Jokes Addict: Clean Jokes & Funny Youtube Videos For 2010
Ranked #12,430 in Entertainment, #152,319 overall
You've Just Got To Laugh!
And while there's much Science to back up the benefits of laughter, I'd prefer to appeal to common sense - Hell, doesn't a laughing world just feel like a better place?
I've collected some of the things that make me laugh her and I hope that they tickle your fancy, too - and if they do, feel free to sign my guestbook and add a joke or a link. You never know, I might make another Squidoo lens like this.
N.B. My thanks for the use of the picture of the Pretty Princess
Table of Contents
- 5 Great Politically Non-aligned Bumper Stickers
- 5 Pirate Captain Jim's Jokes You Must Hear Before He Makes You Walk The Plank
- 5 Near-perfect English / Chinese Translations
- 5 Great Democrat Bumper Stickers
- 5 Important Bird Questions
- 5 Great Republican Bumper Stickers
- St. Peter Says: There Will Be 2 Lines - One For The Strong Men & One For The Weak Men
- 5 Terrible Punning Cheese Jokes
- 5 Great Overheard Quotes
- 5 Weird Bumper Stickers
- Follow Me On Twitter
5 Great Politically Non-aligned Bumper Stickers
when I die, my soul goes up to the roof and just kind of gets stuck there
Misspellers of the world, unit!
We are Google - resistance is futile!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative!
Matrix Ping Pong
+ more weirdness from Japan
The other videos include another Matrix theatrical segment, this time about a lovers' tiff, some Japanese extras and five wonderful slices from the bizarre and occasionally sadistic world of their Game Shows - quite unlike anything entertainment in the world.
N.B.: Don't miss my Favorite Cute Japanese Ads!
Squeaky Clean Comedy
1,512 dirt-free jokes from the best comedians
Squeaky Clean Comedy: 1,512 Dirt-Free Jokes from the Best Comedians
Amazon Price: $8.45 (as of 06/02/2012)
"I left a copy of the book on the kitchen table, later I found grandma and grandson both reading from the book and laughing out loud." Amazon customer Kelly Smith
"Squeaky Clean Comedy...mixes Henny Youngman standards with fresh, new plot-twisting humor. [It's] ironic that clean comedy is braver than dirty jokes these days." Amazon customer Basil J. White
"an absolutely hilarious collection of jokes, witticisms and observations." Amazon customer Dylan Brody
5 Pirate Captain Jim's Jokes You Must Hear Before He Makes You Walk The Plank
you'll be a dead sea-dog soon enough if you don't laugh
Q: What be drunk, having 8 evil eyes, 8 droolin', stinkin' mouths and 8 ugly, hairy legs?A: I would say say nay, it would not be a freakish maritime spider that's gone and fallen in the rum barrel as ye might think - it be eight of me rotten-teethed, murderous, cutlass-crazy crew!
A-a-r-r-g-g-h-h!
Q: What did the ocean say to Pirate Captain Jim?
A: The ocean never be sayin' nuthin' to the good Captain - it be just wavin'! A-a-r-r-g-g-h-h!
Q: If Pirate Captain Jim became the president of the USA, what would be his favorite means of transport?
A: The presidential helicopt-a-a-r-r-g-g-h-h!
Q: What do you serve Pirate Captain Jim to drink at a Manhattan cocktail party? Ye better remember, or risk havin' ye liver cut out and served on them fancy little pieces of toast at your next soiree!
A: A M-a-a-r-r-g-g-h-h-t-i-n-i - served with rum, of course, hold the olive!
Q: Speaking of Manhattan cocktail parties - what do you have to remember to always have on the menu for Pirate Captain Jim when he arrives?
A: Cavi-a-a-r-r-g-g-h-h!
Bonus Pirate Captain Jim Joke:
An irritable Pirate Captain Jim goes into a bar pushing a strange contraption with an old, creaky wheel that's somehow holding up his crotch. The bartender says:
"Hey, Captain Jim, did you know you got a wheel on your crotch?"
Captain Jim looks down at his crotch then back up at the bartender and confesses:
"A-a-r-r-g-g-h-h! it be drivin' me nuts!"
Ants Do Led Zepplin
The Band From Far Away: The Immigrant Song
Note the bending backwards and the funky drum kit.
