonin is available in a pill form, powder form, liquid form and is also found in many teas as I've been told by my friend Susan. One thing I should note, is that if you are taking any form of anti-depressants you should not take Melatonin.

If you suffer from insomnia and find that nothing works, there are ways to adjust your lifestyle to accommodate the lack of restful sleep. I've spent over a year dealing with severe insomnia and have spoken with a lot of doctors and other sufferers to try to cope, and have gotten a lot of great advice. Here are some of the tips I can give that I have tried myself - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It may work for you, it may not, but if you're tired, you're usually willing to try anything.

1) Develop a bed-time routine. A nice bath with aromatherapy scents meant to calm and relax your body/mind works well. Some of the scents highly recommended:
- Chamomile
- Geranium
- Lavender
- Mandarin
- Rose
- and Sandalwood

2) Teas - there are many teas on the market now (some containing Melatonin) specially made to help your body calm and relax for bed.

3) Meditation - take time to meditate and with your mind relax your body top to bottom, muscle group by muscle group.

4) Turn off your TV, mp3 player, etc - they are very distracting of sleep. Instead, try natural sounds, you can find CD's and special clocks, etc. that have the sounds of the ocean, water, light thunder - sounds that soothe the mind.

5) Allow extra time - go to bed a little earlier to give yourself some extra time for you to fall asleep.

6) If you find yourself waking up throughout the night and not able to go back to sleep, etc - I highly recommend and insomnia/sleep clinic study. Many people find through sleep studies that they actually suffer from conditions like sleep apnea and that is what is jolting them awake through the night or not allowing them to sleep deeply.

7) If you're like me, once I'm awake, I'm up for the day. Even though I try all of the steps above, I cannot fall back asleep so I just learn to adjust my day for it. If possible (mostly for stay-at-home-moms) plan for a nap or rest time that day. If you have children at home, arrange for a sitter so that your body can get the sleep it needs to function. If it's impossible for you because of work, etc - it is OK to use a sick day when you have to and if you can afford to.

8) If you do suffer from severe insomnia, there could be underlying causes - I highly recommend seeing your doctor to be checked for conditions that may be keeping your from sleeping. Usually, once the underlying condition is treated, the insomnia will clear up on it's own.

Now - there are some people that suffer from insomnia simply because they're worriers and bedtime is where they cannot shut their thinking process off and cross over into sleep mode - this is where Melatonin and other supplements or medications would be very beneficial if all else fails.

So - I've been dealing with a major flare-up of my disease for a few weeks now, with a few days break here and there. I've come to the conclusion it's a combination of stress (divorce, single parenting, moving, mom dying, etc) and the change in seasons. But this last week it's been the hardest it's been in a long time. I feel like I get no relief at all. I've become tolerant to the Clonozepam they had me on for the spasms and seizing but we're afraid to up or change my meds until the Neuro sees me (still atleast a month away), so I'm relying on the Diazepam for break-throughs which pretty much make me non-functional for the rest of the day.

By the time the end of the day comes my body just gives out. Sometimes it doesn't even wait until the end of the day - it just gives out in the middle of the day and I'm bed-ridden the rest of the day throwing up, spasming, pain, Raynauds, - you name it. After almost 3 years of this it's finally starting to break me down. I've tried so hard to stay positive and just push through it. I have a wonderful support system, I'm still using my distraction therapy and my other therapy is my blogging and iwgw work - but the last few days have been so rough I feel like I'm losing my hope again.

So I posted on Twitter under my iwannagetwell asking how others cope with this and I got a lot of DM's that were just wonderful and supportive and I cannot thank my twitter friends enough for putting me back on track.

Here's some of the advice I got today and some of the encouragement they sent:

1) Make sure you listen to your body - if it says I'm done for now then rest - you'll only wear your body out more if you don't.

2) Drink water - hydration will help keep you moving, lack of hydration can make your fatigue much worse.

3) Surround yourself with positive items, pictures of your children, lists of goals, things that hold sentimental value to you and remember that those are the things you are fighting for.

