Roleplaying with Kids

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Why Should You Want to Roleplay with Your Kids?

Roleplaying is an activity that's received quite a bit of controversy over the years, and is still very much a niche activity.  If you're not a roleplayer you probably have an opinion about roleplaying formed by the media, or by outspoken proponents or opponents. 

I wrote this lens to talk about the benefits of roleplaying with chidren, and to provide you with enough links to other resources to get started.

First off, what is roleplaying?  You can think of roleplaying as a game of let's pretend, but with rules.  The rules help when one person says, "I do this", and another person says, "No you don't".  The rules determine whether you can succeed at a task or not. 

Roleplaying is much like starring in your own movie, or doing improvisational acting.  It's a chance to play someone different than yourself in situations you probably won't encounter in real life. 

And just to clarify a bit more, this lens is not about computer based roleplaying games, but games where all the players sit around a table together and interact in person.   

Let me know what you think! 

I'm always interested in improving this lens, and feedback from readers is the best way of doing that. If there's something you don't like about the lens, or something you like and want more of, let me know! You can leave a message in the guestbook, or use the Contact Me link on the side of the page (below my picture).

If you like the lens, please rate it to let me know, and consider leaving a message in the guestbook, too.

Thanks!

Quality Time with Your Kids 

These days, it's all too often that families all do their own thing, getting together only to eat meals, if that. Kids have a multitude of entertainment options that require little effort on the part of parents, from television to movies to computers.

Quality time with your kids is vitally important in an age when your kids are forming their opinions about the world. They're getting input from teachers, from classmates, from friends, from television, from games, from books, from all sorts of places.

Spending quality time with them is a way to ensure that they learn what you think, too. Roleplaying is an entertaining way of getting some of that quality time with your kids.

Fuzzy Dice! 

My daughter's too young for roleplaying, but she loves a pair of fuzzy dice my brother got her (shown in the picture above). Her favorite game with them is to throw them onto the floor and then have me exclaim about the good roll she made. As she gets older, I don't doubt that we'll get into simple numbers and addition pretty early because of those dice.

I'm not sure where my brother got those dice, but here are some available online.

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6-Sided Purple Fuzzy Dice 8-inch Plush

6-Sided Purple Fuzzy Dice 8-inch Plush

Six inches is a bit bigger than what's pictured with my daughter, so if you have a baby who isn't as petite as she is, you might need one of these dice.4 points

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Large 4 Sided Fuzzy Plush Dice by Toy Vault

Large 4 Sided Fuzzy Plush Dice by Toy Vault

And a four sider, just in case you want to get your kids used to them.2 points

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White 3 Inch Rearview Mirror Fuzzy Dice

White 3 Inch Rearview Mirror Fuzzy Dice

The string attaching these dice makes it easy to keep them together. My daughter would have long since separated hers if they weren't tied together.1 point

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8-Sided Fuzzy Dice Plush

8-Sided Fuzzy Dice Plush

For gaming purists, you're not limited to just six sided dice for your kids. Here's an eight sider for their enjoyment.1 point

Roleplaying as Education 

We all know that games can be educational, from the simple aspects of game mechanics to more subtle learning. The best part about education through game playing is that kids don't necessarily realize they're learning. They're just having fun.

Game mechanics give kids a chance to learn and practice basic skills. A game that has players rolling two dice and adding the results together gives practice with simple math.

Game content is also an area where we readily accept the educational value of games. Play a board game set in ancient Egypt, and kids pick up a bit of history while playing the game.

Games also offer risk and decisions. Players must weigh the pros and cons of various possible actions, whether it's buying a house on Park Place or discarding a five of hearts in Rummy. Through the results of their actions they learn how to play the game more skillfully.

Roleplaying games offer those levels of educational value, and more. Roleplaying offers the unique opportunity to craft a situation that contains true to life elements, and to see how your kids react. As parents running the game, we ultimately determine the consequences of any action in the game, and thus can communicate our own values to our children through a fun activity.

Roleplaying as Empowerment 

Kids need to feel in control of something in their lives. From an early age they're told what they can do, what they cannot do, where to go, and how to be. Parents and teachers and society all seem bent on controlling kids in one way or another.

Games in general allow kids to feel in control. Games have rules, and kids can learn the rules to the game and play within those rules to succeed or fail. They're not told, "Don't do that!", instead they're told the consequences of their actions within the rules of the game.

Roleplaying is an ultimate form of this empowerment, provided that the person running the game applies the rules of the game impartially within the setting created. Kids can be characters they couldn't dream of really being, and can see those characters succeed or fail due to their own decisions.

Overcoming adversity vicariously through their characters in the game, kids gain confidence in their own ability to cope with adversity.

The Social Contract 

It's worth mentioning something called the social contract.

Every game has a set of assumptions that are shared among players of the game as to the experience that they'll all get out of the game. That's the social contract.