"Oh. My. God. This has been in my head for more than 30 years but I haven't seen it since it first aired...I'm in tears now." Youtube member RegorAtalante
"I can't believe how many of you share the same feeling that I do. I saw this as a kid - no older than 8 or 9. It left a lasting impression on me as the coolest thing that I had ever seen (or heard)!" Youtube member tessteekle
"Amazing it had such impact on us - I thought it was a figment of my imagination. I must have tried every search engine over the years, I find it hard to believe at last it's available to see and still bloomin' awesome!" Youtube member macabre2007
We follow up The Band From Far Away with, amongst others, Gong Show favorites, Gene, Gene, The Dancin' Machine & an act that should not be missed by anyone interested in reasons for the decline of moral and spiritual values in the USA,The Worms.
5 Near-perfect English / Chinese Translations
as overheard in Chinatown
"I am not the white collar criminal that you're after!" - Wai Hang Mi?
"Your body odor is extremely malodorous." - Yu Stin Ki Pu
"My name is George Bush." - Yu So Dum
"I almost crippled myself overdoing it at the Chubby Checker revival twist-a-thon." - Mai Ni Crap
This is, of course a fantastic opportunity to remind you that I've pulled together a great selection of Chines ads at the cleverly named My Favorite "Interesting" Chinese Ads.
Friends: The Complete Series
Friends: The Complete Series Collection
Amazon Price: $88.89 (as of 06/02/2012)
"If you don't already own the 10 seasons then this is an easy way to buy the show since it is a lot cheaper than buying each set individually...If you decide to replace your existing sets, then you'll be happy to know the set takes up exactly the same amount of shelf space."
Top 10 Amazon reviewer Calvinme
"One thing to say: IT AWESOME to watch the entire series, commercials free!"
Amazon customer Benoit Desfosses
"I am happy that I get to remain friends with Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe."
Amazon customer Anthony Burgos
Smile: Stand Out From The Crowd
5 Great Democrat Bumper Stickers
Am I Liberal Or Just Well-Educated?
I'm A Member Of The Left Wing Conspiracy
Don't Pray In My School And I Won't Think In Your Church
If Facebook Was Real Life
English comedy meets social networking
"This is exactly why I left Facebook." Youtube member emmthreejonny
"Facebook is nothing but a popularity contest and don't even get me started on the millions of retarded groups out there. I think the dumbest one was 'Join if your first name starts with an A or E!"" Youtube member DanSaw26
"I love that there [are] subtitles on this video - they are speaking English!" Youtube member tapdetsul
That set me off on a search for other funny videos about social media sites - some of it's pretty good.
Video 2: Myspace Sinatra
Video 3: Twitter In Real Life
Video 4: Twitter Whore
Video 5: Twitter Whore 2
5 Important Bird Questions
Q: What do you call a bird that keeps patronizing you?A: A mockingbird
Q: What did the detective say when he found the dead chicken with two knives in it's back lying next to an open bottle of cyanide pills?
A: Hmmm, this looks like fowl play!
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot
Q: Whats brown and white and flies all over?
A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you've drunk too much and try to carve it with a chain saw!
Q: What did the duck ask the parrot that he was madly in love with?
A: Polly want a quacker?
Cool Humor Links
- Monty Python's Dead Parrot Sketch: The Truth Revealed!
- Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch had its beginnings in Ancient Greece!
- How You Can Easily Improve Your IQ.
- The Onion spills the beans!
The Ultimate Seinfeld DVD Collection
yada, yada, yada
Seinfeld - The Complete Series (Exclusive Limited Edition Refrigerator Replica Packaging, Exclusive Magnets, Official Coffee Table Book and Bonus Disc)
Amazon Price: $138.00 (as of 06/02/2012)
"Greatest show on earth that came with a refrigerator, bonus DVD and a coffee table book. LOVED the felt thingie that coated the set."
Amazon customer Cute cat
"Definitively...the Seinfeld pack for the serious fans."
Amazon customer Jesus Valencia Perez
"It's got everything any Seinfeld lover could want!"
Amazon customer Jennifer Forester
"The Fastest Talking Man In The World"
"It may be cool, it may be annoying - it may be both but if you want to hear the books of the Bible and Book of Mormon, the US Presidents and States and every Best Picture Oscar winner from 1928-2006 and more, check it out!"
And I, for one, can see why you would!
"That was so exhausting just to listen to." Youtube member journeymanjim
"I didn't get that. Come again?" Youtube member lo1in
"Impressive! Obi-won has taught you well." Youtube member freedombolt
As you'll see, there are several other videos in this module to which I also address the same question:
Why?