4) Tell yourself that you WILL get through this because you WILL - it is only a temporary set back

5) Re-evaluate your daily schedule and see if you are overbooking yourself - you may not realize you're putting too much into one day until you've already done it for 3 or 4 days. Keep your tasks down to 1 a day - 1 a day goes a long way

6) Remember what you and your body use to be like and imagine yourself having that back - that IS your fight and if you keep remembering what you're fighting for, you won't lose your hope or will.

Those are some of the best advice messages I've gotten through this. So - here I am at the end of the day blogging and feeling like crap still, but I'm not giving up hope yet. I'm not in bed! I'm NOT going to let this beat me - I WILL BEAT IT! All I needed was to be reminded and thanks tweeters for that.

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Love, Tamra

And that's what I did ... After my mother died, I saw the photos of me at my mom's visitation and was horrified at how ill I looked.  At the time my marriage was dying, we were financial stress because of my husband and I was bedridden between pain and meds.  After seeing that photo I decided I had to do something to regain my hope that I WILL get better.

A few days after returning from Illinois, I left my husband and am divorcing him.  It was hard and I was scared - how am I going to take care of 4 kids by myself?  We ended up going to a haven house until I could find us a small apartment in our town while I wait on SSDI.  I still have some residuals and commissions so we get by, but the amount of stress my husband caused was gone.  Suddenly I felt 170 pounds lighter and found that I had more energy.

My next step - Dr. G to re-evaluate my meds and symptoms.  All the meds were making me incapable of functioning.  So we redid my meds and found one (clonozepam) that controls my left-side seizures and nerve problems 90% of the time without making me groggy (it did the first few days but then no more side effects).  I stay on the Tramadol, and I have Valium for left-side break-throughs which I've hardly needed.

2 months later and the meds seem to be working, and I'm able to function enough to atleast take care of my children and apartment.  I also started seeing a wonderful man that I've known for a few years.  I'm lucky to have a second chance with him, I really am.  He's encouraging, supportive, and loving.  Things I thought I would never be able to do again he helps me do.  He doesn't care about my disease and he's wonderful with my boys.  I wouldn't have made it this far without him.

I have my hope back - and with that came a healthier me.  I still have flair ups and pain and I still have a long road ahead of me, but I feel like I can handle anything thrown at me now.  Thanks to the support of Fran, Martha, Pete, my old buds from high school, all of my humungo family back in Streator and my boys.  You brought Tamra back and I love all of you for that.

Next steps - go back to the Mayo to see Dr. N to change my 3/day meds to one a day med to control the left size seizing and balance issues.  Then back to Dr. G to start methotrexate to slow down the progression of my connective tissue disease and hopefully tame my immune system.  I have hope now and I'm fighting back again!

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Love, Tamra

Once of my biggest problems, and I've heard others say the same thing, is that when they have a good day where they may not feel "good" or "great" but OK enough to do something, they tend to do as much as they can while they are able to. Then - they end up in bed for 3 days. My doctors always tell me don't over do it and I'm STILL trying to practice that. I think that's the hardest to do because you feel like as long as you're able to, you have to get as much done as you can before you get another bad day. But what you have to understand is that doing everything you can while you feel good will give you a bad day.

The advice I was given by one of my doctors was if I'm having a day where I feel like I could possibly do something, to select 1 chore and only 1 chore. And then, while doing that chore, take breaks often, keep myself hydrated and listen to my body. My body will let me know when it's had enough. And when I feel that, no matter what, it's time to stop. The rest of it can wait, or someone else can finish it.

Being that I have OCD and was formerly a cleaning freak, this was hard for me to do. I'm learning, and I still have times where I tend to over do it. But I've gotten better.

For example, today - I'm not feeling overly good, but I feel OK. I decided to do some laundry because my husband has let it go just waaayyyyy to long. Doing laundry means trips up and down the stairs. OK - so I go slow down the stairs. I use my cane to support myself while I route through the dirty clothes to put into the washer. I use the cane again to brace myself while I get clothes out of the dryer. I'm doing very small loads to make it easy to carry to the laundry table. I lean against the table while I fold/hang clothes and then I'm done with that load.

I've done 3 loads, but my body is telling me that it's done. Aches are starting to get achier and I'm starting to feel fatigue set in - can someone say rest time? So that's it for me - my husband can finish up the loads in the washer/dryer right now and we'll see how I feel tomorrow about doing some more of it.

