No Ordinary Mother

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My Mum was Extraordinary

But she never thought so. If asked what she 'did', she would usually reply - "Oh, I don't know. Nothing much really. I'm just a housewife and mother".
Nothing? Really? Well, no Mum...you were wrong.

Genetically and environmentally, my Mum's life certainly began in an 'ordinary' fashion, the middle child of 13 (yes, that was ordinary in those days, when so many babes just didn't make it). She was born to humble, and yet proud parents in a working-class area, near Adelaide South Australia. She lived her life within the 20th century - an amazing century with two World Wars; events like the sinking of the 'Titanic'; the Great Depression; the fashion era of 'The Flappers'; Man beginning to fly and developing to where he walked on the Moon; and countless technological and medical breakthroughs that had been unimaginable in previous centuries. What an era!

There was just this one small anomaly to do with her birth. Her Father was entrusted with registering her birth and name at the Registry Office in Adelaide. Unbeknown to anyone - he registered my Mum as Emma Winifred (his choice) - and NOT Winifred Emma, as adamnantly demanded by his wife.

And "So?" you may ask? SO...my Mum never knew her REAL name until she applied for a passport to go to the USA to visit her sister.
"So?" (I hear you getting impatient now!) SO...my Mum was 79 at that time! Quite a few years to have filled in countless forms (formal and otherwise) - incorrectly, even illegally? If you had only known her for the totally honest person she was! Ah-h-h, the shame...the humiliation, had she been aware of this earlier in her life. And yet, at that point, it gave her more of a chuckle than anything else.

Childhood Memories

- one indelible image of a baby sister who had died in the early days of her tiny life - and the tiny coffin, glimpsed through the neighbour's paling fence, as it was carried from the house - when my Mum was just a little girl herself.

- a joyous family moment, featuring her Mum and Dad 'playing around'. As they were picking mulberries from their large backyard tree, my Gran had mischievously dabbed some mulberry juice on my Grandfather's face, as he was reaching up into the higher branches. And so, likewise in fun, he chased her around the house for some 'payback' - with a heap of the kids in hot pursuit. He finally caught her and pinned her down, by sitting on her - on the front lawn - and proceeded to cover her face in squashed mulberries.

Can you just imagine the scene - with all the kids screaming and shouting and jumping all about - and a man pinning a woman down on the ground, with what appeared to be blood everywhere! Little wonder neighbours and passersby tried to intervene, thinking my poor Grandmother was being murdered. It most certainly looked that way!

In the film 'The Colour Purple' - two young sisters were shown playing the clapping/chanting game. Here in Australia, we did too.
I wonder if this one of the chants my Mum remembered was just Australian - or not?

'MY Mother said,
I never should,
Play with the gypsies, in the wood.
IF I did,
She would say,
"Naughty girl to disobey"
Disobey One,
Disobey Two,
Disobey Cock-a-doodle-doo'

Always a Mother

...even before her 'official' time.

After her Father died prematurely in his 30's in a work accident, my Mum shared much of the care of the younger half of the family to try to help her Mother through these most difficult years. And longed to be really grown-up, like her older siblings.

Amongst my Mum's most renowned sayings was the - 'as long as I can paddle my own canoe, I'll be alright' - one, no doubt learned on the 'home front', from her Mother's amazing example. The family had even more personal loss and grief to deal with, following the death by drowning of two of the boys in separate accidents. One was aged just seven - the other nineteen.

Much of the inner strength my Mum always exhibited developed through these years, demonstrated once again when it came to her working years. She was working at a shoe shop almost 3 miles from her home, and she walked both ways each day to save the tram fare - and have more of her wages to give to her Mother, to help out.
And she would pick flowers that protruded through fences on her 'walk' - to bring home to her beloved Mother. And she would save to buy dear little flower vases like this one - which is now MY proud heirloom.

But My Mum always lived her life

...with a LARGE slice of humour

Check out these photos! I don't really think it was serious cross-dressing....do you?

(Besides, who would want to hide those shapely legs??)

And can you read her writing? The newly Engaged girl of 18 years old!

Love Blossoms

...and grows

My Mum and Dad met when they were just 15 and 17 - introduced by her sister, and his cousin (who would themselves marry later). It was love at first sight - and indeed, first love for them both. Neither had a previous 'love' - and there would never be anyone else for either of them, even though my Dad pre-deceased my Mum by 27 long years. This was their wedding photo in 1931 - aren't they a beautiful couple?

Their love was great, their devotion total, their caring for each other's well-being exceptional. Their union produced 5 children, (3 boys and 2 girls), 11 grandchildren, 17 great -grandchildren - and the 'great-greats' have begun. They lost one child to the Diphtheria epidemic that swept around the world in 1942 - the same epidemic that ended my Grandmother's life also - within weeks of each other. A Little Boy Lost tells the tragic story in detail.

