Lasting Friendship

And so now
You have left me.
Your love was constant,
But I would not let you be beside me.

I chose another
But we were friends,
All down the long years
And now you have bowed out
A little early
And left me to struggle on
Through the gently dying days.

Your humour, though individual
And esoteric,
Has melted into the wind.
Since your passing
Tears prick my eyes
As I realize you have gone.

It would be so good
To spend an evening with you,
To hear you speak on a topic,
And then shoot off at a tangent,
At an angle too acute for me,
Until you enlightened me,
At last in your amused way.

You seemed not to realize
That other brains
Were not wired up
Like yours
And could not cope with the
Convolutions of your tales.

At school they teased you
And I sought to protect you.
And you were grateful
And gratitude turned to adoration.
But through the years
You learnt the frailty of my humanity
And loved me as a friend.

Your last few days
I spent time with you
And I still feel the joy
Of hours well spent with you.
It was so "right"
Sharing your last days
And gave completeness
To our friendship.

Your work is done,
You rest serenely.
I still have work to do
And take comfort in the memory of you,
Dear friend.

Bob died in April 2009. He had cancer. The previous year he had been so ill they had expected him to die then, but some how he recovered and had another year of life. He spent this year well, most days walking the dogs and enjoying the beauty of the countryside which is all around us where we live. He said he couldn't tell there was anything wrong with him. But then in his last month he lost all energy and stayed indoors. He was spared many of the problems of pain that people often suffer at this stage. He went into hospital and died there that same day.He was never one to make a fuss.

We met first at Primary School when I was 9 1/2 and he was 11. I don't remember that. When I went to the secondary school he of course was already there. He was one of those shy boys who don't like fighting and he also had a slight speech impediment. Of course, he was picked upon, though looking back I think it was very mild bullying compared with that which we hear about today. But I didn't like it and would speak up for him and try to shield him from it. Naturally he was grateful and so began the friendship which would last for the rest of his life.

Bob had been coming to our Sunday School. When he was a bit older we both went to the Young People's Fellowship or YPF as we called it. There was an evangelistic mission at this time and he became a christian. Soon he was baptized and joined the church I attended. He faithfully attended that church throughout his life, whether I was there or not.

He used to get to church on some sort of moped, the sort with pedals that you had to use to help it up hill. About this time I "went out" with him for all of a fortnight. When he asked me to tea with his parents I heard warning bells ring and that was that. It could easily have gone the other way as my father took a great dislike to him, often guaranteed to make a daughter more determined to continue a relationship. But that was the end of our courting. I have always been very fond of Bob but he could be very irritating. He also teased a lot and made remarks about my clothes. I had a blue hat which he called "blue streak" after some new warhead that was out back then.

He kept up with current affairs and was fascinated with anything factual.Throughout his life he loved any sort of reference book, but had no interest in fiction. He would run circles around everyone talking about things like "The house of Keys" which thanks to him I know is the parliament of the Isle of Man. He also knew the title of the premier of Ireland was the "taoiseach" pronounced "tea-shock." He would run circles around everyone with this information. Because of this people found him strange. But he was always in full employment until the last few years when he had to have sick leave.

I married and had children and Bob always took great interest in them. He gave them exciting and different presents at Christmas. Among these was a cardboard clock which my son had to construct for himself. He never did quite make it but he had hours of fun trying. As my son grew older Bob took him on trips to see National Trust buildings, again it was his interest in real life as opposed to fiction. The next trip amazed me. They went to see the Notting Hill Carnival. I couldn't help feeling that many of the boys who had teased Bob at school would not have been able to cope with a trip to London by car, but Bob could do it. No doubt he thoroughly researched the route from his text books.

My first marriage ended and I was under a cloud, quite naturally as I went to live with the man who became my second husband. I had broken every rule I had been brought up to keep. But Bob was still there and would visit us. It was good of him but sometimes he was a bit difficult to get rid of. He loved to talk, but he had met his match in my second husband who also could talk the hind leg off a donkey as they quaintly say. Sometimes Bob would bring the dogs. They belonged to Stella. I'd forgotten to tell you about Stella. About ten years previous to this Bob had met Stella and formed a friendship. They had been on holiday together and we were all waiting for wedding bells but then things quietened down into a lovely friendship. So this was how the dog walking began.

My second marriage ended and again Bob would visit me. When he was nervous he would tend to talk rubbish and try to entangle you in strange names from far off places. But when he relaxed he had many sensible things to contribute. He coped quietly and admirably with his last illness. I feel it is significant that I moved to live in his village for the last six months of his life. Of course this meant that I was on hand to visit him at that time, I didn't move there for that reason, but a higher hand than mine obviously intended it so. He never once complained about his illness and it's obvious expected outcome. Once he said wistfully that he would like to have had a wife and children, but it was not to be. I felt the sadness of that moment and it touches me now. But friendship is a wonderful thing and sometimes spoilt by marriage. We expect too much of each other when we are married that a friend would not lumber us with.

His last week I visited him every day. He apparently had a little pain, may be it was more than I realized for he complained little. He was unable to eat or if he did vomited. I guess his body was saying "There's no point." His last day he was taken into hospital and my last visit to him was there. The nurse asked if I was his wife. That was a poignant moment. I spent a few moments with him and then his brother arrived so I left them alone. He died that evening.

He was a very private quiet man but made his contribution to life in its rich variety. He was certainly unusual. He made a bigger impression on my life than I would have expected all those years ago, when as a girl of sixteen, I turned down his offer of tea with his mother.