You really do have to listen to your body, because it doesn't lie. If you keep going after your body says stop, you will only wear yourself out, cause yourself more pain and end up feeling like crap for a few days until you recover. It's just part of having autoimmune. It sucks, but once you get a pattern set for yourself, it's not so bad.

One of the things you have to be careful of when dealing with autoimmune is stress - stress can set your flair ups into motion. After battling my disease alongside a failing marriage I finally chose my battle - I chose to live and let my marriage go.

At first it was stressful because it all happened right after I got home from my mother's death, but I did it. Me and the 4 boys moved out of my husband's, and into a haven for temporary, then we found a cute little apartment that we've made home. I tell you - I feel like I've lost 170 pounds! I still stress about things, but not like before. I still deal with the pain, myalgia and fatigue, but I can get out of bed now. I did ask Dr. G for an antidepressant temporarily while I deal with being broke, sick and a single mom. So far me and the boys are making it.

Still waiting for a hearing from SSDI - my fingers are starting to look really bad. Going to go back to the Mayo in the next few weeks to see Dr. K and see if he can diagnose my nerve issues so I can come off all these meds they have me on.

Other than that - still staying postive. My friends have been so supportive, even my little town here, everyone encourages me not to give up and I won't. Every day I will try a little harder and I will beat this disease!

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Love, Tam

I'd walk on water to hold your hand
I'd give up everything to give you life again
I'd give up dreaming, a fantasy for you
For just one more smile there's nothing I won't do
I'd die tomorrow to have you here today
If I could take your place, I'd give my soul away
I'd walk on water for you

So - last week was pretty rough, but we finally got my meds approved by insurance so I was able to get up and around. I still can't drive or stand for too long, but it felt good to get out of bed. Then, a call from my brother in Illinois. My mother, who has been battling lung cancer and insisting she's doing very well, had a stroke. Not a bad one, but they did an MRI to see what kind of damage was done because they felt that her symptoms would have been more of a severe stroke than she had.

In the MRI they found a small tumor in her brain. The oncologist said that it's characteristic of secondary cancer, meaning that now cancer is popping up in other places which is common in some cases.

So my brother and sister drove down to Alabama, in the Montgomery area, where my mother lives. I'm still homebound because of my health. Another doctor in the meantime took another look at the MRI and realized that they did not check the brain stem when they looked through the MRI. Today I got the news that not only does my mom have a malignant tumor in her brain on the exact spot she had her stroke, but she now has cancer on her brain stem as well.

Right now, my mom is doing OK. Her memory, coordination and such are affected (naturally between the stroke, tumor and brain stem). They're going to do a series of gamma-radiation to try to help the tumor in my mom's head so that at least she can maybe have some quality of life, because they said there's not much they can do now that it's spread into her brain stem. They said she could have a few months to a few years left, they just don't know.

After getting off the phone, I looked at my cane at the foot of my bed and realized that my little aches and pains and fatigue were nothing compared to what she's going through and I felt so humbled. Then it dawned on me - we had just cut my hair a few days ago. It was butt length but my hands had gotten too bad for me to care for it properly. I was going to donate it to LoL, but decided to keep it in case I needed it later (since I'm STILL undiagnosed and untreated). Now I'm glad I kept the hair. My sister and I are going to have a custom-wig made for my mother. My mom and I have the same kind of hair - before hers turned gray and before it started falling out from the radiation for her lung cancer. When she was my age she had the exact kind of hair I do. So - that'll be my gift to my mother. Right now there's not much else I can do from Wisconsin. I can't drive and my brother and sister are worried that the stress down there will flair up my disease again.

Anyway - as if that weren't enough, my 4 year old gave me a good push yesterday. I was actually feeling OK yesterday morning. I didn't even take my meds and I was able to get up and move around with my cane (still having balance issues). But when he shoved me, I didn't have my cane so I hit the floor and I hit it hard. Knees and hands and it did something to the nerves in my left hip. Nothing but pain the rest of the day. So this morning I'm still having a lot of pain from yesterday and my 4 year old gets mad and punches me in my back, right at that spot where your hip meets the tip of your spine. My nerves were on fire and it's been like that ever since. As long as I take my meds every 6 hours and have a heating pad on my back I'm fine, but I've been bed ridden all day and night because of it - which I hate.

