SMS Jokes
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Jokes to Send by SMS
Here is a collection of jokes that are all under 130 characters that would be easy to send by texting. We even have them organized for you by type!
Contents at a Glance
Black Jokes
Hey, I didn't say they were racist!
Really, I don't like being asked for a black joke, so this is what I usually respond with.
Obama and Hillary
Obama as Prez and Hillary Clinton as VP would have more...0 points
Blonde Jokes
Not facts, just jokes!
Q. What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A. Is it mine?1 point
Q. How can you tell a blonde has been at a computer?
A. There's cheese in front of the mouse.0 points
Q. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save burned-out light bulbs?
A. She needed them for the darkroom she was buildi more...0 points
Chuck Norris Facts
No, they're not jokes.
The Beard
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.0 points
How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Norris?
A wood chuck would chuck no Chuck Norris, even if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris. Like a wood chuck could, pfft.0 points
Chuck Norris Says...
It's never too early to shop for Christmas!
Did you know? Random Facts
Jewish Jokes
How do we know Jesus was Jewish?He lived at home until he was 30, went into his father's business, his mom thought he was God.
How many Jewish mothers to change a light bulb?
She'll just (sigh) sit in the dark; she wouldn't want to be a bother to anyone.
What did the waiter ask the group of dining Jewish mothers?
"Is ANYTHING all right?"
What do Jewish wives make for supper?
Reservations.
Lawyer Jokes
Q: Why don't lawyers sleep with their clients?A: Because it would be highly unethical to bill their clients twice for the same service.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Not So Dirty Jokes
As humorist Garrison Keillor once said, "At forty degrees below zero, all men are indeed equal."
Why are men smartest when they are having sex?
Because they are plugged in to a genius!0 points
Why do Canadians do it doggy style?
So they can both watch the hockey game.0 points
Why was the blonde upset when she got her driver's license?
Because she got an F in sex.0 points
Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
Cause Burger King didn't cover his Whopper.0 points
Random Facts
A catfish has approximately 100,000 taste buds.Sound travels about 4 times faster in water than in air.
Hummingbirds can't walk.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
In your lifetime, you'll shed over 40 pounds of skin.
A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length.
In Colombia, an individual can be fined up to $90,000 for gossiping.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
Random or Miscellaneous Jokes We Just Had to Include
Why did the gum cross the road?Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!
A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything"
I'm never going to one of those funeral things again.
The music started playing and my friend and I were the only ones dancing.
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
A man walks into a bar.
He says "ouch."
How can you pick out Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony?
He is the only one with the sesame seed buns.
Redneck Jokes
You might be a redneck if...You think a stock tip is advice on worming your hogs.
You might be a redneck if...
You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.
You might be a redneck if...
You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company.
You might be a redneck if...
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You might be a redneck if...
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
What is the Funniest Joke in the World?
The Funniest Joke in the World according to Monty Python's Flying Circus is:Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer?
The "answer" is:
Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
It is just nonsensical German and doesn't mean anything.
Tell us what you're thinking.
submit
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Reply
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Twmarsh
Apr 30, 2010 @ 9:41 pm | delete
- Nice listing of jokes here. Five stars!
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George Lopez One Liners
- George Lopez on Homeschool:
- If I don't know it, you don't either. When did the Korean War start? I don't know, so neither do you!
- George Lopez to daughter:
- As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.
- George Lopez on his daughter growing up:
- Just yesterday you were my little girl on a tricycle. Now you're a young woman in a car, running over a little girl on a tricycle.
by JustBeth
JustBeth
So, I'm the human in the picture (okay, the human not wearing the costume...) and I happen to be a military wife, the mother of two kids. I am a little... more »
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