Strange to contemplate the fact that I would never have been conceived and born, had this precious toddler lived. Small wonder my Mum and I shared a most special place in each other's hearts.

My Dad was spared the pain and grief of losing other younger family members - but not so my Mum. In her lifetime, she said goodbye to a son (under 2), a grandson (30yo) and a great-grandson (17yo). Every time she would question why she had not been taken, in their place.

Family Matters

Sometimes her children would stand up for themselves and give a bit of 'cheek', as teenagers often do - but on one occasion things didn't turn out too well for the boys. Win told them they were 'grounded' from a planned evening outing - and was dared to 'try and stop them'.
(Uh-oh - you wouldn't get away with that one - not with MY Mum!)

Her solution was to take the trousers of their only best suits, lock them in the boot of the car, and go out with my Dad, visiting friends - leaving the boys well and truly 'grounded'.

My Mum was always cooking wonderful meals for her family and friends, and 'monster' cook-ups for picnics at Victor Harbour, or the Adelaide Hills, or for 'crabbing' days at St. Kilda Beach. My Mum and Dad's chauffeuring of other people to outings was legendary.

Off we go

...Everyone is invited!

The two babies are my brothers, Bob and Barry - and the rest are Aunties and cousins.

There was always someone hoping to be taken for a drive...and my Mum and Dad were eternally willing to oblige.

A China Painter

...extraordinaire!

In anticipation of the 'empty nest' syndrome, when I would 'fly the coop' - Mum sensibly looked around for an interest of her own, and started China Painting classes, as just something to do, something else to think about...a distraction.

Yes, well! She discovered creativity and skills she had never even vaguely imagined. No way had she ever thought of herself as artistic - and yet, she became an exceptional artist in this field, providing countless, irreplaceable and extremely beautiful gifts to family and friends. Even more memories for all who knew and loved her. And my Dad was nearly bursting with pride, every time he would drive her to collect her latest creation from the kiln where the china and its painted images would be 'fired'.

For years she wanted to buy me various 'other' gifts for birthdays, Christmas, or just because she loved me so - but I just adored her China painting (as you may have guessed by now!) - and as a result, I have an amazing collection of plates, bowls, coffee mugs and jewellery. And many of mine are even more special - because mine say 'To Christine, With all my love, Mum' (and the year), instead of her customary painted signature.
Was I blessed? Oh yes...most definitely.

AND Here are the 'Treasures'

...her work was exquisite (but I'm a tad biased!)

And My Jewellery

...and other miscellanea

'Her' Spina Bifida Kids

...the Love was mutual.

Mum had begun voluntary work with her beloved Spina Bifida children in Fielders Ward at the Adelaide Children's Hospital, soon after I started work - and she found herself with extra time on her hands. This 'labour of love' would continue for 34 years, and see her become the longest serving volunteer at this hospital, clocking up over 6,000 hours. In 1989 she was appointed a Life Member of the Women's & Children's Hospital for her highly valued work.

Given the time span of her commitment, it's not hard to understand that this 'Gran' of so many Spina Bifida children would attend countless special moments as her 'chosen' children celebrated birthdays (particularly when it came to 21st birthdays!), and weddings. What a triumph it was for her to share these occasions - particularly the weddings. You see, when she began her volunteering, the life expectancy of a Spina Bifida child would commonly only stretch at most to their teens. Advances in medical technology gradually changed this quite dramatically.

Some called her Mrs. Graham, and some called her Gran. They loved and needed her just as much, no matter the name. I don't know why she was so drawn to the Spina Bifida kids above all others - we have no history of this in our family - but there are many children and their parents who are incredibly grateful that she was. She gave her all to these families - in the hospital - and outside, fund-raising and otherwise raising awareness.

Her pink volunteer's uniform represented a soft place to fall, when Mum and Dad had to leave the hospital - when the treatment ahead and at hand was SO scary, and too often, SO painful. She would cuddle and reassure them when the going got tough, read to them, help feed them, hold their hands and their hearts - and just love each and every one as if they were her very own grandchild.

It occurs to me that you may not know what Spina Bifida is?
Please.... go and read this Squidoo lens - My Daughter has Spina Bifida

Just a Few of her Spina Bifida 'Family'

...in B&W - and Living Colour, also

Her 'Spina Bifida' Kids' tributes

AWARDS?
She had a few -
1992 'Mother of the Year' - a plaque from the local Lions Club
and -
1997 'for Community Service' - a jewellery cabinet from the local Rotary Club

but the best was still to come -

THE OAM
The Order of Australia Medal
- awarded in recognition for her dedicated years of service as a volunteer at the Adelaide Children's Hospital

The OAM

...truly!