I've decided to call our family doctor to see about getting a psych referal for my son, I think it's out of hand. We'll see how I feel tomorrow, but I know no matter how I feel, my mother feels worse. I'm hoping to talk to her tomorrow and I'm thinking of adding more chronic illnesses than just Autoimmunes to the IWGW website so that I can add things like cancer, aids, hepatitis C and other illnesses that are serious.

Hopefully I'll have an update for you tomorow. Please keep my mother in your prayers. I'll be honest - she wasn't a good mom when we were growing up - but no one deserves what she's been given. Even my sister who hasn't goten along with my mother for 21 years agrees that no one should have to suffer like her.

Well - Monday - which happened to be my husbands' day off and I should have enjoyed a wonderful cookout with friends, I ended up in the hospital for 2 1/2 days. I'd still be there today but I threw a hissy fit letting them know I have to go to Mayo tomorrow and that I couldn't miss that appointment. Luckily, Dr. G pulled for and was able to get me discharged so I will make my appointment.

All I remember from Monday is waking up with a lot of pain in my back, and having my husband check for any knots or tightness but there wasn't any. I had run out of Diazepam which usually keeps my nerves in check but I hadn't had any since the afternoon before and our pharmacy was closed for the holiday. We went to Walgreens to see if they could refill my script, but they said they would have to call our pharmacy (which, again, was closed for the holiday). I don't remember much after that, just strange people carrying me down my stairs in a blanket. I don't remember being put in an ambulance or taken to the hospital or what they did to me there. I really don't have a memory of anything until about 2:00 this morning.

We don't know what happened. They did an EEG because apparantly I wasn't making any sense Monday or Tuesday and was incoherent, didn't know where I was, was calling my best friend by a different name. I don't remember any of it, I don't remember my vistorrs.

It's a scary thing. Tomorrow I go for two MRI's - one on the spine and one on the brain. And then Friday the Mayo has be booked for tests from 6:45am until 1:55 pm - talk about a long day. Right now I can't walk without my cane, and I'm still a little loopy from all the drugs they gave me. I asked them not to give me Morphine because it makes me sick, but they did anyway.

Anyway - that's the week I had so we're hoping we get some answers Friday after all of the tests. We got lucky because the neurologist I saw at the hospital knows the neurologist and Internal Medicine I see at the Mayo - so he's suppose to update them with what happened this week.

The staff at the hospital left much to be desired. The 1st doctor was adamant that I was not being discharged today. But his boss, Dr. G set him straight. The may has much more sophisticated equipment than the hosptial and I had wated 3 months to get into theMayo. So Dr. G got me discharged after the EEG. I won't know the results until I get to the Mayo.

I still feel like crap an still have a lot of pain, but it's tolerable now. But now I'm scared to go to sleep because I'm afraid I'll wake up with pain again. My next dose is 1:30 so I might try to lay down after that - but it's terrifying, Ill admit. I lost two days this week and can't remember what I said or did. I only know what people are telling me.

I sure hope they find out what happened so it doesn't happen again.

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Love, Tamra

Dealing with this illness has really opened up my eyes to the wide type and variety of medical professionals out there and how different they are from others. When I initially got sick 2 years ago, doctors would tell me "there's nothing wrong with you" and "it's depression" or "it's anxiety" and all the while I knew better. There was something wrong. At first I let the doctors just tell me that and feed me anti-anxiety meds (OMG it actually gave me anxiety!) until I finally got a doctor to say "something's wrong here". She finally ran the blood work that diagnosed me with autoimmune and after that I became my own advocate. I would not let a doctor tell me "there's nothing wrong with you". Even though some of the other doctors wouldn't even listen to my main doctor, we did not give up.

I found doctors that instead of saying "I don't know what this is" would tell me "sometimes we just get achy and tired as we age". Ummmm ... yeah - OK - at the age of 32? Yeah - really old and decrepit I think. All I wanted was to be treated - not fed pain meds and pills.

