How to be Late for Work

decision and quick. Can you sneak in without being noticed? Is it possible you won't be noticed? Is bad traffic a possibility (darn accident!)? Should you drive in ASAP and be prepared with an excuse?

Sick?
The young and the reckless are often late and careless, but they have one redeeming quality - health. People in their twenties tend to be ill less often and for them it might just be better to use a sick day. This can often be the simplest way to save face, but like a get out of jail card you can only use this on occasion. Think of it as a phone a friend on "Who wants to be a millionaire".

Wait! What about telling the truth?
Don't be stupid. The saying, "the truth is always the best policy" is still subject to the rule, "every rule has its exception". So, why not the truth? Well what is the truth, you slept through your alarm? You went out to late? Why don't you just tell your boss you don't care about your job! That's what you are really saying if you didn't even employ enough common sense to set your alarm! Of course, if you get caught in a blatant lie you sure will be wishing you had told the truth! Always make sure your excuse can't be busted. They may think its BS, but don't ever make it so they can KNOW it's BS!

Tactics
The Martyr -

This is a highbred tactic, let's say you are driving in and realize that you look like you just rolled out of bed and you're going to be very late. This isn't going to work. Time for the Martyr. Pull your car over and say you aren't feeling well, you're in a parking lot and you're just going to sit there for a few until it passes. Then drive home, but before you get out of your car call back to work and say you threw up and are heading home. What a hero! What a martyr, you tried to make despite puking and illness. Sounds like grounds for a promotion!

The Ninja -
This tactic involves slipping in late. Obviously try to avoid any bosses, so pick a route to your desk that doesn't go by their office. Also, leave your coat in the car in case you are spotted so it looks like you are just going to the bathroom or something. It is advisable that you wear a black outfit to accomplish this task as sneaking around is always easier in black as ninjas have taught us, this also comes in handy if you get talked too. People wearing all black are obviously cool and professional, so the talk should go better than if you are all disheveled.

The Excuse:
We have all heard, "Excuses are like a-h*les, everybody has one and they all stink!" Well, I guess we all have one because we all need one. So what's yours? These are important and need to be shifted, although having a go to chronic excuse is vital to anyone with chronic lateness. That darn late baby sitter! Note: Moms, watch out for over using the kids excuses, you don't want to be pegged as a homemaker first, career lady second type. PMS cramps can be effective, male bosses won't touch that one with a ten foot pole, but again don't over use it or your reputation will suffer.

Sometimes outlandish excuses (a jumper on an overpass!) with details work great (They talked him down), as nobody would make that up! But watch out, like most excuses you can't over use it or you will be considered a wild story teller and untrustworthy as well as late.

It is essential to protect your professional reputation. This means keeping your social life and work life separate, so don't friend your boss on facebook! Also watch out inviting any work friends into your social life, people are blabber mouths and your secretes will be out before you can say "Hey, that's private!". Also note that your reputation/image is hard to change once set, so this means what you do early on at a job will follow you the rest of your days at that place of employment. So be on early for the first year, and then if you are late later on it will seem like an anomaly. Reputations are set early and once set they are hard to change, set a good one! Also make sure your excuse doesn't push you further into a unwanted image, if you're a bit older you might not want to use an excuse that makes you seem even older. Maybe you were constipated from not enough fiber in your diet and tired from a double episode of Mattock and the Golden Girls but you might want to say that you went out on the town drinking until 3:30Am. Perhaps your a blond who locked her keys in the car (sorry blonds, I'm talking about image here, not facts), then you might not want to play into the "ditsy blond" stereo type and go with a traffic excuse. Chrissy from Threes Company could have defiantly used this advice. Watch out, guys might like this stereotype but it sure cries out "incompetent" and "minimum wage please!"

Partier Reputation
I have already addressed the "mommy, not serious" and "gramps" reputation, but now let's discuss another of the deadly images you can get pegged with... the partier! First off, don't come in if you are going to be late and might smell of liqueur... bad idea, just call in sick. This is a terrible move for a career and it could get you fired right off the bat! Also if you are partier you might want to wear perfume or cologne every day so that when you do it will cover up the inevitable smell of liqueur and smoke. Also, you partiers above all most make sure your personal life and work life don't mingle freely!