When you're invited to a friend's to play Monopoly, for example, you go with a clear idea of what your experience is going to be like. If that social contract is violated, perhaps by your friend changing the rules to allow for him to take two turns in a row, you're frustrated and have less fun than if your assumptions were upheld.

When roleplaying with kids, it's vitally important to know the social contract in advance, and to uphold it.

Are your kids expecting a serious game where they play a swashbuckling pirate? They'll be frustrated if their pirate is immediately captured and jailed because you're trying to convey the principle that crime doesn't pay. You can convey your own values through the game, but do so while upholding the social contract your kids are expecting. Make their pirate the hero of the story and let them stop another villainous pirate from perpetrating some great evil.

Violating the social contract your kids are expecting is the best way to disaster when roleplaying with them.

How To Be A Game Master And A Parent At The Same Time 

To follow on from the idea of the social contract, when you're running a roleplaying game for your kids, you want to keep your parenting instincts under control. Your kids may be a bit wary about playing a game like this with you anyway, since it's something new.

This isn't the time to say, "You shouldn't do that", or "That's not a good idea". The consequences of their character's actions in the game will drive home those points better than your words, as long as you apply the rules of the game impartially.

The flip side of this is that, sometimes, your kids will get away with things you'd rather they hadn't got away with in the game. Remember that in the short term, you must apply the rules impartially and not bend reality just to drive the events along the path you'd like them to take.

In the long term, though, you're in control of everything in the game world except for the actions of your kids. Over an extended period of time you can show them the consequences of their actions, without your kids feeling like you're railroading them.

Learning About Your Child 

The situations you provide for your child's characters in the game can be great learning experiences for you both. Life is rarely as cut and dried as, "Cheaters never prosper", or "Good wins out over evil".

The best lesson your child can learn through roleplaying is how to deal with the shades of gray that show up in real life. Give your kid's characters ambiguous situations now and then, force them to make moral choices, sometimes with no clear cut 'best' answer.

You'll learn about how your child reacts to such situations, and your child will learn about dealing with them. Spend some time, too, talking with your child, asking them what they thought about their character's actions in the game.

You might find some sophisticated thinking going on, and the results will help you to better run games that are fun for your child and transmit the values you'd like.

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Kid Oriented Gaming Conventions 

More and more gaming conventions are having kid oriented programming, where kids can learn how to play roleplaying games.

Origins is a big one that's held in Columbus, Ohio each year around July 4th. They have a kids track that will help introduce your kids to various games.

Check with local conventions near you, too, for less expensive alternatives not requiring travel. A convention is a great place to meet other people interested in roleplaying and let your kids see other people excited about the hobby.

More About Me 

If you enjoyed this lens, you might also enjoy Who Is Jay Shaffstall?, my lens about myself, which also contains links to other lenses and blogs I've written.

Reader Feedback 

Let me know what you think about roleplaying with kids!

Lensmaster

geetu7 wrote...

It's a great post. Loved every post of it. Role playing is one of the amazing activities which allow the children to explore their horizons through understanding and imagination.

Cheers!
http://www.squidoo.com/infantsntoddlers

ReplyPosted June 24, 2009

Lensmaster

Chilligrl wrote...

This is an excellent lens. Roleplaying doesn't deserve the negative rap it has received and it is so good when people stand up and show the world how wonderful it is!

ReplyPosted August 12, 2008

Lensmaster

JayShaffstall wrote...

Hi Brandon, thanks for stopping by to comment. It's great to hear from someone who grew up around gaming, and had a great time doing it.

ReplyPosted July 23, 2008

Lensmaster

brandon wrote

Hi I am a 12 year old who grew up with a family of gamers. It has been a great experience for me.

Reply Posted July 22, 2008

Lensmaster

GrowWear wrote...

Five stars! I see this as an excellent teaching tool for parents.

ReplyPosted February 13, 2008

view all 50 comments

What To Do If Your Child Isn't Old Enough Yet? 

If you have a new baby who isn't quite up to language yet (one of the requirements for organized roleplaying), you can still start them out early with some cool gaming related infant wear. Most of these make more sense if you're already a gamer, but they'd make interesting baby shower gifts for non-gaming new parents.
Level 1 Baby Infant Creeper

Level 1 Baby Infant Creeper

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Gamer Genes Infant Creeper

Gamer Genes Infant Creeper

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Sneaky Halfling Infant Creeper

Sneaky Halfling Infant Creeper

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d20 Future DM Infant Creeper

d20 Future DM Infant Creeper

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"Diapers of Stinking Cloud V2" Infant Bodysuit

From: Medieval RPG Castle

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by JayShaffstall

I'm Jay Shaffstall, a parent and a gamer, and truly excited about the educational and entertainment possibilities of games in general.  As a coll... (more)

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