For others like me, know this - YOU are YOUR best ADVOCATE and you have to be pro-active about your health. If you know something is wrong with you and your doctor is not offering options - see another doctor. And always keep in mind that your doctor works for you - not the other way around. Keep copies of your medical records and learn what they mean. Educate yourself. Pay attention to your body and what your body is telling you. Take notes or keep a journal - I found this to be very helpful. Take notes at your doctors visits - they like to use big words sometimes LOL

When looking for a doctor, I found that this works best for me. It may not work for all, it's just through my trials with doctors where I put together my "plan" whenever I see a new one.

1) I always check out my doctor on the internet - you'd be surprised at what you can find out about doctors without paying for it. I've found medical studies some of my doctors did (I have to admin - one was absolutely rediculous!), you can find out if they've been published and it helps me to determine where there real medical interests are before I even see them.

2) Is your doctor open to your suggestions? I'm very lucky that my main doctor is not intimidated nor insulted if I bring him an article or something I've found on the internet or seen on my now favorite show, Mystery Diagnosis. Too many of my doctors early on would actually laugh at me when I would tell them, "I found this on the internet, could this be it?". Research is the best thing you can do for yourself, because doctors don't always know - and then some may have an idea but not quite know what to do about it.

3) How easy will it be for communication between your doctors. I had so many problems getting all of my doctors to communicate and get on the same page. I honestly believe that the miscommunication curved my recovery efforts for a good 6 months. My neurologist refused to accept my current rheumatologist's diagnosis, would not communicate with him and instead insisted on communicating with a rheumatologist that had not seen me in over 8 months. I use to joke about putting all of my doctors into one room and not letting them leave until we had a plan.

4) Are they afraid to be questioned? There are some doctors that do not like to be second-guessed, but if I don't agree with what the doctor is saying I will speak up and ask questions. If I don't understand something, I ask them to explain it. A truly good doctor will take the time to explain every test - blood, labs, urinalysis, imaging - and those are the only doctors I will work with now.

5) How do your specialists view your other doctors? Believe it or not - I came across a neurologist that was very condescending about my other doctors. I had an MRI that the radiologist read as "active demyelination". My neurologist said that the radiologist was wrong because he was merely a "radiologist". He also degraded my main doctor because my main doctor was merely a "general practitioner". He balked at my optometrist's report where she was concerned about the pain I was having in my left eye. His exact words were "she's not qualified to determine that, she is only an optometrist and you need an opthamologist". Little does my neurologist know, but the opthamologist he sent me to sent me back to the original optometrists for testing anyway because he knew her and felt she was more than qualified to perform the tests I needed. I now steer far from doctors like that neurologist. I later learned in his notes that he felt I was embellishing symptoms so he didn't believe I was sick anyway.

Stay on top of your doctors, follow up on everything. The only way you are going to get well is to keep going and don't let a doctor tell you it's in your head if you honestly feel like there is something not right.

I was at a support group last week where the women were talking about how they suffered for years with mysterious symptoms before they could get a doctor to listen to them. I'm not going to be one of those people, and you shouldn't have to be one of those people, either. If you want to get well, you will find the right doctor to get you there.

When you're chronically ill, in my opinion, fatigue is probably the hardest symptom you have to deal with. It can hit you at any time, anywhere. The fatigue I'm talking about isn't just that "oh - I'm tired, I need a nap" kind of feeling. It's when your whole body and mind just shut down completely. Your brain wants you to get up and get moving and your body just looks at you and says "you want me to do what??".

Fatigue makes you so weak that even just moving an arm takes too much energy. You can't form a logical thought. You can't concentrate or follow a conversation. You can't remember ANYTHING. You're like a lump of lard in a bucket that can't move. THAT'S the fatigue I'm talking about and I know many of you out there know what I'm talking about. For the last two years I've dealt with these bouts and have tried different ways to try and deal with and control the fatigue a little better, even though there's now way in hades it'll ever be totally controlled.

Here's some of the things I've tried that have seemed to help me a little - I'm not saying it'll work for everyone, but for my body it seems to help.

Eating Habits: I found that avoiding eating large meals (on days that I can eat at all) and instead sticking to smaller snacks and portions keep me from wanting to lay down and "nap". I also avoid high-sugar foods that seem to make that sugar-crash really really really harsh.

