A Weekly Column around Dating Books for Women, by Kleee

After getting divorced and stumbling around in the dating scene for a bit, I started suspecting that maybe "just being yourself" doesn't cut it when you are myself. So I decided to get educated and read up on the subject. I started with Calling Men by Mimi Tanner, and got addicted. I've read tons of dating and relationship books since, some were great, some just OK, some were my style, some were really "out there", some contained very surprising truths for me, most were quite entertaining, and one suggested making sex conditional on a number of push-ups the guy has to do before the deed. (Very interesting, if controversial book, called Rousing the Lion, by the way, but for the advanced user, so stay tuned for this :)
None were a complete waste of money (If they were, I would have returned them - They all come with a 100% return garanty, no questions asked.)

Reading dating books turned me into a good relationship adviser for my girlfriends - and only later for myself.
There is a popular belief that you shouldn't give advice that you can't take yourself. I belief that actually you should. It can be a first step to practice a concept that you are convinced of in theory. I discovered that only about half the time I succeed to act according to what I learned. The other half I do knowingly the opposite. Sometimes as an experiment, because I want to see what happens, and sometimes because doing what I know would probably work better, just doesn't FEEL right..

It seems that for most of us, in order to incorporate a new concept into our daily life, we need to get our subconscious mind involved. Even if the concept really convinces us in theory, we want it to become second nature, so we can practice it without thinking.

People tend to think that they can read a self help book and start acting differently right away. Most the time, that isn't what happens. Giving advice and talking about it is a good starting exercise on the way.
Don't ever expect that you can read a book and act according to what you learned perfectly, straight away. Its really a matter of practice and learning from mistakes, once you have become aware of their nature. Its an evolutionary process.

Take Mimi Tanner's book Calling Men. The basic message of the book is "Don't call him". (In the beginnings of a relationship, that is...)
Mimi Tanner gets deep into the psychological background of her subject , and explains it from every conceivable angle and point of view, which is great, since a deep understanding of the concept is key too success. But will a chatty girl stop tinkering with her cell phone right away after reading the book? Probably not. I know that I didn't. But in hindsight I can say that yes, every time I didn't follow the advice in the book, things turned out complicated or even painful. And every time I did follow it, things worked themselves out on their own.

Eventually, the book helped me figure out that by texting and calling I'm either acting out of impatience or thoughtlessness, or I was just trying to satisfy an impulse, a need for instant gratification. But this rush of adrenaline comes at a high price, when you put it into perspective. A price that I'm paying less and less eagerly.
I have read the book several times and played around with the concepts over the course of more then a year, learning from many mistakes and feeling lucky that I have found this great book, and wishing I had read it years ago...Anyway, the principle has sunk into my subconscious mind, and is not a game anymore. Its been merged with my personality and became a part of the authentic Me.

Have a look at the book and tell me what you think please. It would be nice to have some real readers reviews here on this page. You can also sign up for Mimi Tanner's newsletter.I love her daily emails, and have come looking forward to the always fresh advice and stories.
Stay tuned....