The Adventures Of Ladymermaid's Missing Gallbladder

The gallbladder hangs out right up against Liver street, just around the corner from Stomach avenue. It runs a little sidewalk stand pushing bile onto the unwary Fatsos and Acidheads who loiter in the area.

Pretty much what the gallbladder does is aid in the digestive process. Dumping bile on partially digested food in the digestive tract, emulsifying fats and neutralizing acids, the gallbladder is a major firefighter (if you will).

When the bile in the gallbladder gets overburdened with cholesterol, it hardens into "stones". When this happens, major discomfort can come in a variety of ways, most notably are the irritation caused by the stones rubbing against the gallbladder and the acids reacting in the digestive tract because the bile is blocked from reaching it.

If medication and/or surgery are unsuccessful in dissolving the stones then the gallbladder is normally removed. Then a very bland diet has to be adhered to. Yuck!

But, Ladymermaid's gallbladder was not removed because of gallstones.........

Deep in the mountains of Idaho, a group of extremely wealthy right wing militants built a compound in hopes to shroud their nefarious purpose for existence. Not only were these men dedicated to "righting" a ship they believed had "left" port in the wrong direction, they were also misogynists. For years the organization known as Stop Hilliary In her Tracks, monitored the hi-jinx of Hilliary Clinton. Their hopes rose as her career seemed to wane. Their moods dashed every time she gained prominence.

Then she was named Secretary Of State. By the reckoning of Stop Hilliary In her Tracks, Ms. Clinton had to be stopped and she had to be stopped now. One snow filled night in the enclave the group had been pouring their sorrows over the rocks, a whole lot of rocks, and hatched the plan they thought could bring about the action they needed.

It was reasoned that Ms. Clinton would be traveling far and wide on a hectic schedule. As a dignitary she would be required to eat a wide variety of international cuisines. If she could be hamstrung and kept in the country, someone would have to go in her stead and eventually Hilliary would be forgotten about, and left to wither like an unusable grape on the vine.

Someone joked that they could steal her gallbladder, thus denying her system a way of reducing the fats in her diet and making her feel ill wilt the added effect of diarrhea. Brilliant! Now how in the heck were they going to do that?

Way beyond half drunk, one of the conspirators began a reminiscence about a top secret film he saw once. Apparently some government agency was able to shrink a team of scientist and send them into a human body to perform some micro-surgery. He thought he may be able to find the scientist who perfected the procedure, and if so, Stop Hilliary In her Tracks could hire him in some clandestine plot to steal Ms. Clinton's gallbladder.

The plan was hatched, the team organized, everything was a go.

The plan had included a distraction of any and all security forces around Ms. Clinton's residence, a schematic of the home, and several contingency exit plans from the area.

What the plan had not called for was the lack of security, a different layout of the house than what the drawings displayed, and a different street layout than what any and all maps they looked at showed. But Stop Hilliary In her Tracks considered themselves to be very resourceful and noted many escape routes on their way to the Clinton compound, kept a low profile in case security was clandestine, and figured that she had enough remodeling done to completely change the look of the house.

The one thing that never crossed anyone's mind was; someone got the wrong address.

The operation went smoother than they had actually thought it could go. The team of miniaturized scientists and technicians entered the nose of what they believed was Hilliary Clinton, traveled to the gallbladder, shrank the organ, removed it and carted it out the same way they came in.

Not a single peep was heard from anywhere as the group made their escape. Once at the airport, everyone was paid and the team made off with the organ. Away to the Idaho compound they went with the trophy.

As Stop Hilliary In her Tracks was in Idaho, partying it up over their apparent success, something totally different was happening across the country in Washington D.C. One of the technicians who went in after the gallbladder felt guilty (or greedy) and went to the F.B. I. with his story.

After being nearly laughed out of the city and only through his hardy persistence (or greed) someone finally took the technician serious. An investigation was launched, including an emergency ultra-sound that found Ms. Clinton's gallbladder to be intact.

Who's gallbladder DID they steal? Should this be made public?

The decision was to answer both questions by securing the services of outside help. The was only one person (or ape) who would fit the bill. The F.B.I. hired Lance Link. Within hours,the famous chimp not only discovered who the missing gallbladder belonged to, but also who stole it.

In an attempt to keep as much secret about what was going as possible, Lance sent a note to the F.B.I. informing them that the gallbladder belonged to a woman known as Ladymermaid. After getting the message off Lance was on to Idaho to break up the Stop Hilliary In her Tracks group.

Lance was above all, chivalrous. For some maniacal group to hold an innocent woman's gallbladder hostage was a grievous act and Lance was driven to rectify it. He was going to return Ladymermaid's gallbladder no matter what the risk.

Once near the compound, Lance reached deep into his bag of tricks and pulled out one of the oldest in his arsenal. A fuchsia dress. This trick worked so many times in the past, why not now?

Putting on the dress and donning a dainty straw hat, Lance waltzed right into Stop Hilliary In her Tracks' compound. Of course, the members being on what could only be described as a continual binge didn't hurt Lance's efforts in one bit. In fact, all of the amorous attention Lance was getting was a nuisance. He almost wished that he had been discovered. At least he could fight them off from a distance instead of up close where they could paw at him.

Lance danced and teased his way close to the box containing the organ. Then one of the members of Stop Hilliary In her Tracks saw Lance as he tried to stash the box under his dress. It was on.

Dodging, rolling, jumping and fighting his way to the nearest vehicle in the compound, Lance was able to jump into the white van and start it. Just before anyone reached him, he drove off.

That was two days ago, and during a secure phone call to the F.B.I., to let them know about the compound where Stop Hilliary In her Tracks holes up, he left notice that he was going to personally deliver the gallbladder to its rightful owner. Well, after a stop at a book signing and a meeting with some Hollywood executives to discuss a movie deal.

So Ladymermaid, if there's a knock at your door and it's a chimp in a fuchsia dress, let him in. He's mostly harmless.

Ever wonder what a giant ape might do with his Squidoo Giant tee shirt? Maybe not, but there is a lens on how one made a fashion statement out of his reward for becoming a Squidoo Giant. Check out Pimp Your Giant Tee ~ Drifter Style.

While you're at it, you can check out some funny as heck lens reviews at Joker Squid. Put plastic up, you'll be spewing coffee!
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