Jokes My Daughter Finds Funny

1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic by 39 people | Log in to rate

Ranked #54 in Humor, #2,950 overall

Teenage Humor

My daughter has just turned fourteen and has just started High School (sigh).

She is opinionated, pretty, sassy, untidy, precocious and always right (at least SHE thinks she's always right...).

Here are some jokes she finds hilarious.

See, Teachers Ain't So Clever 

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

It Ain't What You Do.... 

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people."

Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

How to Tell Great Jokes 

How To Tell Great Jokes will teach you all the essentials of joke telling, so that you can be more funny and better liked and respected. The book takes you on a tour of all the key elements of joke telling - timing and delivery, appropriate jokes, impersonations, joke writing and more.

If you want to tell great jokes socially, at a wedding, the office party or want to try being a stand-up comic then check out How To Tell Great Jokes.

Philosophy 

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 4 muscles to beat the crap out of them.

Special 

Always remember you're unique.

Just like everyone else.

Do You Have the Right Friends? 

A good friend would would come visit you in jail, but a best friend would be sitting right next to you saying "That was awesome! Lets do it again!!"

New Inventions by Blondes 

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat

Blonde Joke Books 

Truly Tasteless Blonde Jokes

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

The World's Best Blonde Jokes

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

It's Not Easy Being Blonde (Exposed Board Little Books)

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

The Little Book of Blondes

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Some Things to Ponder 

Why can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Dumb Driver 

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over.

He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

Funny Driving Books 

Invisible Driving

Amazon Price: $14.99 (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road: Humorous Views on Love, Lust, and Lawn Care

Amazon Price: $12.95 (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

The Offensive Driver: A Satirical Commentary On The Chaos Of Driving In America

Amazon Price: $16.95 (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

A Poem 

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you!

HOWEVER

The roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head!

Teenage Humor on Amazon 

The Girl He Left Behind, Or All Quiet in the Third Platoon

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Bottoms up!(GL AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?)(humor): An article from: Girls' Life

Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

The Secret Diary of Adrian Cat

Amazon Price: $17.90 (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Teenages Treasury Of Good Humor

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Deep Thoughts 

I was standing in the park, wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer.

Then it hit me.

 

Discraft 175 gram Ultimate Ultra-Star disc

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Wham-o Frisbee Dyn-O-Glo

Amazon Price: $12.40 (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Nite Ize Flashflight L.E.D Light Up Flying Disc

Amazon Price: (as of 11/09/2009) Buy Now

Homer Simpson Quotes 

My daughter is also a big Simpsons fan, so here are some quotes from Homer Simpson to cheer you up.

Improve your joke telling! 

If you can't see the Module Settings box here, try reloading the Lens Workshop...

ClickBank Ads Module »

Jokes on Hubpages 

Here are some Hubpages that have jokes along the line of those above.
Jokes for Kids
Kid-Friendly Jokes
Easter Jokes & Riddles For Kids
Get ready for springtime fun with these Easter jokes collected from around the web.
100 Funniest Clean Jokes
Looking for a good ice breaker for your church fund raising potluck? Does your son need to bring a funny joke to his next scout meeting? Tired of hearing the same old boring tales that aren't really funny?

Comments and Contributions 

Laniann wrote...

Some of the jokes were funny. Thanks for sharing.

ReplyPosted June 21, 2009

italianheart92 wrote...

Wowwww this lens is hilarious! I was laughing- hard- the entire time. Awesome job =D

ReplyPosted June 20, 2009

Lensmaster

shauna bulmer wrote

there all right not the funniest jokes ive heard but still pretty gud lol

Reply Posted June 17, 2009

Lensmaster

KennyDra wrote

these jokes are funny xD

Reply Posted June 11, 2009

LakeMom wrote...

Great lens! Teens need a great sense of humor! Please consider joining my group:http://www.squidoo.com/groups/mom-dad-humor - Mom (& Dad) Humor. We focus on parenting and children humor!

ReplyPosted May 02, 2009

Treasures-By-Brenda wrote...

I only have teenage boy humor in my house.
Nicely done collection of jokes.
Brenda

ReplyPosted April 26, 2009

CatharinaE wrote...

Love the joke about the safe driver award, very funny indeed! 5*

ReplyPosted April 07, 2009

s_j77 wrote...

this must be shared to the old ones too!

ReplyPosted February 12, 2009

kingkurt2001 wrote...

I must be a kid at heart because I found the jokes to be hilarious. Thanks for the good laugh.

ReplyPosted February 11, 2009

kingkurt2001 wrote...

I must be a kid at heart because I found the jokes to be hilarious. Thanks for the good laugh.

ReplyPosted February 11, 2009

view all 42 comments

Love This Lens? 

If you would like to rate this lens, then you can do so here (Squidoo members only)

Add this to your lens »

The Latest Strange News Headlines from Odds Bodkins! 

Loading Fetching RSS feed... please stand by

 

Check out these great lenses...

lens image
Dancing with the Stars Season 9
Week 7 had seven couples facing a double elimination with a dance-off and a group dance!  Just like last week! The group dance was a knockout - Team Paso vs Team Tango. Lacey Schwimmer had the flu - Mark Dacascos danced with Anna Trebunskaya! I... view lens
lens image
Dancing with the Stars on Twitter
Just like everything else, Twitter is affecting, and is being used by, Dancing with the Stars celebrities and professionals in Season 9 more than ever before. Most of the rumors have originated on Twitter, almost all the celebrities have accounts a... view lens
lens image
Aaron Carter
Aaron Carter is a former singer who was the darling of teen and tween girls everywhere. He is appearing on Season 9 of Dancing with the Stars. His partner is Karina Smirnoff. Get the latest on Aaron. Follow DWTS Fan on Twitter! view lens
lens image
Len Goodman Should Retire From Dancing with the Stars
Should Len Goodman Retire From Dancing with the Stars? Len Goodman is one of the pre-eminent dancing judges in the World. He is respected by his peers, competitors and the industry in general. But, has his time has passed? For the last few seasons... view lens
lens image
Kelly Osbourne
Kelly Osbourne came into the public eye on The Osbournes - the reality show that followed her family. Since then, she has been successful as an actor, singer, model and, most notably, a fashion designer. She is appearing on season 9 of Dancing wit... view lens

by xtnshun

Bookmark and Share
Spread Firefox Affiliate Button

I'm a marketing professional and in my spare time I have a number of projects; the main one being Bright Gift Ideas, a resource for people who need i...

(more)

Explore related pages

Create a Lens!