Video 2: Exercise Ball Mayhem
Video 3: Dancing Cop
Video 4: Fire Heads
Video 5: There Goes My Stupid Girlfriend
![Me running through a foot of snow in my bikini. =]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/mHVOjbR4rOs/0.jpg "...And there goes my stupid girlfriend")
5 Great Republican Bumper Stickers
Right Wing Religious Nut-job On Board
Save The Planet, Go Kill Yourself!
Democrats Betraying America $1 Trillion At A Time
St. Peter Says: There Will Be 2 Lines - One For The Strong Men & One For The Weak Men
a Heavenly joke
As the recently-dead souls gather around the gates of Heaven, the checkpoint allows the lucky souls through while the rest get thrown off the cloud, falling back to Hell. Inside the gates, the men move into two linesl marked "MALES" and the females into "FEMALES".
To the "MALE" line - and with all the women watching, St. Peter says
"O.K., guys I want you to form two lines, one for the virile men who dominated their women on Earth - and the other for the pathetic Sad Sacks who ended up being dominated by their women."
The men do as they are told and, as usual, the line of men who admit to having been dominated by their women gets too long and the smaller ones have to get on the bigger ones shoulders, until they form a giant pyramid, reaching higher than the eye can see.
However, in the line designated for the men who dominated their women, there is only one man - a weedy little specimen, staring myopically and shivering in his grimy old underpants. Peter storms at the men in the pyramid:
"You pathetic losers! Our Father created you in His own image and this is all you can do with your lives?
Grovelling to women?
You disgust me!
Only one of you has brought pride to our Maker during your lives on earth. Learn from him or you will spend eons in Purgatory!"
Then, turning to the solitary man, Peter asks:
"Sir, please tell these fools your secret. How is it that you managed to be the only man among men who can stand in this line."
The poor man starts to stammer and shake, getting out:
"M-m-m-m-y wife s-s-said she was g-g-g-oing to the b-b-b-athroom a-a-a-nd s-s-said she's h-h-h-it me if I m-m-moved an inch."
Rubberband Guy
5 Terrible Punning Cheese Jokes
and possibly improve your knowledge of cheese!
Q: What surrounded a medieval cheese castle?A: A moat-zzarealla
Q: Why did the lady snake smell of cheese?
A: Because she'd cheddar skin
Q: What kind of cheese do you use to disguise a small horse?
A: Marscapone
Q: What did the lady with a Bank of Cheese credit card do?
A: She went on a shopping brie
Q: Who were the most famous Dutch cheese freedom fighters in World war 2?
A: The e-dambusters
Bonus Awful Cheese Joke:
Yo mama's so stupid, she puts cheese next to her computer to feed the mouse
Chris Rock LIVE: Kill The Messenger
Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger
Amazon Price: $7.82 (as of 06/02/2012)
"Chris Rock is not just a comedian. He doesn't just tell jokes (anymore). He's a truly smart guy [who] sees the world for what it is...clearly a very, very, funny place. "
Top 500 Amazon reviewer Sky
"Outrageous, ingenious humor."
Amazon customer P. Simpson
"I was not a big fan of Chris Rock until I saw this film. It made me want to watch all of his other stand up comedies."
Amazon customer J. L. Cummings
5 Great Overheard Quotes
from www.Overheard In The Office.com
Store manager on phone: And I said, "Lord God, please Jesus, don't let my Mama's water be cut off, not with that old man living in that house with her, and he ain't had no bowel movement in three days."Northport, Alabama
Excited coworker: Cool, you have a French accent!
Office mover: I am from Iran.
Navy Yard, Washington, DC
Not-so-smart office girl on phone: They think I read The Enquirer or something - I don't. I read people, I don't read books.
The Woodlands, Texas
Boss: You never know which way a frog is going to jump until you punch him.
Spokane, Washington
Secretary: Are you gonna have a little bambino?
Slightly overweight patient: Uh, no - just had a few too many cookies.
Secretary: Are you sure? Maybe I know something you don't.
Slightly overweight patient: I am unable to conceive.
Rochester, New York
Ex: www.Overheard In The Office.com
5 Weird Bumper Stickers
I'm not fat I'm just pregnant with ice creamsWARNING: Vehicle held together with bumper stickers!
I AM NOT DRUNK!!! I am, by nature, a loud, friendly, clumsy person
Your avatar made you look thinner
Squidoo Members: Show This Lens Some Love
your vote of confidence helps
This module only appears with actual data when viewed on a live lens. The favorite and lensroll options will appear on a live lens if the viewer is a member of Squidoo and logged in.