Resting Time: I do now schedule a resting time every day from 11:00am until 12:30 pm, whether I sleep or not. I find that just giving my mind and body that down time to "re-energize" a little helps me cope better with the "run down feeling" later on. I also make sure to listen to my body and if it says it needs to sit down and rest, I sit down and rest. Over-doing chores when you are feeling OK can set off a bad bout of fatigue that will put you in bed for hours, even days.

Pacing Myself: I use to be the super-mom do-it-all-in-a-day kind of woman. That woman is long-gone. Now, I do what I can, when I can and I've learned to let some things go. I take my time to do simple chores like sweeping the floor or doing the dishes (when I can). I pace myself that way I don't use a bunch of energy at one time and not have any left at all. Slowing down has helped a lot.

Scheduling: I now live and die by my Google Calendar. I use to be able to 3 or 4 activities a day - I now limit myself to 3 or 4 a week if that. I make sure to spread out tasks, activities and functions that are more manageable and my husband and I divide up a lot of them so that I don't wear out. Especially weeks when I have a lot of doctors appointments.

Watch My Meds: Some of the meds they have me on do cause drowsiness and "loopiness". I found that if I don't take them first thing in the morning (my pain pill and nerve spasm pill) that I do get a couple of hours of clarity that let me get a few things done like my marketing blogs and email things. My meds come at rest time instead.

Handing Over Control: Since this latest. un-ending relapse, I've stopped doing custom design work and have handed my business management over to my husband. It was hard to do, but I found that the stress-relief of not having to do the running and management of my clients and their projects has reduced a lot of the fatigue I was having. I was having to spend so much of my time and energy dealing with the clients that it left nothing by the time I was done. Now that he's taken care of that, I can use the energy I have on other things that need to be done.

Find Inspiration: My kids are always making me little pictures and crafts that I keep in my drawer next to my bed. I know it sounds cheesy, but when the fatigue is overwhelming, I do open my drawer and look through them just for a little boost - it's like their love energy radiates from their little projects and gives my body a much needed boost, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Surround Myself With Positive Energy: I've always been a positive, energetic, humorous kind of lady and I've tried so hard to keep it. I joke a lot - especially about being sick (hey - if you can't laugh about being sick then what's the point?). I stopped watching sad sappy movies and watch funny ones instead, and I watch a lot of reality TV (I figure it's better to forget your own drama by watching someone else's). I watch more inspirational shows, my favorite one being "Ruby" on Style. My friends also bought me a "You Can Handle It" coffee mug that I drink from all day long, every day. I surround myself with anything to help keep me moving forward.

Sleeping: I do get bouts of insomnia which make my fatigue worse. I am medicated for when I have insomnia, but I hate the meds. So, I just deal with the insomnia when it happens. If I have insomnia, I work on my IWGW site or do something positive with my time until I can sleep, and then I just practice everything above the next day to try and get through it and hopefully get a full night sleep the next night. In severe cases where the insomnia is 2 or 3 days in a row, I will break down and take my meds, but then I end up sleeping for 23 of 24 hours LOL That puts my body out of whack a bit, but after a few days of practicing all of the above I'm able to get my body back into a routine.

Now - like I said, these tips might not be for everyone, but they work for me. There is no magical cure for Fatigue and it's totally different that being tired. The support of my family and friends is also a BIG pat of my coping. They visit, they make me laugh, they send me cute little text messages and facebook me with inspirational thoughts. The feeling of being loved and supported goes a long way, and even when my fatigue is at it's worst and I can't get out of bed, a phone call from one of my friends sometimes is all it takes to "wake me up" a bit.

Find a support group in your area and you'll find that you are not alone with this. I use to think I was the only one that felt like this, but meeting others that battle the same thing did wonders for me and we discuss coping all of the time.

And - that's my advice for today - just took a lot of the energy I had so a little resting time for me before the children come home from school. I hope some of these tips help you. Knowing how you feel, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and I hope some of these tips can help you feel better and get through your days just a little better.