In 1995, it was announced in the Queen's Birthday Honours List that Winifred Emma Graham had been awarded the OAM (Order of Australia Medal).

This beautiful medal was presented to her by the Governor of South Australia of the day, Dame Roma Mitchell, at Government House in Adelaide, South Australia. My husband and I, and a much loved niece and nephew of my Mum were there to witness and share this amazing occasion.

Our pride was just too much for words. She just looked like a bride, walking up the aisle to the Governor, to have the medal pinned to her jacket, as the testimonial was read out. Mum just couldn't believe any part of this. To be mixing in the company of people who had received the award for great courage and bravery under amazing circumstances - and researchers who had made some medical breakthrough - and a philanthropist of note - and others who had given much to the community in various ways.

She was so humble - totally unaware of the impact she had made on many lives - just incredibly nervous to be in the spotlight. I still have a box full of the cards and congratulatory letters she received from countless people - from all walks of life. Most precious were those from the Spina Bifida families. She just wanted to thank them!

And here is what an OAM looks like

...in its own satin lined, leather case

The 'OAM'

Isn't it beautiful? And isn't it just SO moving?

And doesn't it encourage each and everyone of us to try just a little harder to be better than we think we are?

But wait a minute,

...it's not Christmas!

....not for you maybe, but for me it was Christmas every day, having this exceptional lady for my Mum - and she would have said these words if she could.

Nobody says it better than our own Aussie - Olivia Newton John
Olivia Newton-John A Mother's Christmas Wish
by mansion64 | video info

33 ratings | 18,247 views
curated content from YouTube

On the Road Again

...or the High Seas!

While Dad was alive, their travels were mainly restricted to trips interstate, mostly to Victoria - and many revolving around picking up my brother, the sailor from Port Melbourne, where the Navy commonly docked their ships, and returning him, after his leave to rejoin his current ship. Family and my Dad's butcher shop commitments, plus finances, dictated short but sweet holidays, when they could be taken.

On her own, my Mum's travels became quite extensive - including bus tours of all States of Australia, New Zealand, a cruise to the South Pacific, and the trip to the USA before she turned 80 (yes, that's right, the very trip that clarified her 'real' name). She also enjoyed many holidays even closer to home - to the several farms we have owned, where she would become an expert dairy yard cleaner, rounder-up of cows, and feeder of calves. And then there was babysitting our terrible trio! Danger lurked behind every bush.

None of this, however, really prepared her for witnessing her once 'secretary' daughter performing CPR (and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation) on a calf that choked on a lump in the milk. Or the fact that this life-saving procedure was a total success - to the surprise of all concerned...including the calf!

Another unforgettable experience was on a night when Win was babysitting whilst we had our first night off in years to attend a friend's birthday party some 2 hours' drive away. The entire herd of cows broke out of their paddock, and onto the road on what was an extremely dark and foggy night. In desperation, Mum enlisted the help of our 7yo son, and a neighbour she phoned for help. He came around in his utility instantly, and in short order, the escapees were thankfully returned to safety, in quite a smooth operation. Just one small detail - unbeknown to my Mum, this neighbour just happened to be a paraplegic! Oh! He was renown for his prowess behind the wheel, thankfully - but I think this episode would have featured quite highly in the legends about him!

Sharing

...always sharing.

We had shared so very much - the trauma even before my conception, and then health issues at my birth; the 'turbulent' teen years; the pride of being the Mother of this Bride.
And then there were the many, many hours spent over countless years of late night 'secret women's business' baring and sharing our deepest disappointments and pain - right alongside our happiest fulfilment of plans, and dreams of possibilities yet to come.
We laughed, we cried - we just loved each other so deeply.

My Mum stayed often with us on our farms after my Dad had died - starting right at the beginning when she sold their beautiful home and was looking for a new nest to live in on her own - I think that time it may have been for a month or so. It was before we had the children, so I could give her almost all the undivided attention she needed right then.

Another time, when I was up to my armpits cooking for my dairy farmer husband and our three kids and their farm appetites, my Mum bought me a very expensive set of stainless steel saucepans, including a steamer and a large frypan. And guess what? After daily duties, they are still in service today, nearly 30 years later!

And then she was there for me when I gave up smoking - and threw myself into vegetable gardening as if there were no tomorrow. She bought me a dehydrator, to dry all this amazing produce I was producing - to keep my hands and my head busy - to keep me away from 'the weed'. And it worked! And I'm SO glad.

A Helper from the beginning

...until the end.

Mum also voluntarily took part in a research study into osteoporosis for a couple of years until her health forced retirement from this. She was, as ever, still trying to help others.

A series of falls in the last four years brought many physical problems that slowed her down in her ability to 'paddle her own canoe' as well as she previously had. The last months of her life saw much sickness and pain, hospitalisation, and a move from her independent living unit to a residential care centre - not the way any of us had envisioned or desired her final stage of life.

