The Layoff Queen - humor and advice for the recently jobless

Hi everyone! My name is Karen Brunke, and I am The Layoff Queen. Why do I say that? I have been laid off seven times in the past 12 years. Each time it was unexpected and a shock, but I'm here to help you get through it with some humor and some honest to goodness advice for those who have just lost their jobs.

2008 has been an interesting year for me, to say the least. I've been laid off twice (so far!) this year. Here's the story of my first layoff in April 2008.

I had been working at Company A building an interactive Execel database for their forecasts for a month, and had finally finished the project. I was originally hired to be a Strategic Supply Manager, but when the VP of Company A found out that I had lots of Excel knowledge he tasked me with building the database from bits and pieces of existing, static spreadsheets. What a daunting, frustrating project it was - whenever I thought I was finally done there was missing information that was "found" right before I gave my presentation so I ended up looking like a fool. So when everything was finally correct and approved, I thought "Now I can get into what I was hired to do." Boy was I wrong!

I had finished the database on March 28, 2008 and was giving a presentation along with my manager on March 31. Everything went extremely well, the VP was pleased with the database but yelled about the production numbers, which were low. He then ranted about the drooping economy for another 15 minutes. I still wasn't worried because he would always rant about the economy in every meeting. So I went home that day feeling very good.

The next day was April 1, 2008, and I had scheduled a doctor's appointment for that afternoon so I was leaving early that day. The morning went normally with no surprises, and right after lunch I got a call from my manager to come see her. I took my pen and paper, thinking she wanted to go over some things before I left for the day. When I got to her office the HR manager was in there also. I didn't think much about it because it was a small office and people regularly stopped into other people's offices rather than call. So I sat down and waited for him to leave. He didn't make a move to leave, so I got nervous. Was there some HR policy I had unknowingly violated? I racked my brains but could think of nothing I had done wrong. Then my manager said that her manager in California wanted to talk to us.

When he came on the line he told me that "the company has changed the scope of your job so you are no qualified to perform this job, and today is your last day with Company A." Just like that, I was let go.

Naturally I got very angry and upset - imagine being let go via conference call! I felt blindsided and violated. I even asked if this was some twisted April Fool's joke, but I could see in the HR manager's eyes that it wasn't. My manager couldn't even look me in the eye. Not that it was her fault - it had come from her manager - but still she could have warned me.

I yelled, I ranted and raved, I threw my badge across the office, and I cried. Then I began to beg, much to my chagrin and humiliation. I said I would take a demotion or admin work, anything to keep my job. After about a half hour of enduring what has to be the worst layoff in my entire life, I was "escorted" back to my office to collect my things and then out the door, in front everyone. I was so angry that I wanted to get revenge on everyone in that company, and I am not a violent person.

Flash forward two months and I found temporary employment at Company B, which is now laying me off. But at least they had the courtesy to take me into a conference room and tell me face to face.

And as for Company A? Well last month's collapse of Washington Mutual pretty much sealed their fate. That was their largest customer! So I can imagine how many people are now getting laid off from Company A! Ha ha, the best revenge is sometimes letting businesses eat themselves alive.

And me, The Layoff Queen? I'm going to take a week off, watch some TV, clean my house, update my lens on Squidoo, and revamp my resume. I should be able to come up with lots of humorous cartoons and anecdotes about being laid off! See you Squidoo people next week.