Drop me a line in my guestbook
add some clean jokes if you like - I'll link to you!
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LabKitty
Dec 2, 2010 @ 11:02 am | delete
- Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
Ha!
PS: Where the HECK did you know about the Band from Far Away? Holy Cow! We need to add that to our Happy Box...
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GuyB Oct 3, 2010 @ 6:03 am | delete
- I'm not the white collar criminal that your after. This is a funny you tube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6aS1SYLtUY It's an Asian boy band singing about washing up to prevent spread of H1N1
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jctatum Sep 30, 2010 @ 8:40 am | delete
- ROFL!!! Thanks for such a fantastic lens! Going to feature it on my funny office stories lens right now!
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ShirlW
Sep 19, 2010 @ 7:52 pm | delete
- Funny stuff you have here - that rubber band guy is kind of creepy. Congrats on your lens!
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- Load More
Follow Me On Twitter
A cool, eccentric video
presently with over 3 million views on Youtube
Hint: Stay with it, it gets better.
"This is the best video ever made." Youtube member OmegaOwA
"I now feel better about my videos." Youtube member Mrcleagles
"Are you half-naked because it's hot or is it hot because your half-naked?" Youtube member krave4smore
So, on the broadly eccentric theme, I've provided some more videos, which need to be experienced, rather than just viewed.
Video 2: Girl with a really bizarre laugh
Video 3: Song featuring Aussie TV personality, Nikki Osborne
Video 4: Girls screaming on a carnival ride
Video 5: Apple -v- Banana
Weird Stuff On Amazon
I can't resist them - any of them!
by the777group
Hi, I'm Andrew Goulding a ghost writer by trade and a goofball by nature. You can find out lots about me via my Get Follow Me Buttons
I'm...
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30 Days: The Complete Series
by Morgan Spurlock
30 Days: The Complete Series
Amazon Price: $20.80 (as of 06/02/2012)
"30 Days is a life changing documentary TV show. Each episode features a person who lives with someone else for 30 days and walks in their shoes. The results are life changing."
Amazon reviewer Karen Longanbach
"This series is an 'in your face' look at people and different life styles or cultures we only wonder about - very eye opening; and to those that are bold enough to keep an open mind throughout, what a wonderful learning experience."
Amazon reviewer D. Porter
"You can get all 3 Seasons at a great price 18 episodes for under $30. I encourage everyone to own this set - it is a classic and you will be showing it to your friends. "
Amazon reviewer Clark M. Baker
The Christopher Guest Collection
a.k.a Nigel Tufnel (of Spinal Tap) & Mr. Jamie Lee Curtis
Christopher Guest Collection (A Mighty Wind / Best in Show / Waiting for Guffman)
Amazon Price: $77.09 (as of 06/02/2012)
"Guest absolutely nails the mockumentary genre, no matter what his subject matter:
a small-town theater production - Waiting for Guffman
a dog show - Best In Show
or a folkie reunion - A Mighty Wind.
Fans will argue all day about which of the three is the best but it's certain that you will find something to love in each of them. Don't miss the deleted scenes!"
Amazon reviewer cplewis
"Improv. humor at its absolute best."
Amazon reviewer KaneRobot
"Fans of those kooky rockers in Spinal Tap will eat up the Christopher Guest collection. Funny, weird, occasionally a little deranged - these three mockumentaries are definitely keepers."
Top 10 Amazon reviewer E. A. Solinas
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book) Teacher's Edition
A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book) Teacher's Edition: A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction
Amazon Price: $5.99 (as of 06/02/2012)
"Jon Stewart and his Daily Show writers would have you believe this is humor masquerading as a fake civics textbook but they undersell themselves. It's both funnier and smarter than that premise.
It actually does spell out, chapter by chapter, the workings of the branches of government, the election process and the role of journalism in creating and destroying all these (complete with in-class exercises and homework!)"
Top 500 Amazon reviewer Bensmomma
"[It's] one of those tongue in cheek exercises that totally revives one's faith in the value of satire, mostly gentle sometimes brutal, applied to the government and its flotilla of fellow travelers. Not only does Stewart skewer the corporate-state dinosaur, he dishes out a healthy amount of humor at the expense of the booboosie."
Amazon reviewer Brian Wright
"I would recommend this gem of a book to anyone who wouldn't be disturbed to see the Supreme Court justices nude. Fans of The Daily Show won't be disappointed."
Amazon reviewer Emily