She was able to say her goodbyes to most of her loved ones, and in the last 24 hours both her and I were supported lovingly by her grand-daughter and the same beloved niece who had shared the OAM presentation.

I spent all of the last 24 hours of her life in her hospice room, and held her in my arms as she breathed her last. How fitting it seemed that hers were the first loving hands I knew - and mine were the last loving hands she knew. How fitting also that the top 'blanket' that kept her warm was the lacy mohair rug I had hand-knitted for her for a birthday present some years before. She loved that rug - and I still have it and do, too.

The end was very peaceful, and her love of her family never ceased, as demonstrated by a bereavement card I found in her personal effects afterwards. This card was from my Mum to her beloved family, with special verses from her to them in their grieving, and on the front, the words -

'When I Must Leave You'


and inside, she wrote -

'To My Dearest Family - from your grateful and ever-loving Mum and Gran'

I Always Knew I'd Stand By You

...and I did, until the last.

I'll stand by you - The Pretenders (with lyrics)
by aidamath | video info

18,606 ratings | 7,703,855 views
curated content from YouTube

This was My song

...for My Mum

...at her funeral service, held on Daffodil Day, in 1999.

Her favourite song - Bridge over Troubled Waters was played as mourners paid their last respects and added a daffodil into the family floral arrangement on the coffin, transforming it from its pastel pink and cream into a blaze of brightest yellow. Just like the sun coming out again, we thought.

There were a large number of people who came to honour her memory - more than she would have imagined. We displayed her OAM in front of her coffin - and then I took it to show the group of Spina Bifida young adults who had attended, in their wheelchairs. I had known so many of them. I wanted them to remember that it was because of them, and the love of all of them, that my Mum had been given this great award. We hugged and we cried...and we remembered her.

A very great lady - now at peace - my guardian angel forever.

A Dedicated Life of Caring

...was what the newspaper called her time

The newspaper was 'The Advertiser' - the daily morning newspaper of the city of Adelaide, South Australia - and this was the obituary written about her and published in September, 1999.

Special words about a Special Lady.

But Wait!

...there's more.

My Mum was always supportive of my writing and communication skills(especially my talking).

I believe she watches my progress so proudly - and yet would still have the grace to modestly protest that ALL she had done in her lifetime - "wasn't really much - I just can't see what all the fuss is about".

This humble woman would have cried when she read this Squidoo tribute to her - and my Ezine article -


Just Your 'Average' Lady



I think little can match a Mother's love

Don't you agree?

  • vallain Feb 1, 2012 @ 9:39 am | delete
    I loved this! Family memories are so precious and your writing these down means future generations of your children, grandchildren and more will know her. Wonderful. Blessed by a squid angel.
  • OhMe Feb 1, 2012 @ 6:05 am | delete
    This is such a beautiful tribute to your mum. Thank you so much for sharing. Your mum's story is an inspiration as she lived her life to the fullest. Very well done.
  • Quickcutters Dec 27, 2011 @ 3:46 am | delete
    Your mum sounds like an amazing women. I think you are one lucky women to have had a mother as special as this. Nice lens and very well writ-in.
    Thank you for sharing.
  • gonzalezdenise Sep 21, 2011 @ 8:30 pm | delete
    You have an awesome lens.
  • karmicchristian Sep 11, 2011 @ 5:47 am | delete
    What a fascinating tale! Wonderful tribute to a great soul! Her story is amazing and inspiring. :)
  • Helene-Malmsio Sep 5, 2011 @ 2:16 pm | delete
    Amazing lens, about an amazing woman. What a gorgeous tribute to your mother!
  • KonaGirl Aug 25, 2011 @ 9:32 pm | delete
    This is a lovely story and wonderful tribute to your Mum. So for someone who "hasn't done very much", it is greatly apparent that one of the most wonderful things she did in her life time was to raise her daughter to be the beautiful, loving woman that you are. **Squid Angel Blessed** and I've added this lens to My Squid Angel Wings to be featured in the " Parenting & Kids » Moms » Tribute To My Mom" neighborhood.
  • wordstock Aug 20, 2011 @ 8:32 am | delete
    How very sweet this is and a great tribute. Angel blessed.
  • Einsteinium Aug 19, 2011 @ 12:06 pm | delete
    This was fantastic. I loved it.
  • JDWheeler Aug 15, 2011 @ 3:19 pm | delete
    What a fabulous and fulfilling life your mother lived and how she gave tirelessly to others. Loved the photographs. They really added to your story.

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cdcraftee

Hallo - and welcome to my tribute to my Mum, Winifred Emma Graham - who lived her life from the second decade of the 1900's - to the last.
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