Jokes My Daughter Finds Funny

Teenage Humor

My daughter has just turned thirteen and is in the eighth grade (High School next year...shudder).

She is opinionated, pretty, sassy, untidy, precocious and always right (at least SHE thinks she's always right...).

Here are some jokes she finds hilarious.

A Poem

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you!

HOWEVER

The roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head!

Teenage Humor on Amazon

The Girl He Left Behind, Or All Quiet in the Third Platoon

by: Marion Hargrove

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

Bottoms up!(GL AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?)(humor): An article from: Girls' Life

by: Gale Reference Team

Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 07/11/2009)

Teenages Treasury Of Good Humor

by: Manley

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

The Secret Diary of Adrian Cat

by: Stuart Macfarlane, Linda Macfarlane

Amazon Price: $20.65 (as of 07/11/2009)

That blows!(AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY?)(teenage girls' bloopers): An article from: Girls' Life

by: Gale Reference Team

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

Deep Thoughts

I was standing in the park, wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer.

Then it hit me.

Discraft 175 gram Ultimate Ultra-Star disc

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

Ultra-Star 175G Ultimate Disc - Premium Colors

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

Frisbee - Wham-O Frisbee, 175 gram - Sports

Amazon Price: $9.75 (as of 07/11/2009)

See, Teachers Ain't So Clever

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

How to Tell Great Jokes

How To Tell Great Jokes will teach you all the essentials of joke telling, so that you can be more funny and better liked and respected. The book takes you on a tour of all the key elements of joke telling - timing and delivery, appropriate jokes, impersonations, joke writing and more.

If you want to tell great jokes socially, at a wedding, the office party or want to try being a stand-up comic then check out How To Tell Great Jokes.

It Ain't What You Do....

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people."

Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Philosophy

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it, but it only takes 4 muscles to beat the crap out of them.

Special

Always remember you're unique.

Just like everyone else.

Do You Have the Right Friends?

A good friend would would come visit you in jail, but a best friend would be sitting right next to you saying "That was awesome! Lets do it again!!"

Teenager Stuff on Cafe Press

New Inventions by Blondes

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat

Blonde Joke Books

Truly Tasteless Blonde Jokes

by: Blanche Knott

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

The World's Best Blonde Jokes

by: Laura Crenshaw

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

It's Not Easy Being Blonde (Exposed Board Little Books)

by: Ariel

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

The Little Book of Blondes

by: Angela Lox

Amazon Price: (as of 07/11/2009)

Some Things to Ponder

Why can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Dumb Driver

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over.

He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."

The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

Funny Driving Books

The Offensive Driver: A Satirical Commentary On The Chaos Of Driving In America

Homer Simpson Quotes

Jokes on Hubpages

Here are some Hubpages that have jokes along the line of those above.

Jokes for Kids: Kid-Friendly Jokes
Easter Jokes & Riddles For Kids: Get ready for springtime fun with these Easter jokes collected from around the web.
100 Funniest Clean Jokes: Looking for a good ice breaker for your church fund raising potluck? Does your son need to bring a funny joke to his next scout meeting? Tired of hearing the same old boring tales that aren't really funny?

Comments and Contributions

Lensmaster

Laniann wrote...

Some of the jokes were funny. Thanks for sharing.

Posted June 21, 2009

Lensmaster

italianheart92 wrote...

Wowwww this lens is hilarious! I was laughing- hard- the entire time. Awesome job =D

Posted June 20, 2009

Lensmaster

shauna bulmer wrote

there all right not the funniest jokes ive heard but still pretty gud lol

Posted June 17, 2009

Lensmaster

KennyDra wrote

these jokes are funny xD

Posted June 11, 2009

Lensmaster

LakeMom wrote...

Great lens! Teens need a great sense of humor! Please consider joining my group:http://www.squidoo.com/groups/mom-dad-humor - Mom (& Dad) Humor. We focus on parenting and children humor!

Posted May 02, 2009

Lensmaster

Treasures-By-Brenda wrote...

I only have teenage boy humor in my house.
Nicely done collection of jokes.
Brenda

Posted April 26, 2009

Lensmaster

CatharinaE wrote...

Love the joke about the safe driver award, very funny indeed! 5*

Posted April 07, 2009

Lensmaster

s_j77 wrote...

this must be shared to the old ones too!