Love, Tamra

Naturally, when you've been sick for a long period of time, you're going to have good and bad days both physically and mentally. It takes it's toll regardless of whether or not you want it to. Sometimes you know it and see it, sometimes you don't. the doctor and I had a conversation about it today and I did admit that there's days I do feel angry and depressed about being sick, and it's usually the days when the pain is worse than usual or when I've had insomnia or have watched a sad movie about someone dying of an illness (which I DON'T do anymore). I do realize that I have days like that. I mean, come on - I'm 34 years old, and my body has given out on me. I should be out with a social life with my kids, doing things with my business, having a sex life and doing things all of my 30something friends are doing, but I can't . I can't even drive my snazzy little car down to the store anymore - who wouldn't get depressed after two years of this???

So - her and I spoke about coping and how to cope. And there are things I do to help cope that do seem work for me. It may not work for everyone, but maybe just trying a thing or two could help you, too?

AROMATHERAPY, GOOD SMELLS AND A CLEAN HOUSE: Always makes me feel better to look around and see a clean house and spell nice smells like my candles, flowers, room fresheners (my favorites are melon, citrus, rain scents, lavender, and florals).

DISTRACTION: I found distraction therapy to do wonders. If I start feeling sad or depressed, I find a funny show, I go watch the kids play their video games, anything to take my mind off of how I feel.

STAY BUSY: I blog alot - and I have my pet project iwannagetwell.com that I am constantly working on as a means to help others as well as a form of therapy for me. I take all of the depression and anger I feel and I research, find tools to help others, and am constantly working on SOMETHING that gives me just enough to bring me out of the funk. If I'm tired i may rest, but I try not to rest unless it's in my schedule or I absolutely have to because it tends to make me feel even more depressed.

PROCESS AND GET OVER IT: When I get bad news from a doctor or I don't get an answer I was hoping for, it will set off a melt down momentarily. But I find a way to pull it back together (usually a hug from one of my children or a funny joke or something). I process it and then I move on. Dwelling on it spirals me into a whirlpool of pity which starts the depression and the anger and it gets worse. So I stop it before it begins by taking the time to process, grieve and then go on.

DEAL WITH ONE THING AT A TIME: Before getting sick I was a mega-multi-tasker and I just can't do it anymore. I do one thing at a time and I do not beat myself up if I don't accomplish everything I set out to do. Beating myself up only makes me more depressed. If it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done and I don't dwell on it.

DELEGATION: I still have days I feel like I burden my family and I know on my bad days that's where a lot of the depression and anger set it. Having to ask them to do the most basic of tasks for me or to "walk on egg shells" is humbling, degrading, embarrassing, You name it. I had to learn to hand over some of the tasks, though, because it was filling my plate to overflowing, which would start me in the "deal with one thing at a time" and then that wouldn't be done and it would set off the rest of the depression whirlpool. Once I learned to let go of some of the control and lighten my load, the anger and depression are easier to cope with.

JOURNALING: Writing down how I feel gets it off my chest so that I don't hold on to it and it takes a lot of weight off me.

I will not consider medication right now to help with my moods. I'm already medicated enough, which I do think contribute to the depressive moods, too. The fact that I take more meds than my 80-year-old neighbor and 60-year-old mother combined would depress anyone. For now, I will just surround myself with positive energy, friends, family support, pet projects, colorful artwork my children make me and make it my mission to continue to make noise through blogs and get my story out there to help others. I will keep working at researching information, therapies, tools and products to help others like me and will make myself available to support others, too. Sometimes just having someone to talk to about it goes a lonnnnnnng way.

My friend is starting a support group for our little town of 1000 people (we have a lot of chronic-ill here) and I also have my facebook, lens, twitter and blog support for anyone looking for support through their own illnesses.

We're all in this together and together we will get well. I want it bad. And if you want it bad enough, you can find ways to get well.

SquiDirectory - A categorized Squidoo directory featuring an interesting variety of different subjects ranging from arts and literature, shopping, and eco friendly tips, to vehicles for sale, travel, and everything in between.

Learn more about autoimmune, get resources, support and more at IWannaGetHelp.com

Try out my symptom checker and lab checker where you can put in your information and it will search the database for conditions having similar symptoms and results. KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS NOT MEANT TO PROVIDE NOR TAKE THE PLACE OF MEDICAL ADVICE, it is only a research tool available to help educate and bring awareness to the autoimmune epidemic.

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